


One Step At A Time

by downtonarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Ableist Language, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Homophobic Language, M/M, Nipple Play, Pregnancy, Pregnant Harry, Pregnant Louis, Pregnant Niall, Pregnant Sex, Pregnant Zayn, Prostitute Louis, Prostitution, Rimming, Unplanned Pregnancy, as a warning that's in chapter 16, but it is there so please be careful if that is upsetting to you!, i don't want anyone to be upset reading this, it is VERY minor, only one part of chapter nine, post-partum depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-03-09 23:53:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 85,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3268955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/downtonarry/pseuds/downtonarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has always wanted a baby, but he certainly doesn't want it with his awful ex-boyfriend. </p><p>Zayn really likes Liam, but the strain of an unplanned pregnancy causes grief within his strict and domineering family.</p><p>Louis' ruined his whole career to keep his baby, and it damn well better be worth it. </p><p>And Niall, well, Niall and Sean really can't figure out whether they're boyfriends or best friends, even though Niall's expecting their child. </p><p>Parenting class is the place where the four of them can escape, and figure out how to get their shit together in time for their impending duedates.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! If you don't know who Sean Cullen is, he is Niall's best friend from Mullingar! Here he is, if you're interested: http://instagram.com/p/ldTx4VChmi/?modal=true

It was abrupt, when it happened. Niall hadn’t realized how quickly his orgasm had built up, but there it was, spilling out of him as he cried out. Sean seemed elated to see this and bucked up into Niall harder, letting out his own load only moments later. Feeling dizzy, Niall put his hand out onto Sean’s chest to stop him from going any further. His vision was all blurry on the edges, and he stayed balanced on top of Sean for another moment, assessing the situation. 

Sean lets his hands go from their position on Niall’s hips, letting them flop on the bed above his head. Niall crawled off Sean, unsure of whether to lie down or get up and clean himself up. 

“Mate...we, uh....”

Sean seemed to be slowly floating back to reality, sitting up on his elbows. He glanced around at the situation himself, the beer cans clustered near Niall’s X-Box remotes, the rugby game still playing in the background. 

Niall elected to get up, suddenly feeling very self-conscious about his lack of clothing. “Listen...”

“Ni. I’m, um....”

This was painful. Niall genuinely didn’t know what to tell Sean. He liked Sean, hell, he loved him, but it was always in a friend way, ever since they were tiny lads in nursery school. They’d never mucked about like this, not ever. Up until this point, he hadn’t thought he’d had romantic feelings for Sean. Maybe he did, he didn’t know. It just seemed natural that they were always attached to the hip every day, even after college had ended. Sean seemed to be looking just as awkward.

“Was just the beers.” Niall decided lamely, feeling even more ridiculous mopping come off himself with a pizza napkin. 

Sean nodded and scratched his beard a bit. “Yeh, just the beers.”

“Don’t have t’ talk about this.”

Sean nodded again. “Tanks for being a live fleshlight.” He laughed to himself, and Niall felt himself relax, at least a tiny bit. As uncomfortable and horrible as this was now, there was Sean, making an awful and almost senseless joke. 

“Get up, ‘ya cunt, or you’ll make me bed stink.”

Sean got up to clean himself off, cuffing Niall lightly over the head as he passed. Niall knew they probably would never be the same after this, but he hoped they could just cover it up enough to keep acting like they always did. 

~

Zayn’s breath caught in his throat. This was the stupidest thing he’d ever done. At least this guy has a nice car, he mused, as he played with his watch a little bit. The bloke’s name was Liam, and he hadn’t tried to get Zayn drunk or force him home. They’d just, danced, and kissed a bit, and then Zayn had gone on his own volition when Liam had asked him to come home. Now, though, he couldn’t remember why. Well, he could, it was the man’s absolutely flawless fit body. He had found himself struggling to say no. Liam was chatting aimlessly, not really paying attention to whether Zayn answered or not. He occasionally rested his hand on Zayn’s knee, and despite himself, it felt nice. 

Liam pulled into his building’s car park, and smiled at Zayn. He looked very earnest, Zayn gave him that. He was very stylishly dressed, and had a nice haircut, but he had a bit of an odd face. Thick eyebrows and a slightly piggy nose. Friendly, though, and that comforted Zayn. He followed Liam up to the flat, which was also a nice place. Small, but nice. Zayn wondered what Liam did that kept him in such comfort. Liam took off his coat and shoes

“Can I get you some coffee, or anything, Zayn?”

Zayn fumbled to untie his boots. “No, think I’m fine, Liam.” He wandered over to the couch and perched on the edge of it. “You have a really cool place.”

“Thank you. Admittedly, my parents do pay for most of it. I’m in school most of the time.”

“What are you studying?"

“I’m working on getting a degree in finance.” Liam sat on the couch next to Zayn and put his arm around him. 

Zayn felt himself initially stiffen, then relax. Liam was nice. Zayn was always telling himself that family be damned, he was going to do what he wanted. He never did, so he’d finally taken a leap of faith tonight by going out with a few girlfriends, but he hadn’t expected anything to really happen. 

Liam leaned in and gave Zayn a kiss. They’d done a bit of this before, at the club, so Zayn didn’t feel awkward reciprocating. Liam slowly started trying new things, both with his mouth and with his hands on Zayn’s legs, and Zayn felt himself letting Liam. Liam sucked a bit on Zayn’s bottom lip then moved down to kissing and sucking gently down his neck. God, it felt good. Zayn pulled Liam’s hand onto the bulge in his lap, hoping Liam would get the message that that sort of thing was okay. He did, and oh, god. 

Liam pulled back. “Did you want to head to the bedroom?”

This was it. Zayn felt overwhelmed and very turned on. Liam was nice, Liam had rich parents, Liam had a great body. Zayn couldn’t find a con, and he definitely wanted to, but the thought was still daunting. He looked back up at Liam, who was waiting with a patient and slightly stupid expression on his face, a bit like a puppy dog. 

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

~

“You want me to go?” Harry pulled the covers up further.

“Listen, Harry, this was fun, but genuinely, I’ve got work in the morning.” Nick had already gotten up and put tracksuit bottoms on, and was now fussing and fiddling with things on the dresser. 

“You always say that.”

“Well, I do.”

“I don’t know why I can’t just stay and leave in the morning when you do.” Harry had been making an effort to be more assertive in his relationship with Nick, but it hadn’t been going so well. Nick had only been getting angrier. Harry had fallen for the man ten years his senior earlier in the year, when he was barely eighteen, but now he was getting the distinct impression there was a reason relationships with big age gaps didn’t work. 

“Harry. I don’t want to deal with the morning cuddly bullshit, okay? I thought that was already clear.”

Harry scowled and ran a hand through his hair. “Don’t be such an ass.” 

“I’m just being honest.”

“Right, then.” Harry felt himself grow angrier. This wasn’t what he thought being a grown-up would be like at all. His friends had all called him stupid for this relationship, infinitely stupid, and his mother didn’t even know about it, but Harry had just wanted to feel like a proper adult in a proper relationship. But, now it seemed just as stupid as everyone had said.

He got out of bed and started getting dressed, quickly. 

“Christ, at least clean yourself up.”

“Ohhhh, no, Nick, you want me to go. I’ll be out the door in two minutes. Less than that. Lest I begin some cuddly bullshit, fuck that.” Harry zipped up the button on his trousers. 

“You want to fight now?”

“Fight? No, no, no. It’s funny, when you always ask me to leave, or not be embarrassing and childish, or whatever else bothers you, I get the distinct impression I’m not wanted. So I’m going.”

“Jesus Christ, stop being ridiculous. You want to bloody stay, then? Stay.”

“No!” Harry surprised himself with the force of his voice, but the startled look on Nick’s face was delicious. 

“Are you ending things with me?”

Harry hadn’t quite decided to, but hearing Nick say it solidified it as a good idea. “Yes.”

“God. Get out, then. You know, Harry, you are way too much effort. You know that, right?”

Harry slammed the door to the bedroom and marched down the stairs. He wasn’t going to deign to respond to that. 

~

“Listen, love, we agreed on a price.” Louis finished buttoning his shirt. He’d received half the money already upfront, but this bloke was going to be one of those johns that was going to complain about his services for some reason and deny him the rest of his money. 

The bloke shifted in bed, looking ashamed and slightly surly. Louis was used to this. Businessmen tended to be ashamed of what they’d done after they’d done it. What he couldn’t understand, though, was their absolutely inscrutable hold on their money. He knew they had it, so why didn’t they just bloody give it? 

“Love, I haven’t got a lot of time.”

The man finally got up. “We agreed on a price, but you..."

Here we go. Louis cut him off. “I did everything you asked. You enjoyed yourself. Now, come on. Be a good lad.” 

The man looked very sulky and went off to get his wallet from his trousers. Louis breathed a sigh of relief on that front, but still felt unsettled about this particular liaison. Things had gone along as planned, and he’d worn a condom, but Louis had felt it twinge a bit oddly inside of him. Then, as the man came, Louis had felt a bit of heat inside of himself. The man hadn’t seemed to notice, and Louis hadn’t brought it up. As much as Louis tried to tell himself it was all a part of the job, and it was a risk he took, it was certainly unnerving. He hoped to God most of these people just fucked their wives, but he doubted it, considering where they were right now. 

The man handed Louis the rest of his money. Louis took it and left the hotel room, leaving the fellow to stew in his own juices. He knew he was jaded for his age, maybe a little too jaded, but you had to be to make it. And make it he had. Louis didn’t work for anybody but himself, something he knew was fucking rare in his line of work. And damn, the money was good. 

It had it risks though. Louis resolved to go get a test done in a few weeks to see if anything had gone wrong. Probably not, but you never knew with folks these days. 

~

Niall felt cranky. His stomach hurt like hell, yet it was a funny kind of stomach ache where he still felt quite hungry. He was out with all the lads, and they were playing a bit of footy for the afternoon, but his stomach really hurt too much to pay attention. 

It wasn’t a nervous stomachache, Niall knew. He’d had one for a few days after his incident with Sean, but Sean seemed okay. It was like it was totally erased from his memory. Niall was perfectly fine with this. It had been fun, Niall admitted, but that was all. Sean appeared to feel the same, and they’d hung out the way they always did ever since. 

No, this was flat out something off in his stomach. He wasn’t paying attention, exactly, and Darragh abruptly kicked the football towards Niall, hitting him in the upper stomach. 

Niall threw up just as abruptly, the instant the ball had hit him. The other lads looked startled. 

“Oi, mate, what’s wrong?” Another Sean spoke first. There were several in the friend group. 

Niall put his hands on his knees and threw up a bit more. He had no idea. He felt a hand go on his back, and was glad to see it was his Sean’s. 

“Mate, let’s go sit down, yeh?”

Niall nodded and let Sean take him to a bench further down the park, instructing the rest to keep playing.

“What’s up, mate?”

Niall hunched up a bit, trying to squeeze the pain out. “Stomach is bloody fookin’ killin’ me. Has been all morning.”

“Why’d ‘ya come then?”

“Didn’t want t’ be left out. Something bunging up my system, haven’t been able to shit for days.”

Sean laughed. 

“Feck off.”

“Listen, mate, just go home. You can barely walk, I’ll help ‘ya.” Sean got up and put an arm around Niall. 

Niall let him walk him home. Sean came upstairs with him, and Niall didn’t particularly care that Sean saw him change into more comfortable clothing. They’d seen each other change a million times before, nothing new. He had pulled off his trackies when he heard Sean take a breath in. 

“Ni, yer pants.”

“Wot’s wrong with my pants?” Niall turned and tried to look at his arse. 

“You’re bleeding.”

Niall pulled off his pants. There were spots of blood. They weren’t very big, but they were there. He felt himself grow cold and clammy. 

Sean looked nervous too. “Did ‘ya wanna go tell your dad to take ‘ya to the doctor?”

“Can’t feckin’show her this! No.”

“Then we’ll go, right? Ni, that’s fucked up. Never heard of a flu that makes yer arse bleed.”

“Okay, okay, take me, then.” Niall felt panicky. He’d never heard of anything like this either. 

Sean took Niall to Emergency, even though Niall thought that was unnecessary. Sean’s reasoning was that the doctors wouldn’t know and send him there anyway, while Niall was sure they’d know. A nurse had gone and taken an embarrassing look at Niall’s rear end, and asked a few questions, then sent off for a doctor to take a closer look. The doctor had seemed a bit puzzled, too, and confusingly suggested they do a quick ultrasound. 

“Ultrasound?” 

“We can fit you in.”

“No, why an ultrasound? Why not just a scan?” Niall was frightened. He’d hoped the doctor would have an easy answer. Now scans were involved. 

“Are you sexually active, Niall?”

Niall’s cheeks burned. He glanced up and saw Sean’s were too. “Yeh. A bit. Barely.”

“Are you sexually involved with any men?”

“Don’t see why it matters.” 

“It does to me, Niall. You must know by now that male pregnancies are not entirely uncommon. You’re displaying all the symptoms.”

Niall looked up at Sean. That was probably the worst face he’d ever seen Sean make in his life. 

~

Louis hated having blood taken. The health care workers were always so short with everybody, and Louis had the bad habit of being short with them back. They’d just finished, and taped a cotton ball to his arm and brusquely told him they’d call when his results were ready.

Louis had worked himself up into a bit of a tizzy about this possibly broken condom, and finally getting the test done was a relief. He might even do it again in a month or two, just to see if anything latent had popped up. Louis had dealt with a few things before, but nothing that couldn’t be cleared up with an antibiotic here or there. He’d never had something really awful though. 

Louis trudged back to his flat. He’d cancelled all appointments for the next while, which had made some clients quite upset, but he realized he was so worked up about this that working would just make him a mess. 

His flat was always something to look forward to, though. It was decorated just the way he liked it, and it was pretty fancy. He never took clients up to his flat, instead demanding hotels, so the flat was one safe little bastion. He remembered the day he signed the lease for it at eighteen. He’d felt a wave of adulthood and importance, and had set about decorating it with whatever he felt like. Now, two years later, he could see how he’d made some poor choices in his fervor, but it was still a safe and comforting place.

It was nice to have something of his own. His mother had him very young, and then continued to make a stream of other children with other men, leaving Louis with no privacy and nothing just for him. Louis felt strangely disconnected from all the rest of the children, except maybe the sister closest to his age. He felt disconnected from his mother as well, who never had time for him, and particularly from his father, whom he barely even knew. When was the last time he spoke with his father, Louis mused to himself. Probably on his thirteenth birthday. He’d rung, for whatever reason. Regardless, he’d left home as soon as school was out, and it seemed to have all worked out. Louis chose to ignore that one day he would be too old to be a prostitute, but as it stood, he was doing just fine for himself. 

A few days later, his phone rang as expected. 

“Hello?” Louis turned down Celebrity Big Brother and sat up. 

“Mr. Tomlinson? This is Janet from Health and Wellness.”

“Yeah, hi.”

“Your test results are in, if you’d like to pop down to have them talked over.”

“Can’t you tell me over the phone?”

“Everyone has to come in.” She sounded too damn cheerful. 

Louis supposed he needed a walk after being cooped up indoors all day watching the telly, so he sighed and got off his bum. The centre was not busy, luckily, and they let Louis into a room to wait for someone to give him his results. Louis’ stomach felt clenched and terrified. If it was clear, they should have just told him over the phone. 

A health care worker came in and smiled, eventually, and Louis gave a terse smile in return. 

“Right, Mr. Tomlinson. I’ve got your results back.” She smiled again. 

“Well, I reckon that’s why I’m here.”

“You’ll be glad to hear that everything came back negative.” 

Louis was glad. He breathed a huge sigh of relief and got up.

“Wait, Mr. Tomlinson. You didn’t let me finish, there is one thing.”

Louis felt cold. She literally had just told him he was disease-free. 

“A bit of your blood work was a bit spotty, not in what we were looking for, but in general. We were wondering if you’d have another, and a urine test.”

“What the hell is ‘spotty?’ What does that mean?” Louis’ temper was rising. 

“We have a lot of people come in for pregnancy tests as well. We weren’t looking for that in you, but it’s looking a lot like that.”

“What?” Louis got up. This was ridiculous. It wasn’t possible. 

“Please stay calm, Mr. Tomlinson. Isn’t it better to know, so you can sort what to do about it now rather than when it’s too late?” 

Louis tried to take a deep breath. Of course it was. Couldn’t see how it was possible, but he supposed he’d never bothered to learn if he could bear children. “Right, let’s get this blood test thing done, get it over with.”

~

There was the pink plus sign. Harry blinked at it hard and gave it a shake, then immediately felt foolish and stopped. It was like he was in the Juno movie or something. He’d wasted eight pounds on two tests, as well, but they both said the same thing. 

Nick had worn protection every time, Harry was absolutely certain. Harry knew about the possibility of a child since he was pretty young. He’d fallen out of a tree and his parents had been alerted to it when he went in for an x-ray. It had always seemed a bit distant and implausible to him and his family, until he came out gay. Then it became a very real thought, and to be honest, it was something Harry often fantasized about. Harry would like, no, love to be a father, and if he got to carry the child himself, well, even better. But to have it be Nick’s was disgusting and awful. 

The walk back home felt a bit like a death march. Harry was a bad liar. He was amazed he’d managed to lie about Nick, but he supposed puppy love did things like that to people. His mother still didn’t know, and Harry had intended to keep it that way. This was horrific, though, and he couldn’t hide it forever. He knew he’d last two seconds. 

“Hello banana.” Harry’s mother Anne sounded pleasant from the kitchen. She was baking. As Harry came closer, he realized it was banana bread, his favourite. 

“Hi mum.” Harry sat at the kitchen island.

His mother handed him a banana and kept up her busywork. “How was your day, pet?” 

“Quiet, I went for a bit of a shop myself.” Harry opened the banana and took a bite, but became painfully aware of the phallic shape of the banana and put it back down.

“Find anything interesting?” Anne wiped her hands on a dishcloth. “Are you not in the mood for that? You always are.”

“Not at the moment, mum.” Harry laid his head mournfully on the counter. 

Anne looked very concerned. “What’s wrong, pet?”

“Mumma...” Harry trailed off and tried to stop his tears. 

“Harry, you’re frightening me.”

“Think I’m pregnant. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry, please don’t be mad, please please please.” Harry started to cry properly. 

“What? Whose?”

Harry shook his head. 

“Harry, whose is it? Are you sure?”

“Not a hundred percent, but I’m pretty sure.”

“Harry!”

“....Had a boyfriend I didn’t tell anyone about. It’s over now.” Harry put his face in his crossed arms on the counter. He’d never felt more embarrassed or awful.

“Who is this boy? Oh, my god.” Anne leaned against the counter. 

“Name is Nick. You’ve never met him, mum.”

“Does he know? Oh, god.” Anne looked overwhelmed, as if the cost of raising a baby, both monetarily and mentally, was already taking a toll on her rather than Harry.

Harry shook his head again. “Hate him. Not telling him.”

“If he’s the father, then you have to let him know!”

“Just having an awful day, mum!” Harry cried harder, scrunching up his face.

Anne softened and put her arms around Harry. “Shhhh, baby. Deep breaths. One step at a time, okay? Shhhh.”

Harry’s breathing returned to normal slowly against his mother. “I’m so sorry, mum. Feel so stupid.”

“We’ll go make sure for certain, okay?” Anne repeated herself comfortingly. “One step at a time.”

~

“Did u want to go see something soon? I’ll pay :) :)” 

Zayn sighed a bit and put his phone away. Liam was persistent, he gave him credit. He’d seen him only a handful of times since their night together almost two months before, and he liked Liam quite a lot, but it was getting increasingly difficult to explain where he was going or who he was texting. His sisters were always all over his phone. His mother asked too many questions. It didn’t seem worth it to try and keep up a charade for someone who was just a nice boy with large junk. 

Well, it wasn’t just large junk. It was large and very useful junk, Zayn had learned during their night together. Liam knew exactly what he was doing in every aspect of the intercourse, even when Zayn admitted he had never been with a boy. He supposed it should make him a bit nervous that Liam was so experienced, but on the contrary, Zayn had felt in very good hands. Liam even kissed all Zayn’s hidden tattoos and told him how beautiful they were. A real charmer, this one. 

He did want a date. He’d make something up. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could get away with it, but he wanted to see this boy who liked him so very much. It made Zayn feel warm inside. 

His youngest sister poked her head out of her room. “Where are you going?”

“To the loo, Saf.” Zayn kept walking. 

“Mum’s making saag tonight.”

“Might not be here, going out.”

“With who?”

“Perrie and some others. Stop asking so many questions.” He hated being short with his sisters. It wasn’t in him to snap at them, they were his favourite people.

Safaa did look a little hurt. “I’ll tell mum.”

“I’m sorry, Saf. Just going to the loo, then I’m letting mum know. No big deal.” He gave her a little smile, hoping he’d amended his rudeness. She seemed to accept it and left him alone. 

“What did you want to see ? Could probably go tonight :)” Zayn hoped that sounded appropriately flirty. Perrie had been trying to help him.

“Yeah :)? we can pick something there. U want me to pick you up?”

“Nah we can meet at the cinema :)” The amount of smiley faces was a bit sickening, but Liam seemed to like emojis, so he always tried to up his smiley face use when texting Liam.

They met at the cinema to avoid Zayn’s parents, and Liam lit up when he saw Zayn. He always did. As much as Zayn thought Liam was a charming young man, Liam seemed a little more invested than Zayn was, and it made him feel a little guilty. He let Liam take his hand though, and they settled down to some silly action movie that Liam chose. It had a lot of quickly put together action shots and lots of bright lights in it, and Zayn felt a bit disoriented. He liked gentle films. He pushed his face into Liam’s arm, which Liam was probably excited about, if Zayn knew Liam at all. 

The dizziness didn’t go away, though. Even though he was sitting, it felt like he was standing and spinning. He closed his eyes to try and stop it, screwing up his face harder into Liam’s shoulder. 

When he opened his eyes back up, he was lying flat and it was very bright. Liam’s face appeared, bushy eyebrows furrowed in worry, along with Perrie’s face. Zayn sat up a bit. It was a hospital room. 

“What happened?” 

Liam came over and took Zayn’s hand. “Just passed out in the cinema. Had a whole production getting you out. I know you said your mum didn’t know about you seeing me so I called your friend instead.”

Zayn was grateful. 

“Just rest, Zayn.” Perrie looked so worred. He hated seeing her so worried. He laid back down on the bed to appease them both. It was obvious he had been out for some time. He had a hospital gown on. 

A doctor poked his head in. “Mr. Malik, you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“Not too bad.”

“You fainted from not eating enough. Then you bumped your head on the floor getting you out of the theatre.”

Zayn nodded. That would explain what Liam meant by big production getting him out of the theatre. Now that he thought about it, his head did ache. 

“You have to make sure you’re eating regularly, you know.”

Zayn knew too well. He often forgot, and he realized he hadn’t eaten a thing most of the day. Or really the day before. He got too wrapped up in his thoughts and generally didn’t feel too hungry. “I’m sorry. I’ll try harder, I will.”

“It isn’t good for the baby.”

Zayn, Liam, and Perrie looked up at the doctor with the same confused expression.

The doctor looked a bit confused back. “The baby. We see Zayn is pregnant.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys step out onto very shaky ground in their first attempts on learning to be pregnant and have a child.

Harry stared hard at his phone. It just had to be a two minute call, that was all. Just a final little rip of the bandage, all it was. He’d put it off for weeks now, but his mother had finally said he wasn’t to wait another day, as Nick had a right to know. Part of him hoped Nick wouldn’t pick up the phone at all. He dialed the number and hoped for this blissful possibility. He could say Nick wasn’t answering him and was being nasty and they never had to say a word to him again. 

“Harry, what do you want?”

Damn.

Harry tried to sound as flat as possible. “Hello. Just wanted to let you know I’m pregnant with your kid. I don’t want you to be financially responsible at all or get involved, just thought you should know.” 

Well, that sounded much better on script than out loud. Harry waited. He knew Nick was still on the line, based on the sharp breath of air he heard Nick take. 

“Is this a joke?”

“No.”

“This isn’t funny, Harry. I don’t want to be some practical joke.”

“Thank you for assuming I’m eleven years old, Nicholas. Listen, I’m not asking for anything. I don’t want to see you, I don’t want your money. My mum just thought you had a right to know.”

“And what if I want to be involved, if this is my bloody kid?”

“Can’t imagine you’d want to be. For heaven’s sakes, can’t deal with your boyfriend staying over, imagine a crying baby.” 

“For fuck’s sakes. Do you want me to say I’m fucking sorry?”

“No. I was meant to tell you, and I’ve told you. I’m hanging up now.” Harry hung up the phone, cradling it in his hands after. Nick called back, as expected, but Harry didn’t answer. He was meant to go to a group for pregnant people with his mum, and he simply didn’t have the time for this. 

~

Niall picked at a pimple scab by his nose. Today was probably going to be an awful day. It had been an awful last few weeks, and today was not going to be different. Between having to tell his mother and father separately to Sean’s total distancing from him, he’d been feeling like garbage. It’s not like Sean wasn’t talking to him, but everything he said was tinged with caution and confusion, and he didn’t say much. When he did, he usually asked if Niall was sure he didn’t want it aborted, and as nervous as Niall was to even think of having a baby, he couldn’t bear that thought. There was something that stung about his words too, even though he could see why Sean definitely wouldn’t want to be a father, not now and especially not with Niall. 

It had been quite a wild ride for Niall these past couple years. The day he’d learned his father had been given a management position at Tesco, better than the one he had but in England, Niall was left with the notion of moving with his father and leaving Ireland behind, or staying with his mum, who he hadn’t properly lived with in years. He’d gone with his dad, leaving all his friends behind for one final year of school in a very unfamiliar place. He’d felt infinitely guilty leaving his mum and brother and Sean, and well, everyone, but he was always with his dad, so he’d gone along. About six months later, though, Sean’s mum was given a similar promotion, and in the single greatest lucky stroke in Niall’s life, they finished college together. 

But now they’d wrecked it. Niall couldn’t exactly reason why he wanted to keep the baby. He knew how upset Sean was, and hell, he was upset, but he wanted want to. It wasn’t because he was against abortions or anything, but....he didn’t know. He slumped further in his seat at the back of the car.

“Did you want me to come in too, Niall?” Greg spoke finally, cutting the tension Niall was creating in the car. 

“Nah, be weird.” He’d actually told his brother first, once everything was for sure, and Greg had taken it very well. He’d asked if Niall was gay, but Niall only shrugged and said he didn’t know or really care, which Greg seemed to accept as an answer. Greg was pretty newly married to his wife Denise, and they’d had a baby only a few months ago. Niall wasn’t the greatest with his nephew Theo, but he loved him anyway. Denise had been very sympathetic to Niall’s plight, having just gone through it a short time herself, and offered to take Niall to a class if he wanted, and stay with him. Niall had considered asking Sean if he wanted to go, but had decided against it. He knew Sean would say no, and he didn’t want to hear that.

~

“Don’t wanna go in there.” Zayn clung to Perrie’s sleeve a bit desperately. 

“It’ll be alright, Zayn. We don’t even have to stay if you hate it.”

“What if I know someone?” 

Perrie bit her lip. “We’ll say it’s me.”

Liam trailed behind them, a bit anxiously. Zayn hadn’t bothered explaining anything to anyone he knew at all. He knew he’d have to soon. He was aiming for his older sister first. He’d had a very long talk with Liam, although Liam did a lot more of the talking than he did. Liam had been quite adamant that he would support Zayn with whatever he chose, and that he cared about Zayn very much. Liam was just so fucking earnest that Zayn found himself saying he hadn’t made his mind up yet but not to fret, even though he was sure he was fretting more than Liam. But Christ, Liam was good at making Zayn feel better about anything, and they’d had a good cuddle. Perrie had suggested one little baby class to solidify what they wanted to do. Going to the class might confirm whether Zayn wanted to keep it or not, and Liam had agreed this was a good idea. 

The room was busy when they stepped into it, and Zayn scanned the room. Nobody he knew, thank god. Most of the women were on the younger side, some being teenagers, but there was also some women who were a little older and probably financially stable and ready to have a child. There were less men in the room, although some boyfriends and husbands had come along. Zayn instantly noticed a young boy, close to his age or maybe a little younger, talking with a middle-aged woman. There was no girl close to his age near him, and Zayn rather hoped the boy was like himself, rather than having knocked up a forty year old woman. He had a lot of very curly brown hair, and it was a bit long, but not outrageously. He was taller than Zayn, but still retained very young, boyish features. He dressed a bit eccentrically, too, with odd boots and a rather busy patterned top. Zayn couldn’t make out what was on it, although it looked like maybe bicycles. 

There were chairs arranged in a circle in the middle of the room, and everyone was asked to sit in the circle and introduce themselves and how far along they were. 

This wasn’t the worst so far.

Most people were very boring and Zayn forgot all their names, but he was pleased to learn the curly boy was like him. His name was Harry and he was about eight weeks along, only a couple less than Zayn. The woman next to him was his mum. Zayn wondered where Harry’s partner was. 

More surprising was someone a few seats down. There was a boy with very young features, younger than Harry’s, and half grown out bottle-dyed blond hair sitting with a woman in her mid-twenties, but Zayn hadn’t bothered to pay attention to him. He had on obnoxious Nike shoes and some dumb t-shirt, and just seemed like your average fuckboy. 

‘M Niall,” he had a pretty heavy Irish accent, Zayn noted, “And ‘m goin’ on about a month and a half, I think. Maybe more, I dunno. ‘M here today with me sister-in-law.” 

Well, there was another one, then. At least Zayn had Liam there. He introduced himself quietly, when it got to his turn in the circle, looking at the floor rather than the group, but in all honestly, this wasn’t new behaviour. Zayn knew very well how introverted he was, and never really tended to take to groups well. He could be gregarious around his sisters or cousins or Perrie, but that was about it. Liam was far friendlier, and Zayn wasn’t paying attention, but he said something that made the group chuckle. Zayn smiled, even though he’d missed what Liam said. Always trying to lessen the tension, it seemed. 

The lady in charge of the class explained the classes would be split somewhat between learning about babies and learning about pregnancy and labour, then went on to get a chart and explain a woman’s innards a bit. Zayn could tell the poor woman was struggling and kept correcting herself to say “they” rather than “she” or “her,” but he guessed her efforts were appreciated by the three of them sitting in the group. It’s not like men never had babies these days, and more were finding out they were able to by the day, but it still really wasn’t all that common. 

It was boring, what she was yammering about, so Zayn looked around. The room looked a bit like expected, with chart posters on the wall and yoga mats and balls tucked in the corner. There were some cupboards lining the room, all neatly labeled, and some folding tables leaning against one wall. The room was painted yellow, probably in an attempt to be cheerful and sunny. As he was looking about, he watched a very small young man slip through the door. He was dressed well and Zayn liked his leather jacket a lot. He was about the same height as Zayn and almost as petite, but he was curvier, a little like a woman. His hair was done up in a big quiff and he looked ready to be poised at a gay bar, cocktail in hand, rather than here. He noticed Zayn, and gave him a slightly mischievous wink, before sitting down close to him.

“Hello,” the instructor stopped her lesson, if you could call it that, to greet this newcomer. “What’s your name?”

The small young man nodded his head. “Louis.” He left it at that and crossed his arms, ending any further conversation. The instructor nodded a bit uncomfortably and went back to her lesson. 

Louis leaned across Perrie’s lap towards Zayn. “What did I miss?”

Zayn was slightly unnerved. “Not a lot."

“I’ll catch up, then.” Louis leaned back up. 

As much as this was all bizarre, Zayn didn’t feel like leaving, even when Liam whispered if he would like to. It was strange, but not at all bad. Zayn knew he’d have to tell his parents he was gay at some point, and heck, why not do it swinging? Liam had promised security for him and the baby. 

The instructor, who Zayn believed was named Deb or Jan or something else monosyllabic, then let everyone off to go chat with each other. He watched the Irish fuckboy go over to the curly boy and strike up conversation immediately, and Zayn felt jealous that they seemed so sociable. The quiffed Louis leaned back over Perrie to Zayn. 

“Which of you three, then? Please tell me it’s you.” Louis pointed at Liam. 

“No, it’s me.” Zayn waved slightly.

“Wait, why me?” Liam furrowed his brow. 

“Because you’re so....you know, never mind, love.” Louis leaned back in his chair.

Zayn tried hard to be personable. “Liam is my boyfriend, and Perrie is my best friend.”

Liam perked up at being called Zayn’s boyfriend. Louis looked slightly bored with his response. 

“Well, that’s great, then. Tell me, that handsome little lad over there, is he one of our elite squad? Or are we to be a duo?” 

Well, Zayn thought. He supposed he’d made a friend, whether he intended to or not. He knew Louis was looking at the two other boys like them, but he couldn’t understand whether he meant the curly one or the blond. Both were fine-looking boys, but neither were handsome, in Zayn’s opinion. They both had faces that were too young, and red cheeks. 

“I’m....which one?”

Louis looked at Zayn like he was dumb. “The boy with all that hair.”

Another difficult response. They both had a lot of hair, although Zayn supposed Louis meant Harry, as his was rather a standout. 

“Yeah, he is like us. His name is Harry, he’s eighteen. The boy he’s talking to is like us too.”

Louis raised his eyebrows. “What? Are they both really? We’ve got to go talk to them.”

Before Zayn could protest, Louis was dragging the two of them over. 

“Zayn, if you want to talk to them alone, we can leave you for a bit,” Liam whispered in Zayn’s ear. “Me and Perrie will just be off to the side.” 

They left, abandoning Zayn at the mercy of these loud, chatty people.

Harry looked Zayn over. “It’s Zayn, right? You have very lovely eyes.”

“Um, thank you.”

Niall laughed a bit, for seemingly no reason. 

“Well done for having a boyfriend, done better than all of us.” Harry grinned a tiny bit. He meant it as a tiny joke, acknowledging the fact they were all in a bit of a pickle. 

Niall looked perturbed. “Not fair, I’ve got a...well, not a boyfriend, just...I dunno. A person. Fat useless lot ‘e is, but ‘e’s around.”

“Alright, so we’re averaging one and one quarter boyfriends out of four.” 

That got a laugh out of Niall. 

“I think we should all get lunch soon. This is too serendipitous.” Louis said this so firmly that everyone found themselves nodding, even Zayn.

“Sure. I work at a bakery on Saturdays, but otherwise, I’m pretty free.” Harry grinned at Louis, big dimples showing. 

“Great.”

Everyone exchanged details, except Louis, who asked for everyone to give their numbers to him to put in his phone later. He was apparently in the process of getting a new phone and didn’t have it yet. But, after all that, Zayn was finally able to safely return to Liam and Perrie. 

“How was it?” They both seemed hopeful. 

“Not so bad. Bit much, but not bad.” Zayn took Liam’s hand as they headed towards the door. “ If you don’t mind, Perrie, I’m going to go to Liam’s for a bit. Want to talk to him about how we’re gonna have this baby.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys meet up for lunch and get to know each other properly.

Louis locked the door and headed down the stairs towards the quiet street. That was the nice thing about Sundays, everything always seemed to settle down a bit. It was only raining a little, but Louis was not putting his hair at risk, so out his umbrella came. 

The place was a little far away, but it had been difficult coordinating a restaurant that everyone liked and wasn’t impossible to get to. It had to cover everyone’s dietary needs as well, as Harry was “mostly a vegetarian,” whatever that meant, and Zayn tried to eat Halal most of the time. They ended up with plans to go to an Indian restaurant, which Louis suspiciously felt was Zayn’s first choice and no one else’s. Niall, for example, had genuinely thought McDonald’s was a good idea. 

He’d learned Harry was the youngest, at eighteen, and both Niall and Zayn were nineteen, so he wasn’t very much older than them. Louis found himself intrigued with all of their back stories, and hoped to drag it out of them at lunch. He was like that. People’s stories, particularly saucy ones, were the greatest entertainment, and these three were bound to be that. He was interested in what Niall meant by having “a person,” but not a partner, and he couldn’t possibly comprehend who had left the adorable young Harry pregnant and alone. 

Louis absently popped a cigarette into his mouth and light it, only to pull it back out immediately. He didn’t mean to light it. He’d been trying really, really hard not to smoke. Sometimes he fucked up and had a few, but he knew the number one rule of this baby-making business was not to smoke or drink. Drinking was easier to avoid, and Louis had been a good boy on that front. This wasn’t so easy, and he was getting fucking frustrated. He wondered if any of the others were having the same trouble he was. 

He’d taken a long look at having this baby. Louis knew his life was pathetic. He had money and privacy, and he liked that, but little else. No personal connections, companionship, nothing. Louis knew he wasn’t thinking properly, really, but it seemed like such a nice thing to have something to love and hopefully love him back. Hooking wasn’t going to last forever. Of course, the money he had saved up wasn’t going to last forever either, but that was the future. By then, he’d have the baby and he’d love it and everything would be fine. At least, that’s what he told himself. 

~

Niall rubbed his stomach. He wasn’t any fatter, he thought. It was hard to say, really. He’d always had a bit of a soft stomach. And he was eating more, that he already could tell. He didn’t understand why pregnant ladies always go so fussy and weird about what foods to eat. He wanted everything. His father had been alarmed at the change and was trying to up how much food he bought for the two of them, but that only meant Niall ate more. 

That was the thing about Niall’s dad Bobby. He was a good man, and didn’t really try to ask too much about the baby. He just did things when he felt they were needed, and Niall didn’t mind that one bit. Niall liked living with his dad for that reason. He knew Niall would ask for help or advice when he needed it, and tried to quietly help without being pushy on the occasions where Niall wouldn’t ask. It seemed a bit funny, thinking about the two of them raising the baby together until Niall felt he could do it alone. Bobby had made a comment one day that it would make a good program on the telly, then went back to Mrs. Brown’s Boys without a word.

Niall was starving by the time he made it to the Indian restaurant. He liked a good curry, so this lunch seemed promising. Actually, he hoped this whole day would be promising. He’d asked Sean over later to watch the Derby match, and he’d said yes, which was a good sign. Niall didn’t know why he felt so bothered whenever Sean said no. Maybe it was because he never used to say no. Niall had forgotten how lonely he got when he wasn’t around Sean. He wished they could just talk properly about this and move on. If he so badly didn’t want to be associated as the other father, why couldn’t he just say so, so they could sort something else out? He could be the close friend that Niall’s kid grew up to call Uncle Sean, he didn’t care. He just wanted something to be said. 

He found only Harry waiting near the restaurant, with his mum. He kissed her goodbye and walked over to Niall. 

“Someone is finally here, I’ll be fine now.” He waited until she drove away, waving a bit. “She’s quite protective.”

“That’s a good thing, innit?” Niall put his hands in his pockets. 

“It is. How are you today?” Harry seemed a little touchy-feely. Niall actually liked that, but it was something a bit hard to get used to. 

“Great. Feckin’ starving, is what.”

“Really?”

“You’re not?” 

“I’ve been a bit off things recently. I’ve been reading, though, it’s all par for the course.” Harry checked his phone and put it back in his pocket. 

“Reading? You’re a bloody keener.”

“You haven’t been?” Harry made a ‘tsk’ noise and smiled. Niall noted with some interest that Harry seemed to be really into this baby thing. He was like this the first time they met, too. All chatty about the ultrasound he had and how his baby was the size of some tiny food already, maybe a peanut. Niall hadn’t gone for a proper ultrasound. Harry had said you just really had to pee and the device felt warm on your stomach and that was it. Nothing to it. Maybe he would ask Sean if that was something he felt like going to if tonight went well. 

Louis showed up behind Niall in the middle of that thought and tipped his snapback down his face. “Lads. Why the fuck are you standing out here in the rain for? Get inside, we’ll wait for Zayn there.”

“It’s barely raining. I was okay.” Harry followed Louis inside anyway. They waited in the lobby for awhile, before finally relenting and letting themselves be seated. They waited on Zayn for a good fifteen minutes more, before Louis spoke up. 

“Has he bailed on us? Hasn’t texted me. Call him.” Before anyone could call Zayn, Louis was calling himself. “Zayn?”

There was some muffled speaking from Louis’ phone. Niall sussed that Zayn was just late. He thought he heard the word ‘overslept’ in there. He did show up though, about ten minutes after that, looking sleepy but somehow still flawless. He couldn’t understand how all these lads appeared to have just walk off the runway every minute of the day. He took off his snapback and put it on the table to try and look a bit better.

“So...” Louis looked around the table, expecting someone to say something. 

“Apparently this is around the right time that we get our pregnant glows, you know. Is anyone feeling glowy?” Harry looked pleased with himself.

Zayn stared at Harry silently. Louis looked like he was trying to hide his laughter, but Niall wasn’t about to. He let out a guffaw and started to cough by accident, took a sip of water, coughed more, and spat water down his front. 

That made everyone laugh. 

“No, but really, I am curious if anyone is feeling anything.” 

Louis shook his head. “Feel like myself. Eating like myself.”

Zayn spoke next. He had a sluggish voice like Harry, but quieter as well, so everyone leaned in a bit. “Ummmm, just a lot of wanting roti more than anything else. I feel a little fat. Don’t like it.”

Niall looked up and down Zayn’s tiny frame. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on the boy. He supposed that if Zayn was this tiny, any little change would seem monumental. 

“Meself, hungry is all. Eatin’ and eatin’. Getting fat off that but I reckon that’s what supposed to happen.” Niall flipped his menu open. “Yerself, Harry?”

“I think I’m getting breasts.”

Niall closed his menu. Nobody said anything about breasts. 

“My nipples are very sore and the whole area is definitely enlarged.”

Louis looked disgusted. “Can we not say nipples at the dining table?”

“What? We’ve all got the same parts.” 

Oh, thought Niall. He’s one of those people. Very open about his body. 

Harry didn’t seem fazed. “I hope they don’t get too big.”

Well, the conversation certainly wasn’t stiff anymore. Everyone had a laugh and ordered their food, their meals ranging from a little basket of naan, plain, to Niall’s deluxe chicken palak plus an order of chips. They chatted a bit about what they liked to do, and Niall was surprised to see everyone had very diverse interests. Like, very diverse. Harry had a band he sometimes played in, and loved singing, but he also loved cooking, gardening, and fashion. Louis seemed a bit mum about what he liked to do, but he talked a lot about football and celebrities. Zayn loved to talk about art, and he finally seemed to come truly alive discussing it. He even lifted his shirt up a bit to show off some tattoos he had, that he’d drawn himself. He said his mum didn’t know about them, and that made it even more exciting. At that, Louis and Harry got excited too and started showing off the tattoos all up and down their arms and chests. That made Niall a bit awkward, not because he didn’t think they were neat, but because Niall was too frightened and didn’t have any. 

Louis turned to Niall. “What have you got?”

“Well, nothin’. Simple lad, too. Like me Derby and rugby and having pints with friends. I really like golf, and I do like cookin’ sometimes. Love t’ play guitar. I don’t really know, don’t have any fun stuff like that.”

Louis stared at Niall. “You’re a real lad, aren’t you? How did this happen to you?”

“I’ve got this mate, right? Been mates since we were tiny, here, tink I have a photo of us,” Niall searched through his phone. “There, here we are. We fucked up. That’s it. End of it.”

“Are you gay, love?”

Niall could not count the amount of times he’d heard that question from his family these past weeks. “Don’t reckon so.”

Harry was listening intently across the table. “You lit up, when you showed us that photo. You might not be gay but you care about that boy.”

“’Course I care about him.”

“You know what sense I mean. It’s okay if you do.”

“We just made a mistake. Had too much t’ drink, lost me virginity to him, now he has no plans of bein’ a dad with me.”

Harry frowned sympathetically. 

Zayn seemed more comfortable with them now. “It was my virginity too. I remember in school they always said only once is all it takes. I guess they were right. Was really good though, was it good?”

Niall nodded. He remembered how hard they’d gone at it. He’d refused to get out of bed the next morning, he was so done. 

Louis cocked his head. “Oh, loves.”

“Wot about you, then?” Niall pointed his finger at Louis. 

Louis pursed his lips. “Just a guy I’ll never see again. Didn’t know him.” He looked so stony that nobody asked anything else. 

Harry looked like he wanted to lighten the mood. “I just have a shitty ex, that’s all. I don’t need him. I can do this myself.”

“I admire your resolve, Harold.” Louis primly put his napkin on his lap as food began to arrive. 

“It’s just Harry. No Harold.”

“I like Harold.”

~

Lunch had been dizzyingly full of chatter for Zayn, but despite himself, he’d had a good time. He’d said he was going out with Perrie, as usual, for Thai food to his mother, so he was in the clear there. Niall and Harry had told their families and they had taken it okay. He didn’t want to tell his mother yet, and god forbid he told his father, but he was feeling strong and brave and figured he could tell his sister. Doniya was always there for him, and knew about his secret tattoos and all his art. He even suspected that she already knew he was gay, even though they’d never discussed it. Doniya was going to university but still living at home. Zayn hadn’t decided where he wanted to go, so he hadn’t started university yet, but he supposed that was a bit toast now. Doniya was studying in her room when Zayn poked his head in. 

“Doni?”

“Yes, bubbie?” Doniya looked up from her textbook. 

Zayn closed her door. “Have something I want to talk about.”

Doniya closed her book. “I have a test in two days. Make it fast.”

“I’ll try. Doni...” Zayn was struggling to find the right words. 

“Zayn.”

“I’m gay and got a boyfriend and apparently a uterus and I’ve gotten pregnant and I’m over two months along and I’m keeping it and my boyfriend’s name is Liam and he’s lovely and wants to take care of me and I, I....” Zayn tried to take a deep breath. He never said so much at once. 

Doni blinked at Zayn.

“Please don’t tell mum. Please. I’ll tell her when I’m ready, accept the consequences. Please.” Zayn finished his speech and waited expectantly. 

“Zayn Javaad Malik, how could you be so stupid?” Doniya got up.

“Please, Doni. Please promise me you won’t tell mum.” Zayn felt tears well up. 

“You’re having a baby with some bloke. Zayn, this is insane. Literally insane.”

“Just promise me! I went to you first because I love you and trust you.”

“Don’t guilt me like that. Fine, I promise I won’t tell mum. But this is ridiculous. I knew you were gay, really. That part doesn’t bother me, Zayn, I know who you are. But this, I...” Doniya screwed up her face in anger. 

Zayn felt some tears fall down his face. “As long as you’ve promised. Leave you to your studying.”

He wiped his face and left. That hadn’t gone like Niall and Harry’s stories at all. If Doniya was his closest ally, then what would happen when he had to tell the rest of his family?

~

Sean nudged Niall’s leg with his foot. “Pass the crisps, yeh?”

They were sprawled out on opposite sides of the couch watching the Derby match, while Bobby watched from his chair. Their visit had been uneventful and Niall was praying it stayed that way. He retaliated against Sean’s leg with his own foot, took another handful of crisps, then passed the bag to Sean. 

Bobby made a noise at a good pass. 

This felt normal. It was pleasant and easy and how things always were, except that Niall wasn’t drinking any pints like Sean and his father were. The match was almost up though, so Niall knew he was rapidly running out of time to come up with a suitable way to ask Sean about going to an ultrasound appointment. The match drew to a close, with a disappointing loss for Derby, but they had played a good game. Sean got up. 

“Should be goin’ back, eh?”

“Yeh. Just hold on a sec’, right?” Niall got up. Usually Sean stayed for awhile after the game, but he knew that was something he didn’t really do anymore. 

Bobby got up for another pint, leaving them alone.

“I have to go get ultrasounds of the baby, wanted to know if ‘ya wanted to come and take a look. No big deal, the baby isn’t gonna be visible yet, really. Just look like a blob. Me doctor said I should go in like a week.” Niall looked at the ground and tried to seem nonchalant.

“A week? Oh, I’m goin’ campin’ with the lads.”

Niall frowned. He hadn’t heard about this. “In a week?”

“Yeh. Not a problem, though, eh?”

Niall struggled to raise his head, getting mumbly. He felt sick and a little weak. “Didn’t know about campin’. Have fun.”

Niall heard Sean’s voice waver. “We didn’t tink you’d be able t’ come, can’t drink or blaze or do anything rigorous.”

Niall forced himself to raise his head. “It’s alright. Have fun, mean it.” He offered his fist for Sean to bump. Sean did so, and seemed satisfied that Niall wasn’t upset. Niall walked Sean to the door, and kept staring blankly out it even after Sean had gone. 

Bobby came up behind Niall and put a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t say a word, but Niall knew he knew. He turned around, and childishly buried his face in Bobby’s chest. 

“Dere, dere, love. All comes out in the wash.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn struggles to tell his parents, Niall meets his baby-blob, and Harry just wants Louis to eat healthy meals.

This was already in the book. Harry tried to keep paying attention, but it was difficult. He knew all about nutrition already, he loved nutrition. They were meant to go into other more dull and useless things later like smoking and drinking, which he knew not every person knew not to do but seemed very much like common sense to him. 

Louis was draped over a yoga mat in front of him, and he clearly was not really paying attention either, rolling this way or that on the mat. Harry got the distinct impression Louis probably should be paying attention, but he wasn’t. It wasn’t a bad view though. Louis had a very nice bum. Glancing backwards to look at Niall and Zayn, he found Zayn half-watching but paying more attention to tracing the cursive script of a tattoo on Liam’s arm, and Niall furtively trying to pull out his phone constantly. He knew Niall only ate rubbish and Zayn didn’t have much of an appetite, so he felt they should be paying attention as well. 

He reached out to pat Louis’ side to catch his attention, but instead caught Louis’ bum. It jiggled a little bit at Harry’s pat and he withdrew his hand in horror. Louis turned, a devilish smile on his slightly cat-like face. 

“What can I do for you, love?” Louis smirked widely.

“I didn’t mean to catch your bum. I was just thinking, this is really interesting stuff, don’t you think?” Harry kept his voice low. 

“It’s boring.”

“I think it’s interesting. Important that we eat the right things.”

“I don’t want to eat kale.” 

“There’s other food.”

“Then I’ll have to come over for one of your amazing healthy pregnancy meals, Harold.”

Louis had decided on this nickname and was sticking with it. Louis had seeked them all out to be his friend, but he seemed particularly fond of Harry. It was strange, Louis was very strange and reserved about his personal life, although he was forever dying to know about everyone else’s, particularly Harry’s. He was a vivacious person, and he seemed like he’d be the sort to want to share every last moment of his life, but nobody ever got anything out of him. Not anything about his family, where he worked, who his baby’s dad was, how he found out, why he was even bothering to keep it, nothing. Yet, for all that, he was funnier than all of them and definitely the most worldly. 

Deb asked if the group had any questions and also reminded the group they could pick up their free pass for ten pounds worth of groceries at the end of class. She then moved on to a talk about the effects about alcohol and cigarettes on a baby, and Louis turned back to Harry. 

“This is bollocks,” Louis whispered. 

“Some people need it, I guess.”

“Already know how bad it is, don’t need to scare me more.” Louis said it so peculiarly that Harry wondered if Louis definitely needed this part of the class. Louis seemed to pick up on Harry’s slightly concerned face. “I’m trying to quit smoking. I’m nearly there. I really am trying.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you smoked.”

“Oh, have for like seven years.”

Harry realized with some alarm that Louis had been smoking since he was about thirteen, but shoved that thought aside. “I hope your quitting is going well, then.”

Louis smiled, and it seemed a little more genuine than his usual catty grins. “Thanks. It is. Mostly.” He crawled over to share Harry’s yoga mat. “No point turning back and yapping constantly.”

“I don’t think all the classes will be so boring. I think we’ll get to learn about breathing techniques and all that soon.”

“God, I can’t believe that stuff really does interest you. This bit is just a waiting game, until the baby gets here.”

“You must care a bit, or you wouldn’t be here.” Harry pointed out. 

“Alright, you’ve got me, mister.” Louis pushed Harry’s head to the side. “Let’s ask Nialler and Zayn if they want to get a drink after. Zayn can bring Liam if he wants.”

“Liam seems alright.”

“He’s a big, dumb beefcake. I don’t touch those lads when I’m out clubbing.”

“I’ve heard he’s quite clever. But he is big. I can see the appeal.”

~

Bobby and Niall both sat crammed next to each other at the obstetrician’s. He knew they were getting strange looks from all the ladies sitting in the waiting room. Niall’s mum and Greg were both back in Ireland, so only Bobby was there for the ultrasound. Niall had watched enough movies and television programmes to know that this was weird, to just have your dad there and no one else, but such as it was. 

“Mr. Horan?” 

Both Bobby and Niall leapt up. 

“If you just want to pop into room three there, and put on the gown that’s on the examination table in there. The doctor won’t be long.”

Niall nodded and fled from the waiting room into the safety of room three. Bobby followed, and politely averted his eyes as Niall stripped off and put the gown on. 

“Will they tell ‘ya if it’s a boy or a girl, son?” Bobby settled down in a chair. 

“Not yet, da, it’s way too little. At least, that’s wot Harry said."

“Oh.” Bobby nodded his head.

Dr. Wagner stepped in a few minutes later. “Hello again, Niall. It’s been too long.”

She sounded friendly but Niall knew it was a thinly veiled criticism of his failure to come for more appointments sooner. He nodded a bit. 

“You can just lie back. This really won’t take too long. About half an hour.”

“Half an hour?” Niall yelped. 

“It will fly by.”

Bobby spoke up. “I remember when me son’s wife had their kid, she had t’ drink a lot of water before the exam. ‘Ave they improved the technology?”

“Niall hasn’t been in, in weeks, so we haven’t got a scan on the baby at all. We’re doing a transvaginal ultrasound to make sure everything is okay, although I suppose it’s not transvaginal. I thought that was clear. We did tell Niall.” She turned disapprovingly in Niall’s direction.

Niall frowned. “Didn’t know what that meant.”

“It means I’m going to insert th-...”

Niall and Bobby’s eyes both widened. “Ah, ah, got it. Right. Why’s it got t’ be like that?” 

“I just told you.” She went on to explain the procedure a bit, and Niall felt coldly duped by Harry. Harry had done everything perfectly and had a perfect ultrasound. This sounded horrible, and for once, he was fucking glad Sean wasn’t there. It was bad enough having his father in the room, although Bobby mostly looked dopey and slightly concerned about the procedure. 

Dr. Wagner got Niall’s feet in the stirrups and began to ready everything. “There’s no point being shy, Niall, there’s a lot more where this came from.” She covered Niall’s bottom half up with a sheet and began the exam. 

It was odd and Niall didn’t like it. He knew rationally that one of the nasty things about pregnancy was doctors poking at your bits, but ultrasounds were supposed to be that bit of the movie where everyone tears up, the beautiful part of going to the doctor. Nobody ever told you about this part. This was rubbish and embarrassing.

Bobby was intently watching the monitor above Dr. Wagner’s head, although Niall could see nothing particularly interesting. It did look like he expected, really, a black and white screen with a bunch of wiggly bits, which Dr. Wagner was pointing out as this or that. Bobby was really intrigued with this, frowning in concentration and nodding when appropriate, but Niall just wanted to see the damn baby. 

“Right, so here we have it. See that sac right there? That round part, Niall? Right there, in that, there’s your baby. It just looks like a blob right now, but there it is.”

“Wot, really? That’s all?” Niall tried to lean towards the screen but was rather locked into place on the table. 

“Wow, would ‘ya look at that.” Niall swore his father was getting choked up. Niall had to say, seeing his father look like that was making him get a bit emotional too. 

“Everything is looking good here, Niall.” She kept the ultrasound wand in a bit longer so they could keep watching. It was nothing more than a blip on the screen, but it solidified the little thing in his stomach was actually real. He turned. Bobby was actually crying a bit. 

“Dad,” Niall chastised gently. “Just a little blob.”

“Second grandkid. Makes a man proud.”

~

Zayn couldn’t put this off any longer. Not one second. He drummed his fingers on Liam’s kitchen counter. “Liam?”

Liam stopped chopping his potato. “Yeah, Zayn?”

“Not very hungry.”

“Oh, um, okay. Maybe I’ll make it anyway, you might be hungry later.”

Zayn doubted it. He was being eaten alive by the feeling of not telling his mother. “Maybe. Liam?”

Liam put his knife back down for a second time. 

“Did you tell your folks?”

“I did, actually, yeah. They seemed a little confused, but they said they’d try to help if they could. They’re worried about my school, but I can pick it back up when things aren’t so crazy. And I’m still finishing this semester, and all, so it should be alright.”

Zayn still felt horrible about that. He felt like he was dragging Liam down from his goals. Liam had remained cheerful and said he had plenty of time to do it in and he already had a good start, but Zayn still felt bad. 

Liam was still talking on. “They said you and I ought to come up for a weekend, they’ll try to get my sisters to come down. You’ll like Wolverhampton, I think. My sisters are excited, neither of them can get their act together to have a kid, although I think they’d like to have them.”

“Oh, alright.”

“Something the matter? Was that okay?”

“No, it’s fine. I was just wondering how they took it.”

“Listen, I bet you anything your sister will come around...”

“No, I need to tell mum, Li. Like, I feel like now.”

“Now?”

“I can’t think of anything else, can’t eat.”

Liam nodded and kept chopping his potato.

“Can you come?” As much as Zayn knew that was a powder keg waiting to happen, he didn’t want to face his mother alone.

“Really? You want me to come?” Liam looked very flattered. 

“Just, please don’t get upset, right? Can’t have all three of us upset. Please. Even if she insults you. Sure she won’t, but just in case.”

“It can’t be that bad.”

“Just in case. Please, Liam.”

“Okay, alright. I’ll finish cooking the ground beef then we can go finish the shepherd’s pie later, alright?” Liam looked fretful and gave Zayn a kiss on the cheek. 

Once they were finished, Zayn took Liam back to his house and came in through the back door, knowing his mother would be probably doing something in the kitchen. His heart was pounding hard and he refrained from grabbing onto Liam’s arm. 

Trisha turned and smiled at Zayn. “Hello, sunshine. Who’s this?”

“It’s Liam.”

“Don’t think I’ve met Liam. How did you meet? How long have you known him?” Trisha came over. As much as Zayn loved his mother, this was the problem. He knew she was just protective, and wanted Zayn to live a safe and perfect life with some nice girl that wasn’t going to get into trouble. She essentially screened all Zayn’s friends. It was better than his father’s archaic policies of what was appropriate behaviour, but it was still difficult. 

“I’ve known him for what, I don’t know. A while.”

“Where’d you meet?”

“Mum.”

“It’s just a question.”

Zayn sat at the kitchen table and motioned for Liam to sit next to him. “Mum, wanted you to meet Liam for a reason. Come sit.”

Trisha looked suspicious and came and sat. Liam offered his hand for her to shake from across the table, and she took it gingerly. 

“Liam’s in school to be a banker.” He knew he was simplifying Liam’s studies, but it just seemed easier.

“Oh, that’s good.”

“Which is good, because...” Zayn tried hard to take a deep breath. He wanted so badly to tell his mother, but his insides kept seizing up. 

Liam looked like he was trying really hard not to cut in. Zayn appreciated his efforts. 

“I’m having a baby, mum. I have a uterus, and I am having a baby. It’s almost three months already. Liam is the father and I wanted you to meet him because he’s good and he’s kind and I want you to like him.”

Trisha stayed completely still. 

“Mum?”

Her body and facial expression continued to remain still, but her mouth finally opened. “How do you expect to tell your father this?”

“I don’t know.” Zayn started to shake. 

“Zayn,” Trisha’s voice was taking on a hard, frightening edge. “This is the most irresponsible thing you’ve ever done.” 

“Is it, mum? Is it?” Zayn felt his voice raising in a way he didn’t really recognize. “Not any of the times I went out and drank with Perrie? Or smoked? Or got tattoos? Didn’t know about any of that either, did you? Well, I did it and I’m still here and it doesn’t stop me from being a good person. I could have made a choice, and gotten rid of it, and never told you about Liam and kept living a nice little lie that would have made you and dad happy, but I don’t want that, because I don’t want to lie to you anymore.”

Liam looked amazed and almost, Zayn couldn’t quite place it, but maybe proud. Trisha, instead looked taken aback. She started to cry, and Zayn’s feelings of euphoria for letting it all out were immediately replaced with guilt. 

“Mum, I’m sorry, I...”

Trisha cried harder. “Get out.”

Liam got up. “Zayn, come on. Give her some time, alright?” His voice was gentle but commanding, and Zayn found himself rising. 

“Love you, mum. I do.” Liam guided Zayn out the door, and the second he was out the door he let out a sob. He hoped to God Liam was right.

~

Louis closed his laptop and tossed the tissue in his hand into the rubbish bin by his bed. Porn had to be the most mind-numbingly awful thing to watch on the planet, but it got the job done. He pulled his tracksuit bottoms back up and flopped over in his bed, resting his hand on his stomach. It did curve outward, more than the others, he felt. He pretended like it didn’t but it was quite a swell already. 

God, he missed sex. It wasn’t something Louis was really ever without once he started doing it, even before he decided to start making money off it. It gave Louis a chance to feel good and have a connection with someone, even if that connection was fleeting at best. He didn’t think he had an addiction to it, or anything, but doing it every day was something he was used to, and suddenly not doing it at all was rough. Sure, he was still often out in the day now, doing this and that with his newfound friends, but his nights were now completely quiet and he didn’t like it. With nothing ever going on, he was learning just how boring it was to sit locked up alone at home, with only the takeout lad as brief company in the evening. 

He supposed it was his fault for never making friends. There was one girl from his childhood that he remained in contact with, and he loved her, but other than that, he knew he’d fallen right off the map for anyone he knew in school. If they knew what he did for a living, they’d either judge or pity him, and Louis didn’t want either of that. He was rather hoping he’d never have to tell his new friends, as by the time the baby came, that would be a thing long in the past. It would be a lot to cover up, but he felt he had done okay so far. He didn’t really know what their response would even be if he did tell them. I mean, they were all in a quandary, but it wasn’t because any of them hooked for a damn living. He could easily explain he had a nice flat because he’d gotten money from a dead old relative, or something, if they ever came to visit. 

Louis rubbed his tummy a little. He wondered if Harry would judge him. He hadn’t judged him about the cigarettes, Louis could tell. He was judging him a little about what food he ate, but that seemed to just be something very Harry-ish. Harry was a deeply weird kid, Louis had decided. He loved to go off on bizarre topics that seemed only to be of interest to a suburban thirty-year-old mother, dressed very strange, and had decided somewhere along the line that Louis’ lack of superfruits and kale was worse than smoking.

He was a very beautiful boy, too. Louis hated that he was attracted to Harry, because he was never into younger guys, and for goodness sake, they were both pregnant. 

But here Louis was, wanking alone at half past five on a Tuesday. And now that the wank was done, all he wanted was a nap. Pathetic. Harry was probably busy cooking vegetarian coconut-chia kebabs or something. He bet they were gluten-free. The night wasn’t getting any younger, Louis finally decided, and dialed Harry’s number. 

“Hello, Louis?” Harry’s voice was muffled from eating something.

“Harold. Did I catch you at supper?”

“No, just eating a banana. What’s going on?”

“I was just thinking, I’d like to cash in on that pregnant meal that we talked about. If you’re not busy.”

“I think you suggested that, Louis.” Louis could almost see Harry’s silly grinning face behind phone.

“Did I? I can’t remember.”

“We’re making supper right now, if you want to come over. We’re having mushroom quinoa risotto.” Harry gave Louis his address. “You can meet my mom and stepdad.”

This felt overwhelmingly like a real family thing. It stressed Louis out a little, but now he was in too deep. “That sounds good, Harry. It might take me a bit, to get there, though.”

“We’ll wait.”

“Right, I’ll get on it.” Louis hung up and sat there for a minute, before getting up and looking for real trousers. He wanted to look at least semi-presentable. He had a date.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick and Sean misbehave.

“’Ow was it, then? Have any good larks?” Niall smiled. Sean had come back from camping and immediately texted Niall, which comforted him to some degree. Niall had been wanting McDonald’s, so he suggested they walk there and have a bite to eat, and catch up, which Sean had agreed to. It was getting a bit colder out, so Niall stuck his hands in his pockets as he shuffled along with Sean. 

“Was a bit cold for doin’ anything too stupid, but we ‘ad a good time. We stole all Darragh’s pants and hid them. Tom was in a bit of a strop because ‘e wanted t’ bring ‘is girlfriend, but was just a sort of a lad’s thing, right?”

A suspicious comment, Niall thought. He knew he was no longer one of the lads because he was pregnant, but he had a glimmer of hope that maybe Sean considered him a bit like the rest of the lad’s girlfriends. Probably the former rather than the latter, but Niall clung to his hope a bit. 

“Wanker can hold off for a few days.”

Sean laughed. “I know, we couldn’t believe it.”

“’Ow is everyone?”

“Alright. Pretty much the same.” 

Niall tried very hard to articulate his thoughts. “Don’t really talk to them much. I tink I’ve scared ‘em off a bit.” He tried to laugh off his comment, but Sean did look a little distressed. 

“Nahhh, not like that, no. Should just text them.”

“Maybe.”

Sean didn’t say anything for a long minute. Niall was about to try and repent his comment when he finally spoke. “Yer ultrasound. It go okay?”

“Ummm, yeah.” This was better. Niall took out his phone and pulled up the photo he took of the photo of the baby that he had sent to his mother. “There it is.”

Sean took Niall’s phone and stared carefully at the picture for a minute. Niall tried hard to watch his face. It remained very emotionless, even a bit stony, until he finally smiled and handed the phone back. “Sick.”

Well. Niall supposed “sick” was better than nothing. He wanted to talk more about it but treaded very gently. “I stick out a bit now.”

“Mmhmm?” Niall could almost see Sean’s eyes glaze over. 

“Yeh. Suppose McDonald’s will help that some more.” Niall shut up about the baby. “Did you see the match?”

Sean’s eyes lit back up and he started to yap on about it. Niall answered back, and they got into the swing of a normal conversation, but Niall felt awful about it. Sean didn’t want to hear about the baby at all, no matter how much Niall tried to disassociate Sean from it. Niall felt bitter and sour and no longer cared about getting McDonald’s.

“My mate Louis said Hughes will be out all week.”

“Louis?” 

“I’ve got mates like me in the class I go to. Just lads who I can talk to about wot’s goin’ on, all goin’ through this, y’know?” Niall knew he was being passive-aggressive, and that Sean could tell, but he didn’t care. 

“Oh. I’m glad you’ve got some new mates.” Sean looked hurt that Niall had new friends he’d never mentioned, which made Niall furious. He went in between wanting to be around Niall to not, and then back again, constantly, and went from not inviting Niall anywhere to being hurt when Niall got new friends to compensate. Fucking fantastic. 

“Dey’re great. Spend all me time with ‘em. Wot I do these days, being a pariah amongst you lot.”

“Niall...”

“Yer acting hurt. Like I did somethin’ t’ ya. Stop being a pussy.” They arrived at the McDonald’s, and Niall marched ahead and got into line before Sean. They ordered and sat down, both staring at their lunch a bit vacantly. 

Sean finally spoke. “Sorry, Ni. I just...I don’t...don’t know how t’ act these days.”

“Can see that.” Niall dipped a chip into some ketchup and ate it, not looking at Sean.

“Don’t even know what t’ think, when ‘ya actually have the baby.” Sean said it mournfully, like he was truly confused about his life and their relationship, but that was enough. Niall opened up his cup full of Coke and flung it on Sean and got up. He was seeing red all around the edges of his eyes and had to get out of there and away from Sean right that minute. He marched off, then came back and grabbed his Big Mac, and stalked away again. Not good for his dignity, but he was hungry. 

~

“Listen, I haven’t got a partner, I know this week said to bring someone but I haven’t got anyone.”

“It could be anyone. Doesn’t have to be your partner.” Deb crossed her arms.

“I just said. I don’t have anyone to bring.” Louis was angry. He had almost avoided going to class today because of this, but he came anyway and hoped he could do it. They were doing Lamaze thingies for early labour, and you needed someone to be a pretend birth coach to do all the activities with you. Harry had brought his sister, which Louis thought was a little cute, and Zayn was with Liam. Zayn wasn’t himself, Louis had already noted this morning, when he came into class. Zayn barely spoke as it was, but he didn’t really speak at all and kept putting his face in Liam’s chest. He’d ask what was up later. Niall wasn’t even there. 

“It’s okay, I can be your partner if you want.”

Louis stared in horror. He couldn’t be that person. This was like primary school, where the one little kid doesn’t have a partner. Everyone stares at that kid. 

Almost perfectly on time, Niall came into the room. His normal quiff was flat and messy, and he was in sweatpants and a baseball tee that showed off his little round stomach. He looked tired and very cranky, and the instant he saw all these extra people in the room, he spun around comically in a full 360 degrees. 

“Shit, I forgot.”

Louis came over to Niall. “We’ll just be partners, I didn’t bring anyone either. We’ll take turns.”

Niall ran a hand through his hair and nodded. It stayed stuck up when Niall did that, and Louis noticed rather critically that he didn’t think Niall had had a shower this morning. He hoped Niall had at least brushed his teeth and put on deodorant. He had, to Louis’ great relief, as he settled against Niall on the yoga mat laid out for them on the floor. 

“Oversleep, love?”

Niall’s voice was gruff and thick. “Yeh, I did.”

Deb began to talk the class through a few comfort exercises for when first labour pains began. Louis was presently the one pretending to be in labour, with Niall pretending to be his coach. Niall did what he was told, and he had big hands that felt good against Louis’ back, but he could tell his heart wasn’t into it.

“Did you want to switch, Nialler?”

“Sure, yeh.” Niall swapped places with Louis and rested against him. “Just really tired this morning. Why didn’t ‘ya bring anyone?”

Louis liked them all enough by now to be honest. At least, a little more honest. “I’m a solitary kinda person, Niall. And I’m estranged from my family so no good there.”

“That blows. Next few weeks are going to be like this, suppose. Want t’ just buddy up, then? Me dad said he’d come but it is kind of strange. Me mum is coming in soon, I think in a week so she said she’d come then. Doesn’t ‘ave to though, if yer never goin’ to ‘ave anyone.”

“What happened to your sister-in-law? She never came back.”

“They came down when I told them, me brother’s family. They’re back in Ireland now.” Niall rubbed his forehead. 

“Don’t think anyone is in a good mood today, Nialler. I’m not, you’re clearly not, Zayn sure as hell looks like he’s not. Maybe Harry is, I can’t tell with that human sunbeam. Think we need some retail therapy.” 

“Never much of a shopper. Like me shoes.” 

“And hats.” 

“Wot?”

“You love your stupid ballcaps.”

“S’pose I do.”

“We’re going shopping.”

A middle-aged woman turned and scowled at them. They did like to talk in class. A lot of people often told the three of them to shush. Nobody ever told Zayn to. Louis turned and make a mock apologetic face at her. He let Niall be the one in labour the whole time because Niall seemed lethargic and didn’t want to be a comforting person, even if it was pretend comfort. He was usually pretty cheerful, as a rule, so it didn’t make much sense what was going on. Class ended, and the four of them convened, with Liam and Harry’s sister in tow.

“Harold, we’re going shopping, now. You’re not busy.”

“Gem’s in town.” 

“That’s super nice, we’re still going shopping.”

“Can Gemma come? Gem, do you want to come? Right, this is Niall, Zayn and Liam, and Louis.”

“This is the one you had for dinner, right?” Gemma nudged Harry gently with a bit of a sisterly look. Louis hoped they had been talking about him in a good way. By the shade of red Harry’s cheeks went, and the way he hissed “Gem,” they had been.

“I’d love to come.”

“Zayn, did you want me to come?” Liam rubbed gently at a tiny spot on Zayn’s neck. 

“It’s okay, I’ll text you when I’m coming home. Kinda like a thing, to go out after class, right?” Zayn gave Liam a kiss. “Love you.”

That was new, coming from them, Louis thought. Well, even though Zayn was still glum, at least they seemed happy relationship-wise. 

“Are you living with each other?” Harry asked inquired as he pulled his jacket on. 

“Yeah, it’s a new situation. Not sure how I feel about it.”

“Tell us about it while we’re shopping.” Louis guided everyone out the door. 

~

There was really nowhere else to go but Topshop. Harry knew there were probably few big clothing shops they’d all agree to, but it wasn’t exactly his style. He didn’t know why they were looking for clothes here anyways, all of them were destined to grow too big for any of these clothes in a few months. Harry wanted to keep to his own selection of loose and gauzy button-ups when he was hot, and big sweatshirts when he was cold. Gemma liked this sort of clothing though, so at least she was enjoying herself. 

Louis was being very touchy with Niall, and Harry admitted to himself that he felt jealous. Louis was supposed to pay attention to him. It was pretty clear that Louis was especially fond of Harry, even maybe had a crush on him. Supper with him had been quite fun. Louis had the whole table in stitches, even his stepdad, who was okay but a bit stiff and religious. They’d even watched a bit of the telly altogether after, and Louis had gotten a bit cuddly. Maybe he was just a cuddly soul. It was sure nice, though. If Louis was in a very Niall mood today, though, then he’d spend time with Zayn and his sister. Zayn was mopey, could probably use the attention.

Gemma was trying to be very chatty with all of them. She did get what they were going through a bit. When she was younger, around Harry’s age, she’d actually gotten pregnant herself, and had chosen not to keep it. She’d only ever told Harry in their family. She felt Harry and the rest of these boys were pretty brave for going through with it, while Harry thought she was brave for doing what she needed to do for herself. 

“How long have you been with Liam, Zayn?” Gemma held up a crop top to herself. “Haz, is this gross?”

“Yes.”

“Ummmmm, I don’t know. I guess however many weeks I’ve been pregnant.” Zayn stopped in front of a mirror and stared at himself in profile. 

“You look fine, Zayn.” Harry impetuously gave Zayn a little kiss on the cheek. 

“You look better than all of us and you should be all sweaty and pregnant-y. Like Harry.” Gemma picked up another crop top. “How do you get your hair to do that?”

“Oh, ummm, I just sort of blow dry it up. Just happens.” Zayn smiled a bit. 

“What made you make the switch to living with Liam?”

“I told my mum.” Zayn said it quietly. “She didn’t take it so well so I’m just going to stay at Liam’s until it’s a bit more sorted. I’d want to be there anyway, right? When the baby comes? So we can be a family?” He said this part so hopefully that Harry’s heart broke. No, he didn’t have a boy to make a family with in that sense, but he had the people who raised him and loved him all around him. He couldn’t imagine not having people like his mum at his side. Boys come and go but people like your family are supposed to be there forever. He rubbed Zayn’s back a little in a comforting way, knowing nothing he really said could help. 

“Harry?”

Harry and Zayn both turned around. It was Nick. Oh, god. It was impossible to act like he hadn’t seen him, so he stayed planted and close to Zayn, knowing Nick was fast approaching.

“Who’s that?” Zayn whispered. 

“My ex. Just, I’ll get rid of him.”

“Harry. He’s old.”

“Not that old. I know, alright?”

Nick came over. “Why the hell haven’t you been answering any of my calls?”

Harry glowered. “I haven’t gotten any.”

“You have. Listen, we have to talk about this, Harry. You can’t just refuse to talk to me about this.”

Louis, Niall, and Gemma had all congregated at this point. A whole little audience for this, how perfect.

“You don’t have to worry, alright, Nick? Just, not your concern, please.” Harry lowered his voice. “Not here, please. We can meet up for like, a bite to eat or something.”

“It’s too late for that, Harry! You could have just talked to me, but you fucked up!” Nick was going red in the face. Harry had never seen him angry like this. 

“Nick, please! You know this wouldn’t work! I don’t want to bear this kid right into a custody battle!”

“Harold, who the hell is this?” Louis looked like he was starting to smoke around the edges too.

“Don’t worry about it, Louis, please.”

“No, this is Nick, isn’t it? Listen, mate, you fucked up by never treating him right. You fucked up by taking advantage of him when he was so young and inexperienced. And you’re officially a huge fucking fuck up if you think you would be able to handle taking care of a baby by yourself every other bloody weekend when you’re almost thirty and think you’ll still make it in radio!”

The entire group looked shocked. Harry may have told Louis some things about Nick while they were having their small cuddle on the couch. Nick looked livid and approached Louis, who was glaring up at him. Louis was much, much shorter and tinier, but he looked ready to attack Nick regardless. Nick looked like he was about to do something, until Gemma stepped between the two of them.

“Get the hell out of here. If you ever go near my brother again, I will kill you.” Gemma didn’t mean it, Harry was sure. Well, he wasn’t quite so sure, but he hoped. Nick was beat and he knew it, and stalked off. Harry let out a shudder and pressed his face into Gemma’s shoulder. 

~

“Zayn, your phone is going off.” Liam took a box into the bedroom and started to unpack it. Unpacking had been a process, but they were nearly done. 

“Hello?”

“Zayn?”

“Wali?” It was Waliyha, Zayn’s little sister. She was in high school and going through a bit of a lippy and rebellious phase. Zayn remembered his own and didn’t begrudge her it, but it made it difficult for him to talk to her sometimes. 

She stayed quiet for a minute. “Zayn?”

“Yeah, what is it?

“Um, Saf misses you a lot. She doesn’t know what’s going on, exactly. She was too nervous to call by herself. I dunno...” Waliyha petered off. 

Zayn gripped his phone tighter. “Does she? You want to put her on the line?”

“Um, maybe after. Where are you right now?”

“I’m, um, at Liam’s. I’m okay. Don’t need to worry about me.”

Another long pause. “Zayn, are you really pregnant, then? Like pregnant pregnant?”

“What other sort of pregnant is there? I am.”

“Saf doesn’t get it.”

“There’s going to be a baby. That’s the end of it.”

“Zayn?”

“Yeah?”

“We miss you. I don’t know about Doni, honest. She barely comes out of her room from studying. But I do and Saf does.”

“Do...do you really?” Zayn felt his heart swell a little. “Would...would you want to meet Liam? Would you want to get involved with this at all? I understand if you’re afraid mum or dad will freak out.”

“I think we can maybe figure it out.”

“Is Saf around? Let me talk to her.”

“Yeah, she’s here.”

“I love you, Wali. I love you so much. I love mum and dad and Doni too. I wish you could tell them that.”

“Love you too Zayn. Saf, take the phone.” Waliyha handed the phone off to her little sister. 

Zayn loved talking to Safaa. She had always looked up to Zayn and thought he was the absolute best older brother in the whole world. They chatted about silly things, mostly how her school was going and what fad she and all her friends were into these days, but they talked a bit about the baby. She seemed to take very well that Zayn was with a boy and having a baby, and was even excited. Eventually Waliyha anxiously took the phone and said mum was coming and they had to go, and hung up abruptly.

“Was that your sister?” Liam had been lurking behind.

“Yeah, it was Wali. And Saf.” Zayn smiled at Liam. 

“And?”

“They wanna meet you.” Zayn broke out into a grin. He never found himself smiling quite like that anymore, but he didn’t remember when he felt quite this happy.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis comes across a problem and Zayn doesn't like his pregnant body.

Had to be a little more than that in his bank account. Louis was sure of it. He’d have to call the bank to check his account properly. He hadn’t spent too much, just all the usuals like rent and internet and cable. And a few other things and eating out, but that was all normal. The bank put him on hold for a bit, and he had to go through a whole rigmarole of tapping in a series of different numbers to finally reach a real person. 

“Hello, I’m Jenny, how can I help you today?”

“Hi, my name is Louis Tomlinson,” Louis got his bank card out. “I need to check my account, get a rundown of the purchases on it.”

Jenny cheerily proceeded to ask him a series of questions to verify their identity. All usual stuff. Once that was cleared, she agreed to read off the list of purchases he’d made. Rent for a couple months, check. Takeout, takeout, takeout, and more takeout, check. Cable, internet, and mobile bill, check. Some things he’d bought from Mothercare for the baby, check. Some clothes, also a check. It all seemed okay. 

“Is there anything you’d like going over, again, Mr. Tomlinson?” 

“How much is my rent?”

This nice call centre lady seemed confused by this question. “About five hundred and eighty pounds a week, it seems. Is that all you meant?”

Louis felt his life to a grinding halt in that moment. “Five hundred and eighty pounds?”

“Is that right?”

“Per week?”

“That’s what it says.”

Shit. Shit fucking shit. Louis had set it up as a direct deposit to his landlord every week. He didn’t pay attention. He’d never had to. Money was literally always on hand. How could he be so stupid? It had been nearly four months since he’d worked. How much money was that? Ten thousand pounds? Not to mention all the other expenses. Louis scrambled for the remote and switched off the telly, as if that would help. “I think that’s everything. Thank you for your help.” 

Louis hung up the phone and looked around. Everything was guilt-inducing. The Alexander McQueens sitting in his closet, less than two months old. The fridge full of takeout from his favourite restaurants. The bloody expensive baby cot sitting packed up in its box in the dining room. Well, that couldn’t go, that was for the baby. But everything else...

Louis resolved things would be different. No more telly. No more eating out like he did. No more buying clothing. That had to stretch out the rest of his money. At least for a little bit. He could figure something out, he just needed a bit more time. 

~

“Do you lads reckon it’s a good idea? We could have it at my house.” Harry relaxed against his mother as he practiced some stretching exercises. He wished his stomach was a little rounder. Louis had such a nice round tummy already, and Niall’s was quite podgy. Zayn still barely looked pregnant, but that was Zayn, he supposed. Harry felt so lanky and ugly next to them. He didn’t have much stomach, and what he did have stuck out like he’d eaten too much, with fat settling along his hips instead of his tummy.

“You should really ask me things before you say you can have everything at the house.” Anne ruffled Harry’s hair playfully. “It should be okay, I don’t think anyone is dropping by anytime soon. I need to check with your stepdad though.”

Harry had thought it an excellent idea, and everyone seemed to be nodding their heads in agreement. He’d never had a sleepover party in his life, and it was something he’d like to fulfill, rather. 

Niall was playing coach for Louis’ stretching exercises at the moment. “We could ‘ave it at mine, no problem. Me room isn’t the biggest in the world, but I have the FIFA game and we ‘ave a little mancave basement, me and dad. It’s not bad. And I know me dad would ‘ave no problem with it, none at all.”

There was something a bit different about Niall these days. He checked his phone a lot less, Harry noticed, and he could go from quite cheery, cheerier than usual, to oddly moody and sulky at the drop of a hat. It was probably just hormones. Harry noticed himself flying off the handle at dumb things, and guessed the rest did. He was in a good mood right now, though. If Niall’s house was easier, it was a good back up. 

He was a little worried about Louis, though. He used to text the group almost obsessively, asking them all out to do a million things throughout the week, but he hadn’t much in the last week. He looked a bit peaky today, as it was. He squirmed out of his mother’s clutches and went over to Louis and Niall to check on them. 

“You alright, Lou?” 

“I’m okay."

Niall scritched Louis’ hair a bit. “All ‘ave off-days.” 

“At least I bathe on my off-days, Niall.”

Well, he hadn’t lost his spark, at least.

“Louis,” Harry tried again. “We don’t have to talk about it here, but if there’s something wrong, we’re all here to listen.”

“Not here, then, Harold. I’m not minding my head massage from Nialler, here. It’s very relaxing.”

“This is relaxing, overall. I know it won’t feel like this when we’re all splayed out and in pain, but it’s nice right now.” Harry settled down beside them, and rubbed Louis’ wrist in slow motions. He seemed to relax a bit. Maybe he was a bit nauseous. Wearing Sea-Bands on his own wrists often helped Harry when he was feeling ill. He’d bring Louis one the next time they had class. 

“Uuugggghhh, don’t remind me, Harold.” Louis seemed far more at ease with the both of them paying attention to him. Harry would have to have Louis over again for another supper. He was even tempted to make something Louis liked, like chips, but he kind of knew he needed healthy things. 

“Harry, back over here, please. We aren’t done.” Anne beckoned at Harry, and he waved and went back to his mat. He’d have to try and bring Gemma next time. She was really chill and didn’t mind if he got up and fraternized in between classwork. As much as he liked class, there was no need to feel like he was in school again. 

~

“Mate.” Niall nodded as Zayn was dropped off at the door by Liam. Zayn was the first to arrive, which was utterly shocking for him. Liam probably had done it all, as he also handed over Zayn’s overnight bag. 

“Call me if you want to come home,” Liam said gently as if Zayn was a child on his first sleepover. Zayn nodded and gave Liam a kiss, then looked sheepishly at Niall. “I’ve been feeling quite sick recently.”

Niall could definitely relate to that. “’Ere, we’ll drop everything off in the basement and then I can show ‘ya around.”

Niall had won the battle with Harry on who would host the sleepover. It had been a tough decision and Harry had fought valiantly, but in the end, everyone realized it would probably be better to have it at Niall’s because of the lounge in the basement and the fact that Bobby wouldn’t feel the need to supervise. There would also only be unhealthy snacks. 

Niall took Zayn downstairs where he’d already set up a nest of pillows and blankets and a few foamies and air mattresses. 

“I’ve never had a sleepover, before. Except with my cousins but that doesn’t really help.” Zayn dropped his bag to the ground and rubbed his stomach. “What are we having to eat today?”

“Seriously? I’ve had loads. Usually when I was younger, when lots of mates came over, but I did ‘ave ‘em. All ‘ya do is play video games and shout, really.” Niall gestured over to the pile of snacks on the coffee table. “Mostly that, we can order pizzas or whatever. Harry’s probably bringing something shitty.”

“Mm. Where are Harry and Louis anyway?” Zayn sat and continued to rub his stomach. 

“I think Harry’s mum was picking up Louis, I don’t really know. Too far for ‘im to walk. ‘Course they’re comin’ together, though, eh? They seem t’ fit, personality wise, like two cogs.”

Zayn nodded. “Can’t imagine walking everywhere.”

“Me neither.” Niall paused. Zayn wasn’t stopping. “’Ya feelin’ alright, mate?”

“Just getting so puffy. I don’t know, it’s dumb.”

Zayn looked so worried. He was significantly less puffy than Louis or himself, Niall noted, but he felt bad nonetheless. He didn’t think Zayn had an eating disorder or anything (at least, he hoped not), but he could see how it would be hard to be so tiny and then suddenly get big. Niall liked having a decent body, but the thought of growing big didn’t really concern him. He’d always maintained he’d eat what he’d wanted. 

“Don’t worry, mate. Baby’ll pop out and you’ll go right back t’ normal. Yer that sort.” Niall tried to be comforting. 

“I hope.” Zayn scratched his scruff a bit. The doorbell went off a moment later. 

“That’ll be them. Let’s get it before me dad tries t’ answer th’ door.” Niall bounded up the stairs, forgetting that it now made him a little breathless. Zayn took his time following him, but they did get there before Bobby. 

It was Sean, rather than Harry and Louis. Chrissakes. 

“’Lo.” Niall didn’t really know what else to say. 

Sean looked a bit like he’d made a terrible mistake. “All good? Weren’t answering me calls or texts.”

“All good.”

Sean glanced into the doorway at Zayn hovering nearby. “Got company?”

“Yeh. More’s comin’.”

“Did...okay. Ummmmm...” Sean came a bit closer to Niall. “Wanted t’ apologize.”

He looked genuine. He looked like a puppy that had been kicked, really. Niall threw him a bone. “Tomorrow, alright? Give me a text.”

Sean looked relieved. “Okay, tomorrow.” 

Niall could see Harry’s mum’s car pull up near the front of the house and Harry and Louis get out, with Harry stopping to give his mother a kiss goodbye. He waved at them a bit. 

Sean turned and noticed them. “Better, go, then. ‘Ave a good night, right?”

“Night, Sean.” Niall still felt bitter as hell, but he supposed Sean was trying. Well, possibly. He’d wait to see what Sean had to say tomorrow. 

Louis snorted a tiny bit up the walk when they passed Sean on his way down the path. “What on earth did we just miss? Zayn, what just happened?”

“Just met Niall’s boy.” Zayn looks amused, which was annoying. Louis looked amused as well, and Harry looked a little concerned. 

“Wasn’t anything. Not me boy either.” Niall helped take a bag from Louis and led them downstairs. 

“Oh, goody, snacks.” Louis marched over and opened a bag of crisps. Harry set down his bag and took out snacks for himself, which appeared to be dried fruit and nuts, and a bag of something dry and crispy and green and horrible looking.

“God, Harreh, what the fuck is that?” Niall wrinkled his nose. 

“Kale crisps. They’re Thai peanut flavour, they’re quite good.”

“Not a crisp.” Louis nodded, mouth full of real crisp, and Zayn also nodded. 

“Good, I didn’t want to share.”

The rest of the evening was spent fairly peacefully, with them mostly eating and talking, except Zayn, who did very little of either, although that surprised no one. They played X-Box for awhile, but honestly, it made Louis too hyper and loud and every grew tired of it a lot faster than he did. It was a comforting way to spend the evening, and everyone grew a little cuddly with each other as they chatted and waited for their pizzas. The conversation even seemed a bit like a real stereotypical sleepover, as they mostly talked about boys. It was a bit strange for Niall, who never behaved like this with his friends, but somehow, it was okay. He would never want to act like this in front of his mates, but this was just how these new mates were. 

“Lads!” Bobby called down the stairs. 

Louis jerked his head up from its position on Harry’s legs. “Food is here.”

Bobby sent the boxes sliding down the stairs, which was simultaneously one of the funniest and stupidest things Niall had ever seen his father do. Niall got up and retrieved the pizzas, which were definitely destroyed and all shoved on the end of each box. Oh well. They’d still taste good. 

Niall and Louis each took a box and ate pizza wads, and even Harry took a wad or two. Zayn didn’t take anything, which made Niall worry a bit more. 

“Aren’t having any, Zaynie boy? We have a cheese one.” Louis gestured to the pizza. 

“Not really hungry. My tummy’s been funny recently.” 

“Should have a little something, haven’t had a proper dinner.” Niall knew Harry meant well, but that made Zayn look very stressed. He took a messy wad and had one, looking distressed. Niall crawled over the pizza boxes and pillows and sat next to Zayn and slipped an arm around him. He wouldn’t tell Harry and Louis what Zayn had told him.

~

“How was it, then?” Liam stuffed a bite of sandwich into his mouth. 

“It was fun.” Zayn drew a flower on the condensation on the window in the kitchen. It was fun, it really was. He was just feeling mopey. He’d been mopey for some time now, but didn’t know how to articulate why he felt so shitty. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, it was. I’ve just been feeling grumpy. Think that's normal in my state.” Zayn summoned a small laugh.

Liam nodded sympathetically. “I’m sorry.”

“Just, feel ugly and yucky. I know things are a bit better, we’re seeing my sisters in a few days, but I’m just ugly. I know you’re supposed to get all big and fat and whatever while you’re pregnant but it looks bad on me. Feel like everyone is judging me and I’m not pretty enough for you and it just feels like back when I was always judged and made fun of in school.” Zayn was always amazed at how easily he could talk around Liam. 

Liam blinked. “Christ, Zayn. I didn’t know.” He put his sandwich down and came over and wrapped his arms around Zayn. It felt so warm and comforting and Zayn felt himself relax. 

“You’re not ugly, not a bit, Zayn. Not to me, not to anyone.” He gave Zayn a kiss. “I know what it feels like to feel shitty and insecure, I do. I’ve done everything I can since college to try and make myself look my best, because I was made fun of too. I do get it. But please, you are beautiful.”

Liam kept kissing Zayn, running his hands down Zayn’s sides. God, it felt nice. He’d not been in the mood for doing anything with Liam this past little while, half quite genuinely from hormones and half because he felt ugly. He didn’t feel so ugly now though, and let Liam touch him all over. 

“Liam?” 

Liam stopped kissing down Zayn’s jaw and neck. “Mmhmm?”

“I want you to fuck me.”

Liam was taken aback at Zayn’s forwardness but nodded. “I’d like that, Zayn. Like that very much.” 

“Right now.” Zayn led Liam to the bedroom and went back to kissing him, pulling Liam’s shirt over his head. Liam was so fit, it kind of blew Zayn away every time he saw him. 

“I won’t bump the baby and hurt it, will I?” Liam undressed the rest of the way, giving his cock a few tugs to start hardening himself up. 

“Don’t think so, Liam.” Zayn took off his shirt, taking a deep breath about letting himself be seen with his stomach. Liam gave him moony eyes and leaned down and gave the baby bump a kiss, which was rather sweet, Zayn thought. He let Liam strip him down, then lay down on the bed, jerking himself a little. 

“I can do better than that.” Liam settled between Zayn’s legs and gave him a long suck, which made Zayn buck his hips up a bit abruptly. Liam had such nice, soft lips, shit. Zayn felt himself grow as hard as he probably could go. 

“Leeeeyum, fuck. Feels so good.”

Liam was too focused on his task to answer, but he gave Zayn’s outer thigh a loving rub. 

“Leeyum, want ‘ya, please.” Zayn usually tried to keep his accent in check, but it was spilling out of him now. 

Liam pulled off Zayn and retrieved their bottle of lube. “Open up a little wider, love.”

Zayn obliged and grabbed the pillow off Liam’s side and put it underneath himself, rubbing a little at his hole already. It hadn’t been touched for so long and now Zayn couldn’t imagine why he hadn’t let Liam, why he hadn’t even really let himself. Zayn felt his hand being removed and he made a whine of disapproval, but that soon changed when Liam pushed a slippery finger inside him gently.

Zayn pushed back on it. Yes, that was it. Fuck, why were his fingers so big? Well, everything about him was big, really. Zayn was too breathless to talk, but gave Liam’s head a little pet to let him know to put in another. Liam did so, and then another, getting Zayn well-stretched. Good, he needed it, Zayn thought to himself as he watched Liam slick lube all over his cock. What a sight that was. It was like Liam was some Greek statue or something. Well, with a bit of a Mr. Potato Head face, but Zayn didn’t mind a bit. His perfect Mr. Potato Head. 

“Are you ready, Zayn?” Liam tucked a piece of Zayn’s hair behind his ear. Zayn nodded, and Liam lined himself up with Zayn and pushed in. 

Zayn had forgotten how big Liam was and let out a little yelp. Liam didn’t go any farther and waited to see if Zayn was alright. 

“All good, Li. Go ahead.” 

Liam rubbed a little more lube in around Zayn’s hole and started again, going a bit easier. Zayn touched himself a bit until Liam took over for him, which was a nice gesture. He moved his hands over to Liam’s chest and rubbed it, drawing patterns with his fingers over him and stroking his nipples. 

“Can go faster, Leeyum.” Zayn pushed a bit harder against Liam, trying to take as much of him as possible. It was easier now that he was opened up. Liam picked up the pace, which brought Zayn close to the edge. Not quite, but close. He’d come any time if Liam kept pumping his dick mercilessly like he was. 

Abruptly, Liam hit Zayn’s prostate. Zayn jerked. 

“FUCK, Leeyum. There, there there there.” He was babbling. Liam froze himself in position and started to pound there. Two seconds later, Zayn felt himself coming all over himself with no warning. He was moaning and fussing and overall just generally making a noise, and Liam pulled out of him slowly, leaning down and giving him a few kisses on his cheeks and forehead.

“You good there?”

“Good, great, fuck Liam. Keep goin’, you’re not done.” 

“It’s okay, you’re too sensitive.” To prove his point, Liam pushed his pointer finger gently into Zayn a little bit, which made Zayn jerk again. “I can finish up here.”

Zayn took a few deep breaths and sat up a little bit to watch Liam finish wanking off. It was really a beautiful sight, especially when Liam’s face scrunched up a bit as he reached his own peak. 

“Come lay down, Liam.”

Liam was panting a bit. “I’ll go get a flannel to clean us up.”

“S’okay, Liam. Don’t mind.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mmhmm."

Liam obediently laid down and snuggled Zayn. 

“Don’t know what I ever did to deserve you, Liam.” Zayn tucked his head into Liam’s shoulder, feeling sleepy even though it was the middle of the afternoon. 

Liam laughed a tiny bit. “I think the same thing about you every day. Rest, sleepyhead.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody gets their second trimester ultrasound.

Sean nudged Niall gently on the lower half of his stomach, which made Niall reach over and whack him hard in return. He had to take a leak so bad, and Sean knew it, although he was just playing about. 

“’Ya want me t’ piss all over ‘ya? I will.”

“Into some nasty shit, Horan.” 

“Feck off.”

“Boys,” Maura interrupted the two of them. “Mums and kids around everywhere. Settle yer arses down.”

Niall bit his lip a bit to keep from laughing, kicking Sean’s foot beside him to make him kick back. It was very boring waiting for his second ultrasound, and having to go was really getting to him. Mucking about was the only thing he could do to take his focus off rushing to the bathroom. 

He was glad his mother had come down from Mullingar to be there for the momentous occasion of trying to see what the sex of his child was, but it felt even better to have Sean there. He’d given Niall not a bad apology, mostly saying he didn’t want things to be wrong or weird. It wasn’t the most fantastic apology Niall had ever heard, but it would have to do. In the spirit of Sean saying he didn’t want things to be weird, Niall had said that Sean would have to accept the baby was going to come regardless and invited him to his second ultrasound, as just a friend. He knew it was a little manipulative to phrase it like that, but hey, Sean had been a shithead. He’d been okay for the past couple weeks leading up to it, texting and hanging out with Niall a little bit more, although it wasn’t outrageous. Niall didn’t expect him to, he knew things were still weak between him, but at least it was a shot. 

Bobby shifted, avoiding the gaze of his ex-wife even though they’d been broken up for practically fifteen years. “Hope they call ‘ya in soon. Gettin’ me antsy.”

“Yer tellin’ me.”

“Niall?” The receptionist looked up from her computer. “If you want to go head into room two, on the left there.” 

Niall leapt up and rushed into the examination room. There was no gown laid out for him, so he assumed he didn’t need it this time, which was nice. That would have been a little embarrassing in front of his guests, except his father who already knew the drill. The rest followed and settled themselves in whatever chairs they could find. 

Dr. Wagner was fast, which was a relief. 

“How are we doing, Niall?” 

Niall tried to keep it short. This was one of those damn loaded doctor questions, where they want you to tell them all about every little change with yourself. There was no time for chit chat at this point, just holding it and seeing the baby. 

Dr. Wagner nodded and marked a few things down, then turned towards Niall’s guests. “Good to see you again, Bobby. And...?”

“Me mum and a mate of mine, Sean.” Niall chose his words carefully to put Sean at ease. Even calling Sean his best mate seemed a bit off and suspicious, so he kept it simple and empty of any feeling toward him. His mother looked a little critical of his statement, and Niall knew she didn’t like what was going on between the two of them. She had thought better of Sean, he supposed, but she at least hadn’t said anything. 

Dr. Wagner shook their hands then began setting up. “If you just want to take your jumper off and lift your shirt up, Niall, that would be great. Lower your bottoms just a bit. Perfect.”

She squeezed a wad of the blue goop Niall had seen in movies onto his stomach. “Are you hoping for a particular sex, Niall?”

“Not particularly.” Niall glanced over at his parents and Sean to gauge a reaction. There wasn’t much of one. He guessed his father probably wanted a boy and his mother probably a girl, although they’d love whatever came out. 

The actual exam was much like the first one, except it was less socially uncomfortable and more physically so, which seemed strange to Niall. As much as he didn’t like having an ultrasound wand up his ass, at least he hadn’t felt like he had to explode. The ultrasound got a bit weirdly warm on his stomach too. Everyone stayed pretty quiet, except for the doctor, who nattered away about this and that. The black swirly screen did certainly look like there was something baby-like on it now. 

“Does anyone have any questions?” Dr. Wagner seemed surprised by their silence. For a loud family like his own, Niall was surprised too, but he knew he personally liked it. Didn’t need to talk through this, it was special all on its own. 

“Right, so I think I can definitely see the baby’s sex, Niall.” She smiled, and everyone looked a little on edge, even Sean. “It’d be best to come back in another two weeks just to confirm, but if you look right here, those are where baby’s genitals are. And you can see there’s no visible protrusions. I’d say we’re looking at a little girl here.”

A little girl. Niall felt light. He didn’t have a lot of experience with little girls but they just seemed so nice, easier than any little boy. He knew how difficult he and Greg had been. A girl was perfect. 

Niall glanced over at his guests and grinned widely. Bobby and Maura were both mopping their eyes, as expected, with Bobby even patting Maura’s hand gently. Sean was sitting and watching the screen carefully, chin resting in both his hands. His face was hard to read, but Niall gave it a shot. He looked calm, even a bit peaceful. His lips were turned up a bit, a little edge of a smile. When he caught Niall’s eye, he made a cross-eyed face with his tongue out. 

Niall knew he loved Sean. He’d known for a long time, even though it was fucked up and weird and Niall was certain he wasn’t attracted to lads. Watching him now, though, made it all so clear. And maybe now, it was worth a shot. 

~

“Harry?” 

Harry got up with his mother, feeling queasy. This was simply not his day at all. 

It had started out as a few good weeks. Harry didn’t feel anything off, he was enjoying the pregnancy program, and work had been extra fun. The ladies he baked with all were very excited about the baby and kept feeding him treats here and there to bulk him up. 

Then he’d finally told his father he was pregnant. His mum had said there wasn’t any real point to it until Harry was ready, considering they barely talked to begin with. He’d been furious and disgusted, though, which had been harder to take than Harry expected. He’d hung up on Harry and told him he was horrible. Harry didn’t want to cry, and didn’t want to feel hurt, but somehow he still did. It’s not that having a father figure was terribly important to him. Robin was not his father and an okay bloke, Harry supposed, and his real dad hadn’t been around in ages, but it still stung horrifically to hear someone who should love him talk like that. 

Then he’d gone for an ultrasound and a bit of bloodwork with his mother. His obstetrician was quite sure it was a girl, which was exciting, but the bloodwork had been off. Terrifying for any parent-to-be to hear, so he was immediately scheduled to have an amniocentesis test, to rule out any genetic conditions. It didn’t feel right, almost. He’d worked so hard at being pregnant just right. It wasn't fair if his baby was in danger. 

The test was a bit terrifying on its own. They’d have to go right into his stomach to get what they needed to test, and even though he was told it felt just like a little pinch, that didn’t stop it from being scary. 

Anne rubbed Harry’s arm a bit as they walked to the examination room, then his neck after he was changed. He didn’t like feeling so mopey or fragile, even in front of his mother. He prided himself on being able to buck up. 

The technician smiled and introduced herself to Harry. 

“I know a lot of people have apprehensions about the test and the effects it may have on your baby, but as I’m sure your obstetrician told you, I have an excellent record. Most people don’t feel much of anything.” 

“I know.” Harry felt tears well up in his eyes traitorously. “Still frightened of it.”

“Most women cover their eyes. It won’t feel like much.” His technician looked sympathetic and handed Harry a tissue to mop up his face. “It can be very nerve-wracking.”

“Better get on with it.” Harry wiped up his face and tried to put on a stiff upper lip. “I’m sure you have a busy schedule.”

“We put the comfort of our patients first, no worries there.” She prepared the ultrasound machine to find a spot that would be ideal to drain some fluid from that was safe and far away from the baby. This was the easy part, and Harry found himself closing his eyes and letting some of the tension roll off his muscles. Usually he liked watching the screen and learning everything, but not today. No point.

“Okay, Harry, we’re going to get you ready for the procedure, okay? It will be very fast.” She gently wiped down Harry’s stomach with alcohol. “Just a few minutes. Hold your mum’s hand and close your eyes.”

Harry obediently did so. He could feel it. The woman was a damn liar. He felt crampy and made a fussy noise. 

“Doing alright, Harry?”

Harry let out another noise. 

“All over soon, banana.” Anne kissed the hand she was holding. 

“All done right now.” The technician withdrew her dreadful instrument of torture and put a plaster over the area. “We’ve got a write up about what not to do for the next few days, but nothing strenuous. Just have a good rest at home today. Take it easy sitting up, that’s a good lad.”

Harry nodded and wiped his eyes again. At least this bit was done. Now he just had to wait for the results. That was the worst bit of all. 

~

“Still going alright, Zayn? We should be there in the next half an hour.” Liam glanced in his rearview mirror and changed lanes for an incoming truck. 

“I’m going alright.” He did feel a bit queasy, but it was mostly because of stress and apprehension. He knew it would probably be alright. Liam had promised his parents were being supportive. They wanted to meet him. There was something about that that made Zayn feel like he had to live up to their expectations, whatever they were. 

“I’m so excited to see my dog, honestly.” Liam really did look excited. He’d shown Zayn a million and one pictures of the dog before, named Loki. 

“Never had pets.” Zayn shifted and reached into the bag of crisps beside him. He’d been trying to eat more, he really had. 

“We weren’t much of a pet family either, before Lokes. But we all love him to bits.”

“Know you do.” Zayn patted Liam’s knee. 

“Nicola is going to be here for probably a couple days, Ruth may come. I don’t really know. But you’ll get to meet them too. They’re both fine. Excited to be aunts.”

“Should be excited to see the photos, then.” They’d been to the doctor’s to get an ultrasound down the week before, and had some really good photos of the baby printed out. Zayn had given a sneaky one to Waliyha and one to Perrie, and the rest they were saving to give to Liam’s parents and keep for themselves. 

“They really want to know what it’s going to be.”

“They’ll have to wait. Don’t wanna know.” Zayn really didn’t. It took away the fun, somehow. He also didn’t want to know because he didn’t care what his child wore. He’d put the baby in sleepers of whatever colour he felt like. 

“Mum wants to start getting stuff.”

“She can if she wants.” Zayn knew Liam was itching to know too, but he’d promised not to call and ask the obstetrician. 

Liam sighed and laughed a bit. “I’ll tell her.”

Wolverhampton came into view, shortly after, and Zayn decided it really didn’t look much more different than any other town in England. Zayn always had a bit of a hope things would change, and he’d show up at some little town and be blown away with the beauty of it, but that never happened. 

Liam's family's house looked to be the sort of house that rich people lived in, but people who were not overly rich. Large with a clipped and perfect yard, but a little plain looking. He could hear the dog barking already as he stepped out of the car with Liam’s help. God, that would be annoying for the neighbours if he was always like that. 

Liam noticed Zayn’s face at the barking. “He’s in the window, look. He just spotted me and is really excited.”

There he was. He looked a bit like a very small husky dog. Photos of the dog hadn’t really put it into perspective for Zayn. He thought he was bigger for some reason.

Liam’s mum opened the door after that, and waved as Liam led Zayn up the pathway to the house with their bags. She looked plain and safe, a bit matronly. A lot older than his own mother, Zayn reckoned. She gave Liam a hug and a big kiss on the cheek, then came around and gave Zayn a hug. It was comforting to have a mother figure hug him, but he still felt himself stiffen from the contact with a new person. 

“Have a good ride up?”

“Smooth sailing.” Liam put their bags on the floor and immediately began to scruffle Loki’s fur. He apparently really missed that dog. 

“So, mum, this is Zayn.”

“Lovely to meet you, love. Liam never stops talking about you.” Her eyes wandered to Zayn’s stomach. It was getting bigger, but it still wasn’t much of a bump compared to all the others he'd Googled. 

“You can go ahead and touch it.” Zayn tried carefully. “I don’t think you’ll feel anything yet but you can give it a try. We, ummm, we um, we brought you something.” Zayn fished out the photos from the appointment. 

Karen gently put her flat palm on Zayn’s stomach, but then got sidetracked by the photos. “Oh, look at that.” She took them and put her hand to her mouth. 

“Everything looks healthy so far,” Liam said in the background, Loki now in his arms. 

“First grandkid. Wow.” Karen kept staring at the photo as she led Zayn down to the kitchen table. “Did you want a cup of tea, love?”

“Okay.” Zayn felt at a loss of what to say. It was a nice house, but nearly devoid of any photos or art to comment on, which was his safest option usually. Liam was yapping away to his mother, about the dog, his father’s work, the baby, everything. 

Zayn wanted to say something, he really did. Words were sticking in his throat and he was itching to check his phone just for something to do, although that seemed rude to do so at present. 

Wait. What was that feeling? Zayn’s hand fluttered to his stomach. It was small little feeling, a bit as if a piece of popcorn had just popped in his stomach. It happened again. 

“Liam.” Zayn said with a bit too much urgency, not wanting him to miss it.

“What? What’s wrong?” Liam rushed over.

“The baby. I think it’s moving. I, I’m, I think it is.” Zayn grinned. 

“Oh my god.” Liam knelt and put his hands on Zayn’s stomach, trying to feel something. Karen also gathered around. 

“You can feel too. Come on now, baby, do it again. Do it so daddy can feel.” Zayn held his breath a bit, forgetting he usually thought it sounded silly to talk this way.

There it was again. One little flutter. One more little piece of popcorn popped in his stomach. Liam looked up at Zayn with the biggest grin Zayn had ever seen.

~

This was a hard one to watch leave the house. Someone was coming to take Louis’ whole sound system for a bit of cash any minute, and after that, Louis had to go to class. Buddy had better show up soon, Louis sulked to himself on the couch. He was going to be late if he wasn’t. 

The whole “stop spending money” thing hadn’t really been working. Louis had tried. He’d cut down to a basic all-in-one cable, phone and television plan, sold his second couch and some of his designer clothing, and had sold most of his unnecessary kitchen appliances off for petty amounts of cash on Ebay. He hadn’t been able to stop eating out, because he realized within two days that he didn’t know remotely how to cook, and no bloody fucking Jamie Oliver recipe could help him. He just simply ate less. 

The telly loomed out at Louis as the thing he knew he ought to get rid of. But he couldn’t. Not the one in the lounge or the smaller one in his bedroom. They were too precious. Really, it was the flat he ought to get rid of, but where was he to go? 

All because of this fucking baby. The fucking thing. Louis had been nearly desperate enough to get rid of it. It wasn’t twenty weeks yet, it wouldn’t survive on its own. But his damn doctor had then been so sweet and kind as to tell him the sex of the little nipper, so it seemed far too real and not fair of him to get rid of it. It was going to be a little boy, he had been told. Despite himself, Louis had rushed off and bought some blue baby things. God, he had a problem. 

The buzzer went off, and Louis let the bloke buying the sound system up. Louis knew he was undercutting himself a bit, but money was money at this point. Now he’d have dinner for awhile. The sound system disappeared, and Louis put on his coat and headed off. Brilliant, he was definitely going to be late. He’d considered quitting class too, but it didn’t cost that much, and he felt of all things, he probably needed this. 

He poked his head into class, to see Deb teaching everyone about breast-feeding. Oh, this was the class that Harry had been so excited about. He grabbed a yoga mat and slid it in close to Harry. You didn’t need a partner so he figured Niall would be fine by himself. 

Harry waved and smiled a bit, but he didn’t look like himself. His smile had been weak and a bit wavering, and Louis could instantly tell he was having a bit of trouble paying attention. That was very strange. He knew Niall and Zayn could throw big moodies, and he knew well how he could, but Harry pretty much never did. He’d been so looking forward to this too. 

“Anything wrong, love?” Louis leaned over and whispered. 

Harry looked like he was about to say no, then his face faltered. 

“Here, come tell me.” Louis took Harry’s hand and got up. “Sorry, Deb, keep going. We’re just both having some tummy trouble, we’ll be back soon.”

Louis dragged Harry out of the room. “What’s wrong, pet?”

“I’ve just, I’ve gotten...” Harry rubbed his hands together and looked up at the ceiling. “I’ve gotten some stressful news about the baby.”

Oh shit. 

“What kind of news?” Louis almost didn’t want to hear. 

“Worst part is, I feel utterly terrible feeling this way. I shouldn’t.”

“What’s happened, Harry? What do you mean you shouldn’t feel this way about bad news?”

Harry looked down at the floor. “My baby has Down Syndrome. And I feel like shit for feeling stressed about it, because she so far looks healthy and good, and I know it’s not a life sentence for her, I know it’s not. I do. But she’s going to have a harder life. And fuck, I know I’ll love her to bits, and she’ll be my perfect little girl, but right now I’m just, I don’t know.”

Louis bit his lip. He didn’t know what to tell Harry. He reached over and gave him a hug instead. “Good, then, right? She looks healthy so far, that’s great. Glad you’re having a girl, too. You’re having a baby that’s a little bit different, but that’s okay. How the fuck would the world work if we’re all the same, right?”

Harry exhaled deeply. “You’re the first person to phrase it like that. I feel that way too. All these doctors keep telling me to look at my options and blah blah blah, they were scaring me.” Harry tucked his chin into Louis’ shoulder as he hugged back. 

“So are you gonna be okay?”

“I know I will be.”

“Then we’d better get back in there. Honestly, you’re going to be kicking yourself later if you miss this.”

“Oh, Louis?”

“Yeah, Harold?”

“Did you learn what you were having?”

“A boy.”

“That’s exciting.” Harry smiled. “Funny, it will be interesting to see you with a boy. I know you were raised with all sisters.”

“Yeah, yeah yeah. Let’s go, love.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall babysits Theo.

“Niall, ‘ouse phone’s goin’ off!” Bobby shouted from the couch. 

“You feckin’ get it! Makin’ your supper!” Niall shouted back. This was an idle comment, as he was usually the one to make supper. He didn’t work and his father did all day, and besides, there was something very soothing about cooking. It was safe and domestic, and really hard to screw up if you followed the recipe properly. Niall liked feeling domestic, really. Cleaning gave him the same feeling of order and safeness. Probably would be useful when the baby arrived, he figured. Tonight’s dinner was going to be chicken tikka masala from scratch. A bit lofty, but Niall didn’t have anything else to do. 

Bobby picked up the phone and was heard loudly speaking with whoever was on the line in a cheerful manner. Niall listened a little more and decided it could only be Bobby’s brother, or his own brother, based on the amount of curse words being thrown around. He eventually came into the kitchen and offered the phone to Niall. 

“Yer brother.”

“Right now?” Niall rolled his eyes, hands involved in cutting chicken. “Greg, mate, I’ll Facetime ‘ya later. Busy.”

“No, go fuckin’ be not busy,” Greg shouted back down the phone. “Got a good idea.”

“Fuck’s sakes.” Niall went over and washed his hands and took the phone. “What do ‘ya want?”

“Me and Denise were tinkin’, over here. We’d love a break from the kidlet, bless his heart. We were tinkin’, we could come across over to your way, drop off the kid with ‘ya and dad, and have a bit of a vacation. We’ll be in the same city and everything. Then you could parent a bit, right?”

Well, it was a good idea in theory, Niall supposed. He liked little Theo a lot. It seemed terrifying to take care of Theo for a full week, but he’d soon have one of his own to look after all the time. Littler and less independent than Theo, too. 

“Yeh, alright. Where’ll you stay?”

“We’ll just get a nice hotel. Live it up. We might go t’ the countryside for one day, but we’ll stay close.”

“Ireland’s full of countryside.”

“Feck off.”

“When’re ‘ya coming?”

“Next week?”

“Jaysus. Had this planned out without tellin’ me, hm?”

“Sounds about right. Text ‘ya later mate, get back to your precious supper.”

~

“Hey Harold, its Louis, finally joined facebook haha. just letting you know, i dropped my phone and smashed it, in the process of getting another one haha, contact me on here. would love to have another one of your great suppers soon” 

Louis sent off the Facebook message bitterly, before closing his laptop. The Starbucks he was sitting in was too loud. His drink was kind of nasty. He’d now have to be prancing down to Starbucks whenever he wanted to go on the bloody computer. 

His phone and cable had been cut off. Apparently he didn’t even have enough for that. If his account was that overdrawn, he doubted he had enough for rent. 

He knew he should tell Harry. Really, he did. Zayn and Niall would be sympathetic, no doubt, but Harry would really want to do something to help. At the very least, he’d have the right thing to say. He hadn’t even bothered to search up the other’s Facebooks, just Harry’s. He wanted to hug Harry again, cuddle up with him and forget everything was shit. He’d never trusted anyone like he’d trusted Harry, ever. 

He’d even gone to see if he could apply for dole, but they had insisted he would have to look for work, which he couldn’t possibly in his condition. Maternity pay had come up naught to. Income support had offered him fifty pounds a week, which was at least something, but it went entirely to food. It wasn’t even enough to cover a tenth of his rent (which he’d lied about on the paperwork), let alone anything else, but at least he wasn’t starving. 

This drink was rubbish. He’d picked something far too sweet. He should have known better that anything called a tea lemonade was not going to be worth it. Tea should just be tea. He tossed the rest out and left, feeling surly. Well, he felt surly most days now, but particularly surly. Baby was kicking up a fuss inside his stomach, churning around. Louis had found that once the lad had started moving around and kicking, he never seemed to bloody stop. Louis usually thought fondly that his baby was going to be footballer, but today it was just annoying. 

Once the kid was born, he’d be able to get a bit more money. Move in somewhere dead cheap, a project somewhere. Just had to make it until then. Oh, god, Christmas was coming up too...not like it really mattered much to Louis, but...

Louis was so wrapped up in his thoughts he didn’t hear the voice calling out for him. It wasn’t until there was a hand on his shoulder that he whipped around.

“Jesus, it really is you.”

Louis blinked at slightly paunchy man in the business suit. “I’m sorry, love, do I know you?”

The man looked slightly unnerved. “It is Louis, right?”

“Yes.” Louis backed up slightly. 

We...” the man stepped back forwards towards him and lowered his voice. “We used to have fun, together. I, um, I...”

Well. It was some bloke who used to fuck him for copious amounts of money. Well well well. It wasn’t the one who got him pregnant, that face Louis had burned in his memory, but he was beginning to remember this guy’s face.

He was still talking. “You just disappeared. I wondered where you went, I really did. Wondered if you’d gotten hurt. I tried calling.”

He tried calling? What the fuck was with this guy? Louis knew he was good, but not that good of a lay to try and call back a hooker. 

“Sorry, love, had a change in directions with my life.” Louis gently patted his stomach, peaking obviously out from under his jacket. 

“Wow, I see that.”

“So I took myself off the market.” That would have felt a bit better to say if it wasn’t so literal. 

“I wish I could see you, just one last time.” 

Was this bloke fucking serious?

“That’s not going to happen, pet. I don’t do that stuff anymore.”

“Please. I don’t care if you’re all round there or whatever. It doesn't stop you from doing it, right?” He leaned in even closer to Louis and whispered in his ear. “Nobody does it like you, no one. And no one’s got an ass like you. I need it.”

Louis felt himself breaking a bit. “How much do you need it?”

“So much.”

“A thousand pounds need it?”

The bloke stepped back, startled. Louis quickly changed his tune. “Eight hundred pounds.”

“Eight hundred?”

“I mean it.”

“Alright, eight hundred. We can go up to my office. There’s a sofa.”

Louis followed him down the street. He felt desperate, and for the first time since working in this profession, he felt dirty. But hell, he was going to see another week.

~

“Look, dere ‘e is! Uh oh, where’s ‘e gone?” Niall sat there, playing peek-a-boo over and over with his nephew, while he was waiting for class to start. It was charming, really. Harry really wanted to hold the baby, who Niall had informed him was named Theo. He was apparently about seven months old, and he was awfully cute. Laughing at everything Niall did. Harry felt fatherly pangs he’d never felt before watching him. He wondered if Niall did too. 

“Niall?” 

“Yeh?”

“Can I hold your nephew?”

“Sure, take ‘im off me hands for a few minutes.” Niall picked up Theo, who made a slightly disgruntled expression, and passed him to Harry. He was a pretty heavy baby, and oddly looked more like Niall than his brother, whom Harry had seen photos of. Well, at the very least, Harry supposed, he looked like a Horan. He immediately screwed up his face in Harry’s arms and started to cry. 

“S’okay, don’t mind ‘im, he’s a bit off with strangers. Been a bit off with me, honestly, I tink he’s going through that phase where he only wants t’ see mum.”

The sound was so stressful. Harry bounced him gently. “It’s okay, I’m a nice boy. Aren’t you handsome?”

“Heard from Louis, mate?” Niall retrieved Theo and also bounced him. Theo kept crying, and Niall grimaced. 

“Oh, he broke his phone. Hasn’t got a new one yet. Didn’t he add you on Facebook?” Harry reached over and fixed Theo’s tiny shoe without thinking.

“Nope.”

“Oh, okay.”

“’Course ‘e only added you.”

“What do you mean?” Harry really rather did know what Niall meant, but it would be interesting to actually hear it. 

“’Cause ‘e’s only wanting to spend time with ‘ya. Never asks to visit me or Zayn, right? Unless it’s all of us. Really likes ‘ya.” Niall looked down at Theo. “Aww, come on, mate, bit of peace and quiet on me ears.”

Harry found himself blushing a bit at hearing it. “You think so?”

“Oh my god, ‘ya know it, anyway. Should just go for it, what the fuck do either of you have t’ lose at this point?”

Well, that was true, Harry supposed. Theo started screaming, which made Niall look very frustrated. He mumbled to himself about maybe being hungry and went to Theo’s diaper bag. 

“Oh my god, why is there a baby here?” Louis came up abruptly behind Harry. 

“Niall’s taking care of his nephew. How are you today? New phone yet?” 

Louis laughed. “Not yet, I haven’t gotten down there yet. Lazy bugger. Did anyone see Celebrity Big Brother last night? I missed it.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t. Maybe it’ll be online by now.” Harry smiled at Louis as alluringly as possible. 

“Don’t want it? Feck, god almighty.” Niall was now locked in his own little world with Theo. 

“Yeah, maybe. How’s your little one?”

“She’s good.” Harry rubbed his stomach a bit, pleased that Louis cared enough to ask. He’d gone in for another check up on her a few days before. He didn’t realize how funny doctors get as soon as a diagnosis is given. Suddenly he was lined up for a lot more doctor’s appointments, although he felt fine. Only his midwife had said she expected everything to go smoothly and there was no point in worrying. 

Zayn eventually trickled in with Perrie instead of Liam. 

“Where’s Payno, Zayno?” Louis called out.

“He’s gotten work, couldn’t come today. He’s going to get that worked out in the future.”

Niall let off a tiny scream in the background. Harry felt slightly unnerved that Theo crying for ten minutes was setting him off so much. Any fatherly pangs Niall possibly had been feeling were flung out the window. Harry watched him bat off Deb, who came over to help, but instead came over to the group .

“Someone take ‘im!”

Theo was practically shoved in Zayn’s arms, although Zayn didn’t look much like he wanted to hold this strange baby. Theo grabbed onto the fabric of Zayn’s knit jumper, letting out a few cries of protest, before settling against him and quieting. 

Niall looked relieved. “Tanks, Zayn. Just keep ‘im for a bit, please.”

“Who is this?”

“Me nephew.”

Harry sighed. “I can take him, Zayn, don’t worry. If you don’t want him.” Harry held out his arms, and Zayn passed Theo off to him. He instantly started crying again. 

“Harreh!”

“I’m sorry, Niall. Just trying to help.” Harry handed Theo back to Zayn, who again quieted. Perfect. Zayn was the baby whisperer and he didn’t even do anything. Zayn cooed gently to Theo, who giggled a bit. 

“Don’t know why he likes ‘ya, we don’t really know anyone with dark ‘air.” Niall shrugged. “Tank you, though.”

Harry found himself scowling just a touch. It wasn’t fair. Niall didn’t want to hold or help him, and neither did Zayn. Louis didn’t look like he wanted to either. Harry was the only one who wanted to try and calm Theo properly and Theo didn’t like him. He didn’t like feeling like the useless one either. Louis noticed his face and nudged him a bit. “Not a big deal, love.” 

“Alright, everyone. You’ll recall today is Medical Interventions During Labour day, if you all want to take a seat.” Deb had pulled up a Powerpoint and was starting class. Zayn sat down with Perrie and Theo, with Louis and Niall on Theo’s other side, and Harry settled in next to mother. Anne had gotten the hang of letting Harry be, especially before and after class, but she still always dutifully came. Class was a little bit frightening, especially with all the tests and fretful doctors he’d dealt with as of late, but he tried to stay positive that everything would be just fine. Deb then dimmed the lights to play a movie on Caesarean-sections, and the room seemed to reach a bit of a lull. His mother had nodded off a bit, actually, and Harry noticed a lot of people had. It was actually pretty interesting to him, but he supposed most assumed they wouldn’t need one. He glanced over to see if Louis or anyone else was paying attention. 

There was an empty space between the two sets of mats. Oh god, where was Theo? He wasn’t on his place on the yoga mat. Jesus Christ. Were all four of them asleep? By the looks of it, basically. He turned and looked across the rest of the dark room. Where the hell was he? The door was closed, so he couldn’t have escaped, but he really shouldn’t be wandering too far. Harry squirmed out from underneath his mother and flicked on the light. Theo was sitting under the table against the wall in the far corner, looking a bit impish. He had his hand close to the wall, and oh, god, he was about to put his fingers into the electric socket. Harry leapt over and scooped Theo up, while everyone turned around and caught up on why the light was on. Theo started to scream at Harry for ruining his fun, but it didn’t really matter. 

“Oh my god,” Niall got up. “Oh god, I didn’t notice, fuck.”

“Nobody did, it’s okay.” Harry passed Theo, who kept fussing, over to Niall, who patted his back. 

“God, I feel useless at this. You really get it all, Harry. Really meant to be a parent.” 

“It’ll come. That’s why we’re here, right?” As much as Harry felt a little vindicated at Niall’s words, he didn’t want Niall to feel bad. “Anyway, it’s obvious he adores you, even if he gets fussy. I saw how you had him going earlier today.”

Deb had paused the movie. “Everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine.” Harry gave Theo’s head a pat. “We had a little runaway.”

Niall took Theo and sat with him between his legs, taking his little hand and making it wave at Harry once he was settled again. Harry beamed and waved back. 

~

“How was going out today?” Liam leaned over the kitchen counter and grabbed a couple of the grapes Zayn had just put into a bowl for himself. 

“It was alright. Niall had his nephew with him so it was a bit chaotic, but we took him to the park.” Zayn swatted Liam’s hand away. Grapes were very important to him right now. They were practically all he wanted to eat. “How was work?”

“I’m getting the hang of it.” Liam had taken work serving at a restaurant, which seemed painful, in comparison to what he wanted to do in life, but Liam kept insisting it was just to help give them some money for the baby so they wouldn’t be sponging directly from his parents. Once things were more settled, he’d return to school. He had to promise Zayn that almost daily. 

“Do appreciate this, Liam. Wish it didn’t have to be this way.”

“It’s fine, Zayn. I like it so far. And I’ll feel more comfortable having a cushion for us.”

“Suppose.” Zayn shoved another grape in his mouth. 

They both turned and stared when the door buzzer went off. Nobody ever just came to the door, especially mid-evening. Liam wandered over. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, does Zayn live here?”

It was Doniya. Zayn knew in an instant. He rushed over to the buzzer and took over. “Doni?”

“Can I come upstairs? Are you busy?"

Zayn hit the buzzer to let her up without even thinking about it or answering. Of course she could come up. He hadn’t seen her in a few months now, and it was awful. Waliyha tried to keep Zayn updated, but he didn’t know a lot herself. She and Doniya didn’t quite have the same relationship Zayn and Doniya always had. 

Doniya arrived shortly at the door, looking a bit downtrodden and almost sheepish. 

“Please come in.” Zayn ushered her in, getting increasingly anxious. He could only hope for the best. “How did you find out about here?”

“I...I found the sonogram picture. Waliyha left it sticking out of her biology textbook. I made her tell me.”

He nodded, holding his breath. Liam, as trusty as always, was lurking in the background, waiting to intervene if necessary. 

“Zayn, I’m so sorry.” The instant Doniya said it, she burst into tears. “I don’t know why I spent so long acting like this. Part of it was stubbornness, part of it was believing mum and dad were right. I don’t know. I’ve missed out on so much of what should be a really lovely, beautiful time, for god’s sake I’m going to be an aunt. How far along are you now?”

Zayn found himself crying along with Doniya, despite himself. “About twenty-two weeks along. Still time left.”

“I don’t want to have a rift for the rest of our lives because you had a baby young.”

“I know, Doni.” Zayn choked out another sob. 

“I’ll be there, now, alright? I can’t promise anything out of mum and dad, but you’ll have me, alright?”

Zayn nodded again, reaching his arms out for his big sister. She embraced him and kissed his cheek.

“Do you forgive me, bubbie?”

“Know I do, Doni.” Zayn rocked back and forth with her a bit. “Never could be mad at you.”

Doniya nodded and let go, attempting to dab at her eyeliner, a sad attempt to save it from the tears. 

“Liam? This is my sister, Doniya.” 

Liam came over and shook her hand. 

“You’ve been treating my brother right?”

“Infinitely so, Doni.” Zayn cut in for Liam. 

“That’s good enough for me, then.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall reaches a breaking point, Louis' money problems come to a head, and Zayn doesn't feel too well.

“D’you really get a lot out of class, then?”

“Reckon I do, yeh. Don’t tink I’d be reading up much and learning meself, honestly. Maybe tat means I shouldn’t be a parent yet, I don’t know.” Niall picked a few pieces of grass out of the lawn Sean and him were parked on. It was really too cold to be sitting outside on the ground like this, but here they were. Niall supposed that if they were together, it would make a cute scene for a romantic movie. Sitting on the ground in an empty park talking, like they were some charmingly quirky hip couple. 

But no. They were two normal Irish lads in windbreakers and Adidas shoes, waiting for the rest of the lads to show up for a bit of football. Niall wasn’t going to play, just watch, but Sean had said the lads did want to see how he was doing. Niall hadn’t texted any of them at all, but in all fairness, they didn’t text him either. 

“When’s the baby due, again?”

“Between twelve and fourteen weeks. Depends.” 

Sean swallowed a bit, as if that impending future seemed too soon. Niall hoped he was loosening him to the idea of the baby coming soon. Some days it seemed like he was, other days he didn’t want to talk about it. At least they were beginning to hang out on a more consistent basis again. 

“Feel ready yet?” Sean asked earnestly, but there was still something so strange about all this to Niall. He was maintaining this relationship because he couldn’t bear thinking about not having it, but it was so weird to be having this conversation with the literal father of his child while they both acted like he wasn’t.

“Little bit more all th’ time. Don’t tink it really comes naturally to me but I’m trying.”

Sean nodded, then spotted the rest of the group approaching from behind Niall and got up to greet them. There was a customary bit of greeting each other with various grunts and curse words, with a lot of them patting Niall’s back, head, or stomach and shouting at him about how being knocked up was.

Niall squirmed out from under them. “You off, then? I can ref for ‘ya all.”

Darragh shifted a bit. “Don’t need one, just sit at the girlfriend’s table and relax.”

Niall turned. There were three girlfriends. One of them he knew from school, a nice girl named Amy, the other two he didn’t. 

Sean looked burned up about it. “’E’s not me girlfriend.”

Well, that was unnecessary. No, he wasn’t Sean's girlfriend, but it wasn’t a big deal. 

“Relax, mate.” Darragh took off with the ball, and Sean followed a moment after. 

Niall sat down at the designated girlfriends’ picnic table to watch. “How are ‘ya, Amy?”

“Nialler. Look at you.” She leaned over and gave him a hug, smelling strongly of perfume. He didn’t recall her wearing this much before. Must be for the boyfriend, whichever of the group she was seeing. “I’m good, real good. This is Tabitha, she’s seeing Todd, and this is Ellen, she’s seeing Eoghan.”

Niall waved at them. “And yerself?”

“They never said? I’m seeing Darragh now.”

“Neat.” Niall leaned back and watched the game. He genuinely was interested on who was winning, but he could definitely tell the girls were in it for the clump of sweaty boys moving across the grass. 

“And you’re seeing Sean, yeah? Funny, never thought it would work out like that.” Amy turned back to Niall.

“Who said that? We’re not seein’ each other, no.”

“Really? Just wot we all thought.” 

“Nah, he was messin’ about with that ombre-haired girl last time we went out clubbin’, remember?” Ellen piped up. 

Well. Niall pretended that did nothing to him. 

“You’re right. Suppose we all thought he was just drunk.”

Niall laughed loudly. “Sounds like Sean, out t’ get it.”

They watched the game for a bit longer, but Niall now wanted to go home. Desperately. He didn’t know what he’d do at home, but he just wanted to curl up away small and not be near anyone. Sean didn’t want him. Niall knew it was stupid for him to ever think it, but it had been so nice. He couldn’t shake the feeling that there was a reason they fucked. It wasn’t just a drunk mistake. Niall hadn’t even been drunk, he’d had like three beers. He knew Sean was the same. Yet there he was picking up girls at clubs. Piece of fucking shit. 

The next bit happened in slow motion before Niall’s eyes. The game appeared to stop, then Sean pulled Darragh over and hit him hard in the face. Tom pulled Sean away before he could go further, and Amy began to run over. Niall followed, feeling in a daze. 

“What the fook happened?” 

Eoghan shook his head. “’E kept field trash-talking Sean a bit, saying he was trying to win it for ‘his boyfriend’ and that. Well, you.”

Niall turned towards Sean, red blurring into the edges of his eyes again. Sean tried to look down, chastised, but it was too late. 

“’Scuse me, Sean? Are ‘ya insulted that they call me that?”

“It’s not, it’s not that...dey’re calling me gay, ‘m not...” Sean backed away from Niall a bit. 

“So? Not an insult, doesn’t matter wot they call ‘ya, ‘ya know what ‘ya are!” 

“And tat’s not bloody gay!” Sean had found his voice, squaring off with Niall. 

“NEITHER AM I BUT ‘ERE WE FUCKIN’ ARE, SEAN.” Niall screeched, feeling tears come to his eyes.

“Because you put us ‘ere! You wanted t’ have this baby, you didn’t even try t’ talk with me about how I was feelin’ about this, just went ahead with havin’ it! You KNEW this would fuckin’ muck everything up!” 

That was a blow. Sean was right, Niall knew he was. Niall had kept it because he felt things for Sean all along, regardless of Sean’s feelings. It didn’t account for everything else, though. Niall found himself howling in the middle of the makeshift football pitch. 

“’Ya didn’t...” Niall’s breath caught in between sobs. “’Ya didn’t feel nothin’ tat night. I know ‘ya didn’t. I saw yer face.”

“NIALL!” 

“What, Sean? I’ve never seen someone so bloody fuckin’ hot an’ cold! If ‘ya wanted out of bein’ around me, should have fuckin’ done it months ago!”

“It’s not that, Niall, fuck!”

“THEN WOT IS IT?”

Sean looked defeated and sad. “Just, can’t have a baby. Not that, not that I hate ‘ya. Just can’t have a baby.”

“Then don’t. But I can’t worry about this anymore, Sean. I can’t worry wot mood yer gonna be in next. Tried t’ make ‘ya comfortable with this. Tried t’ make it clear ‘ya wouldn’t have t’ parent, which I think is a pretty damn good deal. And if I knew wot a bloody big fuckin’ deal this would become, I wouldn’t have kept her.”

“Niall...” 

“No, Sean. Can’t worry anymore.”

“Wot is this? A break-up?”

“If tat’s wot ‘ya want t’ call it. Didn’t tink ‘ya would, bein’ so straight and all.” Niall was trying so hard to look emotionless, even though his face was streaked with tears. “I’m going now. Don’t contact me. Don’t get me hopes up.”

He turned and walked away, out of the park, trying so hard to at least make it out of anyone’s eyesight before his face crumpled, his body going limp as he pulled himself along the street. Home seemed too far away now. Niall channeled watching his feet. One foot in front of the other, one step at a time, there we go. Each step reminded him that he’d always intended to walk this one alone, no Sean. He wasn’t going to let thoughts of him get in the way again. 

~

Noodles, instant rice, tins of beans. Louis counted each item again, just to make sure it was enough to last the next week and a bit. It should. He had a tenner to spare, even. He was getting better at this shopping on a budget thing. Not that the food was that tasty, but it did the job. He’d even tried to take cues from Harry and pick things that he remembered were healthy, permitting they were cheap. Yoghurt and bananas and all that. Meat seemed now like a distant treat, but he figured the beans did the trick, no matter how rather unpalatable they were. 

Louis took the elevator back up to his flat. He had too many bags, and besides, he couldn’t handle the stairs anymore. He always used to take them, an easy way to burn a few calories, but he figured he should keep what he had. He wasn’t starving, but it was definitely a reduction, and the baby needed all he could get. He absently looked for his keys in his coat pocket once he reached his flat. 

The door wouldn’t open. The fuck? Louis looked down at his keys. He only had his mailbox key attached to the ring, other than his door key. He definitely wasn’t trying to shove that in the lock. Was it the wrong flat? Perhaps one floor up, or one door open? Going to his flat was muscle memory, so he couldn’t imagine that he had done something so stupid. A quick glance around assured him that he was at the right flat. 

God. This couldn’t be right, not yet. His landlord had sent him an email saying payments were late two weeks ago. He knew they were. He’d only scanned the email briefly, before closing his email. The word eviction had been in their somewhere, but it had been too scary to look. It couldn’t be now. It was too soon. Didn’t you need a month’s notice?

Fuck. He tried once more with the door, feeling more and more panicky. He had everything in there. All his clothing, his computer, everything he’d bought for the baby. Oh god. He grew weak and dizzy feeling, and slid to the ground, leaning against the door. Louis prided himself on not being a crier, but now, he couldn’t stop himself from letting tears drip down his face. He still didn’t wail or howl, and Louis prided himself on that, but the fat teardrops rolled down his face and fell onto his big tummy regardless. He felt so fucking stupid. He wasn’t built for anything. Not being a dad, that’s for sure. He couldn’t fucking sustain himself. He’d always felt like a resourceful person, being so proud that he’d struck out alone and succeeded. He recalled how he once thought the baby had ruined his career, but now he saw how the career was weak and unsustainable to begin with. If it hadn’t been getting pregnant, it would have been something else. 

But Louis was more stoic than that. He wiped off his face and got up. His landlord was on the top floor. Thank god he actually lived in the building. He’d ask for just a few more days, at least enough to find somewhere to go. He’d go and talk to the Council, they’d find him a council flat. But he needed time. 

He rubbed his eyes once more and gathered all his groceries, the only things he had to his name presently besides his clothing and the tenner. There was something intimidating about talking to his landlord, especially during the supper hour, but Louis vowed to be strong. 

Deep breath. He knocked clearly on the door. He heard noise inside the flat, the sound of someone getting up. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, Jedd, right? It’s Louis, from downstairs. Seems to be a problem, key isn’t working.”

“You had time to read the notice.”

“Listen, mate, I know, right? But if I could just go in there for the night, maybe the next few nights. Listen, all my things are in there.”

“You can pick them up at a later date.”

Fuck him.

“Just one night, alright? Look, I haven’t really got other accommodations, and look, I’ve got a baby on the way.”

Jedd gave him a disgusted look. Louis didn’t know why. It could have been about him being pregnant in general, or pregnant with no money or prospects. 

“Look, the locksmith’s is closed for the night. I have no way to let you in.”

“Are you bloody serious?” Louis was angry now. What a dick. The locksmith would have given Jedd a new key. 

“You’ll have to find somewhere else. I don’t have anything to give you.”

Louis wanted to hurt him. To go throw a rock through his car window. Something. But instead, he was standing here looking like an idiot and a failure. He picked up his groceries and left back downstairs to his own waiting flat, and sat down again. Deep breaths. Come on now. 

Louis knew he had somewhere to go. He always knew. It had been too frightening. Too daunting to tell the truth. But he knew that he’d eventually have had to.

Louis knew Harry’s number by heart, but he had no phone to call him with. He knew the address, though, and shakily got up. He’d get a cab. He’d explain everything. Harry couldn’t possibly hate him. That wasn’t in his nature. He couldn’t. 

~

“Is that the doorbell?” Robin looked up from cutting his chicken. 

“I think so.” Harry took a bite of his own. He really tried to avoid meat as much as possibly, but the little one had been asking for it. Quite adamantly, it seemed, as it was all Harry had wanted for the past several weeks. Anne was happy to cook them meaty meals, but she and Robin had been a bit surprised. They were pretty used to all eating nearly vegetarian by now. 

“I can get it. Hold on.” Harry got up. 

“Are you sure, banana? I can grab it.”

“No, I got it. Already up. Get some bloodflow back to my legs.” Harry smiled at his mother and headed to the hall to answer the door. 

It was Louis, holding a handful of Tesco bags. 

“Hello, Lou.” Harry blinked. He looked like a kitten that had been bopped on the nose. Hurt, a little frightened and nervous. 

“Harry, can I come in?” He sounded desperate. “I’m sorry I couldn’t call.”

“Sure, of course. We’re in the middle of eating, did you want some?” 

Louis shook his head. “Not hungry. Can I put these in the fridge?” He held up the grocery bags. 

“Of course.” Harry ushered him inside. There was something wrong, he knew it. “Are you sure I can’t get you some chicken, Louis?”

“Maybe later. Harry, I need to lay down. Can I lay down on the couch?”

He wasn’t even saying Harold like he usually did. “Ohh, um, okay. You can go lay down in my room if you want. Are you feeling okay, Louis?”

“No.” Louis’ face turned scrunchy, his mouth falling, settling into hard lines. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I just need to rest a bit. We can talk after you finish your supper.”

Anne had come around the corner. “Oh, hello, Louis. Did you want some supper?”

Harry cut in. "Not at the moment. Mum, can you wrap mine up? I promise I’ll eat it all later. We’ll eat a bit later. We’re just going upstairs right now."

His mother frowned a bit, unsure of what was wrong, but nodded and let them be. Harry took Louis’ tiny hand and took him to the kitchen to put his groceries away, for whatever reason he had groceries on him, then took him upstairs and closed his bedroom door. 

“Louis, what’s wrong?”

Louis sat down on Harry’s bed, putting his face in his hands. 

“Louis?”

“I’ve lied to you, Harry.”

“About what?” Harry sat next to Louis, taking his hands again. Louis’ hands twitched, like they wanted to scrabble out of Harry’s own big hands, but they relaxed after a moment. 

“I’ve...I’m a ex-hooker, Harry. My baby’s father is a client I don’t know.” Louis’s face was contorting as he struggled to finish his sentence. “I had a lot of money but I wasted it all because I’m a fucking rat idiot, and I knew it was being wasted. And I couldn’t stop it. So I got evicted. They changed the locks without telling me, and here I am.” Louis’ contorting face finally stopped as he let it go with a flood of tears. 

Oh god. It explained everything. His secrecy about his apartment and home life, the baby’s father. His curious behaviour as of late, even the lack of a phone. It was fucking tragic, is what. And awful. 

“I’m sorry I’m so gross,” Louis mumbled half-heartedly. 

“God, Louis, no, no.” Harry knew that for once, he had no words on how to make this better. At least not right now. “Not gross, no.” He tipped Louis’ messy and drippy face up and looked into his presently glassy, wet blue eyes. “You’re not any less in my eyes.”

“Really?”

Harry was reminded of his conversation with Niall. Now there really seemed like there was nothing to lose. He leaned in and gave Louis a soft kiss, and when he accepted it, another. 

“Harold.” Louis smiled up at Harry. It was such an honest, earnest smile. 

“Please don’t tell me I’m wrong.”

“Not wrong at all.” Louis put his hands on either side of Harry’s head and gave him another kiss, this time a little deeper. It was just as Harry had hoped, warm and loving but somehow powerful. They kissed a bit longer, getting used to each other’s mouths, until Louis pulled off Harry. 

“What?"

“Your mum and stepdad are downstairs.”

“I don’t mind.”

“You’re nuts.”

“They won’t come interrupt. My mum’s not like that and especially not my stepdad. Anyway, what does it matter? We like each other, if mum walked in and saw us kissing she can’t get upset about that.” Harry gave Louis another kiss, taking hold of one of his delicate wrists.

Louis pulled away again, although he was grinning a bit. “You’re a weird kid.” 

“Just a weird situation, Louis. We’ve both got babies growing inside us.” 

Louis laughed lightly and let Harry kiss him again, and this time, he seemed to believe Harry that no one was going to come in. It was a bit awkward fitting themselves against each other with their stomachs, but they made do, sitting side by side. Louis reached around and put his fingers in Harry’s hair, which felt nice. It seemed to be something Louis had looked forward to doing, as he made a little noise of contentment at the softness. He brought his other hand to rest on Harry’s thigh, which made him unsure of what to do. It felt nice, but he didn’t know if he should reciprocate. It had been so long since he’d been with anyone that he felt very inept on how to go on. Louis noticed, and laughed again. 

“You alright there, love?”

Harry nodded, his throat dry. As much as he felt overwhelmed with wanting to touch Louis all over, he didn’t know where or how to start.

Louis made it easy for him and took his shirt off, regardless of how big his stomach was. Harry could see better the tattoos he always saw peeking out of the collars of Louis’ shirts, and they were very nice indeed. He leaned over and sucked gently on Louis’ collarbone, eliciting a quiet moan out of Louis. 

“Think it’s only fair if your top comes off, Harold.”

Harry unbuttoned it and took it off, and Louis looked over him carefully. 

“That is quite the butterfly.”

Harry looked at the big butterfly on his chest. The bottom bit of it had stretched with his stomach and looked odd right now, but it was a piece he was pleased with usually. 

“Thank you.”

“Jesus, didn’t think you were so covered. I knew you had the birds, but the rest.”

“Always have liked it.” Harry shrugged. 

“They’re lovely.” Louis leaned down and kissed the butterfly, then kissed up his chest before landing on one of Harry’s nipples and giving a good, long suck. 

“Oh!” Harry cried out without thinking, momentarily forgetting his parents were downstairs. What Louis had just done had felt amazing. Harry always knew he had sensitive nipples, and generally tried to rub them a bit when he was getting off alone, but they had grown increasingly more sensitive as his pregnancy dragged on. Nick had never bothered touching them either, and it was a shock to have someone else touch them. 

Louis looked impishly up at Harry. “Did you like that, love?”

Harry nodded. If he was honest, not many other things had felt as good as that. Louis reached over and began stroking the other nipple, rolling it between his fingers, while gently teasing the first one with his tongue. Harry shuddered, willing himself to not make any noise to alert his mother that there was something going on upstairs. He felt himself growing hard inside his trousers, as well, which Louis certainly took note of. He gave the first one final lick, then squeezed both between his fingers. 

“Glad to learn what gets you going so fast.” 

Harry was panting at this point. He was still unclear if all this was leading up to sex, but he guessed he could probably come just from this alone. 

Louis took away Harry’s guessing and unzipped his trousers, reaching in to give Harry a stroke. 

“Oh, god, Louis, god.”

“You okay?”

“Yes, yes, very okay.” Harry enjoyed Louis’ pets, but he wanted very much to give him something in return. “Wanna do something for you.” Harry managed, slurring a little. 

Louis looked a little troubled. “Thing is, as much as I like sex, I’ve never really bothered learning for myself what I want a partner to do for me. It’s always been for them.”

That was a bit heartbreaking.

“But we’ve got time to learn, though, right?” Louis blinked hopefully at Harry. 

“’Course we do.” Harry undressed completely, then reached over and tugged a bit at Louis’ own jeans. Louis was too big for normal trousers with zippers now and had moved to the sort of pants with the elastic mum waistband. Harry wasn’t quite there yet, but he knew he would be soon. Louis got the idea and stripped off, letting Harry take a turn at touching him. At least Harry felt he could wank someone pretty well, and Louis let out little noises of appreciation. 

“Harry? Finger me, right?”

Harry reminded himself how forward Louis always was and nodded. “I do have some lube left.” He fetched it out of his sock drawer while Louis sprawled out on Harry’s bed, looking a bit silly with his big stomach but somehow still lovely. Harry sat between his legs, and popped the cap of the bottle, taking his time. He’d fingered himself before and figured it was the same principle. He slowly pushed a finger into Louis, who pushed right back onto it and took it easily. 

“It’s okay, Harry, go ahead with two. One’s nothing.”

Harry pushed another in and scissored them carefully, not too rough. Harry knew how that felt if done wrongly, and it wasn’t nice. Louis made a low noise of approval, clearly also aware of Harry’s parents downstairs, and Harry gave Louis a third, stroking upward and making Louis twitch and jerk. He must have found the right spot, and rubbed there again. 

“JESUS, Harold.” 

“That okay?”

“Yes, sorry, was meant to sound like a good thing. I feel opened up now.”

Harry appreciated Louis’ guidance. He wasn’t a novice, entirely, but Louis knew a lot more and he certainly hadn’t learned any finer points of love-making from Nick. He stopped and let Louis prop himself up a bit, but stared a bit at Louis’ bum. It was a perfect bum, that wasn’t the problem, but he didn’t exactly know how to go through with fucking Louis. He’d never done the fucking, just been fucked. 

Louis snorted a bit. “Have you not done this? Oh, love.”

“It might not be so good.” Harry pumped his dick a bit to get himself harder, pouring lube onto it. 

“Then we’ll have to practice.”

Harry smiled and tried to line up with Louis, another bit of a task due to their stomachs. He seemed to find a good position, and pushed in. It felt strange and a bit foreign, but somehow very very good around Louis’ hole. 

Louis made a little noise, a moan that was trying to be held in, and rocked back onto Harry. Fuck. It seemed almost natural to pick up the pace, and Louis squeaked a tiny bit. Harry reached over and began to pet Louis’ cock. It had beads of precome already gathered at the tip, and Harry found himself a bit amazed that Louis was so turned on by this, considering he didn’t really have any idea what he was doing. 

Louis was pushing quite hard against Harry, a sure sign he wasn’t thrusting hard or fast enough, so he attempted to adjust. It seemed to work, as Louis gasped loudly then covered his mouth.

“There, love, I think you’ve got it.” Louis flexed his hips up a bit to aid in where he wanted Harry to keep pounding, who did so dutifully. Louis reached up and began to fondle one of Harry’s nipples again, which coupled with what Harry was already doing, was nearly too much to handle and he felt himself jerk a bit wildly.

“Slow down, pet.” Louis put his other hand on Harry’s back.

“Sorry, sorry.” Harry tried to slow down and relax, but he was too close to relax at this point. Luckily, Louis looked like he was too, based on his face and his shaking thighs. God, it was hard being quiet. 

Louis came about a minute later, covering his own mouth to keep any noise in. Harry felt relief that Louis had come first and let himself orgasm, and god, did it feel good. He wasn’t sure he’d ever had such a nice orgasm, and he wasn’t sure if it was because he was more attracted to Louis than he was to Nick, because he had been taken care of better than he when he'd been with Nick, or because he was no longer bottoming. It was hard to say, but probably a mixture of all three. Harry pulled out of Louis, who hissed a tiny bit in protest, and lay down beside him. 

“Well, love. Not a bad first try.” Louis took a few deep breaths.

“You think so?”

“Just imagine what we’ll be like when we’re not big.”

It made Harry happy to hear that Louis imagined them together for the foreseeable future. Everything about the future was rather murky at this point, but it seemed safe and good to have Louis around. 

“Can I stay here tonight, then?” Louis turned on his side and stared at Harry.

“Of course. You’ll stay here, won’t let you get turned out. My mother wouldn’t turn anyone away anyway.”

“Good.” Louis reached over and stroked Harry’s arm, tracing the big rose tattoo Harry had. “Now, I have to say, haven’t eaten a good proper meal in awhile, and you and your mother promised me chicken about seventy times.”

~

“Please just let me take you to the doctor’s.” Liam frowned at Zayn, clearly troubled and frustrated. 

“Don’t need to go to the doctor’s, Liam. I feel okay.” Zayn lolled on the couch, feeling a little less than okay, but he figured that was to be expected at close to seven months pregnant. He hadn’t liked leaving the house recently, because he’d found his hands and feet had gotten big and rather swollen and it was rather gross, if he was honest. Not that he particularly wanted to leave much anyway. It was too hard to move and his stomach had been particularly troublesome recently. He wanted to eat, but everything made him a bit sick and gave him heartburn. Headaches too. 

Liam frowned again. “Zayn.”

Zayn pouted. “S’okay, Liam.”

“At least a walk-in. Please. I’ve done Googling, you shouldn’t be this puffy and lethargic.”

Of course he had looked it up. How Liam. There wasn’t really anything Zayn could do other than nod. It’s not that he hated the doctors, it just made him a little bit nervous. He’d hoped he wouldn’t have to go for any other than the scheduled ones. 

“Right.” Zayn slowly got up. His feet did hurt, and most of his boots were feeling too tight, so he put on a pair of Liam’s instead. He really hoped that wasn’t going to be a permanent thing, because having to get all new shoes would be terrible. 

Liam popped Zayn in the car and puttered down to the walk-in clinic, chattering the entire way. Zayn could tell Liam was a little nervous, hence the endless talk of nothing of real importance. He could see why Liam could be a bit worried, but he seemed more worried than necessary. 

The walk-in clinic was quick to take Zayn due to his condition, and luckily it was a little more of a quiet day. There were days where Zayn had seen line-ups out the door as they drove past, but today there were only eight or so people resting in the waiting room. The lineup went fast and soon Zayn was ushered into the little room. 

“This guy might not know much, Liam.” Zayn’s feet dangled off the edge of the examination bed. 

“But maybe he can see if there’s something very wrong.”

“Don’t fret, right? Make me fret.”

The doctor stepped in a few moments later. “Hello, Zayn, is it? I’m Dr. Razzini.”

Zayn waved and nodded. 

“What seems to be the trouble?”

“Well, ummmm,” Zayn felt nervous articulating himself to this new doctor. “I’m pregnant, obviously, and I’ve been feeling, ummm, just not great. Headaches, heartburn, and swollen hands and feet.” Zayn showed the doctor one of his hands. 

The doctor looked calm and nodded. “Okay. Let me just take your blood pressure, then. Has the baby been moving?” He went and got the blood pressure thing off the wall.

“Baby seems fine. I’m still hungry and all, too.”

“Okay.” Dr. Razzini took Zayn’s blood pressure. “Well, that is quite high, but we can’t get any clear reading unless another one is due tomorrow. Just to make sure, and all. Sometimes our bodies do slightly odd things.”

That didn’t soothe Zayn or Liam.

“Let’s call up your obstetrician and make an appointment for you, okay? I’m afraid a general practitioner like me doesn’t know too much. They’ll take your blood pressure again and understand your symptoms more. Possibly run an ultrasound, although it doesn’t sound like there’s too many problems there. Alright?”

Zayn nodded, because there wasn’t much else to say. Liam looked very steamed sitting in the corner, but Zayn didn’t know what Liam had been expecting. The walk-in wouldn’t have known much, they both knew already. 

“Who is your obstetrician, then, Zayn? We can call them right now and arrange an appointment.”

Zayn gave him the name and listened as Dr. Razzini arranged an appointment for him. He supposed that was one benefit of going to the walk-in. Going to a doctor over concerns only to have the doctor confirm something might be up certainly hurried his own doctor, who arranged to see him in the morning. They were shooed out for the next patient shortly after that, and Zayn tried to calm Liam a bit. 

“Just some maybe high blood pressure. Baby feels okay.”

Liam swallowed and nodded. “Right-o.”

“Please don’t get so worried. I’m usually a bit on the high side for blood pressure anyways.”

“I just always do a bit. Heaven’s sakes, on one of our first dates, you passed out on me.”

“I’m not so delicate.” Zayn got into the car. 

“Just have this terrible feeling something is wrong.”

Liam drove them home, and the next day the trip to the obstetrician was pretty normal. Zayn did a urine test and they checked his blood pressure again, which was unfortunately still high. His doctor did an ultrasound and confirmed that the baby looked okay, which was a relief. Moving normally, with a healthy heartbeat. She seemed okay about the heartburn and headaches, passing it off as pretty normal, although she noted it down carefully, but wasn’t so happy about the swollen hands and feet. He’d gotten in a bit of trouble for not coming in about it earlier. 

It wasn’t for a couple more days until they heard anything. Liam had taken it upon himself to make sure Zayn was eating foods that helped lower blood pressure and was insisting he not walk around too much, which was really annoying. He wanted to get up and walk about the house, because walking was supposed to be good for you, but he humoured Liam.

Zayn answered the phone when it went off. “Hello?”

“Hi, Zayn? It’s Shelley from Dr. Bernie’s office.”

“Hi Shelley.” 

“I’m just calling to report back on your last visit.”

“Uh huh?” Zayn swallowed a bit, hoping the lump in his throat would all be for nothing.

“It’s not the best news. We don’t want you to panic, and if it is what she thinks it is, it’s fixable. but Dr. Bernie wants you back in tomorrow. She’s quite certain it’s pre-eclampsia.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little mix of a few things that happened near the holidays.

Harry’s poor mother looked exhausted. He didn’t blame her, really. Being in a car full of fussy pregnant boys had to be a bit hellish. They’d all been particularly on edge, after it had been deemed that Zayn was on bedrest and likely due to have an early pregnancy, either induced or through C-section. It was frightening to the rest of them. Harry knew it was a shock to Niall and Louis to realize that something could go wrong, but it wasn’t particularly to him. As much as it scared him, he was aware his birth might have a few more complications, so to speak. He knew Niall didn’t have a midwife to bounce emotions off of, and Louis had just last week spoken to Harry’s for the first time. She helped Harry through quite a bit, whenever he was fretting about what might go wrong with his birth. 

Regardless, here they all were, fat and fretful and sans Zayn, on their way to Mothercare to get baby furniture. They’d already rescued what Louis had, and he was insistent he did not need any more for the time being, even though Anne had offered some. Harry knew Louis felt very badly about the whole situation they were in, especially so close to Christmas. They’d gone down and had a long talk with Anne about what was going on, which was a bit stressful, if Harry was honest, but it had been all worked out. Louis wasn’t going anywhere, but had agreed to make sure he was on more solid assistance once the baby was born to chip in towards a bit of rent or whatever. In the meantime, the spare office Anne and Harry had been rather sluggishly turning into a nursery was to become a nursery for two, even though it was rather small. As for him and Louis, well, everything was alright. His mum had been a little less than enthused and asked them to think about the repercussions of what they were doing while in their situation, but eventually gave up and conceded there was going to be two babies in the house anyway. God, Harry owed his mother for a lot of things. 

“Don’t feel so good.” Niall mumbled from the back of the car. 

“Did you need anything, Niall?” Anne called backwards.

“No, just closed off and warm. Have t’ piss.”

“We’ll be there soon.” 

Louis also looked miserable, splayed out on both the side and middle seat in the back, leaving little room for Niall. Harry was beginning to feel heavy and warm himself these days, but not as badly as them. Niall’s baby had dropped a few days ago, so it was no wonder he had to pee so much. He looked a bit funny with his stomach hanging low, trying hard to peek out from under his big jumpers, but Harry still sympathized. He knew it probably meant Niall felt pretty uncomfortable. 

Anne pulled into the parking lot of the shopping centre and chose one of the fancy pregnant or with baby parking spots. Harry thought the spots were a bit stupid, although he’d probably relish them when he had the baby with him. Niall took off ahead of them to find the toilets, promising to meet them at the store when he was done. Louis slipped his hand into Harry’s. 

“Right, let’s get your love kitted out.”

“Are you sure you don’t need any more sleepers or anything for yours?” Harry walked with Louis and his mother towards the centre.

“Maybe if I see a thing or two. Really, Harold, I got a lot. Honestly, I’m surprised you left this so long, you’re usually so proactive.”

“I know. It just seemed like a big chore.” 

Mothercare was busy, what with it being the holiday season, but most people were shopping for little gifts for babies they knew, rather than larger items like cots. 

Louis made a face. “Look at all this. People buying outfits that look like Christmas puddings to stick their children in.”

“Don’t like Christmas?” Harry wandered over to the furniture with his mother.

“Not really. Never do anything.”

“Well, you’ll be doing things this year. Maybe it’ll fill you with some cheer.” Harry stared at a change table, something called Harrogate.

Louis made a face. “Maybe.”

“Not that one, Harry,” Anne shook her head. “Trust you to pick a ridiculously expensive one.”

“Well, she needs to be safe.”

“Save that for the cot. A change table just needs to have a solid structure.”

“I think I bought that one,” Louis said sheepishly.

“Yeah, I think you did too.” 

Anne frowned a bit. “There’s no need for two change tables. No room either. Tell you what, Louis, we’ll compensate you for half the change table and just leave it at that?”

“Don’t worry about it, Anne, consider it some rent.”

Harry’s mother laughed a bit. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Niall showed back up. “Lads. Right, so me dad gave me six hundred pounds to work with, don’t have to get everything, ‘e said. But get started properly. Don’t tink ‘e trusts me with much more than that.”

“This one is on sale, Niall.” Anne guided Niall over to a rather boring but dependable looking cot for ninety pounds. 

“Looks decent.” Niall gave it a rap with his knuckles.

“Perfect for you, you simple Irishman” Louis looked disgusted at its simplicity. “Have you talked to you-know-who yet?”

Harry felt bad. Niall had not gone into detail about what happened with Sean, but it sounded bitter and nasty. Such a shame, they’d been friends for so long. He got the sense Niall was a little disillusioned about even having the baby now, which made Harry sad. He’d off-handedly mentioned adoption one day, which seemed drastic, but Harry supposed everybody felt drastic things when they were upset. He hoped truly that it was just something he didn’t mean. They’d seen him a day after the apparent incident, which meant things still felt quite raw. He prayed that was all it was. 

“Nope, and I’m not gonna.”

“Good lad, staying strong.” Louis approved of cleansing oneself of toxic people. Harry felt it was a little more complicated in this case, but he stayed out of it. 

Niall shrugged and moved on to looking at cribs. Harry followed, although he figured he might like a Moses basket better. They had a prettier look. Niall picked one up.

“Do ‘ya just haul yer kid in this like a carseat? Jaysus, it’s like it was made for the 1800s.” 

“No, you leave it at home.” Harry sighed. Niall hadn’t appeared to learn much. He hadn’t even uncovered his eyes while watching the movie during their last pregnancy class, which had finally shown a live birth. The big finale, Harry supposed. He enjoyed watching it, but most of the class felt pretty badly about it after. Made them even more nervous. 

They puttered around the store, with Niall making snap decisions on random pieces of furniture while Harry struggled to make up his mind on anything. He liked it all, except for the clearly inferior pieces. Niall only seemed to care about sturdiness and value. Probably for the best. Harry didn’t think Niall’s dad made very much. Louis lagged behind, occasionally picking up tiny pieces of baby clothing fondly. 

“Did you like that one?” Harry noticed Louis was taken with a tiny trousers and dress shirt set, complete with a little grey cardigan. “We can make it a Christmas gift.”

Louis put it back. “No, I’m covered.”

“I don’t see why you’re so anti-Christmas, other than never doing much. Really.”

Louis scowled a bit. 

“Stop.” Harry gently pushed Louis’ shoulder. “I liked the whole honest thing you had going.” 

“Alright, fine, my birthday is on the 24th, I just don’t like having such a terrible birthday and I don’t like feeling so old.”

“That’s all it is?” Harry felt relieved. 

“Just always hated it. Don’t give me that face.”

Harry bit his lip. He knew he was making a cheeky face. “I’m sorry. But don’t hate your birthday, Lou, could be good fun one day.”

~

The house was loud and full, and Niall felt warm about it, even if he wasn’t in the room with the rest. It wasn’t a Horan holiday without a full yelling house. Usually he and his dad would fly to Ireland, but the whole clan had flown down to England because Niall couldn’t really travel at this point. Bobby used to stay with his own family when they would fly over, and Niall would generally stay at his mother’s, but everyone was filling the house now, even his mother. 

There wasn’t much Niall could really participate in other than sit on the sofa and rest, often with Theo if he was in a sleepy mood, but it was nice nonetheless. Sometimes he’d get on the ground and play with him, although it was hell trying to get up after. That seemed to be the way, these days, just staying sitting or laying down. Even walks, which he knew he should be having, seemed too strenuous, especially in the cold weather. 

Right now, he’d made the mistake of sitting on the floor of what was meant to be the nursery, trying to build the cot. It was really the spare bedroom, and was actually not dismantled at the moment as Greg and Denise and Theo were staying in there, but it was going to become one. Everyone was doing a lot of baking downstairs, so there wasn’t room for him with his big stomach in the little kitchen anyway. He’d get the cookies later. The cot was slow-going, with a million little bits, but he was determined. He’d done the rocking chair all by himself, which he was pretty proud of. Denise had been giving it some goes when she went upstairs to nurse Theo, and she said it worked quite well. 

“Sitting alone in ‘ere?”

Niall looked up. It was his brother. “I’ll come down later. No room fer me, I just intended t’ do none of the work and reap the benefits of dessert.”

“’Ya feelin’ okay?” Greg sat on the bed. 

Niall actually did feel fairly okay, but he could understand the concern. Hiding up here alone when the family already knew he was in a bit of a lousy position. “Feel fine. Well, like I’m going t’ pop any bloody day, but good.”

“Yeh?” Greg didn’t move from his position perched on the edge of the bed, watching Niall fiddle with some screws. 

“Don’t worry.”

“Can’t help it, mate, had a shitty hand dealt t’ ‘ya.”

“It’s not that shitty. It’s me own fault as much as ‘is. Don’t know what I expected.”

Greg furrowed his brow in confusion and sat down to help build the cot. Niall almost told him to get the fuck off it, but he was just frustrated enough with it that he let him. 

“Wot d’ya mean?”

“Just, tat I kinda used ‘im. Well, not exactly. Don’t know how t’ phrase it.”

“Go on then.”

Niall swallowed, already feeling himself wanting to clam up about it. That was the trouble. It seemed much easier to just keep it inside, both because it hurt and because he was embarrassed. He knew Sean was very wrong for behaving like he did about everything, but the more he thought about it, he’d been awful too. It was almost nice letting people believe he was the perfect victim. 

It was Greg though. He’d make fun of Niall regardless. 

“Like, ummmm. Okay. So I’d known I loved Sean for awhile, right? And then ‘e nailed me, which was confusing for both of us, but it was great. Figured we could be like, fuckbuddies until we paired off with girls, right? Well, we know where that went, but then I did something bad. ‘E begged me t’ give up the baby, th’ more I tink about it. Asked over and over if I’d consider abortion. And I always said no, not because I was feeling ready for a baby, but because I thought I could win ‘im with it. And then I didn’t, and tat’s where it fell apart, right? Tat’s when ‘e turned into a cunt. And I do really want her now, I don’t want t’ get rid of ‘er. But I wanted ‘er for the wrong reasons before. I just used to refuse to believe meself that those were the reasons. I’m not saying ‘e’s not an ass, because ‘e is. ‘E played with my feelings something horrible. Just tat I didn’t listen to ‘im, thought about either of us in the long run, rather than just meself in the short-term.”

Niall felt some relief getting it out. He’d said it and it was out there, no taking it back. Greg looked very solemn. Maybe he would judge him. 

“I’m glad ‘ya do want her now. I’m sorry, mate. But wot’s done is done now, though, eh?”

“Exactly.” Niall fiddled with a bolt in his hand. “As I said, don’t know wot I expected. So I was upset, really awfully upset, but ‘m just going t’ move on.”

Greg reached over and gave Niall a hug, which was a bit unusual for him. “Growing up on me, ‘ya fucker. I’m not worried about you being a parent, ‘specially not now.”

“Were ‘ya worried?” Niall pushed off his brother a bit. 

“Honestly? I was. But not now.”

~

Louis blinked. Was it the middle of the bloody night? There were noises downstairs. Definitely a lot of noises. His phone confirmed it was 3:43 in the morning. And Harry wasn’t laying on his side of the bed, although his phone was still perched on the headboard where he always put it. 

Christ sakes. What on earth was he doing? Louis got up and threw on a pullover he found on the ground. It was too dark to see whose it was, but it didn’t matter. The lights were off in the hall, except for the nightlight that made sure nobody tripped, but he could see lights on downstairs. It was also starting to smell overwhelmingly sweet in the air. Oh god, he knew what this was. He wandered downstairs and peered into the kitchen. There was Harry, as expected, busily mixing something. There seemed to already be something else in the oven too. Anne was watching at the kitchen island, tucked in a big furry robe with a cup of coffee. She also had a little pile of Christmas gifts she was in the middle of wrapping next to her, although she was paused on that for the moment. They were chatting very quietly to each other as to not wake anyone up, which seemed silly, considering Harry had a mixer going just moments before. It was funny watching the two of them talk like they were old friends rather than mother and son. It even almost looked like it, with Anne’s silly messy topknot bun, like all the girls seemed to sport these days. 

“Harry?” Louis murmured into the kitchen, hoping not to startle them.

He jumped a bit anyways, and turned in dismay. 

“Oh, no, go back to bed!” Harry flapped his hands a bit. 

“Harry, no. Don’t need all this.”

“You’re getting it. Shoo, don’t want you to know what I’m making, please. Wanted it to be a big surprise, breakfast tray and then a nice cake after dinner and presents.”

God. He really was the mushiest person alive. Louis felt overwhelmed at how fucking sweet he was, at how much he cared about every little thing. Nobody deserved him. 

Anne was watching this exchange, amused. 

“Why’re you up, Anne? Afraid your son is going to burn the house down?” Louis averted his eyes from what was in Harry’s bowl.

“I’m behind on Christmas gifts. You know how it is, always think you’re on track for the holidays until you’re not. Just keeping him company.”

“Did you know he was intending to do this?”

Anne nodded, and Louis sighed. This family. 

“Alright, alright, I’ll go back to bed, then. I’ll pretend I didn’t know, okay? I’ll act surprised.”

“Good.” Harry smiled, his dimple making an appearance. “Oh, and don’t go into the lounge.”

“Oh, for heaven’s sakes, Harold. You don’t listen to me at all sometimes.” Louis felt himself grinning. Tomorrow was going to be a good birthday for once. Harry was right. 

~

Zayn rolled over to his side, feeling very uncomfortable. He was a big puffy whale, everywhere. Liam insisted his face wasn’t puffy, but he wasn’t so sure. It was New Year’s Eve, but he and Liam weren’t doing anything at all. He imagined Liam would probably come into the bedroom at midnight with a bottle of something silly, some fizzy drink, but that would be it. Anything else was far too much of a strain, and too much of a worry for them to think about. Every little change in how he was feeling was enough to set both of them off in a fit of worry, even though he was firmly on anti-seizure and antihypertensive medication just in case. It didn’t matter, though, and they still fretted. They were waiting for the fourth, for Zayn to get a C-section, and it was taking forever. It had been decided to wait just a little bit longer to give the baby a chance to grow just a bit more, but the waiting was absolutely horrible. All he really did was sit in bed and doodle little drawings out, sometimes with a program playing in the background on his laptop. The drawings usually filled the bed by the end of the day, even though they were useless, and Zayn felt they were rubbish. But they passed the time. 

Liam had busied himself at the time with carefully packing their overnight bags and doing a lot of reading on pre-eclampsia, but now that he was done with that, he prowled around the house and did nothing. It was infuriating, but Zayn couldn’t do anything about it. His sisters came by when they could, and Doniya was absolutely filled with worry, so she came by as much as possible, but other than that, any other interactions with anyone were confined to Liam. Well, except Perrie, who spent all her afternoons with Zayn while Liam worked his shifts. That was almost as annoying as having Liam hover. Harry and Louis, and even sometimes Niall, would Facetime him sometimes. Harry even once stopped by with some sort of dumb natural remedy for him. But he understood why they couldn’t come by much. They needed to get ready for their own babies, and there’d also been the stress of the holidays. He got it. Didn’t mean he liked feeling it. 

“How’re you feeling, babe?” Liam poked his head into the bedroom. 

“Not great, Liam. Kinda dizzy, rather mopey.” Zayn was trying so hard to remind himself the baby would be here in just a few days and he’d get better after that, but it just seemed so far away. 

“Dizzy?”

“I don’t know.”

“Zayn.”

“I feel okay, just don’t want to get up.”

“Don’t like that much.”

“Did you have anything silly planned for New Year’s?”

“Trying to divert me, eh?” Liam cracked a smile. “Nothing, really. Just a kiss.”

“Spoiled the surprise now.” Zayn was teasing, but watched Liam’s face waver. Lord, he was bad with sarcasm. “Didn’t mean it. Looking forward to it.” 

“But you said you feel dizzy and don’t want to get up?”

“I’m on anti-seizure meds, Liam. Yeah, I feel rubbish. But it’s just four more days.” Zayn sorely wished he had paid attention to the C-section video they were meant to watch in pregnancy class. Liam hadn’t even been there that day. He and Liam had Googled it, but it wasn’t exactly the same effect. As much as he wanted the baby out, the whole process seemed so gruesome. 

“I think I’ll call and check, just in case.”

Zayn rolled his eyes and attempted to turn on his side, although it was rather difficult. Liam called the hospital and muttered away to them about how Zayn was feeling, answering with a few solemn “okays” every now and then. 

Zayn rolled back over with effort after Liam hung up the phone. 

“Well?”

“They want me to take you in to check on you and the baby.”

“Liiiii-am. Please. I don’t want to get up. It’s too soon.” Zayn felt panicked. If they wanted him in, there must be something wrong. He knew he had to go, if that was the case. But it seemed terrifying. He must have started crying a bit without noticing, as he found Liam wiping his face off gently with a tissue.

“It’s okay, Zayn. They’re just doing a check. You’ll be okay.”

“Okay, okay.” Zayn took the tissue and sat up. “Help me up, let’s go.”

They both understood it was just a check-up, but somehow, they knew it wasn’t going to be just that.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn goes into labour.

“Go easy, Zayn. Don't go too fast, now.” Liam brought Zayn to hospital reception, shifting Zayn’s hospital bag onto his other shoulder. They’d decided to bring it in case it was decided Zayn had to stay. There was no harm in it. 

The receptionist looked up at Zayn and smiled a bit, eying up his big stomach. Zayn turned to Liam, hoping he’d respond for him. Liam instead jerked his head slightly in the direction of the receptionist and made an encouraging face. Well, fuck you, then, Zayn thought. Of all the days to work on his shyness.

“Um, hi, I think I need to go up to Maternity, I’m not in labour but we called a bit earlier and they wanted me to come in?”

“Sure, love. We’ll need you to fill this out.” She passed a form to Zayn. That got a look out of Liam. 

“Shouldn’t we just be able to go upstairs? Zayn might be having complications.”

“Unless he’d been rushed in for emergency care, he still has to fill out the form. It won’t take too long.”

Liam scowled as Zayn dragged him to the seats to fill it out. It was all very general, asking why he was here and that. Liam watched offhandedly over Zayn’s shoulder, looking antsy. 

“Something you want to say, Liam?”

“Just wonder if we should call anybody. Your sister, maybe?”

“Why don’t we wait to see what the doctor says.” Zayn patted Liam’s knee. “You’re the one that keeps saying not to worry. Really trying here, okay? So let me just fill this out, they’ll run an ultrasound probably, and then tell me to rest until the fourth.”

Liam nodded and looked around the waiting room instead. It was a bit fuller than Zayn expected, although he supposed people tended to have a lot of things happen on New Year’s Eve. It was only evening but people were probably drunk and stupid already. The form only had a few questions left, and he hoped he could go right up to Maternity, as he didn’t need to be checked out in Emergency first. 

Suddenly, Zayn felt all his innards seize up, like someone was putting a clamp on all his insides. Fuck. Zayn put down the clipboard and took a deep breath. 

“What’s wrong, Zayn?” Liam immediately jerked out of his aimless people-watching. 

“My stomach,” Zayn waved his hand stiffly in the direction of his stomach, trying to take another deep breath. “Feels like everything is being twisted.”

Almost as fast as it had come, it faded away again. It was too late to soothe Liam, though. He was headed towards the desk. 

“Liam, come back...” Zayn picked up the clipboard again, determined to finish the questions. “Almost done, just hold on. Nothing that lady can do.”

Zayn felt sorry for Liam, almost as sorry as he felt for himself. He knew Liam had put a lot of pressure on himself to be a good caretaker the entire time Zayn was pregnant, and all this health trouble had put him into overdrive. Liam ignored Zayn and tried to plead for them to go upstairs immediately, although Zayn was right behind him only moments later with the form.

“S’okay, Liam. All done.” He handed the form over to the lady, but then felt another one of those terrible little crampy feelings come on. It wasn’t quite as horrible feeling or unexpected as the last one, but it still made Zayn cling to the edge of the desk to keep his balance. 

The receptionist looked a little concerned, particularly after she read the form. “Alright, love, go head up to Reception in the Maternity wing, it’s to the left on the third floor. They’ll tell you where to go next.”

~

“Hello Zayn, we heard from your partner earlier, didn’t we? Susan had it marked in the book to expect you at some point.” The doctor on call was a nice younger woman named Dr. Shinwari, whom Zayn thought was Pakistani like him. He was presently gowned up and having an exam to see what sort of direction the baby was sitting in and how they were doing. Liam was in the waiting room, probably tearing his hair out in agony, but Zayn always found he didn’t really like having anyone in the room while he was getting checked out. He knew it was silly, Liam knew what it all looked like, but there was just something very undignified about the whole process. 

“Yeah, he’s pretty worried.” 

“Have you noticed any changes in baby’s movements, Zayn?”

He had, actually. He didn’t think about it at the time, but baby had been quite still all afternoon. It had kind of come as a bit of a break. “Yeah, not moving as much as usual.”

“Well, I’m not sure if you’ll be happy or concerned to hear that it looks like you’re already a couple centimetres dilated, Zayn. Looks like baby wanted to be ahead of schedule. You experienced a couple small contractions, earlier. That’s what you were feeling.”

“What?” Zayn rubbed his eye a bit. “I’m meant to have a C-section in a couple days, though. Coming early by itself?”

“It appears so.”

“But what about...?” Zayn struggled to formulate what he was trying to say. He now wished he’d let Liam into the room. Liam could express his concerns far too easily. “Can we bring Liam in? Feel stressed. Don’t feel good.”

“Sure.” Dr. Shinwari removed her gloves and rang front desk, asking Susan the Receptionist to send Liam in. He was there in a moment’s notice, terrified the doctor had found something wrong. 

“If you want to take a seat, Liam. I was just explaining to Zayn here that he’s actually gone into labour, that’s why he was feeling so funny.”

“But...” Liam’s face looked as perplexed as Zayn’s. “Are they going to do a C-section now? Couldn’t labour cause eclampsia? Why is the baby so early on its own?”

“I don’t think anyone can say for sure. Sometimes babies are just early, which is just somewhat coincidental with our own plans for it. I’m going to recommend just monitoring Zayn for now, keeping a careful eye on his blood pressure until we decide to go ahead with labour or a C-section. The pre-eclampsia was caught quite early on and it’s being treated, so it’s all about just monitoring how he’s doing.”

This was all too much. Zayn wanted his mother immediately. Another contraction reared its ugly head and he whimpered. 

Liam looked very stony. Finally, he spoke. “It’s a good thing I brought the overnight bag.”

It was such a ludicrous thing to say that it made Zayn laugh. That was what Liam’s overwhelmed mind had landed on. Liam began to laugh unsurely beside Zayn, simply because he was. Dr. Shinwari let out a tiny chuckle then got up from her chair. 

“Let’s get you two settled in a proper room, alright? Now’s a good time to just rest, before labour really revs up. Do you need help up, Zayn?”

“No, I think I’ve got it.” Zayn reached for Liam anyways, despite just telling Dr. Shinwari he was okay. 

~

“Zayn?” Perrie peered around the doorway to the labour room. Thank god, someone else was here. She looked quite dressed up, like she’d been at a party. Usually, Zayn would feel guilty, but it was Perrie. This was one of those things she could quit going to a party for. 

It had only been a few hours, but the pain was horrific. A few other obstetricians had come to take a look at him, and told him it was his choice whether he wanted to go through with natural delivery or a C-section, as the pre-eclampsia was under good control. Zayn couldn’t decide, even though he knew Liam was gunning for the C-section, so go through with at least some labour he must. He knew it was his fault, so he’d have to deal with the pain, but he just couldn’t make a decision. A lot of it had to do with the scar he’d have after. Really didn’t want it at all. 

They’d called Perrie and Zayn’s sisters, but neither Doniya nor Waliyha had picked up. They’d sent text messages to them as well, which they saw Doniya had read, but there had been no reply. Zayn had figured this, though. His family would be having a big party, and he doubted either of them could bring their phone out for more than a moment lest a relative looked over their shoulder. But he knew Doniya. She’d be working out an alibi. She’d come. 

“Per,” Zayn waved a little bit, taking a deep breath. Breathing was a bit difficult from all the pains. “Come over here.”

“How are you feeling, babe?” Perrie tottered over in her heels. “Sorry I didn’t answer you right away, I couldn’t hear my phone.” 

“Figured you didn’t.” Zayn felt his face screw up as another contraction came. He was trying so hard not to make disgusting noises, but the urge was strong. “I’m not stellar, can probably tell.”

“And you, Liam?”

Liam was slumped in the chair beside Zayn looking mopey. He smiled at Perrie anyway. “I’m alright, just trying to keep myself calm.”

“I thought you were supposed to have all this done in a few days.”

“Little brat decided to come early, all by themself.” 

“Independent. Like you.” Perrie dragged the chair by the door over and sat down, removing her heels and wiggling her toes. 

“Me? Independent?” 

“Honestly, Zayn.” Perrie took off her furry little jacket and draped it over the chair. “You’ve never let anyone tell you how to live your life. I mean, look at your bloody arms.”

Zayn glanced down at the many tattoos. He supposed Perrie was right, although it always seemed like he needed someone. But he always did do what he wanted, regardless of the circumstances. He supposed this pregnancy was a testament to that. 

“Per? Should I stick this out or get a C-section?”

“Oh, god, I would get the C-section. Imagine what it’d look like down there, after. Be awful for weeks and weeks and weeks. And then it might never be as strong, the muscles. My mum’s always going off about how she’s leaky now because she had us kids.”

Well, that was a rather convincing argument. Liam nodded in agreement. 

“Maybe I should, then.” Zayn took another laboured breath. 

“You alright, love?” Liam reached over and gently dabbed Zayn’s brow. 

“Just give me a little more time to think. Ripping a whole baby out of my stomach.”

“Doctors are probably going to want an answer pretty soon. Setting up to do a surgery takes a bit.”

“I know, I know, alright?” Zayn felt his body seize up as a bigger contraction hit him. A shrill noise that Zayn didn’t know belonged to him left his mouth and he panted heavily, just trying to breathe through it. Liam rubbed his lower back gently and mumbled little things to him, but Zayn could hardly hear what they were over the pain. 

Perrie raised an eyebrow. “And you considered going through with this, Zayn?”

“I know, I know. It’s stupid. I’m so dumb, I know. FUCK.” 

Perrie and Liam both leapt back a bit. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Just really hurt there.” Zayn let out a low moan as the pain started to recede a little again. “Hard to breathe through it.”

“Did you want me to go get a nurse or Dr. Shinwari, then? Let them know that you want to have the C-section?” Liam poured Zayn a glass of water and offered it to him. Zayn tried to take a sip but still struggled to regain his breath.

“Yeah, you can tell them. Maybe try Doniya again, too?”

“I will.” Liam got up and rushed out of the room, leaving Zayn and Perrie, who picked up his hand and petted it. Zayn silently thanked above that Perrie had made it, as it was the closest he had to family in the room. 

“Really don’t feel good, Perrie."

“I think that’s expected.”

“Maybe.” Zayn wasn’t so sure, though. It’s not like he’d never paid attention in class, despite how it often looked. The thought of going into multiple seizures and suffocating to death loomed too. “Don’t know, though. Glad the nurse is coming.” 

God, all this was exhausting, like he’d been working out far too long. He reached for his cup of water, but even that seemed like too much effort. 

“Here, I’ll get it for you, silly.” Perrie got up and handed his cup over, but holding it was too much. Zayn felt his fingers give out under him, dropping the plastic cup all over his front. 

“Oh, what happened, love?” Perrie got up to get some paper towel and refill the cup. 

“Dunno...” Zayn mumbled. His felt just like it wasn’t working for him. Nothing wanted to move. 

“Zayn?” Perrie suddenly looked very worried and came right over to his face. “Are you with me?”

“Of course I’m with ‘ya.” Zayn reached up to rub his eye. Lord, it took long enough. Why did she look so worried? “I’m with ‘ya.”

“Zayn!” 

~

“Oh, look, he’s waking up, shh, shhh.” 

The room slowly came into focus. It was different from the one Zayn had been in originally. Softer, a little less clinical. There was a potted plant in the corner by the door. Lots of people in the room. Zayn tried to focus on them. Oh, there was Liam, good, good Liam waiting at the edge of the bed. Who else? A nurse checking his vitals, someone else by his head. Doniya. Zayn tried a bit to reach out for her hand or face.

“Easy, Zayn, it’s okay. Just take it slow.” Doniya smiled at him. 

“Where’s...?”

“Wali and Saf are waiting outside, they didn’t want you crowded. Perrie’s with them, and some really pregnant mates of yours.”

They all came. Zayn felt full. Everybody cared enough to come. 

“Look who else is here, Zayn.” Doniya gently turned Zayn’s head towards the other side of the room. 

“Hello sunshine.” Trisha got up and came over to the bed. 

“Mumma.” Zayn knew he was crying already, but then, he could see she was too. 

“Dad’s here too, sunshine, he’s here.” Trisha pointed to Zayn’s father, tucked in the corner, looking a little more nervous than anything. 

Dr. Shinwari came in. Zayn was glad to see she was still there, rather than being swapped out with another doctor at the end of her shift. 

“Alright, let’s not crowd Zayn. How are you feeling, dear?”

“Tired.” Zayn looked down to see his stomach looked deflated. “Where’s my baby? What’s happened?”

“Was just getting to that, love.” Dr. Shinwari looked over a chart on her clipboard then whispered a short instruction to a nurse. “She’s in the neonatal unit. She needed some help breathing and she’s small, but she’s here.”

A girl. Zayn felt himself cry harder. Little girl. It was perfect to have a girl. A boy would have seemed wrong in their family. 

Dr. Shinwari was still talking. “But you had a little side effect from your pre-eclampsia that we didn’t pick up on. Sometimes it can cause a blood clot on the leg, which can sometimes travel to the lungs. You passed out on us and we found it, so we were able to get enough blood thinners in you fast enough. We made sure you were stable and the baby was still well, then we performed a C-section.”

“Oh.” Zayn wiped his face. 

“Weighs four pounds three ounces,” Trisha spoke up. “Born at 12:05am, January 1st.” 

“Close to my birthday.” It was a dumb thing to say, but Zayn couldn’t think of anything else. “Has anyone seen her?”

“Everyone’s had a little peek, but that’s just about it.” Trisha reached over and tidied a piece of Zayn’s hair. 

“When do I get to?”

“They told us they should be able to bring her in quite soon. She’s doing well.” 

Zayn nodded then tried to turn to Liam. “How have you even been managing?” 

Liam laughed. “I went a little nuts, but there were a lot of people around me telling me to settle down. My parents are here now, they just got here just awhile ago. But I stayed on the line with my mum for quite some time while they were driving.”

“But everything’s going to be okay now.” Zayn still felt so tired. Relief was washing over him and it was making him just want to sleep again. 

Trisha cleared her throat quietly. “If nobody minds, I was wondering if Zayn and I might have a word privately? Just before we all meet the baby and things get crazy.”

Doniya nodded and beckoned for Liam to follow her, who looked like he didn’t want to but did so anyway. Dr. Shinwari also nodded. 

“I’ll go down to neonatal and see if she’s ready to come up soon.”

Once the room cleared out except for his parents, Zayn felt nervous. He knew it was silly. His mother was clearly here because she wanted to be, and he hoped his father was too. But it had been months and months since he’d last spoke to either of them. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn’t notice his mother was crying again, until Yaser came over and wrapped an arm around her. 

“Zayn, my angel, I am so sorry. I have been the worst mother to you, the very worst. Wasn’t there to support you because I was angry and stubborn and not trying to understand you. I was so angry because I felt you had ruined your life, and I was angry because you had done things I considered to be awful. But I forgot that parents are supposed to help their children through difficult patches in their lives, even if it’s something I don’t believe is smart or right. Was so selfish that I couldn’t even work up the courage to ask how you were, once.”

Yaser was putting his hands to his eyes and rubbing them, as if he were trying hard to keep tears from falling himself. He finally spoke, which came as a shock for Zayn. He was never much of a talker, so hearing him again after no words for months was strange sounding.

“We’re here to ask for forgiveness, even though we don’t deserve it as parents who didn’t stick by their child. We’ve learned our lesson very dearly today.”

Seeing his father cry a little bit was even worse than seeing his mother cry a great deal. Of course Zayn forgave them. He never had not forgiven them, even though he knew how unkind they’d been. 

“Please don’t cry, either of you. Love you, we’re all here now. All happy, all a big family. First grandchild, that’s a happy thing. Don’t cry. Not angry with you.”

“Really?” Trisha tried to pay her eyes dry to spare at least some of her makeup, but it was a bit too late for that.

“Really. Love you both so much.” Zayn reached his arms out for a hug, to which Trisha responded. Finally. It was just what he’d needed for months. Yaser gave him one after, although it was a cautious little hug. That was the way his father was, though. A reserved man, and that was fine. He wasn’t angry or ashamed with Zayn anymore.

Dr. Shinwari poked the door open slightly. “Hello Malik family? We’ve got someone I think you all want to meet on her way.”

This was the big moment. Liam and Doniya were ushered back in. A nurse came in a few moments later, holding a very tiny little bundle. Zayn tried very hard to stay calm and take deep breaths. 

“Here we are, darling.” The nurse handed Zayn the bundle. It felt like air, like a little baby wasn’t’ even in it. “She’s breathing on her own now, although we’re going to pop her back in neonatal in awhile.”

Zayn tucked the edge of the blanket down to see her face. Little and scrunchy. But with great big eyes, like Zayn. She was awake, but not really looking at anything. If Zayn remembered class properly, she couldn’t see anything clearly at this point. 

“Oh my god.” Liam’s face was pressed close to Zayn’s, looking over the tiny little thing. He was crying quite a lot, but had the biggest grin that Zayn had ever seen on him. “My daughter, oh my god.”

“Do you want to hold her?”

Liam nodded, and the nurse helped move her into Liam’s arms. He looked completely natural with her, and never happier. “Need a perfect name for you, beautiful. Do you remember any of the ones we considered, Zayn? I bloody can’t now.”

“Always thought Hafsa was pretty.” Zayn couldn’t stop staring at how lovely and perfect Liam and the baby looked together. “Means lioness.”

“I like that. Hello Hafsa.”

“D’you, d’you mind if I pick her middle name too?”

“What did you have in mind?” Liam shifted Hafsa to hold her better. 

“Wanted her middle name to be Doniya.”

Doniya lit up at this. “Oh, bubba, don’t have to.”

“Please? I want to. Is that okay, Liam?” 

“Of course it is.” Liam seemed too enamoured with staring at the baby to really care what on earth they called her. 

“Hafsa Doniya Malik-Payne, then.” 

Liam finally looked back up. “Does someone else want to hold her?” 

“It’s okay, babe. Everyone will get a turn. You enjoy.” Zayn settled back down into the pillows. Everyone that Zayn loved was near. Everything was perfect.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall goes into labour.

What the hell was that? Niall awoke feeling wet and disgusting. Still pitch dark out. His phone confirmed it was only about two in the morning. Feck. It was a possibility he’d pissed himself. He had to go to the bathroom a lot these days. He waddled out of bed and flicked the light on and pulled off his tracksuit bottoms and pants. Well, it wasn’t piss. Actually, it was a lot less than Niall expected, just some clear liquid. Not a lot. 

“DAD?” 

Niall heard Bobby leap out of bed and rush to Niall’s room. “Wot is it, son?”

Niall realized he was buck naked from the waist down, but it didn’t really matter. “Dad, look.” 

Bobby, who was never a squeamish man, went and took a look at Niall’s pants. “Have an accident?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then yer water broke.”

“’Ya think so? I don’t feel anything, nothing.”

Bobby shrugged. “Don’t know what else it could be. What d’ya wanna do?”

“Suppose we should go to th’ hospital.” Niall went and got a new pair of boxers and put them on, then sat on the bed. This seemed very strange, to be treating this whole thing so calmly. It seemed everyone always needed to rush out the door to have babies. It felt a little surreal to just sit in puzzlement instead. 

“If ‘ya want."

Niall shrugged also and lay down on the bed, feeling his stomach a bit. He supposed it was about the right time to be having her. Nothing felt different, though, nothing at all. Bobby seemed so convinced it was his water breaking, though. 

“Just t’ check ‘ya out. They might send ‘ya back. Sent Denise back the first time to rest until contractions got stronger.”

“Middle of the night, can’t we just sleep and wait?”

“Neither of us are gonna be sleepin’.”

Niall’s father, for once, had a point. They spent awhile collecting things they might need for the hospital, mostly things like Niall’s laptop and all his cords and some pyjamas. Niall got out his old football bag from when he was younger and jammed everything inside, thinking it probably would have been smart to have some sort of system to how he packed. Usually, he liked being very organized whenever he had to travel anywhere, but even though he wasn’t in a rush, it just didn’t seem important to be so tidy now. 

Bobby had disappeared into the bathroom, and came back with all the things Niall used to do his hair, his flat iron and that, which Niall thought was a nice gesture. He didn’t know how much use they’d get in the hospital, but he packed them anyway.

“Ready t’ go, son?” Bobby wrung his hands a bit. He was more strung up about this than Niall was, a lot more so. Maybe it just hadn’t hit Niall yet. 

“Feel fine, dad. Really. We can go, if ‘ya just help me up.”

Bobby helped Niall to his feet and into some fresh tracksuit bottoms, and out to the car. It was cold, way too bloody cold. Niall yawned, the freezing air making him feel like he just wanted to run back to the safety of his bed. 

~

Maternity was in no rush to help Niall. That was okay, though, as he wasn’t in any rush himself. They were dealing with a birth at the moment, and it was sapping up a lot of their staff. The lady running the reception desk would occasionally look up and ask Niall how he was feeling, but all he felt was sleepy. He didn’t want to scare anyone by jumping the gun and texting them how he might be in labour either, so his phone was a bit useless as well, other than a few stupid games. 

“Sure we shouldn’t call yer mother there?” Bobby yawned and picked up a magazine resting on the side table next to his chair. It was a parenting magazine from a few years ago and Bobby looked less than riveted. 

“Just wait ‘til they check me out.” Niall slumped further in his chair.

The desk woman looked up again. “Did you lads want me to change the channel? The news isn’t very interesting this late at night.”

“Don’t know if anyting is on ESPN but you can throw it on.” Niall put his phone back in his pocket. Not even the games were helping him stay awake. 

The lady laughed a bit and change the channel on the telly mounted on the wall. “Not too surprised you lads wanted it on.”

It was an old recap of the games that day, but that was okay. Better than nothing. He noticed his father kept nodding off and jerking awake again, pretending he hadn’t been asleep. Niall felt irritated. They should have just stayed home. 

“Niall?”

Niall and Bobby both turned. It was a middle-aged nurse at the edge of the corridor. 

“Did you want to come with me, love? Give you a lookie-loo? Sorry about the wait, we’ve had a long night. I’m Candy, by the way.”

“Yeh.” Niall heaved himself out of his chair. Despite feeling nervousness and even a little dread about being a parent soon, he was really looking forward to not being stuck every time he sat down. Or even just walking at a less slow pace. 

“How’re you feeling, love?” The nurse guided him into a room that looked somewhat suspiciously like one of the rooms in his obstetrician’s office and handed him a gown. “You can go change in that little stall over there.”

Niall took the gown and closed the curtain to the little stall. This was a nice touch. Didn’t have these at the obstetrician’s. “Not bad, don’t feel anything, really. Just wanted t’ know wot was up.”

This was a different sort of gown. Had snaps up the shoulder, which was a bit finicky and weird. Ah well, Niall supposed. Didn’t matter. He wobbled out to the examination bed, and crawled up onto it. Candy patted the stirrups for Niall to put his feet in, which used to be weird feeling and embarrassing but was just par for the course these days. It took her about two seconds before she removed her fingers. 

“You’re about two centimetres dilated, Niall. I’m going to run a few more tests to see how your baby is doing, but you’re definitely in early labour.”

“Don’t feel anything.”

“You will.”

“Can I go home ‘til it gets worse?”

“Normally, I’d say yes, as soon as I checked the rest of you out. No point wasting a bed that could go do someone who needs it. But, I hate to tell you that at the moment, we keep all male pregnancies in the hospital for the duration of labour. We don’t know as much as we should yet, and there tends to be a lot higher chance of complications, so we like to keep an eye on you.”

Niall felt a huff leave him. Of course they did. “Wot am I meant t’ do, then?”

“We’ll get you all kitted out with a room after I speak with the doctor on call. You father can go home and sleep until the morning, or we can set up a room for family members.”

Bobby looked practically asleep, but tried to rouse himself. “Oh, dey ‘ave those? Sounds just fine t’ me.” He looked pensive for a moment. “Should call yer mother.”

“Go ahead.” Niall settled back down on the bed as Candy bustled off to talk to her superiors. 

“’Lo, Maura? No...no, don’t panic, yeh, we’re at th’ hospital. No, said don’t panic. Nialler’s started labour, but dey just told us t’ sleep it off for now.”

There was a pause. Niall couldn’t really hear his mother, but she didn’t sound happy. She was staying in a hotel right now, which Niall thought was a bit stupid. She could just stay at the house while waiting for him to go into labour, but she and Bobby had decided that wasn’t for the best. His brother and family in tow were also staying in the hotel, because the nursery was now set up and they didn’t want to “crowd him.” Lord. 

“No, no, listen. Nothin’s happening. Don’t get up. Maura. Just wanted t’ let ‘ya know. Come down in th’ morning.” Another pause. “Because I didn’t want t’ spring it on ‘ya in the morning. And no, didn’t tink it necessary t’ tell ‘ya as soon as we knew.” Bobby made a sour face. 

“Chrissakes, don’t fuckin’ fight right now.” Niall took off his sock with a bit of difficulty and threw it at his father. 

Bobby’s face turned into a smile. “We’ve just been told off by th’ kid. Meet us in th’ morning, alright?” 

She seemed to agree this time because Bobby hung up and threw the sock back. “Enjoy being king of th’ world for now, bucko, won’t last.”

~

“Holy fucking SHIT!” Niall bent forward and panted, holding his sides. “What the hell time is it?”

Maura rubbed Niall’s lower back in slow motions. “Breathe. About noonish. Remember, darlin’, you’re not even half-way dilated.”

“JESUS that’s not fucking FAIR.” This was the very worst thing in the world. Niall had seen the video. He saw the woman in pain. But it couldn’t possibly be as bad feeling as what he was feeling now. “Hate this all, fuck.”

“Is it easing up at all? Should really try the labour tub.”

“Not catchin’ me dead in that thing. Nooooo.” Niall felt himself roar a bit as his stomach clenched once more then finally released. “Where’s Greg?” 

“They left for a little bit t’ get some lunch. ‘Ya told him to bring ‘ya a box of chicken nuggets, remember?”

Right, he had. This labour was fucking with him. He fumbled for his laptop and unpaused Step Brothers. It did help to blow some of the time. He knew he’d only been awake and having any contractions for about four hours, but it had been the longest four hours ever possible. 

“Tank God, I’m not too late.”

Niall turned towards the door. “Oh, god, no no no.”

Sean stood awkwardly in the doorway, holding his snapback stiffly like he was told to take off his hat in a church. Maura and Bobby immediately looked tense, but held their tongue. He wasn’t leaving and Niall had nothing to say to him. Closing his eyes was the only way to make this all go away. 

“Ni?” He sounded closer. Niall opened his eyes to see him leaning over the bed, looking anxious. 

“Wot...wot d’ya want, Sean? I can’t talk right now.”

“Not a little bit? Please? Please, Niall.”

Niall glanced at his parents. They both looked so disapproving. “How’d ‘ya find out?”

“Yer brother. ‘E called me this morning.”

Fuck Greg. 

“Look, I’m...” Niall closed his eyes again and tried very hard not to cry. “Listen, take me on a walk up th’ hallway, could use the walk. Say wot ‘ya need t’ say.”

Sean looked relieved and offered his arms to help Niall up. He ignored them for now and struggled up on his own, grabbing the long cardigan the hospital gave him to cover up the partially open backside of his hospital gown. 

“All good?” Sean let his rejected arms flop at his sides. 

“All good. Let’s go, then.” Niall left the bedroom, leaving his parents to probably argue about whether he should get together with Sean or not. Almost as quickly, he was hit with another contraction and doubled over, putting a hand on the wall for support. “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, JUST BLOODY FUCKIN...”

“Right, okay.” Sean put his hand on Niall’s shoulder, the other supporting his side. “D’ya need help?”

“No.” Niall struggled but managed to get up, although he relented and held Sean’s arm for balance. “Can ‘ya please note tat on yer phone or somethin’? When it started.”

Sean recorded what time it was in his phone and nodded. “Right...”

“Start talking.” Niall felt a little cruel, but he didn’t want to be messed with anymore.

“Okay,” Sean bit his lip, looking like he was straining to sort his thoughts. “Right, so, it’s like this. I’m...I didn’t mean for my emotions to blow up like dey did. I really, really, really fucked up. I didn’t know wot t’ make of anything. I had this great time fuckin’ ‘ya, and I thought, I thought we’d ‘ave a cuddle after and talk about all sorts of shit, and then ‘ya said it was just the beers. I’m not blamin’ ‘ya, but then I thought I’d got it wrong.” Sean paused momentarily to put his other hand on Niall’s back as he doubled over again. Fuck feeling so vulnerable. “Should I go on? Give ‘ya a minute?”

Niall flapped his hand. “Go, go on. Feck, jaysus.” Niall felt himself expelling air like a whale from his mouth. “Go on.”

“Then ‘ya got pregnant, and I really panicked. Thought ‘ya didn’t want t’ be with me, but then I got more confused and thought ‘ya did. Then I started tinkin’ about everything a baby meant, like, how it was fer the rest of me life. Then I thought about me parents and how furious they’d be if they knew I’d knocked ‘ya up or if they thought I was gay. But then I couldn’t stop thinkin’ about how I didn’t feel gay and I couldn’t explain meself. And then every time I tried t’ express me worries, concerns, I couldn’t articulate them, which really made ‘ya mad and I’m sorry. Know they made no sense. But it came down t’ feeling really fucked up about me feelings for ‘ya and not wanting t’ be a parent so young. And being terrified of me parents and the repercussions with ‘em. And somethin’ inside me was so frustrated and confused, Ni, because I knew how I felt about ‘ya but couldn’t rectify it within me own sexuality.” 

Jesus. That was a lot to take in all at once. Niall’s head was spinning with all these details. He had just been so open. “Did ‘ya tell yer parents?”

Sean stayed quiet for a moment. “I did, yeh. They’re angry with me.”

“Owe ‘ya an apology, Sean.” Niall spotted a small alcove with two chairs and a small sofa, along with several magazines and headed towards there as the contraction subsided. The walk down the hall already was too tiring for long. “Every day since our big fight, been beatin’ meself up over keepin’ the pregnancy t’ try and keep you. Always justified why I kept ‘er, but the plain ‘n simple answer is tat I did it t’ make ‘ya stay, regardless of whether ‘ya did care fer me or not.” Fuck, there he went with the crying. He’d been doing so well, but the tears were falling hotly onto his big stomach now. 

Was Sean crying too? God almighty, he was, just a little. He never cried. Sean tipped his head up and tried to dab at his eye. “We’re a bloody mess, then, aren’t we? Just a couple a’ lads who could never express what dey’re feeling. But I know how I feel now. When I look at everyone else on the planet, right, I see either good lookin’ girls or lads I don’t care about. But yer all past that. It’s like everyone else is stuck on earth, and you’re the stars.”

Niall blinked at Sean. 

“Sorry, tat was really stupid, thought it sounded good. But I mean, like, maybe this’ll sound stupider, but I tink we were meant t’ be together, like, soulmates, or somethin’ dumb like that...” Sean petered off and looked at his hands. 

“Not stupid.” Niall was looking at his own, picking a little at a hangnail. Sean was a fucking romantic. He never knew. 

“Love you, Niall. And I wanna be there fer ‘ya and th’ baby. 

Niall tried to wipe his face up a bit and look him in the eye. “Love you too, but I’m afraid you’ll leave again. Know yer feelings are genuine, but I’m afraid yer next genuine feeling will be one of fear again.” 

Sean shook his head hard. “No, mean it. Please, Niall.”

“So, wot then? D’you move in? We’re boyfriends then? You’d be out an’ about in public as me boyfriend and father to th’ baby?”

Sean nodded. 

“Shit, Sean.” Niall gave Sean a little shove. He felt his face break into a smile, despite it being tear-streaked.

“Always regretted never kissin’ ‘ya tat night.”

“Do it now then, ‘ya dumb fuck.”

Sean pulled Niall in for a kiss, instantly tangling his hand in Niall’s presently messy hair. Warm, comforting, everything Niall wanted from kissing Sean. Maybe he wasn’t so off about that whole soulmate thing. 

Niall dragged himself off Sean’s lips, although his face stayed nearly pressed up against Sean’s. “Can ‘ya do somethin’ for me? As much as me mum tries, she doesn’t give a very strong back massage. Imagine ‘ya got much stronger hands than ‘er.”

“Anything.”

~

“Thirty-six hours, Niall, you’re a champion.” The nurse removed her glove. “But you’re at ten centimetres. Do you feel any urge to push at all?”

Niall groaned slightly. Thirty-six hours. Thirty-six bloody exhausting hours of torture. They’d given him an epidural around hour nine because he wouldn’t stop screaming, but that had worn off by now. Now there was nothing left to do but stay still and try to ride out each wave of pain. Everyone in the room looked utterly beat. Niall nearly felt sorry for them, but decided they should feel very sorry for him instead. They probably didn’t by now. 

“A little. Can probably try. Just wanna be done.”

“Good. I’m going to call the doctor in to help us out, here, okay?”

There was a bit of a hustle and bustle as a lot of hospital personnel came in and out and set Niall up. He had no doubt that they wanted him to be done as much as he wanted to be. He gave a half-hearted push as another contraction rolled around, but nothing came of it. Fuck it, this wasn’t going to work at all. He couldn’t even get his legs spread wide enough for this. He felt oafish, but got up and tried to crouch a bit instead. That was better. Everything felt more spread out and open, and he abruptly felt like he really could go for a good push, now that the baby was weighing down on him.

“Looks like yer gonna topple over sittin’ like tat.” Sean put a hand out onto Niall’s back, even though he was already holding firm onto the bars on the edge of the bed. 

“S’okay.” Niall panted a bit as another contraction came around and gave pushing another try. Lord almighty, that was worse than any contraction. He roared and tightened his grip on the bar. 

“The room is looking a little full, any chance we can clear it out a bit?” The doctor, who Niall sorely wished was his own obstetrician, frowned at there being four people in the room besides Niall and the nurses. Trouble was, he didn’t really want any of them to leave. Sean and his parents were non-negotiable, and he really didn’t know if Greg wanted to stay or not. It was pretty weird having his brother see him like this, but at the same time, Greg had always been such a person of support to him. 

Greg seemed to sense eyes on him. “I’ll stay out of the way, near th’ door.”

It made Niall feel soft and warm that his brother didn’t want to leave the room. The doctor tried again. “What about dad?” 

“NO,” Niall shouted, probably a bit unnecessarily. “Stayin’ ‘ere, not goin’ anywhere.”

The doctor gave up and nodded, then asked Niall to sit down from his crouching for a moment to see how he was doing. This position was terrible. As soon as the doctor was finished he scrambled back into his old position and tried to push again. More roaring. Fuck, this was hard. He had sort of hoped a good squeeze would have the baby sliding out. But nothing was fucking fast about this labour, it seemed. 

They worked on this for awhile, with the doctor getting increasingly frustrated with Niall’s position because he couldn’t see anything and watch the progress like he wanted.

Greg suddenly broke in. “D’you have a bloody birthing stool? Me wife gave birth on one.”

The doctor looked a little annoyed and nodded. Niall understood. He was a set-in-his ways fuck, is what. Liked births like you see on the telly, which Niall had learned by now was the complete opposite of what to expect. He was grateful for Greg, though, and once the nurse brought the stool in and set Niall up on it, everything felt so much easier. Sean was flitting nearby, unsure of whether to stay near Niall’s head or watch the proceedings. 

“G’watch, Sean. Yer own kid comin’ out.” Niall let out a strangled cry as he gave another push. 

“Good, Niall,” a kinder nurse than the dick doctor rubbed the inside of his thigh a bit. “She’s starting to crown, alright? Give another push when you feel ready.”

Niall felt someone behind him, and he realized it was his father helping him stay upright. It might have been a bit sweeter if he didn’t already know Bobby didn’t really want to see the gory baby coming out and was trying to keep his eyes out of the proceedings, but it seemed perfect to lean on his dad for the big finish. He screamed as he gave another push and grabbed onto Bobby’s hand, but Bobby stayed calm. 

“Good lad, that’s me boy”

“Niall, looks unbelievably sick. Holy shit.” Sean was grinning ear to ear. 

“’Cause it’s beautiful or disgustin’?” Niall loosened his grip on Bobby’s hand. 

“Well, disgustin’, but beautiful too, suppose.”

“Kick ‘ya from ‘ere.”

“Let’s have another try, Niall. You’re nearly there."

Niall gave another go at it, and this time, he could feel the baby rip him as she started to come through. His scream probably hurt everyone’s ears, but holy fuck. He was starting to feel blurry about the whole affair, like it wasn’t really happening, or like he was an outside observer. He faintly heard his mother tell him to look down, and he did so, just in time to see the little purple creature that was his daughter finish sliding out of him. 

Niall let out a cry and collapsed against his father. The doctor quickly cleared out her little mouth and soon her voice was added to the mix. The umbilical cord was cut, she was wiped off, and then whisked away. 

“No, where’s she, where’s she...?” Niall felt his arm flail out. 

“Get you on the bed, okay? We’ll put her on your chest.”

More chaos. Everyone helped Niall onto the bed and moments later the baby was put on his chest, screaming away. Niall wished the room would stop spinning round and round and stay still so he could look at her properly. 

She came into focus, and god, was she perfect. Little thing, but a perfect, fully formed little person. She was worth that labour, by far. Worth so much more than it. Niall started to cry, howling almost as much as his little girl. He couldn’t explain the tears, but supposed they were in response to everything that had happened these last forty weeks, all culminating in something so perfect. 

~

“Feel better now that yer clean, eh?” Sean ran his hand up Niall’s arm. It was finally quiet and peaceful, clear from any bustling nurses or family. The time between the birth and when everyone had to go home for the night had rushed by very fast, from all the pictures to the first feeding to everyone having to hold her, but now it was just Niall and Sean, nestled up into a family room for the night. Baby Girl Horan-Cullen was asleep now, tucked in her tiny hospital cot beside the bed. She was nice and pink now, rather than purple, and pretty much completely bald. The doctor had reported that she had come in at a whopping nearly nine pounds, which made Niall feel very sorry for his asshole. 

“Lot better. Sweated more than I ever ‘ad in me life.” Niall ran a hand through his damp hair. “You need a shower.” 

“Have it tomorrow.” Sean kept stroking Niall’s arm. “Need t’ name ‘er, y’know.”

“I ‘ad a name picked out, actually.” Niall shifted and pulled his leg forward a bit. God, his arse hurt. No position seemed exactly comfortable.

“Yeh? Go on, then.”

“Wanted t’ name her Maggie. I dunno, liked it. Think it suits her, too.”

Sean lit up. “Mairead, then? I like that.”

Niall forgot how Irish Sean could be sometimes, even more than him. He’d assumed her name would be Margaret, but Mairead was the equivalent. No harm in it. “Yeh, Mairead. You pick a middle name, too tired t’.”

Sean mulled this over. “Bridget,” he said finally, with firmness. 

Weird fucking choice. Not like they knew any Bridgets. But nobody was ever going to hear her middle name. Didn’t matter much, Niall had gotten Maggie for her first name. He nodded a bit, feeling very tired. 

“S’fine, Sean. So tired, though, need some sleep.”

Sean leaned in and gave Niall a kiss. “Sleep well, Ni. Gonna need it.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis goes into labour, followed by Harry.

“How are we doing, banana?” Anne poked her head into the lounge, holding a cup of tea. “Any closer together?”

“I’m doing okay.” Harry lay stretched out on the sofa, unable to move much. “They’re not. Actually, I think they’ve slowed down, haven’t had one in awhile.”

“I never know these days. I just worry.”

Harry nodded. He’d been plagued with Braxton Hicks contractions since Christmas, and they weren’t so bad, but still uncomfortable. They’d learned the cues of what one felt like, so nobody was exactly concerned Harry was in labour, but it kept everyone on their toes. 

“Where’s Louis, baby?”

“Taking a nap. We’re a bit lethargic.”

“Why don’t you go upstairs and join him, love? It’ll be more comfortable than the couch.”

Harry nodded again and dragged himself off the couch. His mother was right. The bed was wider, and it had been a bit precarious resting on the couch. The bedroom seemed far away, too far, but he eventually found himself sliding in next to Louis and tucking the covers around himself. 

Louis made a light moaning noise.

“You alright?”

“Fine, I was just enjoying having all the covers to myself until you took them all.”

“You have lots of covers.” 

“Mm.” Louis was particularly sulky. Harry understood. As big and tired as he was, Louis was bigger and more tired. He spent nearly all his time in bed these days and Harry knew he was utterly desperate to get the baby out of him. He was very antsy now, considering Zayn and Niall were now at home with their own babies and starting to get their bodies back.

Harry tried to settle into bed properly, but now he was faced with the struggle of finding just the right position that didn’t hurt his back. He knew he was probably being terribly annoying, squirming and writhing about in bed, and he was unsurprised when Louis flopped over to look at him.

“Could you settle there, love? All this moving about is going to shake the baby out of me.”

“Hm?”

“I’ve been having contractions for the last hour and a half but honestly I’ve been too tired to move or do anything about them. They don’t really feel like Braxton Hicks ones but they’re not bad. I was going to tell someone when they got a bit worse.”

“Louis!” Harry sat back up. “Should have said something. Have you been timing them to see if they’re closer together at all?”

“Eh, approximately. I think so. Don’t you make that judgy face.”

“Can we please tell mum?”

“Suppose. Really hope they’re real contractions, because they’re not so bad if they are.” Louis also sat up with much effort. 

~

“FUCKING FUCKBAG COCK WANKER CUNT FUCK FUCK!” Louis screeched, feeling another vile contraction come swinging around. It had been about an hour since they’d driven down to the hospital, and things had picked up rapidly within that seemingly short sixty minutes. It was the very worst thing in the entire world, and literally nothing helped. Sitting on the labour ball, popping him in the tub, rubbing his back, nothing. Everyone seemed a little frustrated, considering it had only been an hour, but Louis did not care. Everyone should be more respectful, he was pushing a baby out of himself. He knew Niall’s behaviour had been less than stellar for the duration of his labour, and everyone just petted his hair and told him to breathe. 

Harry sat next to Louis as he paced anxiously. “It’s not that nobody is being supportive, it’s just that I think they’re thinking you’ve got to steel yourself for it getting much worse.” 

“FUCK THEM.” 

“Louis.” Harry rubbed his stomach and looked slightly disapproving. Louis rationally knew he was being ridiculous and shrill, but it hurt so bloody much. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Louis leaned down and put his hands on his knees as the contraction subsided. “Why can’t I have the drugs yet?”

“It’s so early. If you beg enough you can probably get it soon.”

“I bloody well hope so.” Louis sat down on the edge of the bed. “They started out so okay.”

“Making me nervous for my own. Really, you all are.” Harry smiled. 

“Honestly, Harold, you’ll have your all-natural pool birth with orgasming through the pain or whatever New Age rubbish you’ve read up on, and it’ll go smoother than all of ours.” 

“I know you’re teasing. I’m not having her directly in the pool, I think.”

“Glad you considered it.”

Harry moved over to sit on the bed with Louis. “Lay down, we’ll have a little cuddle, right? Might be a bit of a full bed but we’ll fit. You’re little.”

This did sound nice, so Louis moved over and lay down. He was rather glad, a bit selfishly, that he was in labour before Harry. Harry had people around him who could help him through the birth, but he only had Harry. If he had his baby first, he wouldn’t really be able to be around. He understood, of course. Zayn had only briefly been able to pop by after Niall’s birth, and he doubted either of them would be able to stay long to visit himself or Harry. 

It was difficult cuddling, really, but it was nice companionship nonetheless. Whenever a contraction came about, Louis found himself still shouting and clinging to Harry’s hand, but he just let him. He preferred that reaction, really. Just letting him feel in pain without chastising him for it. Harry’s mum would poke her head in sometimes to make sure everything was still okay, but she was mostly letting Louis handle it himself. He appreciated that too. He wanted Harry there, but honestly, having a motherly figure hovering was far from his style. 

“Lou?”

Louis took a deep breath as a contraction subsided. “Wot, Harold?”

“I just felt something, felt quite unpleasant.”

“Are you having a contraction again like this afternoon?” Louis felt a pang of fear. Harry couldn’t have the baby now. He had to stick around through Louis’. 

“It kind of feels like it. It’s probably like earlier.”

“Do you want to tell your mum anyway?”

Harry sat up. “Maybe I should? I don’t know.”

Louis felt sulky. Now there was going to be a big fuss and he would be forgotten to go through labour alone. At best they’d share a room through it, until one of them had it first. Harry’s mum and sister would crowd around him though and give him all the attention and he’d be left at square one.

Harry got out of bed and toddled off down the hall to tell his mother anyway. Louis rolled over half-heartedly and fiddled with a frayed edge on the blanket. He knew how selfish it was, but god, he wanted Harry to be there. Just someone who wasn’t a nurse to hold his hand. He supposed there was one way to do it, and it would certainly hurt less. 

“Harry?” Louis called out half-heartedly, hoping he’d hear and come back down the hall. 

Harry came back around the edge of the doorframe. “Yes?”

“I think I’m going to ask for a C-section. I don’t think I want to go through the pain of labour, I’m not doing well with this. We know I’m not.”

“Yeah? Did you just decide that now?” Harry came back in and sat down on the edge of the bed. 

“I did. I just don’t want to do it. We know what I’m like, like things to be nice and easy and tidy. And I know they’ll do it, they’ll do it with us, you know? If it lessens any chance of complications. Anyway, if I screech enough they’ll probably give up and give in.”

“Okay.” Harry rubbed Louis’ knee. 

“If...if you’re in labour, don’t know if you are, but if you are but isn’t too far along and feel okay, I don’t suppose you could come?”

“I hope I’ll be able to. Okay, ummmm, why don’t you call a nurse in, then, and I’m going to talk to mum, okay?” Harry suddenly looked a little anxious, like he didn’t want to leave Louis. That soothed his mind a bit. 

“You go, love. I’ll sort it out. I always do.”

~

“Alright, Louis, the epidural is all good to go, are you feeling anything at all?” The nurse gave his leg a pat, although he didn’t feel it. 

“Yeah, although that in itself was bloody fucking awful.”

“Well, you won’t feel us put the catheter in, at least.” 

“Oh my god.”

Harry laughed gently at the side of Louis’ head. They’d gotten him a seat to stay with Louis, although nobody was really too happy about it. He was in labour, early labour at least. His mum wanted him up resting, but the nurses had admitted there was no harm in him sitting for the half an hour it took to perform the surgery. Louis felt a sense of satisfaction that he had gotten his way, although he hoped that Harry felt okay with being there while he was fretting about his own labour. Classic Harry, though, seemed perfectly okay with it all, chatting with all the nurses and asking questions about the procedure. A real charmer, he was, although that was always his nature. He looked pretty silly too, the hair cap only partially taming his big curly hair and the smocky nurse scrubs thing they insisted he put on straining over his big tummy. 

“You haven’t much hair on your stomach but we’re going to just quickly shave that too, then we can get this show on the road, okay Louis?” The nurse smiled warmly at him. Louis knew that the hospital staff always tried their best to act like C-sections were just like normal births, and not cutting into someone’s stomach. 

“Right-o.” Louis felt terrified about everything, but there was little left to do than just wait for it to be done. Other than anticipation, there was no other activity he could focus on. 

“Did you want to have a mirror above you to watch some of the birth, Louis? Some parents like the experience.”

“GOD, heavens to god no. No fucking way, that’s disgusting.” 

Harry laughed gently again. “Even I have to say that’s a little macabre.”

“Okay, a resounding no. You’re all ready to go, love, Dr. Davidson is going to pop in and we’re going to get your son out of you.”

It still sounded odd and somewhat not real to hear anyone refer to the baby as explicitly his son. He’d heard a saying once that women become mothers when they find out they’re pregnant and men become fathers when they get to hold their baby for the first time. That was kind of blown out of the water now, as a saying, as men could become pregnant too, but Louis supposed he might be a little more apt to not feel it until the baby was born. At least, he hoped he’d feel it. Then there was Harry, who he knew felt like a parent before he even knew he was pregnant. 

Harry was pressing a kiss on the side of Louis’ head, amidst these thoughts. “You’re so brave, you’re going to be great.” 

“Appreciate that, Harold, but I’m not going to be doing much of anything.”

“Just in general.”

What a soppy sod.

“Alright Louis, hello. I’m Dr. Davidson and I’m here to deliver your baby.” This elderly man doctor in scrubs came around the barrier set up so Louis couldn’t see his stomach. “Should go nice and seamlessly. Well, you’ll have a few seams in you after, so it should go nice and nearly seamlessly.”

Harry laughed uproariously. It was a really dumb joke, but Louis had spent enough time with Harry to know that was exactly his kind of humour. 

“I might be delivering yours as well, Harry, if she comes along fast enough. Quite a coincidence, isn’t it?”

“A little inconvenient, but yes, a coincidence. If I pop it out fast enough they’ll share a birthday. That’ll be special, eh, Louis?”

“Like they’re twins or something, yeah yeah.” Louis was done with the chit-chat. He was so antsy to get the baby out. 

“Okay, just stay calm, you won’t feel a thing. I’ve delivered hundreds of babies via C-section, and Yvonne and Maria here are very experienced, so you’re in good hands.”

Louis nodded and turned his head to Harry. He stayed very calm with Louis and chatted gently about things he knew Harry had no interest in, like Celebrity Big Brother and football, but the tactic worked and he felt himself growing very mellow. Harry ought to train as a midwife, he’d do a great job. The nurses and Dr. Davidson also chatted amongst themselves, mostly about hospital gossip, which was interesting but hard to follow. Louis couldn’t help but listen. Learning about people was his favourite. 

It did make the half an hour go by quickly, though. 

“Louis, he is on his way right now.”

Harry made a squinty grin and squeezed Louis’ hand. “Almost here.”

Louis felt partially too overwhelmed and partially too peaceful. “Almost here, yeah.”

There was a bit of a unanimous noise from the doctor and nurses as they apparently freed his child, and sure enough, there was a new noise, a tinny, screechy cry from the baby. His baby. Dr. Davidson lifted the baby up slightly past the barrier for Louis to see him, and Harry brought a hand to his mouth. 

“Oh, Louis, look, isn’t he perfect.”

Looked like an ugly, bloody baby. But he’d worked so hard on him, given up everything. Had tried so hard to keep him healthy and safe. It was worth it, honestly, it was. Louis knew he was difficult and shrill and rough around the edges but god, had he been given a second chance to make good. 

“When do I get to hold him?” Louis asked, feeling breathless despite not having done any work. 

“Maria is zipping him off to get cleaned and checked out, and we’re going to stitch you back up and get you in recovery, alright? Then you can hold him all you’d like.”

~

“How are we feeling, Louis?” A nurse poked her head into the recovery bedroom. “How’s he doing on latching now?”

“Better. They brought in the lactation consultant a bit earlier, he’s doing better.” 

“Harry wanted me to come bring you an update.”

“Yeah? How’s he doing?” Louis felt cooped up in his little bedroom, all alone except for the occasional nurse, and his baby. Harry had managed to stay at least to hold him, but after that he was deemed officially a patient and sent to bed, as his contractions were getting too strong. It was a bit lonesome now, but Harry had been there for the important part. Now Harry had his big job ahead of him and Louis had a little baby to watch. And watch he did endlessly. Every little movement the little fellow made seemed so amazing. He was awake right now, looking around slightly with his tiny little eyes that Louis knew couldn’t really see anything. Amazing, really. 

“He’s at seven centimetres and they’ve just popped him in the pool for awhile to ease some of the contractions. The baby will probably come in the next couple of hours, although it might slow him a bit, being in the pool.”

“Is his baby still looking healthy?”

“So far they’ve got a good heartbeat on her.”

“Good, thank god.” Louis ran a hand through his hair, and felt relieved that it was still fairly clean and not greasy. He’d only really struggled in bad labour for an hour and a half, which hadn’t been enough time for him to sweat much.

“We’ve talked to Harry’s mum, and we’ll make up a double room for the two of you once he’s all done and settled. Quite a unique situation, isn’t it? I don’t think we’ve ever had anything like this, partners giving birth on the same day.”

“We’re unique, alright. Didn’t get together until well after we were pregnant, anyways, so it’s even a bit more coincidental, the due dates.”

“Did you want your son tucked away in the nursery for a bit, so you can take a nap? We’ll wake you when Harry has the baby, I promise.”

Louis was half-tempted to say no, but the rest did sound welcome. He wasn’t supremely tired right now, because he hadn’t really done much at all yet except nurse baby once and get help changing him once, but he imagined he’d regret it sorely later if he said no.

“Just give me two seconds, alright?” Louis reached over and brought little Baby Tommo out of his little cot next to his bed. He was quiet and dozy right now, making little tiny baby noises, and Louis prayed he was a quiet child in general. Had a bit of a pushed-in nose and a little mark on his forehead where the doctor had pulled him out, but other than that, just right. He’d gotten rather emotional privately when he’d first held the baby alone without Harry there, but now he was just trying to get to know his new little charge. He had no name planned, but he knew he’d come up with something later. Nothing fit Baby Tommo yet and he knew he didn’t want to pick a name beforehand, because he wasn’t naming him until he got a sense of what the kid was like. The inspiration would come. 

The nurse still hovered in the doorway. 

“Right, you can come take him now, I just wanted to give him a goodbye cuddle.” Louis planted a kiss on Baby Tommo’s head, which made his face scrunch up a little more. 

“They’re hard to put down, aren’t they?” The nurse smiled as she collected him. 

“Didn’t think I would want to hold him so much, but I do. Guess that’s true.”

“Get some rest, love, the easy part’s done now. You’ll need your strength.”

~

“Let’s get you on your hands and knees again, Harry. What do you think?” Harry’s midwife Evelyn stood over him and offered him his bottle of water. 

Harry felt like he was being swallowed up trying to breathe through the pain. He’d forgotten nearly every tactic for combating contraction pain naturally, it seemed, and there was nothing left to do but sob through each one. 

“We’ll give the gas and air another go when your next one rolls around, okay? You’re doing wonderfully, Harry.” 

He doubted he was doing so wonderful. He was on his hands and knees in a weird tub sobbing against Gemma, who had brought her swimsuit at her mother’s instructions when she drove down and was the only one willing to get in the tub with him and sit with him for awhile. He felt vulnerable, which he couldn’t stand, but what could he do about that?

Anne reached over and collected Harry’s hair and put it in a knot on the top of his head, he supposed because it was flopping into the water. It struck him as a little funny, because Gemma and his mother also had their hair like that, although his was a much smaller little knot. Well, the family with the same hair stays together, he supposed.

“You’re doing so good, banana, so proud of you.”

“Think so?” Harry sunk deeper into the water.

Evelyn cut in. “Are you hoping to have her in the pool, Harry? We don’t have to have our minds made up, but it might be good to have an idea.”

“No, don’t think so. Don’t know. Should I?” Harry turned first to Gemma, who shrugged, then to his mother. 

“All up to you. Evelyn is quite sure she’ll come healthily, so I wouldn’t worry about that.”

“Don’t wanna decide yet. Don’t know, I don’t.” 

“That’s perfectly alright, Harry. Here, take a good suck on this, you’re revving up for another contraction. Quite close together now, I think we’re going to be there soon.”

Harry took the nozzle of the tube leading to the gas tank and took a suck. That was a little better. Gemma was lounging against the side of the tub and he pressed his back against her to remain stable and upright as the contraction came along. 

“Sorry I’m naked, Gem.”

“Not a big deal, just your back. I imagine we’ll all get a good look at the goods later when you actually have her, so it doesn’t matter. I think people just expect some nudity to come along with birth.”

“Suppose so.” This contraction felt better, partly because of the gas but Harry also thought because of this new position, so he stayed there.

“I want to check you in a few minutes, okay Harry?” Evelyn hovered, ever nearby. “Have a drink of water, you have to stay hydrated.”

Harry took a long sip to please her then tipped his head and rested it against Gemma’s shoulder. “How’s Louis doing? Has anyone gone to see him? How is he?”

“Don’t worry about Louis right now, baby, focus on yourself. He’s having a nap, everything is fine.” Anne offered the bottle of water. 

“Okay.” Harry waved it away. “ Can we see how far I am, then?”

Evelyn nodded, and helped get Harry out of the tub, partially with Gemma’s assistance, popping him on the bed. “I’m sure you’re feeling quite anxious to get her out and check on her, but there’s no point rushing her. I understand feeling frightened that she might have some health issues coming out, and that’s normal to feel that way, but just worry about this now.” 

That was what was making him anxious, despite what he told himself. Harry did feel a little better at her words. 

“Harry, you’re at nine centimetres, you’re very nearly there. Did you want to get back in the pool?”

Now that he was on the bed it seemed very inviting, like he didn’t want to move a bit. “I’m okay here, Evelyn.”

“Thank God, out of the tub I go then.” Gemma crawled out and threw her robe on. 

“Love you too, Gem.”

~

“Good boy, you can do this.” Dr. Davidson and Evelyn were gently trying to convince Harry to push. There were a few more nurses around him tending to him, and Harry sorely wished he knew their names, but he couldn’t recall any of them. He just knew they were around. 

“Can’t, can’t can’t can’t!” Harry screamed as the baby tried to make him push anyway. “I’m scared!”

“Do what your body needs to do, Harry, you have to go with it. I know you’re good at listening to it.” Evelyn handed a cold cloth to Anne to cool Harry’s face and chest down. They’d dulled all the lights down as well, to try and make Harry feel more comfortable, but both gestures were little help. 

“Don’t make me do it, please please please, mum!”

“Listen to the doctor and Evelyn, banana.”

Harry tried very hard to channel his energy on what he was feeling, other than pain. “Can you bring the bed’s back up a bit? Please? Need to get on my knees and lean against it, please.”

“Of course, sweetheart.” They brought the bed up a bit, and Harry got on his hands and knees like in the tub. Harry was half-aware that people were gently rubbing his back and telling him to focus on himself quite a lot, and he was truly trying his best to do so, but God almighty it was difficult. 

“Harry, let’s try for one push, okay?” Dr. Davidson was still in command of the situation. “You can do one push. You’re doing great. You’ll feel when it’s time.”

It did feel time. Harry knew he couldn’t hold off pushing anymore. The contraction rippled through him and he gave a good long push. Fuck, that was bad. Harry pushed his face into the bed and screamed hard. 

“That was good, Harry, great job.” Dr. Davidson eased Harry open a bit down there. “She’s nearly crowning, could you give me a few little, tiny pushes? Just little ones. That’s a good lad.”

The little pushes weren’t so bad. “Gemma, are you filming this?”

“Just like you asked. I can’t really watch myself but I am getting it all. God, I never want children.”

The group in the room all laughed a bit, and Harry felt a little more relaxed and gave a few more small pushes. “Why do they have to be so small?”

“We’re getting her head out of you first, we’re just trying to minimize tearing. Alright, great job, Harry, her head’s out.”

“Yeah?” Harry tried to look down between his legs.

Anne tipped his head back up. “Focus. You can watch it later, Gemma’s got it all.”

“One more big push, Harry, alright? We’ll get her out and into the world.”

Harry gave it one more try, and in possibly the most surreal feeling experience of his life, felt her shoulders pass through him, and out she came. Dr. Davidson caught her, and Harry immediately sat up to a kneeling position and looked between his legs, feeling adrenaline rush through him. There she was, starting to scream, although she sounded burbly. Harry reached between his legs to touch her, and Evelyn instead brought her right around, cord still attached, into Harry’s arms. 

“Careful of the cord, Harry, it’s not very long.” There were nurses and everyone crowding all around, wiping her off and tucking a towel around her. Everyone was expressing excitement quietly, saying how gorgeous she was. He could instantly tell she indeed had Down Syndrome, but god, those big eyes, already blinking about while she cried were the most perfect thing he’d ever seen. 

“What do you think, Harry?” It was Evelyn, wiping off her head to reveal just how much hair she had. 

“Never seen anything more perfect, god.” Harry gave her a kiss, even though she was still so goopy. There were a lot of tears, at least between himself and his mother, with a lot of smiling and cooing from everyone else. 

Dr. Davidson came around closer. “Okay, let’s just clip the cord there, good boy. Now she’s free.” 

They moved away from Harry for a moment, letting Anne and Gemma move in closer to touch her head and take a better look. Harry couldn’t stop crying, and he really didn’t feel like he wanted to stop. They were tears of joy after all. 

Evelyn came over after a few moments of conference with the doctor and nurses. “Harry?”

“Mmhmm?” Harry tucked baby closer to him, letting her cry to her heart’s content with her head on his chest.

“We have to take her now, get her cleaned and pretty. We also have to run tests on her, which might take awhile.”

“You do? Right now?” Harry felt himself holding onto her tighter.

“We do. We’ll bring her back as soon as we can. You still have a placenta to birth, as well.”

Harry reluctantly relinquished his perfect little thing, feeling an immediate and overwhelming anxiety. “Do you think something’s wrong with her? Looks so good.”

“They’re tests we would have had to run anyways, love. Don’t worry, she’s beautiful and you did great.”

They whisked her off, and Harry collapsed onto the bed properly, feeling exhaustion take over his body almost immediately. She was here, she just had to be okay. 

~

“Hey you, how are you feeling?”

Harry looked up dozily to see Louis lingering in the doorway. “You shouldn’t be up and about so soon. Shouldn’t you?”

“They actually suggested I take a short walk to ease a bit of pressure. It’s okay.” Louis came inside and sat on the edge of Harry’s bed, giving the side of his head a kiss. “Haven’t brought her back yet?”

“Not yet. Making me really nervous, been several hours.”

“At least you get to look nice and clean for all the proper photos, had a wash.”

“Small consolation, I suppose. I’m scared.” It didn’t help that at this point, Gemma and his mum were also starting to get fretful. Anne had gone down to the nursery to check on the progress, and they’d told her they'd get her down as soon as they could, but gave her no time. 

“I bet she’ll be just fine, you took such good care of her when she was inside of you.”

“Hope so.” Harry dabbed at his eye with a tissue. He’d been crying on and off the past few hours, sometimes out of happiness and sometimes out of worry. “How’s your little one doing? Picked a name yet?”

“He’s great, Harold. Barely cried, thank god. I haven’t thought of anything yet, though. I don’t know. He’ll be with us later, when we go to bed. Maybe you can help me.” Louis rubbed Harry’s shoulder, which was a surprising action from him.

Just then, Evelyn poked her head in, looking tired herself, but smiling. “Hello Styles family. Baby is on her way, but I wanted to come in and give everyone what results we know.”

Harry steeled himself for the worst. 

“You’ll be really glad to hear that right now, her heart seems to be working just as it should be. They’re not seeing any congenital heart disease, which was our biggest concern. She also does not have any thyroid problems, although she’ll get screened for that as she grows older again. Her hearing tests were a little unclear at the moment, although we can keep checking that too. She does have cataracts, however, which will have to be removed before she’s too old. You’ll talk to a neonatal paediatrician about when that surgery will have to be done.” 

Harry felt overwhelmed but relieved. As worrying as a surgery was for his baby, eyes were far easier to fix than hearts. There he was, crying again, as a million hands suddenly appeared and were rubbing his back and shoulders soothingly. Then a nurse brought in the little bundle, and everyone seemed to light up. 

“Here we are, love, cleaned up and ready for you.” The nurse slid the her into Harry’s arms, and she certainly did look better, hair dried and gently sticking up. “She’s been trying to suckle already on us so we suspect she’s ready for a meal.”

Louis grinned. “Harry, this is what you’ve been waiting for. Come on now, show us all up and make it look easy.”

“The pressure’s on.” Harry grinned back and waited as his mother helped him undo the side of his gown. The nurse helped Harry set himself up in position, although he’d looked up the ideal way to hold a baby for breast-feeding already.

“Now, don’t get discouraged if she doesn’t latch right away, Harry. Sometimes babies with Down Syndrome have a little more trouble latching.”

Harry nodded and brought her in to his chest. She went right for the nipple, like she knew just what she was doing, and attached herself for it. He felt the letdown of milk, the feeling he’d read over and over about but feared he wouldn’t actually be able to feel. There it was. It felt absolutely amazing, to think he was providing for her. 

“Feeding like an old pro, she is.” Gemma took a few photos. “You look like an old pro yourself.”

“Really?” Harry looked up with a grin. 

Louis laughed a bit. “Yes, really. You’re made for this.”

~

“Morning, Harry.” Louis waved from bed, still holding Baby Tommo. It had been a long, long night, and neither of them slept much at all. Louis learned very fast that his child was definitely more of a crier than he would prefer, and Harry was up and down like a jack-in-the-box all night tending to any little thing his daughter did. Louis had woken first, because his little one had started to rustle and make a little noise, the start of crying, and he discovered he woke up along with him almost instantly, like he sensed it. Well, he hadn’t been asleep long, so he was probably not in a very deep sleep at all, not to mention his stomach where the incision had been done hurt like hell. Harry had remained conked out the entire time though, while Louis tried to nurse the wee one. Louis was learning, with a great deal of frustration, that his kid was not good at latching at all, but he’d finally gotten him fed at least a little and was just left holding him, feeling worn out as all hell, when Harry finally stirred. 

“Morning, Lou. What time is it?” Harry sat up on his elbows and blinked foggily across the hospital room to Louis, then sat up properly and put his hand gently into his baby’s cot, probably to make sure she was still breathing okay and felt okay. She was deemed healthy enough to sleep with him for the night, which he knew had made Harry so happy, although everyone was still watching for any signs of distress from her. 

“I’m not sure, I think about eight?”

“Oh, that’s not so bad, then. How long have you been up?” 

“Probably about an hour. We’ve got lots of time before visitors are allowed to start coming in to still try and sleep and relax.”

“Did you want to pick names together, then? Well, I mean, if we find good ones.”

“We can think about it. I can’t find anything I like, really. I feel like girls are easier to name, honestly, their names are prettier. I don’t want to name him something very boring but I don’t want to have something too strange either. Seems to be the way with boy’s names.”

“Would you rather a boring or a strange name?”

“I think maybe boring? I don’t know, I just don’t want my kid to be made fun of.”

“Why don’t you name him something older? Something that’s a name everyone recognizes but isn’t used much anymore?”

“Like what?” Louis felt probably more frustrated than necessary at this.

“Like, I don’t know, Cornelius. I’m not saying name your boy Cornelius, in fact, please don’t, but you get what I mean.”

“What, like Byron and Archibald? God, no.”

“What’s wrong with Archibald? Archie is a great name. You really think Niall is ever going to call his daughter Mairead?”

Harry had a point. Archie was a good name. Louis tried it tentatively. “Hello, Archie.”

The baby did nothing but it didn’t sound bad or unfitting in Louis’ mouth. “I think maybe you’re right, Harry.” 

Harry smiled knowingly. Blast him for being good at choosing baby names too, but Louis did feel grateful for the help. 

“Should I pick a middle name, then?”

“Don’t rush it, it’ll come.” Harry peered over the edge of the cot again. “I want to name her Persephone, I had it planned for awhile.”

“Oh my god, Harry. Genuinely?”

“What? You don’t like it?” Harry furrowed his brow in concern, which made Louis feel a little bad. 

“No, it is pretty. Just quite different.” 

Harry brightened. “I don’t want to officially choose right this instant, I want to ask what mum thinks when she comes in, but I think that might be it.”

“That’s great, love.”

They spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon rather amicably, trying to sort themselves out. Louis did find himself crying in frustration more than he thought, when the baby cried too much or wouldn’t do what he wanted, but a nurse informed him that was quite normal and everyone has different feelings after labour. It was close to two, which was when guests could start coming in, and Gemma and Harry’s mum promised they would be as punctual as possible. It was a terrible surprise, then, when at two on the dot, Nick poked his head through the door. 

“Harry?”

Harry was on the bed further away from the door, but as soon as he saw Nick he seemed to try and shrink his body away like Nick was about to touch him. Louis instantly felt his temper go up, and wished he wasn’t recovering from surgery. He’d get up and slam the door, he would. 

Harry’s voice sounded strained and thin, very unlike Harry’s regular voice. “How did you know I was here?”

“Facebook. Friend of a friend of a friend sort of deal.” Nick hadn’t moved from the doorway. “Can I come in?”

“What for?”

“I wanted to meet the baby.”

Harry scowled, and Louis noted he seemed to instinctively move in front of Persephone’s cot. “No.”

“Please. I just want to see her.”

“Don’t want you to. You’ll meet her and then you’ll want to get involved with her life. No.”

Louis was proud of Harry. Rarely was he so blunt.

“Look, what if I promise never to get involved? I just need to know.”

Harry looked critical. “Then why torture yourself by knowing then never seeing her again?”

“Look, Harry. I could make this so much worse.”

Louis wanted to attack him. He knew how, too. Knew just what hurt the most. He bit his lip very hard to stop from saying anything.

Harry finally relented. “Fine, come take a look. You promise not to get involved?”

“I promise.” Nick came in and around to Persephone’s cot, and glanced inside. “How much did she weigh?”

“Six pounds, seven ounces.” Harry was almost off the bed and staying close to the cot, like he could leap up and smack Nick off it at any time. 

“Got very unique eyes, doesn’t she?”

“They’re beautiful.” Harry sounded adamant and defensive. 

“I didn’t say they weren’t.” Nick paused for a moment and put a hand on Persephone. “Can I hold her, just once?”

Harry was struggling so much. Louis wished he could help. “Once.” 

He got out of bed and picked her up, carefully handing her to Nick but staying as close as possible, with his hands out, like Nick might drop her. Nick looked her over for a moment.

“Is there something wrong with her?"

“No.” Harry took the baby back. “You should go now. Right now.”

Nick seemed surprised at Harry’s reaction. “Right. Sorry, then.” 

He headed out, taking a glance at Louis as he passed by. Louis knew how angry he looked, but he didn’t care. 

“You’re the one who gave me the dressing-down in Topshop, aren’t you? You got something to say now too?”

Louis knew he had to behave, for Harry. Causing a scene would be worse, he knew it would. “No, I don’t reckon I do.”

Nick left, looking like a dog with his tail between his legs. Louis instantly got up and gave Harry a hug, letting Harry cling like a little monkey. 

“Don’t have to worry about him anymore, love, shh shh shh. You did so good, kept strong.”

“God, I hope I did. That was terrifying. Really, it was.”

“I know, but you did it.”

Anne and Gemma and Harry’s stepdad came through the door at that moment, thirteen minutes late but with bags full of things, and Harry relaxed and greeted them. They’d brought presents and takeout for Louis too, which filled him with joy. He knew he hadn’t been with them long, but he felt like he was joining this family. They were a bit odd and ate strange food and sometimes were overly exuberant, but they already felt like his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! My original intention was for this to be the second-to-last chapter and for it to end after just one more. I've had a very positive reaction to this fic, however, and wanted to know if people wanted me to write more in-depth after they've had the babies? Please let me know! :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lads meet up altogether for lunch again for the first time since all the births.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY updated again, I'm sorry for the wait, I was in exams then moving. I will also continue writing on this, so this isn't the end!

“Morning, you.” Sean was leaning over Niall in bed, looking bleary-eyed and dopey but smiling pleasantly. 

“Feck off, you. She’s not awake, let me sleep a little more.” Niall tried to pull the blankets at least partly over his head, but Sean pulled them back. 

“Got to get ready, it’s the reunion meet-up fer yer class thing today. Come on.”

“’M soooooooooooo tired, Sean, c’mon. Was up fer way longer than you, ‘ya fell asleep long before she was done nursing.”

“Don’t tink I can go by meself. Don’t know me there. Get up.” Sean tugged the warm blanket away from Niall, which made him tug him back. They did this for a few minutes, getting rowdier until they were just lightly wrestling in bed. Niall never used to like losing wrestling matches with Sean, and he still had a drive to fight back, but these days, he tended to let Sean win, because he’d usually just pin Niall’s wrists down and give him kisses as a consolation prize. Late at night and early in the morning were now Niall’s favourite time of the day these days, because that was when he and Sean and Maggie could just tuck up together with nobody bothering them, even if she was broody and crying away. It felt so intimate, something Niall wasn’t used to but now couldn’t wait to feel every day. After his dad was long gone in bed and Maggie had decided it was an excellent time to wake up, they could just hole up in the bedroom and watch Netflix on the laptop and tend to her. It was a funny and off-kilter routine, because Maggie was off-kilter, but it seemed to work. Morning was just as amiable. Niall hadn’t realized how nice it was to wake up to someone else. Sean loved touching and cuddling and kissing him, and at first, Niall had thought he was trying to make up for lost time. Before long, though, he realized it wasn’t quite that Sean was trying to make it up to Niall, but to himself. He had all this pent-up romance saved for Niall, and he was satisfying those urges any time he could. Hell, not that Niall minded. 

After Sean was done with kissing Niall’s neck, he loosened his grip on his wrists. “Ni?”

“Wot?” 

“How’re ‘ya feelin’ these days, y’know, down dere?” 

“Stopped using pads last week, feels decent.” Niall tried to smooth Sean’s hair down for him with a little spit on his palm, but it didn’t do much. Sean had pretty short hair, but it always seemed to stick up bad every morning. 

“Yeh?” 

“Ask yer question, dumbass. I’m waiting.”

“Feel like ‘ya might be up for sex soon? I dunno, maybe you don’t feel like it.”

Niall smiled a bit. He hadn’t been thinking about sex all too much, dealing with Maggie for the past six weeks along with adjusting to having Sean as more than just his best mate had taken up most of his thoughts. Not that sex hadn’t come up in his mind, but it was mostly an afterthought to things like having enough diapers. He figured that was pretty normal. 

“Uhm, maybe. Haven’t been tinkin’ about it much. Imagine you have?”

“Bit, yeah.” Sean ducked his head a bit and looked sheepish. “Always wanted t’ have ‘ya properly, y’know, make love t’ ‘ya right.”

“Oh my god, you are such a wanker.” Niall smiled and shoved Sean off of him. “Feel alright. Mags went down probably, wot, tree hours ago? We might ‘ave a bit.”

“Seriously?”

“Show me wot yer made of, Cullen.” 

Sean smirked a bit at getting his way then pulled Niall’s t-shirt over his head. Niall didn’t mind that his stomach was soft still and even a little baggy. He didn’t mind either that his chest was all swollen up with little breasts. Sean had seen him plenty shirtless already, because it was easier to just shuck his shirt to nurse Maggie than deal with buttons or taking it off partly. He had decided to wait on working out too, because working out just hurt at the moment. Sean had promised to help him get back into shape, but right now, it wasn’t a big deal. He thought everyone could cut him a little slack. Sean’s own top came off too, and Niall drank him in for a moment. It had been nearly a year since he’d seen Sean without a shirt in this sort of way, and it was damn nice. 

Sean was looking appreciative as well. “Missed you like this.”

“Never looked like this before, but tat’s alright.” Niall sat up and gave Sean a kiss, feeling his junk start to stir just a little. First time in ages, Niall thought to himself as he moved his hand to Sean’s hip, then thigh. The action felt both comfortable and familiar and totally foreign, which Niall couldn’t exactly explain. A bit like he knew what he was doing felt right but he was still learning how to do it. Sean seemed a bit similar, as he ran his hand down Niall’s chest and stomach then stopped at Niall’s pyjama bottoms, playing with the drawstring a bit. 

“G’wan, then, Sean.”

“Don’t know how we just, went with it, the first time. I’m so full of anxiety now, like I won’t do so well.”

“Built it up in yer mind. We just up and did it the first time, honestly, and I don’t tink dere’s a lot dere to worry about replicatin’, really. Not tat I didn’t ‘ave fun, though,” Niall added after a moment. 

Sean nodded and pulled off Niall’s bottoms, then his pants. He spent a long time looking appreciatively at Niall’s dick, before taking it and giving it a good long stroke, which jolted Niall upright a bit. 

“Jaysus, Sean, tat does feel good t’ be touched.” Niall was a little surprised at how quickly he was hardening up, but after nearly a year of no sex, he supposed a few post-partum hormones weren’t going to stop him.

Sean kept touching him, looking pleased that he was making Niall feel good. Niall felt very unclear on how dominant Sean liked being in bed, but he didn’t feel too clear on how dominant or not he himself felt, so he laid back and let Sean go ahead with what he was doing. He eventually slid off his own bottoms, revealing no underwear. 

“Sean, come on now.”

“It’s not comfortable when I’m sleepin’.” He sounded whiney, which just made Niall laugh. 

“Good t’ know I’m seein’ ‘ya in yer true form.” Niall gave Sean a good wank in return, until he was nice and hard, then guided his hips down until their cocks were touching. Niall was amazed at how natural this all felt, like they’d been fucking for years or something, rather than one rather hapless and disjointed time. Sean seemed a pro at sliding himself over Niall’s body, and fuck, it felt good. His cock felt heavy and he really felt like he could come at any time, just rubbing off on Sean, but he was not going to spoil this. Sean was already reaching down and rubbing at Niall’s hole, which felt a little sensitive but not too bad. 

“Got lube n’ condoms n’ all that?” Niall managed to get out, arching his knees and hissing a bit as Sean rubbed a little harder. 

“’Course I do. Learned me lesson this time.”

“Be nice t’ me, when ‘ya go in, alright? Still a little tender.” 

“My only intention.”

Sean got up for a moment, which made Niall whine, but came back with the lube and condoms and slicked his fingers up. He went easy on Niall with only one finger, but it felt good.  
“Fuck, Sean, g’wan, then.” Niall’s body felt like a strange mix of tense and relaxed. It felt so good and so nice to let Sean take care of him like this, but Niall still had a load to release, causing tension in his belly. 

“Feelin’ good, Ni?” Sean looked like he was about to say more, but the thin noise of Maggie’s crying from the baby monitor filled the room. He pulled out his finger and looked a little disappointed. 

“Parenthood, eh?” Niall admitted to himself that he also felt a bit disappointed, but at least he knew he’d definitely be ready for sex the next time they tried. He pulled on his bottoms, feeling sorry for his inevitably aching balls. “I’ll get ‘er, you go ‘ave a fast wank in the loo. We’ll ‘ave a cuddle after, with ‘er, alright?” 

“Yeh, good.” Sean paused, then gave Niall quite a long kiss, then got up and threw his bottoms on as well and headed for the bathroom. Niall followed along and retrieved Maggie, her face red with screaming. 

“Shhhhhh, babe, it’s okay.” Rubbing her back did little to sooth the tiny bald thing, but he’d sort out what she needed soon enough. 

~

“Are you sure she’ll be okay to come?” Harry seemed fretful, carefully checking Persephone’s eyepatches. She balled up her little fists and flung them around haphazardly, but didn’t seem to particularly mind not having the gift of sight at the moment. 

“She’s not going to be doing anything, love. Don’t worry. Just dress her cute and have a good time today. It’s only for what, less than two hours?” Louis sighed and went back to trying to decide what tiny button down shirt to choose. 

“But she’s had surgery.”

“Just on her eyes, and they’ve got patches so she doesn’t accidentally touch. She’ll be fine.” Louis knew how much Harry worried and worried about Persephone’s eyes, but he could only hope that he’d chill out with time. It wasn’t that bad. Harry was going to be taught how to put in tiny baby contacts when she was sleeping, once the patches were off, and everything would be fine. 

They already greatly differed in their parenting styles, and Louis wondered a bit if Harry would overwork himself too fast. He hoped not, but it just seemed Harry was always on the go with charting her progress, and getting himself back on a nutritious weight-loss plan, and so on. Louis tended to just loll around and cuddle Archie and deal with him when he got fussy. Unfortunately, that seemed to be a lot more than Persephone. Louis was giving himself full permission to wander around in his pyjamas all day, Archie made it difficult to get anything done. Harry and Anne tried to help, because Louis realized they both knew he still wasn’t quite there, parenting-wise, and needed guidance. Usually, that would bother him, but being stubborn would do nothing but possibly hurt Archie, so he let them. He was learning. He thought Harry was learning too, slowly, that Persephone was not going to be like all the books said she would be. 

Harry still looked a bit fretful, but he carefully put her in a tiny flowered dress and a flower headband. Louis was already amused with how much hair Persephone had. She looked like a tiny mad scientist. The giant flower now stuck to her head was only adding to that overall look. Archie didn’t have a lot of hair, less than Persephone and Hafsa but more than Niall’s poor bald Mairead. Archie, generally, looked like a nice, average child. He was presently not acting like a nice, average child though. His sock had come off and he was screaming. Louis doubted the two were correlated, unless Archie was complaining about a cold foot. 

“Does he need a diaper change already?” Harry carefully rolled leggings onto Persephone to keep her legs warm in the brisk air. 

Louis checked quickly. “No. God, why does he scream so much more than Seph?” 

“I don’t really know. I guess some babies just do.”

“Trust my fucking luck.”

“Were you a screamer? Maybe he takes after you.” Harry carefully chose a floral button up from his own closet that had a similar colour scheme to Persephone’s dress and put it on.

“I don’t know. I can’t have been that bad, my mom had a billion more of us after me.” Louis offered Archie his nipple, which he accepted. Lord. He’d already fed him twice this morning. “Great, I think I’m going to put us behind now.”

“No worries, I think the group will understand people straggling in a bit. Babies are unpredictable, sometimes you just can’t get out the door.” Harry put resting Persephone into her Moses basket and crawled onto the bed. 

“You always can.”

“Don’t measure yourself compared to what I’m doing. We were just saying he’s needier anyway. And look, remember when Zayn came over a few days ago? He was nearly two hours late.”

“I guess so.” Louis sighed heavily and rubbed Archie’s back as he nursed. “You know, I do miss seeing Zayn and Niall all the time.”

“Why don’t we ask them if they want to have lunch after the get-together? It’s tradition, anyway, isn’t it?”

“Good idea. We probably won’t be able to ditch Liam or Niall’s boy, though.”

“We like Liam, and I think we all need to get to know Sean better. Honestly, I don’t know anything about him beyond what he looks like, really.”

“He’s Irish and likes sports, like Niall. Not a lot more to say.” 

Harry laughed at Louis’ sassiness, which always puffed Louis up a bit. He liked knowing he was funny. 

“Well, Lou, I still think it’ll be good to meet him properly, because now he’s going to be around.”

“Mm.” Louis nodded in agreement, trying to find a comfortable position to nurse in. He hadn’t realized such a toothless baby could make his nipples hurt this bad. Zayn was smart, he’d elected to bottle-feed his baby. Well, she had been in the neo-natal unit for a few days, he supposed the nurses had bottle-fed her and he’d kept going with it. Part of Louis wanted to do that too, but he felt a bit mean making the switch after Archie was already used to what they had going on now. He didn’t bring it up, though, because he knew Harry’s were constantly raw nowadays. 

“I’ll bring you up some toast, okay, Louis?” Harry got off the bed. “We can get going as soon as he’s done, we’ll get you dressed and get your teeth brushed and zip out the door.”

“Okay, love. Thank you.” Louis yawned, feeling lethargic as Archie kept suckling. Harry was off to do more than he ought to, but at the moment, Louis was too exhausted to do anything about it. 

~

“Chin up, bright eyes.” Harry tilted Louis’ head up as they approached the door of their old classroom. “I know you’re so tired, but at least we got here nearly on time.” 

Louis nodded and shifted Archie’s carseat to his other arm, then took hold of the door handle. “It really is loud in there already, isn’t it? Lord save us.”

Louis was right, it was loud. Harry felt a little excited. He’d finally get to go out and socialize. He had his group of friends, of course, and his family, but he was very excited to see the little ones from all the other mums in class. They had gotten to know each other, at least a little bit. Babies were all darling anyway, even if he didn’t know them that well, he certainly would love to meet them. He just hoped nobody would judge Persephone. That was always a little fear in the back of his mind, no matter how much he tried to push it out. There were always going to be people keeping mum and smiling while they met her, but then make comments later. Even that, Harry could live with, he supposed, but there might always be the people that let their opinions be known. 

Harry shoved it out of his mind again. They were there for a nice little party. Louis barged in and Harry followed, to quite a din of mums and dads and babies, some making more ruckus than Archie. 

“Zayn!” Louis was already trundling over to Zayn, barreling past mums a bit carelessly. Louis was even more starved for attention from others than himself, Harry figured. 

“Hello, lovely Malik-Payne family. How are we all?” Harry set Persephone’s carseat down and lifted her out. She seemed to respond very favourably to being in a sling wrap, and could stay quiet for ages, but Harry wanted everyone to fawn over her at least a little before he tucked her against him. He reckoned it was feeling his warmth and hearing his heartbeat that she liked, much like when she was still in him. 

“I’m alright.” Zayn was carefully holding tiny Hafsa as if she were glass. Neither Zayn nor Hafsa had entirely recovered from the birth, despite it being ages back. He looked so fragile himself, although a bit better from the last time they met. “We’re trying to keep all sane, y’know?”

Liam laughed a bit. He looked like such a classic nervous new dad, flitting about trying to be helpful but doing very little. There was a lot of these dads around the room. Harry glanced at Louis, who was struggling with the baby-safe clip on the carseat with a great deal of frustration, and smiled a bit. They were a little more dysfunctional than everyone else, it seemed, and definitely not the average family unit, but that was fine. Harry occasionally mused how he and Louis got on so well at all, but they did. 

“LADS!”

That voice was far too loud for a room full of babies. It could only belong to Niall. There he was, even later than them, followed by Sean, who was carrying young Maggie. Harry fixed Persephone’s flower and smiled. They’d only met Sean twice properly, and he seemed a good bloke. A good fit for Niall, actually. 

“Hello, Niall, everyone well this morning?”

“Yeh, just fine. We ‘ad to stop for McDonald’s on the way ‘ere, we forgot about breakfast a bit.”

“Of course you did,” Louis mumbled as he finally freed Archie from his carseat. This was all coming together, just like how they met, and the thought made Harry happy. He remembered what they were all like the first time they saw each other for the first time. Niall was the first one he’d spoken to, and he remembered the boy that came with his sister-in-law, who was really nothing more than just that, a boy. Zayn would hardly talk to any of them at the time, and of course, Louis had walked in looking like he knew everything in the world and had everything under control, even though he might have known the least of all. Had he been very different, Harry wondered. How much had he changed since the first meeting? 

“Can I hold ‘er now?” Niall broke Harry’s thoughts. “I didn’t hold ‘er last time I saw ‘ya.”

“Sure, okay.” Harry felt a little surge of anxiety, which he was still trying to get over. He had to keep reminding himself that everyone who had held Persephone had held a baby before, and Niall had been holding a baby all the time these days. 

“Careful, careful.” Harry handed Persephone over, then bit his thumbnail. 

“Aw, ‘lo, little mole baby.” Niall rocked her gently.

“Mole?” 

“Meant because she can’t see, like moles. Lord, don’t ‘ya make tat face at me. ‘Ya know I tink she’s darlin’.”

“I know. I just am always afraid people will say hurtful things. I’m sorry, I know you wouldn’t think that.”

“Gotta stop worryin’ about that, or everyting, really. She’ll be alright.”

“I’ve got to start putting baby contacts in her soon. What if something goes wrong?”

“Put ‘er in dose elastic baby glasses den. Give yerself less stress.”

“I should have known, you’re the king of convenience.”

“Suppose.” Niall handed Persephone back. “Oh, Harreh? Stop bitin’ yer nails so much. Totally wrecks ‘em. Been dere.” 

Harry nodded and drifted back to the middle of his group. He felt happy and full of joy at everyone and their lovely babies, but there was still so much tension and anxiety he’d never experienced in his life until Persephone was born. Lord, he hoped this wasn’t his big change. 

~

“Really, everyone said it would be okay if you came, Liam, it’s okay if you come. Please.” 

“No, Zayn. These are always your afternoons. It’s okay.”

“It’s a diner, Liam, an American diner full of kids and things.”

“I know for a fact you like chips and milkshakes. They picked it because it’s easy to take the babies there. When it’s just us going out, we can go to places you like better. What was the name of that Thai place you liked so much during your seventh month?”

“Patara. It’s really fancy though.”

“Then maybe we give Hafsa to your mum for a few hours and go out for dinner one night soon. Wait, I don’t even know why we got on this, just go have fun with your friends.” Liam smiled earnestly. 

“You’re right, you’re always right. God, I could go for a nap right now.” Zayn leaned against Liam in the car, soaking up a few more seconds of him. 

“I’ll be waiting at home. Don’t you become a recluse on me, I know you love them.”

“I do, I really do. Suppose I just like having you near.”

Liam’s face lit up at this comment. “Okay. You get in there, have fun and eat salty food.”

“Bye, Liam.” Zayn carefully took Hafsa out of the car and stepped out, waving. It looked like everyone was already there, because there was a very busy table near the corner.

“Zayn-o!” Niall waved from said corner when he entered. “Got a big booth for all of us!” 

“I see that, Niall.” Zayn plopped himself beside Niall, letting Harry and Louis take the other side of the booth for themselves. They kind of still seemed a bit in their honeymoon stage, needing to be attached at the hip. Well, maybe that wasn’t fair. He liked keeping Liam close too, especially now. “Where’s Sean?”

Niall laughed a tiny bit, awkwardly. “’E flaked out. ‘E’s nervous of meeting ‘ya all properly and under the microscope at once, ‘e knows ‘e ‘asn’t made the greatest impression in the past, y’know?”

“Separate playdates, then.” Zayn understood.

“I told him it would be fine, he didn’t need to worry.” Harry furrowed his brow. “Where’s Liam, anyway?”

“He insisted this was always just our time.” Zayn looked at the menu. It looked horrible. There were milkshakes and chips though, like Liam said. A safe bastion. 

Archie started screaming, which made Louis jump a little bit, then rush to see what he wanted. Hafsa was fed and clean and asleep, but all that screaming could set her off, Zayn figured. She was very sensitive when it came to hearing, it seemed, or bright lights. Zayn was already figuring she took after him quite a bit more than she took after Liam, at least in that regard. Zayn remembered crying a lot as a child, mostly if someone yelled or things got too flashy. She flinched a bit in her sleep, but didn’t wake up yet. Zayn knew she’d wake up at some point but could hardly stand the embarrassment of being the horrible loud table everyone hated. It’d be better if they spaced out their crying.  
Maggie started going off anyway, which Niall sighed at and tried to rock her a bit. Persephone was wrapped up against Harry in his baby sling and she seemed completely unperturbed. That thing looked nice, too. Quite lovely brocaded fabric. Maybe he’d have to see if he and Liam could find one. 

“Persephone must be used to the crying.” Zayn tried. 

“Oh, they think she hasn’t got full hearing,” Harry said calmly. “I don’t think it’s as loud to her, honestly. Seph and Archie share a nursery, if she goes off he usually gets upset, but she doesn’t so much when he does.”

“Basically I just get hit double.” Louis laughed a bit. 

“We help you.”

“I know you do, love.” Louis tipped his head against Harry’s shoulder for a moment, as his hands were full.

“But she’s doing well?” Zayn was still on guard a bit with Hafsa. Everyone had promised she was growing stronger but she was still so tiny. Liam had been doing reading on premature babies, even though she wasn’t too premature. You had to be super careful with them and they often were a little slower developing. 

“She is.” Harry smiled fondly down at his little bundle. “Has Hafsa gained any more weight? I know she lost a bit the last meeting.”

“She’s a bit funny about eating, not very good at it. But she’s gained two ounces since the last visit, which is good. We changed bottle nipples, I don’t think she liked the old one.” Zayn tucked her blanket around her a little tighter. She quite liked being swaddled up. His mum had said once he had the baby it would be nearly impossible to try to stop talking about her, and she was right. She’d also begged Zayn to come home so everyone could help take care of Hafsa, and he and Liam had finally relented for the first couple of months, until they were in a good pattern. It was very strange having Liam living in his family home, and Zayn knew Liam was continually a little puzzled on how he ought to behave, but he was being a good sport. Liam knew how close Zayn was with his family, and they’d be on their own again soon. 

“Lord, she’s really going off.” Niall reached into his diaper bag and got a blanket out. “Are ‘ya hungry too, babe? Smell all the burgers and wish ‘ya could ‘ave a taste?” 

A brave soul for nursing in public. Another reason Zayn hadn’t wanted to breastfeed. Women got enough flak for nursing in public, people were probably not very understanding of boys doing it much yet. Beyond his own fears of being judged in public, he knew Liam would utterly flip out at anyone who did dare to judge, and cause a big scene. 

Niall didn’t seem to mind and promptly got her going. “She’s a bit of a porkchop, this one.”

Everyone chuckled a bit at this as the server appeared. As usual, their orders were vast, from some giant horrible bacon cheeseburger thing called “The Texan” for Niall and a boring burger for Louis, to the vegan mushroom burger for Harry and just chips for Zayn, although everyone agreed to milkshakes too. Despite having a million new things to talk about and four babies saddled with them, and all the changes, this was the same, and it was comforting, far more than Zayn realized it would be.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry struggles with unfamiliar emotions, Zayn and Liam muse over their careers, Niall suffers an injury, and Louis meets someone from his past.

“Is that a baby?” Harry sat up immediately in bed.

“Mmmm, god, I think it’s my phone. God, I think it’s ten already.”

“We’ve overslept, then, we said we were only going to go back to bed for an hour after they finished at seven.” Harry slowly got out of bed. “Are you going to get your phone?”  
“I will, I will.” Louis reached over and grabbed his phone. “Nobody bloody calls me. Your mum calls me when she’s at the grocery and forgets what sort of crisps I like. I have like six numbers in my phone.”

“Maybe it’s mum then. Did you look at who was calling?”

“No.” Louis answered the call and Harry heaved himself over to his dresser to pick what he was going to wear for the day. Their room was a mess, and various articles of his own clothing mixed with Persephone’s were jammed in the dresser drawer. It was incredibly stressful and Harry wished he could clean it up a bit. Maybe he’d have time today. He said that to himself, but there was never time. For not working at the moment, it seemed his day was always filled to the brim. The dresser was too stressful at the moment and he instead fled to the bathroom for a few minutes of peace. Anne, bless her, tended to keep it in some order. It also gave Louis a few minutes of peace and quiet. His phone call had been a lot of "mmhmm’s” and “that’s right’s” so far. 

The bathroom was warm from the heater and comforting. The shower was rather alluring as well. Louis would be able to pop off the phone and get the babies if they went off, Harry decided, and started it up. Despite sleeping in so late, he felt lethargic and slid to the bottom of the tub to sit as the water ran down. It was very nice, sitting for showers, Harry decided. Much easier than all that work standing. He wondered how nice it would be to have a bath while also simultaneously having a shower. 

Letting his mind wander on nonsense felt pretty good. Harry decided he’d have to find a time of the day to do this. He was still generally finding a few minutes each day to journal, but he was finding it more angsty than he expected. Probably good to get out feelings too, he’d decided. It wasn’t caring for Persephone that bothered him, really at all. Nursing and changing and cuddling, even if she was upset, all felt okay. In fact, it was often rather soothing. It was practically everything else that felt full of effort. Cooking, helping clean, and even feeding and changing himself felt so fucking difficult, despite his best efforts to try and help Louis out and make it look easy. He knew he was being stubborn and not letting his mother help as much as she could, but he’d always been a stubborn one. 

He let the water run for a bit longer than normal than got up and shut it off. Persephone’s thin cry had just started, and he’d be there in a moment. It had been an odd little break, shut off from everyone, even if it was just for ten minutes, but it had been refreshing. Perhaps today would be a bit easier. He dried off and threw his pyjamas back on, feeling a bit gross in them, and wandered into the nursery. 

“Had your shower already?” Louis was already in there, sitting in the rocking chair with Archie. 

“Mmhmm. Hey, ol’ Arch isn’t kicking up a fuss.” Harry rescued Persephone, who seemed to relax a bit at being picked up, although she still cried gently. 

“Oh, he did, they both started up. I think he just wanted a cuddle, though. A daddy cuddle.” Louis looked down fondly at Archie, and it made Harry’s heart feel full. 

“Well, missy here is wet, so I’ll change her and then we can go rest for a while with them, either in bed or downstairs. What was that call anyway?”

“Lord, let me tell you. Just get her clean, then I’ll tell you.”

Harry nodded and took Persephone over to the change table. At three months, she loved smiling and could hold her head up, which Harry knew were good, big changes. She was keeping pace pretty well with Archie, although she was substantially less responsive to people or noises still than him. Harry assumed it was her hearing, which the doctors still hadn’t sorted. Something about how they had to keep testing because she was not an average child or something. Infuriating. 

“Almost ready, love?”

“Just about.” Harry finished attaching Persephone’s diaper. He was strict about using cloth ones, they had decent liners and fun patterns these days. Louis had moaned and grumbled but agreed it was easier if they both were in cloth diapers rather than a weird mix of that and disposable. “I should probably quickly get her dressed as well, now that we’re here.”

Pangs of the terrible messy dresser popped into his mind. There were some clean sleepers folded on top of the little table beside the rocking chair and he went for one of those instead. Soon she was kitted out in something striped and green, so it was impossible who it actually belonged to, but Harry took her back to the bed anyway. 

“Right, so tell me the dirt.” Persephone kept making little whiny noises, the sort she generally made when she was hungry, so Harry popped her on. She generally ate in little fits and spurts all day, with one long meal in the evening, it seemed. He imagined she wouldn’t be long. 

Louis pulled off his top and put Archie on. He was always endlessly hungry. “Right, so you know how I think I mentioned once that I used to go to primaries with this one girl and we were alright through school, although she turned into a bit of a wet blanket, always being a bit fretty about what I was doing. I hadn’t any idea where she went after I left school, she was one of my casualties when I dumped everybody from my life. I did feel bad.”

“Yeah, you did mention in.”

“Well, she’s bloody managed to track me down.”

That was a surprise. “How did she do that?”

“Apparently I was on her mind and she decided she was going to sleuth. It was a process. She checked Facebook, of course, but I only made it recently and I have no info and like six friends on it, right? I never use that rubbish anyway. Then she tried searching for my mum. She found her, but apparently that was a fucking effort because she’s divorced my stepdad that I had all my life and married some other bloke and taken his name, and once she reached her, she knew nothing about my whereabouts, of course. She said she didn’t want to give up though, and started combing club records because she knew I illegally stripped a bit in school, said I was older. A couple places remembered me.” Louis paused at that moment, and looked proud of himself, before continuing. 

“Anyway, they passed on the number I had back then, but that was ages old, I’ve had a million numbers. But then she kept going, started asking around homeless shelters, etcetera. Always thought I’d end up there.” Louis laughed. “I did come close. Well, one of the homeless people knew my name, it was some guy off a place I used to do more nasty work. God, I can’t imagine her doing all this, she’s so frail and shy. I hope she brought someone to look out for her, a boyfriend, or something. Anyway, she knew then that I hooked and she started combing online for anything to do with me in that regard. I did come up. Through that, she bloody managed to trace me all the way up to my phone number before this one, which I used on my paperwork when I joined our class. They wouldn’t give up anything, so she started fucking calling all the hospitals in the city, guessing I’d had a baby or maybe fathered someone else’s. A receptionist caved and gave my contact info, I genuinely don’t know what she said to convince that woman to do it but she did. Probably pretended to be my mum or something. But she wants to see me.”

Harry blinked a bit. “Holy fucking shit.”

“I mean, we were the best of friends, really.” Louis bit his lip. “Makes me feel bad that she cared this much all this time, always worried what became of me.” 

“Lord, Lou, don’t let that go.” Harry pressed a kiss to the side of his head. To think someone would care that much about Harry, do all that sleuthing alone just to find out what had become of him, was pretty shocking and impossible to imagine. “You’re going to see her, right?”

“I said I would. God, I feel a bit numb about it, really. All that work just for me...”

“I think it’d be hard for any of us to imagine. But you are worth it.” 

Louis nodded and tucked his head against Harry. “Hope I don’t disappoint her. All that work she did.”

“You won’t.” 

~

“Congratulations, Zayn, Hafsa is now a whole six pounds one ounce. She’s really improved.” 

Zayn smiled. Hafsa was screeching bloody murder on the little scale, but she was getting better at eating every day. 

“Has she been sleeping well? Any changes in her behaviour?”

“She loves to sleep, never stops sleeping.” 

“She’s probably growing in her sleep.” The paediatrician smiled and lifted her off to scale and handed her back to Zayn. 

“Oh, shh shh shh, habibi.” Zayn patted Hafsa’s back, although she kept screaming. She wasn’t failing to thrive or anything like that, but she was still so much frailer than the rest of his mates’ babies, despite being the eldest, and screamed nearly as much as Archie. 

“How are you adjusting to the baby?”

“Better than I thought, actually.” It was true. His mates and Liam had been right all along, his body had snapped back almost instantly. He had a little bit left to go, but mostly, he was done. Liam had been extra sure to compliment Zayn about it as much as possible, knowing how upset he’d been originally. 

“We’re back in our normal flat, feeling pretty good about what’s going on. I don’t think our neighbours are too happy at her crying but they’ll have to live. It was driving my sisters crazy, staying at home with Hafsa.”

“I bet. Space is important. Anyhow, Hafsa will be due for her shots soon.” 

Zayn nodded. Liam was at work and therefore not at this appointment, but Zayn was going to make sure he was at this one. Shots were horrible and having to watch little Hafsa go through them would be too hard. Liam was back at work pretty minimally, only part-time, but Zayn knew he hated it. That was hard to take. Liam loved them and Zayn knew he’d always put him and the baby above himself, but it was difficult watching Liam’s silent frustration at not being able to stimulate his brain with much. It would be very hard going back to school at this rate, but he hated seeing Liam sad. 

“That’s all, then?”

“That’s all. See you soon, dear.” Hafsa’s paediatrician gently tugged her foot, which she took great offense to and caterwauled at. 

Zayn smiled and scooted himself out the door. Doniya was picking him up, as Liam wasn’t ready to go home yet. 

“How’s our little lion? Roaring, I hear.” Doniya glanced behind herself as Zayn got Hafsa securely clipped into the car. 

“She’s doing really well.” Zayn buckled himself in. “You weren’t waiting long, were you?” 

“Not really, although I can’t wait until Liam has a more stabilized schedule. Driving you lot around.”

“Do you really mind much?”

“I’m just bugging you a bit. It’s fine. I have some roti and Baingan bharta here for some of your guys’ dinner, from mum.”

“Lord. Thank you, though, tell her thank you.”

They rode back in peace, and Zayn puttered back upstairs and unlocked the door. The kitchen was a bit messy, remnants Liam hurredly trying to make his lunch in the morning everywhere. He’d tidy it later, as Hafsa was still going off. 

“Zayn?”

Zayn heard the front door close. “Liam, are you home already? I just got in, it’s very early.”

“It was quiet today, they told us someone could go home, I couldn’t wait to get out of there.” Zayn heard Liam take off his shoes then wander into the lounge. “Be back home with my favourite people.”

Zayn patted the couch as he tried to sooth Hafsa. Poor thing had clearly been rattled by the doctor’s today. “I’m sorry work was so dull. I know you hate going there. Feels like a real sacrifice on your part, makes me feel terrible.”

Liam put on his concerned puppy face. “Don’t feel terrible. It’s only temporary.”

“But how long is temporary, Liam? You love school. We’re keeping you from school, instead you’re working a service job you hate. I appreciate you doing this so selflessly, Liam, but I know it bothers you. You don’t have to lie about that.”

Liam’s face faltered. Zayn knew he was trying too hard to stay positive about work. Home was okay, but work just made him sad, he knew it. 

“Okay, it’s not great, I don’t really want to be there. But you’re so much more important than some kinda crappy work, I’ll be alright.”

“But I wish there was some way to get you back in school. I don’t know, loans or whatnot. You’re already part way done, Liam, please.” Hafsa was slowly quieting as Zayn rubbed her hands and feet and. It was possible that she was maybe getting teeth soon, which could be why she was so grumpy. A little early, but not impossible. 

Liam wrung his hands a bit in thought. “What about you, Zayn? Do you want to just stay at home?”

“Liam, we’re talking about if you want to go back to school, which I know you do.”

“No, I know that. But you weren’t going to school when we met. Did you want to?”

The question caught Zayn a bit off-guard. He’d been at home messing about a bit, before he met Liam, because he hadn’t decided what he wanted to do. He had been intending to choose soon enough, but he hadn’t yet and wasn’t worrying about it. Then he met Liam and got pregnant, and really, he’d forgotten about it. 

“Um, maybe.” 

“I really don’t know how I can go back right now, Zayn. I do want to. But I also don’t want you to feel like you’re stuck here. I know you love Haf and want to stay with her, but I see all the little drawings you leave all over the house. They’re good. You need stimulation too and I know you’re not getting enough either.”

Zayn wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to just make art all his life, but Liam had a point.

“Alright, ummm. Liam, why don’t we promise to work towards doing something about school, for both of us. I don’t want you suffering at work any longer than you have to, but you’re right, I don’t just want to sit and putter either.” 

“I think that’s fair, then. I don’t know what we’re going to do, yet, but we’ll figure something out.”

Zayn nodded and rested his head on Liam’s shoulder. “Mum made us bharta for part of our supper.”

“Which one is that?”

“Eggplant.”

Liam made a bit of a face and Zayn laughed. He’d eat it anyway. Liam was too good. 

~

Just three cans of soup, some biscuits, and a few things for Sean’s lunches and they should be good to go. Niall liked grocery shopping, really. It made him feel like he was doing something productive for the house and it was also a bit soothing. He could plan what he was going to make for the week, and also be in control of the shitty snack food of the house. He liked that small feeling of power. 

“Almost ready to go, baba?” Niall tugged Maggie’s foot, which made her giggle. Everything made her laugh these days. You could hand her one of Niall’s smelly disgusting socks and she’d laugh away. She really was a Horan. Or a Cullen, really. 

“Nialler?”

Niall turned. It was Darragh. Niall hadn’t seen him since he himself had fled in disgrace from the park, after Sean had hit him. Some friends had popped in and out after the baby had been born, but Darragh hadn’t been one of them. A shame, really.

“Hey mate, doin’ well?” There wasn’t any reason to be rude. They’d been good mates once upon a time. 

“Yeh, pretty good. This yer kid then?”

“Yeh, Maggie. Say hi, babe.”

Maggie tried to grabbed at her own drool bib a bit instead. That made Niall inwardly smile, although he doubted Darragh, or most others, cared. 

“See the pictures of you lot on Facebook. Where’s Sean?”

“Workin’, right now, actually. Tink ‘e said ‘e’d be in lane eleven or something.”

“Still at Tesco? ‘E’s been ‘ere since he moved ‘ere.”

Of course he has, Niall mused to himself. Tesco wasn’t a terrible place to be. His dad had worked there for God knows how long, Sean’s mum did, and Sean did. They got a discount on food, anyway, so that was pretty worth it. 

“Eh, nothing wrong with it.” Niall shrugged. He supposed Darragh was still a little bit miffed with Sean after all this time. 

Darragh seemed to sense the tension. “Well, good seein’ ‘ya. Beautiful little girl.” 

“Tank you. Say hi t’ the lads, if ‘ya seem ‘em. We’re pretty busy these days, bet ‘ya can imagine.” 

Darragh nodded and waved as he departed, and Niall took hold of the trolley again, feeling unsettled. For the first time he’d felt specifically judged for being a young parent. Nobody had said anything, but the way he seemed to judge Sean for being a Tesco worker made him grumpy. He worked hard, always had. He was still going too, despite being presently estranged from his mother, who worked as a manager of general merchandise. Bobby was a produce manager, and Niall imagined there was definite managerial tension now, between them. Both Sean and his father never really said a word about it, but he could tell it was there. It just wasn’t fair, Niall thought. His family had been so good about the baby coming. Sure, Sean had lied about the baby until it was actually baby time, but they’d been truly awful. They hadn’t even wanted to meet Maggie. Sean had decided for the time being to cut ties, but he was a stubborn bastard and Niall knew it would be difficult to make any of them reconcile. 

He finished getting the last few things then puttered over to lane eleven. There Sean was, scanning items in a neutral but content way. He took a moment to notice Niall and Maggie, but Maggie spotted him and made a little shriek of joy. 

“How’s my two favourite people?” Sean leaned forward a bit to smile at them, then turned his attention back to the customer at hand, mumbling a slight apology and saying it was his kid, which made the woman smile knowingly and nod. After she was off, Niall approached the register. 

“Good day, Sean-bon?”

“Just fine, love. Don’t know where ‘ya came up with tat nickname.” Sean began scanning and bagging, looking amused. 

“Tryin’ it out, is all. Saw Darragh just now.” 

“Mmmmm, tat’s good.” 

“Tings still not good between ‘ya, then?”

“Nah, ‘e’s just a...” Sean glanced down his lane. It was empy. “A cunt, really. Doesn’t really get family or wotever. ‘E can do ‘im, I just don’t care.” 

“Seemed snotty today, yeh.” Niall put the bags in the trolley and fished Sean’s discount card out of his wallet. “Acted like yer job was rubbish.”

“’E sometimes works for ‘is dad’s garage, so ‘e can sock it.” Sean laughed but didn’t look too happy about it. Maybe he shouldn’t have said, Niall thought. 

“Right-o.” Niall finished paying and leaned in and gave Sean a kiss. “See ‘ya at home in a bit, alright?” 

Sean nodded, and Niall was about to be on his way, turning out of the lane, when his whole knee made a popping noise and suddenly imploded with this horrific painful feeling. It was like he’d taken a step and his foot was firmly on the ground, but his knee had decided prematurely it was ready for the next step and had twisted when he went to turn the corner. He made an angry noise of pain, and Sean looked up abruptly. 

“Alright, Nialler?” 

“No.” Niall tried to raise his foot up to get the horrible pressure feeling off his knee, but bending it felt just as awful and he roared again. Maggie made a few fussy noises at Niall, almost as if she was concerned. 

“Wot the fuck happened?” Sean switched off the light on his lane and came around to put a support arm around Niall. 

Niall felt panicked at the pain, it was the type of searing pain you didn’t know what to do about. “Don’t know, don’t know, turned the corner and it happened, Sean, FUCK, it hurts!”

“Okay, okay. Come on, love, dere’s a bench over dere.” Sean helped Niall over to it and put him down, then came back with the trolley filled with Maggie and the groceries. “D’ya need a ride? Can ‘ya drive yerself home? Wot hurts exactly?”

Niall pointed to his knee and put his head between his knees and took a few deep breaths. 

“Okay, I don’t want ‘ya driving, I’ll page yer dad.” 

Niall gave up and nodded. Maggie was now crying, both because of the stress and because nobody was paying attention to her. 

Sean rushed over to the phone at his till. “We’ll figure out wot happened, Ni, don’t worry.” 

~

“It’s going to be fine, Lou, I promise. Just be yourself, she liked you for it.” Harry straightened the corner of Louis’ shirt. “You love pizza anyway, so just try and have fun.”

Louis nodded. He was anxious to see his friend again after so long, but now that it was the day, he’d been nothing but a ball of nerves about it. They were presently about a block away from the pizza place, and Harry was trying to give him a bit of a pep talk, while Anne waited with Persephone in the car.

Harry tried again. “Listen, if anything, you’re a lot more chilled out now.” 

That was true. Louis took a deep breath. “I look good?”

“Look great. You can work that designer stuff.” 

“I want to get you into it a bit. Not that I don’t like how you dress, but I feel you have just the right frame and features for some really avant-garde stuff. You already do a bit.”

Harry looked pleased and nodded. “Okay, I hope Archie behaves himself. Love you, call us if you need. We’ll be in the neighbourhood, doing chores and that.”

Louis nodded and picked up Archie’s carseat. He was asleep at the moment, which was a blessing. “Love you too Harold, have fun with mumsy.”

Louis made his way down the block to the restaurant and felt a strange sense of awkwardness. Did he go inside and look to see if she was there already? Wait outside? He doubted he wouldn’t recognize her, she probably hadn’t changed all too much. 

“Louis?” Louis turned, and there she was, coming down the block. Tall and skinny, the waifish figure he remembered, with long brown hair. He tried hard to straighten up and not look nervous.

“Eleanor, beautiful.” He carefully deposited Archie’s carseat on the ground between his feet for a moment and opened his arms up for a hug. 

“Hey you.” She accepted the hug, and Louis realized with some comfort she still used the same perfume she did in school. “I’ve missed you.” 

“Missed you too.” Louis let go of the hug and picked up Archie’s carseat again. “And I’ve got someone very special for you to meet.” 

“Your baby.” Eleanor took a good look at him, gently giving his little balled up fist a shake. “What did you say his name was again?”

“Archie. I know, a little old-fashioned for a name. It was my boyfriend’s idea, really, but I liked it.”

Eleanor nodded, her lips pursed a little in nervousness. At least Louis wasn’t the only one.

“Well, then, love, let’s go eat. I’m starving, but then, I always am.”

“We should have gone for spaghetti, unless it’s no longer your favourite.” Eleanor smiled a bit as they entered the restaurant. 

“No, it is, but it’s a bit more of a supper sort of food. And anyway, I never get pizza at home, they’re all health nuts over there. Believe me, I need this.” Louis slid into a booth and put Archie beside him, still peacefully sleeping. 

Eleanor laughed and sat on the other side. “You look the same, in so many ways. Your hair is different, though. No little Peter Pannish bowl cut.”

“God, don’t talk to me about that hair. It was fucking hideous. Maybe I’ll think that about this hair one day, but I think it’s a step up. Honestly, you don’t look different at all. Did you go to school, love? How’s your mum?”

“I did go to school. I’m finishing my last year as a fashion designer. I know that seems a bit strange for me, I don’t have a big loud personality like most designers. But I like it. And she’s good. The same, really.” Eleanor took a glance at the menu. 

“When you’re famous, send me all your designs first. I want to be the most fashion-forward.”

Eleanor grinned at this. “What about you? You look like you’re in a good place.” 

“I think I am, for once. I don’t think I would be, exactly, if I hadn’t been given an incredible stroke of luck. I got pregnant by mistake, which I’m sure you’re not exactly surprised at, and wanted to keep him, but I didn’t really have any income coming in after I got knocked up. I lost my apartment, I was going to end up at some homeless shelter, baby probably would have been taken away from me, honestly. But I was going to these classes, which you know, and I’d met some other knocked up lads. I fell in love with one of them, and he fell in love with me back. If that hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have anything. I’m very blessed, and I don’t ignore that fact.” 

Eleanor widened her eyes a bit and nodded. “Wow. So you live with him now?” 

“He’s a bit of a young thing, he still lives at home, so I live at his family’s home. His name is Harry. Here, I have a shot of all of us.” Louis pulled out his phone and showed Eleanor. “That’s his daughter.” 

“Lord, she looks like him a lot.”

“They’re pretty similar, yeah.” 

“Louis?”

“Mmhmm?” That tone always made Louis a bit tense.

“I’ve talked to your mum a few times since I started looking for you. I talked to her after I found you. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Oh. Yeah, I suppose you would have.” 

“I don’t want to pressure you into anything, but she does want to see you.”

“Didn’t she ditch my stepdad? I didn’t mind him.”

“She did. She’s pregnant again, Lou. With the new guy’s baby.”

Louis paused, knowing he was making an awful face. That was bloody disgusting. “Are you telling me my kid is going to have an uncle or aunt younger than him? Jesus Christ!”

“I know, that is odd. But she had you young, she still had time to get pregnant, I guess.”

“But..but...” Louis struggled to articulate himself, feeling his temper raising. “She’s had so bloody many of us!”

Eleanor nodded, looking fretful at all the noise Louis was making. Louis tried to settle down, it wasn’t her fault. Eleanor was meek and gentle and just trying to relay a message. 

“Maybe I’ll think about going, okay? I left her on pretty bad terms, I feel strange about going back. But I’ll think about it.” He reached over and squeezed her hand to make her feel better. 

Eleanor nodded. “Okay, pizza, though. We’re here to see each other, not talk about your mum.”

“That’s right. God, I’ve missed you. You were the only one I ever liked in school. I do miss it a bit.”

“What, school? I’m so glad to be out of there.”

“Easy for you to say, smarty-pants.” The visit was going to be fine. Louis’ tiny circle had expanded by one more person, which was good enough for him.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn and Liam go on a school tour, Harry hears something troubling, Louis decides to meet his mother, and Sean gets some bad news.

“And to the left there, you’ll all be able to see our largest library, the Bill Bryson Library. It’s something we’re quite proud of, as a school.” 

The young woman giving the tour kept gently nattering on about the school’s library, and Zayn leaned further in against Liam, rubbing Hafsa’s back a bit through her sling. “Whaddaya think so far?”

“Durham is a really impressive school. I’d be chuffed to go, of course. I don’t know if they’d take me, though, my courses that I’ve completed are different, I don’t know how transferable they are.”

“It’s so bloody big.”

“That’s what you’re worried about, Zayn?” Liam laughed a bit. “We live somewhere huge, it’s no different.”

“I guess not. You know some of the kids here get to live in a castle? Hint, hint.”

“I think it’s just a tiny amount, Zayn.”

“I’m just saying, if we can swing that.” Zayn grinned and poked Liam. He understood Zayn’s humour a little more every day. It always seemed that if things weren’t straight-forward to Liam, he just got puzzled, but Zayn was trying to fix that. 

They’d been on a few tours already of places across the country that would suit both their needs so far, but it was a bit difficult. Zayn felt guilty about not getting going on getting things ready for school, but he honestly still didn’t know what direction he wanted to go in. Liam kept saying he ought to go for art, but Zayn wasn’t so sure. He liked art, but there was nothing he inherently wanted to do with it. He liked it as a release of emotions and creativity, but having to sit down and do it as a job seemed a bit overwhelming. He hadn’t liked math or science too much in school either, so he was left with English and the Humanities, unless something else he hadn’t thought of leapt out at him. 

“Would you want to live on-campus? We’ve yet to get to residences, but I think I read in the brochure that they do have family residences.” Liam picked up and the pace and trotted after the tour group, as they’d slowed a bit. Zayn tried to follow, weighed down by Hafsa and her diaper bag. She woke and cried in protest. Great, Zayn thought, the tour group would love that.

“Don’t know, Liam.” Zayn rubbed Hafsa’s back some more and tried to make a silly face at her. “I haven’t really thought much yet about living on campus or somewhere else. It’s so far away from home. I know we’re just making a weekend out of this right now, but can you imagine being so far from home?”

Liam’s brow furrowed a bit. “It is far from home, you’re right. Further than now. But I do think we should consider it.”

“That’s if we get in, if we apply. You will, you’ve been in school already. I probably won’t. I haven’t even worked since leaving school, really.” 

“You’re clever, though, Zayn, don’t you think otherwise.”

Zayn slipped his hand into Liam’s. “Thank you, love. I know this school is one of your top choices to, one you’d love to go to, so I’m not discounting it, alright?”

Liam nodded. The thought of moving was actually rather terrifying to Zayn. Inwardly, he knew a lot of people moved for school and then moved back closer to where they came from and lived their lives again once it was done, but he had a lot at home. Liam had already moved away from his family for school, and then Zayn, but all Zayn’s family was here. And really, any friend he had. Trying to make friends in a school situation, particularly as a young dad, seemed grossly difficult when he already had a loving set of friends at home.

“What’s on your mind, Zayn?” Liam patted his cheek gently. 

“Sorry, sorry. I was just thinking to myself, a bit.”

“About what?”

“Do you think we’ll make friends again, nice and easy-like, if we move?”

“Is that’s what’s worrying you about this?”

Zayn shrugged. Liam would have guessed soon enough. “Suppose.”

“I don’t know how well we’ll make friends again. I know you’re shy and I know you worry, but really, sometimes, you know, you surprise me with your forwardness. I mean, for someone as reserved as yourself, look at how you and I met. And anyways, we don’t know if we’re going to move. I could go back to where I was and you could go to wherever you fancied at home. I just want to make sure we’re both happy at somewhere we’ll do well.”  
Zayn smiled. It was some comfort to hear that, although he wasn’t convinced he wanted new friends. They’d all continue being his friend, Perrie and everyone else, he was sure, but it wouldn’t be the same, and he’d come back distant from the rest of them, while they all had stories to share. But he supposed there was no point worrying about it until the time to make decisions actually came.

“Okay. Let’s finish the walkabout, then, and then maybe we can get some tea. It’s a cool school, Liam, really, it is.”

~

“You’ll enjoy this, I promise. It’ll be good for your knee.” Harry shifted Persephone to his other arm, walking into the yoga studio. He was taking Niall to post-natal yoga, despite his protests. They’d all refused to go, even Louis, even though he had tried to cajole them and put it in a good light. But then Niall tore his ACL and was still a bit hobbly, and Harry had known he had a chance. He’d refused to let up about all the therapeutic benefits of yoga until Niall agreed. All Niall needed was Maggie, a pair of tracksuit bottoms, and a good mindset, he insisted, and they’d have a good time.

“Listen, mate, I’ll sit through it and do it once, see if I like it after tat. Seems a bit, I dunno.”

“Something that white moms do?”

“Exactly. Glad ‘ya know yerself.”

“It’ll be fine. I’m glad you’re coming just once.”

“Feelin’ any less tension?” Niall frowned a bit in concern. Harry knew people had noticed his rather rampant anxieties towards some things these days, and if he was honest, it wasn’t a whole lot better. Things like yoga helped for in the moment, but then later, he felt swamped because he hadn’t been finishing things or helping Louis at home. 

“It’s alright, Niall. Really, I know I seem anxious a lot these days, more stressed, but I’m okay.”

“Seem mopey to me along with stressed.”

“Am I?”

“I dunno, don’t mind me.” Niall shifted onto his good leg and picked up Maggie’s carseat. “Let’s get this over with, then, right?”

Harry laughed a bit and shook his head at Niall, then got them checked in and into the change rooms. Niall raised his eyebrows a bit again at Harry’s whole kit of headband and leggings and sport top, but Harry didn’t mind. It was the most comfortable. 

The studio was already starting to fill up with suburban middle-class women and babies and Harry could tell Niall was getting a little uncomfortable, but he knew once they were in the middle of class it would be alright. He handed his spare mat to Niall and settled into his regular spot, waving here and there to a few mums he knew already. There were a few newcomers, much like Niall, as well, so it would probably be an interesting class. Harry sat down with Persephone on the mat and gave her stomach a tickle. She laughed a bit and reached out a hand for Harry, so he leaned down and blew a raspberry on her stomach, which made her shriek loudly in joy. Considering her hearing wasn’t very good, when she made noise, she made a lot of it. Maybe she liked to hear herself better. A few mothers turned to see what was going on and then smiled, and Niall laughed. 

“Mags makes a bloody load a’ noise when ‘ya tickle ‘er, not alone.”

“I’ve heard her.” Harry grinned at Niall. “We should try and get Zayn and Hafsa over soon, get a playdate going with the four of them soon.”

“One day dey’re gonna gang up on Archie, I tink...um, ‘ello.” Niall glanced up at a woman leaning over them.

“Hello.” The woman was unfamiliar, one of the new ladies trying the class. Her hello was directed at Harry rather than Niall and it didn't sound too cheerful, which was odd and made Harry feel a bit stiff and cold.

“Hello. New to the group?” Harry smiled. 

“Er, yes.” The woman leaned closer and lowered her voice. “Should that baby really be here? Yoga studios are meant to be peaceful.”

Harry blinked slowly at the woman, trying to process what she said.

“I mean, there’s got to be groups for you know, special children.”

Harry couldn’t speak. He felt like he’d been hit hard in the stomach. Very hard. Niall evidently didn’t feel the same way, and got up. 

“Harreh, get up! Get this fuckin’ bitch out of yer face, get up. We’re not stayin’ here.”

Harry was only faintly aware that the other women were staring and tittering. They wouldn’t have heard what the lady said, but they all had heard Niall. Harry picked Persephone up and held her close to himself, trying hard to focus properly on the situation. The woman was looking very offended at Niall.

“Excuse me? There are children in this room, how dare you speak like that!”

“THEY’RE ALL FECKIN’ LESS THAN SIX MONTHS!”

“It’s okay, Niall.” Harry got up. “I can handle it. We’re going, we’re going, okay?” Harry tried hard to look the woman in the eye. “I’m sorry that you’re very close-minded, ma’am. My daughter is wonderful.”

“Cunt,” Niall hissed under his breath. 

Harry sighed. He loved Niall for being so angry on his behalf, but he was just making it worse, bringing more attention to the already unbearable situation. He could really only imagine the terror that would have been wreaked if it had been Louis. The room felt awkward and horrible and embarrassing and Harry tried hard to keep tears from coming as he gathered up his mat and everything else. Niall marched ahead of him straight into the change room, and sat down with Maggie.

“Tat was some fucking bullshit.”

“Niall, I knew someone would say something eventually.” Harry plopped down next to Niall with Persephone, letting a few tears roll down his cheeks finally. “I knew it would hurt and I am hurt but I knew I wouldn’t be immune from comments, either behind my back or to my face.”

“Bullshit, is what.”

“I know, I know.” Harry wiped his eyes a bit. “I’ll explain what happened next week to the instructor. We’ll try again next week.”

“I’m not goin’ back. Full of feckin’ judgmental ladies, probably the sort tat are rude to cashiers if somethin’ doesn’t go right at the till.”

Harry laughed a bit. Niall was right, really. A lot of them probably were, although he thought some still did have their hearts and minds in the right place. 

“Alright, I won’t make you go back. I just thought it’d be good for your knee.”

“Me knee will be alright.”

~

“I would have tore her a new one.” Louis looked up from his boiling pot. He was trying very hard to help around the house, but it was difficult. He’d figured out how to make a weak spaghetti, and he knew it was nobody’s favourite, but it was a start and something he could do while Anne and Robin were busy at work and Harry was busy with Persephone or trying to catch up on cleaning. Harry was resting at the kitchen island now, baby monitor beside him, having a bit of a break after furiously organizing his dresser upon returning from yoga. 

“I know you would have, love. I was terribly embarrassed in the moment but I imagine you would have been quite creative with your insults.”

“Did you put Archie and Seph in the same cot again?”

“I did, they really do like sleeping cuddled up together.”

Louis was glad. They were a bit like twins and they seemed to act like it. He hoped they’d end up grown and close. It felt so strange and domestic and parent-y to think that way, but he felt more and more that way these days. All the old rough bits of him were slowly getting smoothed over, although some things were harder to shake. He still sometimes itched for a cigarette, and he was still a terrible curser and a bit sharp and snappy still, but he barely recognized himself anymore. 

“Have you thought about calling your mum yet?”

That, he wasn’t ready to deal with yet. “No, Harry, I haven’t. I don’t really want to.”

“I know you’re having a hard time thinking about not having your stepdad in the picture and your mum being pregnant, but you should call her and tell her you’re safe and well.”

Harry was always so rational. Sometimes it was infuriating, even if he knew how right Harry was.

“I don’t know, Harold, it’s just...”

“You’ve seen Eleanor a couple times now. I think it’s fair to start opening up your past a bit. I don’t know, though, not my call. I won’t push.”

“Here, taste this. I’ve tried adding a bit of spices from your mum’s spice drawer.” Louis offered the spoon of tomato sauce to Harry, who accepted it and made a bit of a strange face. 

“God, what have I done?”

“This tastes a little bit, umm, like...what did you use? It’s not bad, exactly, I’m just confused. Like maybe this is something from India but it’s Italian food.”

“A few little jars, oregano, basil, something called cardamom.”

“Oh, love, that is what it is. The cardamom. Give it a try, though, maybe mum and Robin will think it’s a big classic. You’re inventing, that’s what cooking is all about.”

Louis stared at dismay at his pot of sauce. It no longer sounded like something he wanted to consume, particularly if it was inventive, however by mistake it was. He liked simple food that didn’t have a lot of cloying flavours. Spag bol, pizza, a good proper sandwich. But maybe this odd spaghetti would be the perfect thing for the Styles’. 

“I might just make mine cheesy pasta, Harold, you can have the sauce.”

:Just try it, Lou.”

“Nope.” Louis got up and got the cheese from the fridge. It was all-natural non-orange organic white cheddar, and Louis silently was glad it wasn’t made from like, goat’s milk or something. Although he’d seen a little cube of goat cheese in their once, actually. Their refrigerator was a holy mess of all things natural. 

Harry laughed and wandered out of the kitchen with the baby monitor and turned on the telly in the lounge. Louis was glad Harry looked a little better after having a bad morning. If it had been him, he’d have been on edge all day after. Louis’ phone starting buzzing in the middle of his musing, and he picked it up. Eleanor again. He wasn’t surprised. 

“Hey love, what’s up?”

“Louis? Are you having dinner right now?”

“No, Harry’s parents aren’t home yet, we’re just making it.” Louis tucked his phone between his ear and his shoulder and moved his pot of pasta to a cold burner before it overcooked. “What’s going on?”

“Well, it’s your mum. She’s gone into the hospital, she’s in labour really quite early. She’s only at about 29 weeks.”

“Shit, you’re joking?”

“No, and it turns out her obstetrician also made a mistake, it looks like two babies. She never picked up the second heartbeat, and the baby was always hidden behind the first. That almost never happens, but it has occasionally.”

“Shit, Eleanor, shit.” Louis felt strange and almost dizzy. Maybe his mum did need him, maybe he should have called. What if she died? It was possible with these high-risk labours, and she was older now. 

“Okay, okay, I’ll call her, alright? What’s her number again? God.” Louis noticed Harry had wandered back into the kitchen, listening to the conversation in concerned interest. He waved at Harry with the motion to get a pen, who did so, then grabbed Harry’s arm and wrote out the number while Eleanor gave it to him. 

“Okay, thanks, love, I’ll call her now, alright? Thanks for letting me know.” 

“What’s going on, Lou?” Harry furrowed his brow.

“My mum’s in dangerous early labour, I’m going to call her. Oh my god, Harry, I feel so guilty.”

“Don’t feel guilty, just call her now. If she wants you to, maybe even consider going down, we’d watch Archie for the night.”

“I don’t know, maybe, Harry.” Louis took one more deep breath, before taking Harry’s arm and dialing the number on it. It was a male voice who answered. Shit. Either he wrote it wrong or he’d have to talk to the new guy. 

“Hello?” Louis felt like an unsure child. “Who, who is this?”

“This is Dan.”

“Is this Jay’s number?” Louis couldn’t even remember if Eleanor had called the new guy Dan or not. God, this was a mess.

“Yes. She can’t come to the phone right now.”

“Suppose she could for a minute? It’s her son, it’s Louis.”

He heard a sharp intake of air on the other end of the phone, then Dan mumbled “just a minute” and covered the mouth piece. He could hear some more mumbling on the other side of the phone, and he thought he could hear one of his sisters’ names, then he came back on. 

“Just give us a few minutes, right?”

“Is she alright? Would it be easier if I came down to the hospital? I know she’s in. Listen, I know I’ve been a bad son and I’ve got a million years of repair work to do, but I just want to tell her I love her.”

There was another pause.

“Alright. We’re at St. Thomas’. Ask for Johannah Deakin.”

“I will, right, I will.” Louis hung up, and felt a bit lost on what to do next. Harry, who had been listening in, instead sprung up.

“I’ll put your pasta on warm until mum and Robin get home and I’ll watch the kids. Call a cab, alright? Here, take some cash for it from the incidentals drawer, that’s what it’s for, for unexpected stuff.” Harry opened a drawer that had a few envelopes in it and took out cab fare. 

“I feel overwhelmed, Harry.” A few hot stress tears fell from Louis’ face, despite himself.

“It’ll be alright, just take the cab down. I love you, okay? Don’t worry.”

~

“Still hobblin’, lad?” Bobby looked up from his newspaper. “Got yer brace on?”

“I’m fine, it’ll go away soon enough.” Niall closed the door and took Maggie out of her pram. “We just got a few things at the store, mostly rubbish junk food but I thought we’d just ‘ave sausages and mash tonight, nothing special. Didn’t have the patience on me knee for a long shop today.”

“It’s gonna get worse.” Bobby got up and took the grocery bags. “When’s Sean off?”

“Reckon ‘e should be ‘ome by around eight, so we’ll eat then.”

“Right-o.” Bobby put the groceries in the kitchen for Niall then came back and held out his arms for Maggie. She was in a fussy mood so Niall was happy to pass her over to her grandad, who immediately started cooing and clucking at her. Bobby really did relish being a grandparent, it seemed, and was overjoyed to have a grandchild near him all the time. He was forever complaining about being away from Theo. 

“Dere any games on tonight?”

“We’ll take a look. ‘Ya see Sean at work?”

“For a minute at the checkout, yeh. Was pretty busy in dere.”

“Glad I wasn’t on then.”

“Was tinkin’, pretty soon I was hoping to maybe try and get a job like a cashier or somethin’, somewhere. Not necessarily Tesco, be a bit weird if we all worked dere. Like, y’know, once I’ve started weanin’ Mags off nursin’ and that. Find like, a daycare.”

Bobby nodded. “Good idea, but wot made ‘ya tink of that now?”

“Want t’ feel more useful than I do. And anyway, if me an’ Sean are both making money then we could maybe, I dunno, find a place for ourselves, right?”

His father almost looked a bit hurt, which Niall found a bit annoying. Bobby must know they couldn’t stay at home forever. They’d need their own home.

“Dad, really want me and Sean freeloadin’ fer the rest of our lives? We’re not goin’ anywhere fast, I’m just tryin’ to think a bit about the future.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Bobby shook his head. “Yer right. I’ll just miss the wee one, and I’ve always ‘ad ‘ya near.”

“Still be in town. Don’t worry.”

Bobby nodded, then took Maggie to the sofa for a cuddle. She was still kicking up a fuss, and Niall reckoned she was probably overtired because she wouldn’t take her nap in the morning after they got home from the yoga debacle, but Bobby seemed happy to deal with it. He flopped next to his father and opened his texts. One from Zayn, saying they were home from their little trip to Durham and would he like to have coffee soon, one mysterious one from Harry asking him not to text Louis right now, and one offhanded hello from one of his mates. They were still tentatively asking now and then about the baby, which was okay. He wasn’t really in a place where he wanted to hang out with a bunch of still rather immature lads who just played footy and video games all day. He knew he was like that too, just a year and a half before, but things were different now. He stared a bit absently at his phone, sorting out what text to answer first, aiming for Zayn’s because it was an easy answer, when a text came in from Sean.

“at home ?? I’m on my way”

Odd. “aren’t ya off at like eight ? you okay ?”

“no i’m bloody not just give me a few minutes”

Niall put down his phone. “Dad, Sean’s comin’ ‘ome already, something is wrong but ‘e didn’t say what.”

Bobby shrugged a bit, letting Maggie nestle into the crook of his arm. “Strange. We’ll learn soon enough.”

Niall felt anxious and went into the kitchen to pull out the things he needed for dinner to keep himself occupied. Sean came inside a few minutes later, slamming the front door a little bit. Niall poked his head around the corner. 

“Wot ‘appened, bon?” He tried to look and sound as comforting as possible. He’d also taken to calling Sean just bon, after he’d actually taken a liking to the nickname Sean-bon. 

“Been fuckin’ let go, is what!” Sean’s face was very red, and Niall could see he was shaking.

“You wot?” Niall came over and put a hand on Sean’s back. “Wot th’ fuck ‘appened?”

“It was mid-fuckin’ shift! They kept sayin’ shit about ‘ow dey fuckin’ need t’ downsize employees and dey needed t’ start with people tat don’t have permanent contracts! I don’t fuckin’ ‘AVE one because first, I was in school, den I left meself off one because I was fluctuatin’ a bit because of Mairead! Feckin’ rubbish though, I’ve been a good worker and I’ve been dere for years! It was me mother, I KNOW it was me mother! It was too fucked up!”

“Okay, okay, deep breath, bon.” Niall rubbed Sean’s back, feeling helpless. “Can ‘ya go t’ a labour board or anyting? Can’t just fire ‘ya.”

“Been let go though, wasn’t fired for anything specific. Might be able t’ swing somethin’, but I don’t want t’ go back dere anyways, not with that fuckin’ BITCH dere.”

“Right.” Niall kept rubbing Sean’s back. “Don’t understand, did dey let anyone else go?”

“Did, been letting off people for a few weeks now, but people who ‘ave barely been ‘ere. I’ve worked so hard for them.” Sean’s anger was starting to crumble and he was instead starting to cry. Niall always hated seeing Sean cry. Niall was always the big crier between the two of them, and seeing Sean cry always told Niall just how awful he really felt. Niall pulled him into a close hug. 

“Hey, hey now, breathe with me, right? S’gonna be okay. Been a rough day, but ‘ya work ‘ard and dey’re gonna give you a reference, right? Owe ‘ya tat.”

Sean kept crying. This wasn’t just about the job, Niall realized.

“Sorry about yer mum, Sean,” he said quietly instead, and he felt Sean’s body relax and go a bit limp. 

“Wish she’d, wish she’d just, see, tat I ‘aven’t done anything. Doesn’t ‘ave t’ be so ‘eartless. Knows I’ve got a child t’ support.”

“Maybe one day she will.”

Sean let go of Niall and wiped his eye. “’M makin’ a big scene ‘ere. I’ll be okay. Where’s Mags?”

“With dad.” 

“’Ow’s yer knee today?”

“Twinging. It’ll go away, though. Know it.”

Sean gave Niall a kiss then wandered into the lounge to find Maggie. Niall pulled out a pot for the potatoes and sighed a bit. The need to find a job for himself now felt very real.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis struggles to fit back into his old family, Niall and Sean aim to get work, Harry admits his feelings and Zayn gets an idea.

Louis watched as the little girl baby shifted in her incubator a bit, uncurling a little hand before scrunching it back up. She stayed still after that, eyes clamped shut, snuffling a bit from her breathing tube. She was doing better than the little lad, the tiny, unexpected baby, who had a lot more little tubes all over him to keep him going. It felt so strange to say he finally had a brother, despite it being one younger than his own son. Both of the babies were so small, and it hurt him to see them struggling so much, especially the lad. Even Hafsa, who was still so little herself, was bigger and stronger at birth and hadn’t needed to be kept in the incubator too long. His mum had named them in a terribly old-fashioned way, Earnest and Doris, which Louis almost wanted to laugh at before he reminded himself his own son was named Archibald. Well, it must run in the family. 

It had been a very rough week and a half and Louis hoped desperately the babies would be well enough to go home soon, although it would probably be a madhouse there. He’d felt a strange duty to come pop by to the hospital every day to see how the little ones were, which meant leaving Harry with Archie and Seph. As for how things were with his mum, things were tense, to say the least. It had been an emotional meeting when Louis had first arrived, and she’d been grateful to see him after all this time, but it had been rough ever since. He wasn’t entirely sure he liked this new guy, for one, but mostly, it was the disconnect that bothered him. Louis understood he wouldn’t have anything in common with his mother or sisters anymore, but his sisters milled around away from him like he was an alien and his mother had started to ask questions which Louis felt she really didn’t need an answer to. Questions that made him feel guilty and almost even angry, like when she questioned some of the tattoos up his arm. He knew his mum felt hurt at his abandonment, too, even if she had been pushing to see him through Eleanor. 

A nurse poked her head around the corner of the dimly lit room. “It’s Louis, right? We’re bringing in mum to sit with Doris for awhile, did you want to stay if you’re quiet?”

“Ummmm...” Louis wavered. It was uncomfortable watching this Dan doting over his mum. The babies barely felt like his own siblings because they came from him, even though all his siblings were really halves. 

“You can pop down to the cafeteria, if you prefer, love.” The nurse came fully in and checked a machine that Louis didn’t really know or care what it did. 

“It’s fine, might stick around for a bit.” It was easy to run, always had. Even little things like ducking out now felt like running. He’d just have to get used to this Dan. As for his mum, he couldn’t expect things to be solved in a week. There’d only been one proper row between them this week, but she’d asked if he was coming back the next day and he had, so it wasn’t that terrible between them. 

“Hello, love.” Jay slowly toddled in with Dan, still not entirely well and on her feet, before settling into the rocking chair in the corner. The nurse gently took Doris out of the incubator, who made angry but quiet cries of protest, and put her on Jay’s chest. She kept crying but seemed to settle at least a little once she was feeling her mum’s heartbeat. Dan kept mumbling to the both of them and gently stroking Doris’ head, which made Louis feel antsy. He wasn’t needed in this little family picture. He hadn’t been needed in it for years. 

“Should I maybe give you a bit of space, mum? Get out of your hair today?”

“Don’t be silly. Come closer.”

Louis tried. Really, he did. He knew Harry would be pushing him to be as close as possible immediately with his family, but it just didn’t come so easy to him. He came closer and gave Doris’ head a small stroke before backing off slightly again. 

“When are you going to bring over your son for me to meet?”

Another point of contention. Meeting Harry and Harry’s mum and the kids almost felt like a betrayal to his own mum. Anne had been trying so hard to take care of him, and he loved her for it, but he knew it would hurt his mum. 

“It’s really crazy right now, mum. Wait until Doris and Earnest are home, right? Get them settled in. Archie is a handful and Seph needs a bit of extra care. It’d be quite chaotic.”

Jay frowned. “He’s my grandson.”

“I know mum, I just think not yet.”

“Now is better, when they’re not out yet. We could have you over with him on an evening after visiting hours are over.”

She had him there. 

“Listen, ummmm...”

Jay turned her face a bit, sulky, and leaned down and gave Doris a tiny kiss. 

“What, are you mad at me, mum? Just feel like it’s a bit much.”

“Keep your voice low, you’ll stress the baby out.” Dan interjected needlessly. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sakes.” Louis snapped in a whisper. “This isn’t an easy transition for any of us. I feel like I’m intruding on your bloody life, hanging about every day. My own sisters won’t even talk to me because they’re practically bloody scared of me, their scary tattooed gay ex-hooker brother. Can’t we just fucking wait until things are at least cleaner between us?”

Jay frowned. “Louis, I think maybe you should go for today, then. This is supposed to be a relaxing room.”

Louis knew he’d bunged up and wished Harry was here to tell him what to say to make it better. Despite his best efforts, his temper still flared on a regular basis, and at this point, it was just going to keep flaring if he tried to argue over staying. 

“Alright, alright. I know how stressful I am, I’ll get out of your face.” Louis got up and grabbed his jacket, feeling livid at everything. How easy it was going to be just settling back in with his mum, how Eleanor and even Harry had said it was going to be okay, how even he had hopes, stupid hopes, that it would be simple. 

“Louis...” Jay sighed and looked strained, before deciding not to say anything else and letting him put his jacket on. “Are you going to come by tomorrow?”

Louis rolled his eyes. “Yes. I’ll call.”

Jay nodded and let Louis shoot out the door. Louis prayed Harry was at home, because lord, he needed someone to help him figure out how to relax and behave with his mother. 

~

“S’going to be temporary this time, not going t’ spend me whole life in a supermarket.” Sean carefully slid several resumes out of his bag, looking a bit nervous. They were told to wait at the service counter of Sainsbury’s for the manager meant to interview them. 

“Be fine. Got job experience, lots of years of it. I ‘aven’t, really. Honestly shocked I got this interview, t’ be honest.” Niall was trying very hard to sound not nervous, but it was difficult. He’d wasted time and not ever had a proper job himself, despite knowing full well he should have one. But he and Sean had both promised each other they’d try and get a bit of part-time each, and slowly start weaning Maggie a little earlier than they would have liked. 

“Anyway, are ‘ya really bothered by workin’ these jobs? Not so bad, never minded it before.”

“I know, and I know yer dad still works in it, but just imagine just, staying at a supermarket all yer life, no variation. Sounds feckin’ awful.”

“Something you’d rather do more?”

“Dunno.” Sean shifted uncomfortably. “Didn’t tink I’d have t’ tink about me future so soon.”

“We’re a mess. Come on, then. Try out fer this stuff.”

“Sean?” A woman with red hair and little glasses poked her head out of the door past the desk. “We spoke on the phone, I’m Julie. You can come around the back with me. And are you Niall? Good, yes. Just sit tight and we’ll get to you after, alright?” She was a fast talker and didn’t stop to let either of them speak, but she didn’t look threatening. Niall wouldn’t mind having her as a boss, he decided quickly, although he supposed she could turn out to be really quite batty. She didn’t seem like it, though. Her smile at the two of them had seemed genuine. 

Sean got up and gave Niall’s arm a quick rub before winking and following Julie into the back room. Niall rather wished he’d gone first, just to get it over with before he over-thought himself into a stupor, but it was too late for that. He tried to look about at everything around him instead, but it was just a boring old Sainsbury’s. Mid-afternoon, so a bunch of old people shopping, a handful of mums doing the weekly shop. All the little tics Niall had when he was anxious were spilling out, tapping his feet and fiddling and picking and chewing at his nails. He’d gotten so much better at not doing that, but yet, here he was. Having disgusting nails was going to look bad at the interview, so he got up instead to pace a little bit and snoop around the service desk a bit. Sean was bound to get it and he wasn’t. It made sense and he didn’t begrudge Sean, but it was still hard to know he was going to be declined. Maybe they ought to have just let Sean get full time again and have him stay home with Mags. Maybe he...

“AAAGH, FUCK!” Niall grabbed onto the edge of the service desk and tried to shove his knee back into place in a panic. There were people staring everywhere and already a worker was trundling towards him to ask what was going on. 

“I’M FINE!” Niall found the bench and collapsed on it, desperately trying to shove his knee back into place to make it stop hurting. The worker wavered and picked up the phone to call for assistance, and Niall felt his temper growing. “It’ll pop back into place, stop worrying, agh, JAYSUS.”

Julie had popped out of the back room to see what the commotion was, and Niall knew his face was on fire. Sean was right behind her, and came around the counter and shoved Niall’s knee back into place in one swift motion. It hurt like a bitch and Niall knew he was screaming more, but after that he felt his breath start to steady and Sean came into focus. 

“We’re goin’ back t’ the emergency ward, alright? Not normal fer it t’ do it again. Wot did ‘ya do?”

“Tink I caught it on the edge of the desk, right there. Jaysus, fucked this up fer us.”

“’Ya couldn’t bloody work right now anyway, ‘ya dink. Up we go.”

“But, yer interview, I’ll be okay.”

“No.” Sean hauled Niall up and dragged him off to the car, while Julie looked on in some confusion from the desk. 

“Woulda been alright.”

“Gettin’ ‘ya re-checked out at the hospital. Obviously the brace isn’t enough, knees just don’t feckin’ slip out like that, even if ‘ya do hit them, especially at twenty.”

“Fine, fine.” Niall felt sulky and let Sean drive him there. His knee hurt and today had been spoiled and neither of them had a job. “Don’t always ‘ave t’ put me first like tat, coulda finished the interview.”

“Do.”

Niall rolled his eyes and stared out the window as Sean drove them up to the hospital. He knew he didn’t have any reason to throw a moody at Sean but he just felt so grumpy and there was no one else to be grumpy to. The hospital was also pretty quiet, at least. It was a weird, dull day, and it was mostly just day surgery patients waiting, and it wasn’t long before Niall was poked at, x-rayed, and told to wait for what the doctor thought. 

“Spend a hell of a lot of time in here fer you.” 

“Wot?” Niall turned from his position on the examination table and stared at Sean, who was complacently looking at a magazine. 

“Always in here fer you. Bit accident prone. Or because I’m out there knockin’ ‘ya up.”

“Wot about when yer brudder threw ‘ya out of a tree?”

Sean laughed and Niall felt his grumpiness fade a bit, so he tried again. “Tink was worse when me brudder hit me with a bat on the head.”

Sean laughed harder and Niall found himself laughing too, despite his throbbing knee. Sean only had brothers too, although he was the eldest, so they’d been through a lot of the same experiences growing up. Niall would frequently get into arguments with him as a kid about how younger siblings were treated unfairly, but in the end Sean would generally just tackle him and say if he was going to act like a babyish little brother he would get treated like one. Niall always felt a little glad when one of his brothers bested him. 

“Niall? Back again, eh?”

It was nurse Niall had had for his knee last time. Some luck, really, Niall mused. It was a big hospital.

“Same problem, knee slid out.”

“Right. Dr. Jackson is going to be along, he expects your x-rays to be ready in a few days. I don’t know what he’s going to tell you, but more than likely, he’s going to suggest surgery.”

“Isn’t tat quite a big deal, though? Can’t really be off me feet, got a baby.”

“As I said, I don’t know what he’s going to tell you. But at this rate, your knee is going to keep doing it unless it’s fixed.”

Niall turned to Sean, who looked hapless, as usual. “But...”

“Don’t stress out too much, just listen to what the doctor has to say and keep your brace on, alright?”

~

“I really don’t know what to tell you, Lou, I wish I did. I don’t think you’re misbehaving, terribly, and I think they should see how much you’re trying, but you’ve just got to be a little more flexible with her.” Harry ran a hand through his hair and dug further into his baby bag to try and find Persephone’s dummy, feeling increasingly frustrated. She was having a rough day and was screaming on the bed as they spoke. Louis was absently rubbing her stomach and feet, but Harry knew the dummy was probably what she wanted. They had to be out the door for one of her many appointments in twenty minutes and at this rate, there was no way they were going to make it on time. 

Harry was close to a temper-tantrum himself, and if he was honest, trying to give advice to Louis at the moment was just not something he felt empathetic enough to do, even if that made him feel a little bad for feeling that way. Louis sensed it a bit and stayed quiet, lifting screaming Persephone up and making a silly face at her. 

“Sorry, love, I’m sorry. Just can’t find her dummy, think you’re doing fine. I’m happy to meet your mum, we don’t have to bring my mum.”

“You’ve been so on edge these days.”

Harry felt a wrinkle of annoyance that Louis was really only noticing now, but he supposed that was his fault for never making himself clear. 

“I feel on edge, Louis. I think I feel worse than that. I do my best to clear my head, but once it’s clear it fills up again. I don’t know how to explain it. I love my life, and my daughter, and you, and Archie, and now that I think about it properly he’s kinda my son, but I feel almost, I don’t know, helpless about all that’s going on around me, waking up in the middle of the night, constantly washing everything, trying to make sure everyone is properly taken care of, I feel exhausted when I finish it all and angry at myself when I don’t finish it, and I just, I don’t...”

Harry finally took a deep breath and looked up. Louis was making a concerned face.

“Babe, why didn’t you say anything?”

“I’ve always managed everything. Put on a good tough face.”

“What do you think you’re feeling? God, Harry.”

“I don’t really know.” Harry fumbled with his own hands a bit. There was nothing he liked less than feeling weak.

“Could it be all that post-partum stuff? I don’t know what it exactly is, but you know, when mums go a bit stressed and stuff after having a baby?”

Post-partum depression. Harry felt a dull thud go through his body. 

“Maybe. How...I suppose I should go talk to someone? Umm...”

Louis smiled a bit. “I bet you could talk to a mental health worker, see what they think. I know it doesn’t feel this way, and I don’t tell you enough, but you’re an amazing parent and partner, okay?”

“Giving me advice now, Tomlinson?” Harry smiled weakly at Louis.

“Sod off. Here, let’s rinse off Archie’s dummy, he’ll live without it.” Louis got up on his tiptoes and gave Harry a kiss, then wandered off to the nursery and returned with the pacifier, popping it in Persephone’s mouth. She looked frustrated and still sulky, but at least accepted it. 

“Ready to head off? I can come along.” Louis was trying so hard to be supportive, which made Harry feel bad. He had his own things on his mind, things that would no doubt weigh on Harry’s own, but there would be no stopping him now. It was rather sweet, when Harry thought about it. 

“Okay. Thank you, love.” 

This particular meeting was at the hearing clinic, as they had waited long enough to finally sort out Persephone’s hearing. Harry hoped they’d finally get it together and tell him what severity her hearing loss was. That seemed to be the trouble these days. Every visit to every physiotherapist and hearing specialist and eye specialist and behavioural therapist seemed to go a bit nowhere, as most brushed off any concerns Harry had, and it was getting bloody frustrating. Archie was already babbling nonsense all the time, but Seph stayed silent. He was convinced her hearing was the culprit. Louis insisted he’d drive them down and Harry let him, even though Louis was a little bit of a lopsided driver. Not terrible, Harry had been in worse, but he was a bit blasé about road rules at times, even with two babies in the car. 

Persephone was vile-tempered through all her testing and screeched at the young woman doing it today, a woman Harry didn’t recognize despite having gone to the same centre a few times. She introduced herself as Kylie and tried her best to be good with Persephone, even with her shrieking in her ear like a banshee the entire time. Archie got angry at all the noise and started off as well, which just seemed comically awful. At this rate, Kylie would be the one needing hearing aids, not Seph, Harry thought with some amusement. 

“Okay, Harry, and Louis, we’ve got the testing straight, from last month, and now.”

Harry nodded. He felt anxious, even though he already knew what he was going to hear. 

“Persephone is going at about forty to fifty perfect for her hearing. We can arrange another appointment to talk about hearing aids for her, but in the meantime, I also wanted to talk to you about sign language. It will be good for her to learn it, and actually, it would be good for Archie too. If she’s a little behind in verbalizing herself, this is a really good way for her to tell you what she needs, if she’s hungry or thirsty or that. I’ve just met your little one, but Candace told me that lots of children with Down Syndrome learn sign language to articulate themselves better, so that’s a plus too. She told me, wrote a note on Persephone’s chart.” Kylie smiled hopefully at them.

“Right, okay. How do we learn it?” Harry felt relief at knowing what to do now, but sign language was a whole other set of skills Harry knew he would be desperately trying to master amidst all his other work, but, it would be worth it for her. 

~

“Niall’s basement, been a long time.” Liam pulled up to the curb and parked the car. “Are you sure I should come to this?”

“Niall said he just thought you and Sean should just stay upstairs and watch the telly and have a beer. One. You’re driving.”

“I’d never drink and drive. Anyway, it’s the middle of the afternoon.”

“Gone are the days of sleepovers.” Zayn turned back and looked at Hafsa, asleep in her carseat. “God, I’m getting all these memories from the first time I had one here. I was a bit of a wreck at the time.”

“I think we were all a bit wrecks. But I do remember.” Liam got out of the car and rescued Hafsa, while Zayn grabbed her baby bag. Zayn could see Niall waiting at the window, always so eager to see his mates. That was probably the most endearing thing about Niall, how excited he’d get whenever he saw them, unless he was in a mood about something else. His head ducked out of the window and he was coming down the path moments later, hobbling on his bad knee. 

“Zayn, been too long since ‘ya came ‘ere. Tink Harry and Louis are on deir way.” 

“Always behind.” Zayn gave Niall a hug, drinking in his warmth for a moment. It was a bit silly to be worried about leaving already when no plans had been made, but suddenly, Zayn felt he would miss Niall’s clingy monkey hugs too much if he and Liam were to go. 

Sean hovered a bit behind Niall, holding Maggie, and waved a little bit to Liam. Zayn knew it was a bit odd to toss Sean and Liam together and insist they be friends, which they all too often did, but it only seemed right to try and make it work for their sake. 

“Mate.” Liam ducked into the house past the hug. “There’s a game on, Sunderland-Chelsea, I think.”

Sean sighed. “Chelsea it is.” 

Niall laughed a bit in agreement, and Zayn wondered what on earth was so funny, but Liam put Hafsa in her carseat down next to Zayn and wandered into the lounge, while Sean handed Maggie to Niall and followed Liam. 

“Wouldn’t mind catchin’ tat game, maybe I’ll tape it downstairs.” Niall rubbed Maggie’s bald little head. “How does Hafsa have such dark thick hair already?”

“We’ve got really strong hair genes in my family. Li has a good head of hair but I think my hair is what’s coming through on her. Maggie’s hair will come.” 

Niall nodded then glanced out the window. “Oh, dere’s th’ duo. On time pretty well.”

Soon everyone was hussled downstairs where Niall had made a big space in the middle of the floor with blankets and mats for playing with the babies. Hafsa was still asleep so Zayn just held her for now, but the rest were awake and ready to move. Persephone cried whenever she was moved away from Archie and put by Maggie, or if Archie scooched or rolled away. It was quite cute to watch, and Zayn didn’t mind just resting for a bit snuggling his little one for awhile. Everyone looked so peaceful, and it seemed a good time to start bringing up actually possibly moving with Liam.

“Lads?”

“Mmmhmm, Zayn?” Harry had been mumbling “hungry” over and over to Persephone and rubbing her belly in a round motion, which seemed weird, but his attention was now at Zayn.

“What would you all think if me and Liam moved away for a few years for school?”

Louis frowned. “Are you actually going to? I know you were looking at schools, but Liam was already going to school here.”

“It wasn’t his first choice for school, and we’re just looking at places that would be ideal for both of us. We haven’t made any decisions, I just kinda, I dunno, wanted to know your thoughts.”

“We’d miss the hell out of you, but we’d understand.” Harry looked concerned. “You’d still visit, though, right?”

“’Course, ‘course we would if we did move. But again, no decisions made.”

Niall stayed conspicuously quiet about it, instead looking a bit broody, and Louis didn’t look happy. Zayn was afraid of that. They’d all grown so damn close. It was a good thing, but it would make any move unbearably sad and hard. 

“Anyway, don’t worry about it, just wanted to throw that out there. I don’t even know what I want to do with myself.”

“Tink tat makes all of us.” Niall leaned down and blew a raspberry on Maggie’s tummy. 

“You know, you’re right. When I was finishing school, I took a million different classes to see which one I liked, none stuck out.” Harry laughed. 

“I didn’t finish school, went right to stripping.” Louis seemed to be reliving his glory days as a stripper, looking dreamily at the ceiling, which made Zayn smile a bit. 

“Tryin’ t’ see if Sean wants t’ do something else at the minute. Doesn’t want t’ work at a grocery store anymore. I tink getting ‘im in trades would be good, use ‘is ‘ands, but at the minute he disagrees, tinks ‘e’d be rubbish at it.”

Zayn felt very soothed that nobody else knew where they were going. They’d figure it out. Harry had gone back to mumbling and rubbing Persephone’s belly so he popped himself onto the floor to investigate. 

“What are you doing, Harry?”

Harry laughed a bit ruefully. “Trying to teach Seph the sign for hungry. They’ve got me in a sign language class because it’ll be easier to communicate with her until they get her hearing aids, and as well if she isn’t super verbal. So far I’m as lost as she is, but we’re trying.” 

That seemed like a lovely idea. Zayn nodded and watched as Harry dutifully kept enforcing the one word. 

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you intending to learn all sign language, or just, like, baby sign language? The really scaled back kind.”

“I’m not sure yet. Depends on how she does, I suppose.”

“That’s really cool, Harry.” Zayn very much liked the idea of sign language. He knew some Urdu and Punjabi and Arabic, just little bits here and there, but no full other language. He’d not thought about sign language before, but it seemed a very appealing second language to achieve. Even better if he could sign to Harry’s child.

“Suppose I could go to your next class with you, see what it’s like?”

Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Sure, Zayn, that’d be fun. I’ll text you the dates.”

Louis and Niall were raising a ruckus behind them, talking loudly, and Zayn turned around. Niall looked sheepish and Louis looked smug. 

“What?” Zayn gave Louis’ leg a light punch.

“Louis’ tryin’ t’ make me tell ‘im about sex with Sean.”

Harry grinned impishly. “What about it, then?”

“All gangin’ up on me. It’s amazing, right? Can’t wait now for our shag before bed.”

“You fuck every night?” Louis squawked, looking shocked. “So much for Mr. I Don’t Like Men At All.”

“I would with Liam but he needs to give me a break sometimes. Sometimes he’s a little too big.” Zayn flashed a grin at Louis. “We don’t have two kids though. Imagine that throws a monkey wrench in the works.”

“We still have our fun. Very good fun.” Harry gave Louis’ head a scritch, and he nodded in agreement. 

“Wot I’m gettin’ out of this is Liam has a huge cock and Harry and Louis do weird stuff in bed.”

“Not weird. Just exciting. Believe me, little Niall, I’ve done some weird stuff in bed.” Louis leaned against the base of the couch.

Zayn laughed. There was once a time he wouldn’t dream talking about sex stuff with even Perrie, but these three made everything natural.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know how slow I've been updating! :( I promise I'm still working on this story and I love it, I've just been scaling my time on the computer back a bit. I promise I won't just leave any of you hanging, though, the updates might be a bit slow but they are not over! :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Positivity overflows as the boys overcome some psychological obstacles.

“This is so neat, Harry, like, honestly, I loved that.” Zayn felt himself smiling widely as they left class, feeling a sense of accomplishment with his day. It’s like something had clicked massively within him, trying to keep up with what the instructor quickly moving through sign after sign, but it had been exhilarating to try. 

“I’m glad you liked it so much.” Harry petted Persephone’s fluffy head gently. He always took her along to further facilitate her learning the signs, but she was still pretty little. Zayn wondered when she’d finally start getting it. She was such a sweet little baby, always having little bows or headbands in her mop, with her little green-framed glasses around her head. Bows didn’t work very well on Hafsa and Zayn tended to think they looked tacky, but they seemed to work on Persephone. 

“Did you want to grab a bite to eat, Zayn? Unless you need to be home.”

“No, Hafsa is with mum, she’s fine. Mum has plenty of formula and diapers at home.”

“How is your family?” Harry started to walk, beckoning Zayn slightly. “There’s a good vegetarian cafe close by, by the way. I reckon we can eat the way both of us would rather a bit today. Lou is so picky and Liam seems a bit like he likes classic manly food.”

“He’s not bad. He tries at least. But we wouldn’t go out for vegetarian.” Zayn laughed and followed Harry as he briskly rounded the corner. “My family’s decent. Doniya wants to move in with her boyfriend, my mum freaked out a bit. But I suppose they’ll let her, compare her to me and they’ll put it into perspective.”

“Your parents really do care a lot, don’t they?”

Zayn was half tempted to say they were helicopter parents, but stopped himself. Harry was right. Harry shuffled them into the cafe, which smelled a lot like garlic and curry and sat purposefully down at a table close to the front till. Clearly he was here a lot. 

“Do you think you’re picking up well on the sign language?” Zayn glanced backwards at the menu board on the wall. Lots of things made of quinoa and squash, but enough other good looking things that he wasn’t too concerned. 

“I hope I am. I read up on it at night, Louis and my mum say I’m going a bit nutty and I keep gesturing wildly in practice while they’re trying to watch the telly.”

Zayn laughed a bit, but stopped when Harry’s face changed to slightly serious. 

“I’m glad I have you to myself, Zayn. I wanted to talk to you about you and Liam’s possible upcoming move.”

Damn. Zayn didn’t know what to say about it. He tried very hard not to think about it, which he knew was pissing Liam off a bit. Liam kept asking and asking him about classes he thought Zayn might like, but he kept shrugging him off a bit about them, saying he’d look later or flat out saying he wasn’t interested. 

“I want you to know we all would understand. I know we’ve really connected this past year and some-odd and we’re all really close, but we’d get on. Louis would act like it’s the end of the world for awhile but he’d get on too. You two need to have a life and if school is a way to have it, then so be it. Some days I feel at a real loss, about a lot of things, and I’m not sure how I’ll solve it, but I’m always looking for a solution. You need to too, for your own well-being.”

Zayn nodded a bit, looking down. It was so hard to talk about this in a way that made sense, especially to Liam. Harry stayed silent, waiting for a reply, and Zayn swallowed, forcing out a response. 

“I don’t know what I want. Liam wants to move and change schools, but I don’t. But, I want to do something with myself, and take classes, but nothing seems interesting. And while I don’t want to move, I want to make him happy, and this is what he wants. Everything contradicts itself, you know?”

Harry nodded, looking pensive, like he was trying to come up with a good answer, although Zayn suspected he didn’t have something very philosophical to say about his conundrum. 

“What do you like doing, Zayn? I’ve actually always wondered a bit. I know you love art a lot, but you say nothing feels interesting. Art classes don’t feel interesting to you?”

“No. I do like art, but I don’t want that to be my career. Not because it won’t really get me anywhere, but because I don’t want what I love to be a chore. I don’t want whatever I create to be dampened by rules and grades in school, then pressure to make money from it once I’m done school.”

Harry nodded again, accepting this answer. “What else?”

“I used to be a bit musical in school, but I’ve left that behind a bit. I was quite clever in school and I used to figure I would become a teacher or something, but I don’t know.”

“You liked this, here today. It’s practical, helps a lot of people, and you can get a degree, or at least a diploma in it, I think.”

That did sound appealing. Zayn doubted Durham had a sign language program, but he wondered what other schools did. He found himself smiling. 

“You’re right, Harry. I’ll look into it, right?”

“And if it still means leaving, just know we support it, okay?”

Zayn nodded, taking Harry’s hand across the table. Harry looked pleased that he’d solved a problem, but like he needed to talk about something else, so he just waited and rubbed Harry’s hand a bit. Zayn was never one to push, Harry would say what he wanted if he wanted to. 

“Zayn, I’ve been round to a counselor, recently. I’ve been diagnosed with post-partum depression, and I think I’ve got some anxiety. I’m trying to deal with it, and I really haven’t told anyone except my family, obviously, but I just wanted to let you know. There’s nothing you can say or do for me, really, but it’s hard for me to admit when I’m struggling and I am right now, have been for some time.”

Dear Harry. It didn’t seem fair that he was always hit with such rough shit when he tried so hard to be always good. Zayn gave Harry’s hand a peck and put it down, rubbing the little cross tattoo Harry had on his hand gently. 

“Thank you for telling me, Harry. I don’t think there’s anything I can say, never been one of many words, but please tell me if there’s anything I can ever do to help.”

~

“Look good, right? Haven’t done my hair up like this in so long. Almost forgot how to do it. God, okay, just let me talk to her, she’s still tense, babies aren’t home yet. She’ll ask you lots of questions, probably, but you’re a way better person than I am so they’ll be easy. God, Harry, I’m nervous. It’s dinner with my family. My big fucking family.”

“It’s okay, she wants to meet her grandson. We don’t have to make it a big deal, just chat, eat, and leave early, okay? I’m excited to meet her but I don’t want to stay late. And you’re not a worse person than I am. Let’s knock on the door, come on now.”

“Glad she finally managed to get a house to rent, sharing the flat growing up was the worst.” Louis knocked on the door, holding his breath a bit. One of his little sisters answered, a twin, and he felt am embarrassed pang that he couldn’t pick out which one it was. She blinked a bit at Louis and Harry and the carseats, then called for mum, looking uncomfortable. 

“We’re here for dinner, love, can we come in? You get to meet your nephew today, you’re an aunty.” 

“Oh.” She looked unsure, but moved out of the door when Jay came around the corner. 

“Baby, come here.” She gave Louis a hug, which still made him feel a bit uncomfortable, but he accepted it and hugged back without getting too tense. 

“Doing good, mum? How’re Earnest and Doris today?”

“Growing stronger every day, baby. Let’s take a look at the little one, come on, then, come to the lounge. You must be Harry. Lord, I’m getting flustered already, come in properly.”

Louis looked around and felt with some derision for his siblings and Dan that the house was mess. Not that he was very good at keeping tidy, but she had a lot on her plate right now and they should be helping, at least some. There was bloody well enough of them. Jay pushed aside some magazines off the sofa and patted for Louis and Harry to sit down. 

“So let’s see him, then.” Louis’ mum patted her lap, smiling genuinely. Louis felt a little amazed she wanted to be around more babies, but she did, so he pulled Archie out of his carseat and put him on Jay’s lap. He was dressed quite smart in his little dungarees but looked unnerved at the new environment and clung to the edge of Jay’s shirt, looking wobbly and unhappy. Louis prayed he’d behave for at least their meeting. 

“Hello, I’m your gran.” Jay rubbed Archie’s back and he looked like he wanted to cry. It felt really weird for Jay to call herself a grandma. Harry had pulled Persephone out and was cuddling her, although she looked calmer than Archie, just absently resting her head on Harry’s chest. That was Archie’s way, though, to get worked up and not settle down for ages. Archie had started fretting, and Louis grew anxious.

“Sorry about him, he gets easily fussy. It’s not you.”

“I’m not insulted, he’s a baby and I’m not his mum. Here you go.” Jay handed Archie back, and Louis felt unclear of what to say next. She’d met the baby. Now what?

“So, Harry. You settled down my baby. You must have a very gentle soul.”

Louis felt annoyed at this. She was right, Harry’s gentle soul had won him over and chilled him out, but it felt really backhanded. She didn’t need to judge what he’d been like before Harry, like he was some shitty person who was only better with him. Harry looked uncomfortable with the statement himself and laughed awkwardly. 

“We get along well, very well. I think we complete each other, rather, more than my settling him down. I love your son very much.” Harry offered Persephone to Jay instead of continuing the conversation, and she obliged. “This is my daughter, Persephone. Well, we’re raising the two of them together, so Louis’ daughter too.”

That was the first time Harry had referred to them as parents to both children. It had been a weird thing at first, them raising the two little ones together but almost oddly separately, but as time passed, Louis had felt that distance shrink and then disappear, and the only thing they did separately with their birth child was nurse them. Louis put his arm around Harry and nestled in a bit closer, not really caring so much about how perfectly the evening had to go. His sisters were now starting to peek around corners a bit and come into the lounge, and Louis smiled at them. 

“Did you lot want to meet Archie? Lottie?” Lottie was the closest in age to Louis, even though she was still just a teenager. He’d felt really guilty when he’d left, taking off without letting her know, and he imagined she harboured a lot of resentment. She was texting on her phone, watching out of the corner of her eye, and only came over when she caught her mother’s eye by accident. 

“That’s cool. Hey, Louis.”

“Hey love.”

She looked uncomfortable and tugged down the sleeve of her jumper a bit. 

“Want to hold him?”

“No, I’m alright. Have to be around babies a lot. He’s cute.”

Ouch. Louis felt terrible. She was obviously not happy about him being there. Neither was Dan. Likely neither were the rest of their siblings, or at least, they were uncaring or unclear why he was there. The happy moment with Harry was already fading. 

“We don’t need to stay late, mum, I understand everyone needs lots of rest these days.”

“No, no, baby, we haven’t even eaten. We’ve got dinner. It’ll be good.”

Archie started to weep again and Louis felt uncomfortable nursing him in front of his sisters. Persephone was almost asleep, happily against Jay, and Louis wished Archie was agreeable like her. But really, they were making him uncomfortable just standing and staring there, Louis thought with some annoyance. They could fucking watch a baby eat, they’d done it before with mum. He hiked one side of his shirt off and let Archie latch on. Archie had developed a habit of pinching the skin around Louis’ chest when he nursed, and it was painful and annoying, mostly because his tiny nails were sharp no matter how neat they were, and Louis winced silently as he started to do it. The little joys of parenthood. His mum noticed this, and took his little fist and shook it. 

“Pinch him back, just once, baby. Doesn’t have to be hard. He’ll squawk, but he’ll likely not do it again, because he doesn’t like it being done to himself. You used to be a real pincher, mostly on my arms while you nursed or were cuddling, one pinch and you never did again.”

Louis nodded, feeling grateful. “Think I’ll save that lesson for a day when he’s not in a room full of people.”

“Okay, baby.” 

Louis became aware that Jay looked awkward and anxious herself. She wanted this to work, to mother him, even if no one in the family really did. Against his better judgment, he rested his head on her shoulder. Things were odd and a little awful in some ways but Louis forgot he and his mother were more alike than he wished to admit, and she was trying, so he owed it to her to try too.

~

“Don’t wanna have th’ surgery, don’t want it.”

“Ni...” Sean looked up from his computer, looking exhausted. “It’s going t’ get worse. Wot if ‘ya have more kids and the weight of it wrecks yer knee? D’ya want to play all the sports ‘ya love again?”

“Ummmmmm.” Niall waffled. He’d been a bit sidetracked when Sean had mentioned having more kids, although he supposed it was just for emphasis to prove a point. 

“People ‘ave this surgery all the time, know it feels like a big deal.”

“Be off me feet for awhile. ‘Ow’ll I be able to haul Mags around?”

“We’d figure it out.”

Niall sighed and sat down next to Sean and looked at what he was doing on the computer. He had Twitter open in one tab and a little job search website open in another, which was good, but Niall wished he was looking at something more long-term for himself that would make him happy. All the jobs on that list would either be more cashier jobs or jobs that did need some more sort of specific skill. 

“Did ‘ya look at tat one, bon? Look, dey link ‘ya to a trades program on their website, could see ‘ya bein’ an electrician. Obviously yer not gonna get that particular job but does that one look interestin’ for the future?”

“Don’t want tat one.”

“Sounds familiar.” Niall smirked and Sean leaned back in his chair and laughed a bit. 

“Right, alright, I’ll get a bloody pamphlet about trades jobs and look into it, but it’s still different than gettin’ yer knee fixed. Which ‘ya need t’ do.”

“Look at us, makin’ adult choices.” Niall took Sean’s free hand and played with it. It used to be rough and full of callouses from all the horsing around and sports he did, but they were getting softer from all the baby stuff he did now. 

“Oh, speakin’ of which, Niall, wanted t’ show you something. I wanted t’ get another tattoo, t’ go with the couple I have.” Sean opened up another tab and pulled up an image of a sort of 3-D star. It looked neat but Niall wasn’t entirely sure how it would transfer onto the skin, but Sean was looking expectantly at Niall. 

“Talked t’ someone who said dey’d do it?”

“Mmhmm. You like it?”

“Yeh, it’s cool. Why a star, though?”

Sean ducked his head a bit in a bashful way. “Doesn’t really make sense to anybody but me, really.”

“Try me.”

Sean kept looking bashful. “The day we got together, I dunno, I called you the stars, dunno. I really meant it, y’know, s’how I see you.”

Niall was taken aback. “The tattoo is me?”

“Not you exactly, but, sort of, I suppose. More represents how I feel about ‘ya, will make me think of ‘ya.” Sean abruptly changed topics. “Did we want t’ take Mags on a walk down to McDonald’s or somethin’ and get a bit of lunch? Our days are definitely not full lately, wouldn’t mind gettin’ out of th’ house.”

“Sean, I’m...” Niall felt overwhelmed with love for Sean, like he wanted to run out and do something horrifically big and grand to honour him the same way. Everyone else would probably say the tattoo was a horrible idea and you shouldn’t tattoo relationship things on yourself, but it was so lovely and touching, and as Sean had said, nobody had to understand but them. 

“Mouth open long enough and a fly will make itself at home. ‘Ya wanna go or no?” 

Niall nodded, giving Sean a long kiss before getting up. “Get the pram, den, alright? I’ll grab Mags and we can go, do feel pretty hungry.”

They shuffled themselves out the door with Maggie, and Niall was pleased to find it was pretty mild out. Spring was turning a bit into summer, and it was probably really idyllic out in the countryside, rather than a street of full of nearly identical-looking little houses. Maybe they’d have to take a little trip soon. Sean wasn’t very chatty on the walk there, although he was clingy, and Niall didn’t mind not yammering for once. Once at McDonald’s, he let Niall order first then insisted he go find somewhere to sit down where they wouldn’t be too crowded with the baby, and he’d bring the food when it was ready. McDonald’s was such a weirdly comfortable place to be, having gone there with mates and no parents since he was quite young. He liked this McDonald’s too because it wasn’t downtown and therefore was never way too busy or full of people he’d be nervous having Maggie near, and it was closest to the house anyway. Niall settled himself in a corner booth, popping Maggie on his lap, and wondered if she’d want to try a tiny bit of chip today. Sean came back and put the two trays down, giving Maggie’s head a pet. 

“Tink she’s getting more hair, Ni? I tink she is, although it’s fair.”

“Don’t know where she got tat from, I’m not really blond, yer feckin’ not.”

“Might change. Anyway, yer nephew is blond, your brother and sister-in-law aren’t natural blond either.”

Niall nodded and opened up the box of his burger. There was a ring perched on the top of his burger, slightly embedded in the bun to make it stay in place. It was silver along the outside of it and gold on the inside, and had an intricate design all along it, some sort of Celtic design. Niall looked up in shock. 

“Niall...”

“Sean, is this what I tink it is?”

Sean nodded. “Askin’ ‘ya t’ marry me, Niall. T’ have faith in me that I’ll get it together and be a good provider for ‘ya and Maggie.”

“In a feckin’ McDonald’s box.” Niall laughed, feeling tears start to fill his eyes. He put the slightly greasy ring on, letting the tears start to fall a bit. 

“Well, what d’ya love more than McDonald’s, right? I know I’m cheesy and I’m stupid but I hope ‘ya love me for it.”

Niall nodded. “God knows how much I do.”

~

Harry peeked through the glass of the old bakery he worked at, trying to get a glimpse of who was working that day. Ah, Sandy and Mary-Beth. He guessed Mary-Louise was off for the day, or maybe she’d finally decided to retire, like she was always insisting she was going to do. He’d been neglectful keeping up with the dear ladies since the baby was born, and he’d only taken her to see them twice, so he was long overdue for a visit. 

“Ladies.” Harry stepped inside, Persephone sitting up in one arm but his other hand open for a hug. He always got the distinct impression that they thought he was a nice, handsome boy who kept the place youthful, and he knew they missed him dearly. He certainly missed them.

Sandy made a pleased noise and came round the counter and gave him the one-sided hug, before scooping Persephone out of his arms. “Look at you, oh look at you! So big, my darlin’!” 

Mary-Beth was in hot pursuit, and took Persephone from Sandy before she had much of a chance. “Harry, you’ve come in, dear boy. What can we get you today? No need to pay, we’ll get it for you.”

“We need that entire row of bread, there. On the house right? No, I’m joking, I was going to get a cinnamon roll but you don’t need to pay.”

“You’re not giving us any of your money, my love, it’s one cinnamon roll. Sit down, sit down.”

Harry grinned at them and went and sat down with Persephone, making her wave with her little hand. They were such nice ladies and Harry missed it here a lot. When he’d spoken to the counselor, she’d discussed doing things for himself, things he enjoyed and were just for him. It had been a weird little epiphany he’d had, thinking about it on the way home and then that night, but he thought maybe he could go back, just a little tiny bit, each week. Maybe just one day or even one afternoon a week. The thought of even that was enough to make him anxious, even though he knew Louis or his mother would be perfectly capable of watching Persephone once a week. He hadn’t told anyone his plan to come down here this afternoon, but he was really hoping that if they agreed to have him back once a week, his family would be supportive. 

“Here you go, love, we warmed it up for you to melt the frosting a bit.”

“Are you busy, Sandy? Did you want to sit down for a minute?”

“I think so.” Sandy sat down across from him. “How’s your life, dear? You look well. Persephone doing well?”

“We’re good. Louis and I are starting to teach her sign language, at least we’re trying to. She’s not picking up on it super well yet. I think she’s starting to do the sign for “hungry.” We’ll get there, though. Louis and Archie are doing good too. Archie’s turning into a real little bruiser, I think he’ll start crawling soon. Not quite yet, but soon. Lots of soons." Harry laughed a bit and tore off a piece of cinnamon roll.   
“That’s lovely. Did you need a cup of tea with your cinnamon roll, dear?”

“I’m good, Sandy. I had a question, maybe you need to talk it over with Mary-Louise too, if she still works here. I wanted to come back here, help you out if you needed it. Just once, maybe maximum twice a week, kind of start getting back into the swing of working. Of course, only if you need me.”

She broke out in a big grin and beckoned Mary-Beth over. “Harry wants to come back to us!” 

Mary-Beth made out a little squeal, which was kind of darling when he thought about how elderly they were. They were dear, wonderful ladies, even slightly crotchety Mary-Louise. 

“I’m glad you’re so excited. I know I am.”

“Just imagine, now that you’re out of school, maybe you could start spending more time here as Persephone gets older, not right away of course. We could train you further as a baker. You already had the spark for it.”

Harry thought about it a bit. He’d taken so many classes in school and he’d liked them all, from business to English to sociology. He had a lot of hobbies he liked too, and he’s often entertained far off thoughts like being a yoga instructor, as silly as that sounded. He did like baking as a hobby, so it was worth a shot getting back into it. 

“That sounds excellent, ladies. I can’t wait to get back to work with you. I’ll need a bit of retraining, likely, and I’m really not up for anything more than a day on the weekend, but I was your weekend boy anyways. It’ll be like old times.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life changes are contemplated.

“When are you meeting up with the crew, today, babe?” Liam looked pensive for a moment, then chose a plaid shirt out of the closet and threw it on. Zayn watched lazily out of one eye, but there was no need to get up, or even move his head from the pillow. He never understood what the point of getting up early ever was other than to inflict pain on yourself, but Liam tried to maintain a schedule. There was no point, to Zayn, in having a schedule, when Hafsa didn’t. She was a good sleeper herself, and Zayn far preferred his wake up call at 9:45 rather than 8:00. 

“I think about one.” Zayn dove farther under the covers, even though it was a little hot for it. There was something so comforting about being wrapped in blankets. “Can you take me or am I getting a ride from Niall and Sean?”

“I think I can take you. You should learn your license soon.” Liam smiled and tugged at Zayn’s foot over the covers.

“Mmm, roads are too scary. You and Doniya are all I need.”

Liam laughed a bit. “Maybe. But think about it.”

“Was thinking about something else that should make you happy.” Zayn didn’t bother sticking his head out from under the covers. It was nice in this cozy hole. 

“What’s that, babe?”

“I was thinking I could find a career in sign language. Learn it, maybe be an interpreter or even like a helper in a primary school, if they have any deaf pupils, or, I don’t know. I just really like the idea.”

Liam looked tickled and sat down at the edge of the bed, doing up his buttons. “Did you come up with this idea when you were with Harry? I’m really glad to hear you’re interested, that’s awesome, but it feels so sudden.”

“It is, but I really did connect to it.” Zayn slid his face of the blankets enough to make his eyes visible. “Do you think it’s a good idea?”

“It’s a great one, Zayn. Totally offbase for what I thought you’d pick, always thought you’d want a quieter job with not a lot of people, but that’s so cool.”

“It’d probably be a literal quiet job, Liam.” 

“Why’d you wait to tell me that you think this is a good idea?” Liam smiled briefly and sat on the edge of the bed to tug on his socks. 

“I wasn’t sure, right? But I really do think I want to look into programs here.” Zayn watched Liam’s face cautiously, and his heart sank when he saw it fall. 

“Right, yeah.” Liam turned his head away and got up to go into the kitchen and get the kettle going. This was terrible, but Zayn had to say it eventually. He had to tell Liam properly that he didn’t want to move. 

“Li?”

“Mm?” He sounded a bit distant and didn’t come back into the bedroom. He was hiding his feelings away, but it was so obvious. Zayn dragged himself out of bed into the kitchen. 

“Something on your mind, Li?”

Liam was leaning a bit over the kettle, looking moody. “I don’t know, Zayn. I just thought we kind of had been talking, having an understanding.”

“We have? I thought we were all just speculating, throughout all this. I never explicitly said anything.”

Liam’s face screwed up a bit. “No! You kept nodding along when I’d show you things! You made it seem like everything is fine! I knew you were hesitant about everything but you’re hesitant all the time anyways! I thought it was just because you didn’t know what you wanted to do!”

Zayn was startled at how angry Liam sounded. It wasn’t fair, they’d never said. Zayn knew he was dawdling a bit on settling on his future but that wasn’t a crime. 

“Couldn’t you tell, Liam, that whenever you’d bring up moving, that I’d get anxious? I’ve never been too far from my family, do you have any idea how scary it is for me? I don’t understand why you won’t finish school here!”

“FINE!” Liam shouted, and Zayn took a step back. He was never like this, never. 

“Liam?” Zayn nearly felt like crying, out of anger and a bit of fear at seeing Liam like this, but he kept it in. Liam was struggling to look at Zayn in the eye but finally answered.

“I wish you would have talked to me, you were ho-humming at classes but you didn’t ho-hum at the school. I’ve applied, I’m waiting on their answer, and now it’s all for nothing.” Liam didn’t pause for Zayn to answer. “I’m going to go take a run, can you handle Hafsa for the morning alone?” 

That made Zayn feel really bad. He wanted to get away from Zayn and have some space but he was still worried about abandoning Zayn, even for a morning.

“Fine, Liam. I’ll be fine. Go have your run, do you want me to call Niall and get a ride today? Do you think you’ll be back by then?”

“I don’t think I will.” Liam paused for another moment. “Let me know if Niall can’t give you a ride, I’ll come back.”

Zayn nodded and let Liam go back into the bedroom to change. Never had he felt quite so shitty about their relationship. 

~

“Quite a spat, eh? It’s okay, me and Sean literally fight all the time. We fought this mornin’ over a pair of pants.” Niall patted Zayn’s leg while they waited to be seated. He looked really worn out and upset about his and Liam’s little squabble. 

“I mean, we’ve never really fought, though, Niall. He was so angry at me, he’s never been angry at me like that.”

“It took ‘ya over a year and a half t’ get into a proper fight? Babe, it’s gonna be okay, ‘ya sound like ‘ya literally live on cloud nine over ‘dere. Can’t comprehend not arguin’ at least a little bit over big things in our lives. We argue about me leg daily.”

“I’ve really hurt him, though.”

“So apologize. Even if yer not all in th’ wrong.” Niall felt a bit shocked to be spreading wisdom. He had one of the most chaotic relationships he could think of, but at the end of the day, they were still always okay again. Even when they were fighting, there was always the sense they’d chill out in twenty minutes after a beer. It seemed weird to be the one giving relationship advice, regardless. 

“Maybe.” Zayn leaned his head against Niall, and it touched him somewhat. 

“Sounds a bit like ‘ya ‘aven’t talked it out with ‘im proper, t’ be honest. Not blamin’ ‘ya, just sayin’ be clearer with ‘im. Will make ‘im feel better and you too.” 

“Suppose I just haven’t had any experience with this stuff. Feel stupid.”

“Don’t feel stupid. Do ‘ya remember wot me and Sean were like when I was pregnant? Tat was fuckin’ stupid.” Maggie started to cry and Niall lifted her out of her carseat. He’d left the house with her clean and fed so he imagined it was just the clatter of the restaurant bothering her. Italian places did tend to be, so maybe it was maybe a mistake to choose this particular place, but he’d wanted somewhere really special to share his news. He hoped Zayn would be a little more chipper by the time he had planned to say it. He looked a little better. 

“Hey!” 

Harry and Louis were finally spilling in, full of prams and bags and too much stuff. Harry still had Persephone wrapped in his sling and Niall wondered for a moment if he’d ever take that thing off for her. 

“’Ow was yer mum’s dinner? Wot’s goin’ on, missed you lot. Gettin’ worse than Zayn for lateness these days.”

“Shut up, you. We’ll tell you when we’re all sitting, come on, come on.”

“No seat yet, we’re stuck here waiting.” Zayn smiled a bit impishly at Louis. “You thought we were just your welcoming committee?”

“I just apparently continue to get dragged.” Louis flopped down beside Zayn and leaned over to Hafsa tucked on his lap and tugged her foot.

“Believe me, she doesn’t care for that. We’ve all tried.”

“Really? Archie finds it so funny.”

“Mags doesn’t tink anything is funny right now.” Niall sighed as he tried to blow another raspberry at her and rubbed her back. 

“Kids are so curious, aren't they?” Harry squeezed in next to Niall. “Hey, what is that, Nialler?”

“Wot?”

“On your hand. You never wear rings, it’s very nice. Where did you get it?”

Fuck. Harry had ruined it with his zeal for jewelry. “Doesn’t matter, s’okay?”

Harry frowned. “I’m sorry, then.”

“Ahh...” Shit. That sounded rude as fuck. “Alright, listen, I was gonna save th’ news until we were all sittin’.”

That had everyone’s attention. “Okay, um, right. Didn’ t mean t’ snap, Harry, I’ll explain. Got a ring, couple days ago. Got a ring because me and Sean, Sean gave me it because we’re goin’ t’ be getting married.”

Everyone stayed quiet for a minute, and Niall couldn’t sense what they were thinking. It wasn’t a thing to be unhappy about, but maybe they felt awkward about it or jealous or something. Maybe it made Zayn upset because he was having troubles with his own relationship. Harry finally took Niall’s hand to take a closer look at the ring.

“That’s amazing, Niall. I’m shocked you managed to hold it in so long for a big announcement. What are your plans?”

“Very few yet, still need work and tat. But I reckon we’ll try our hand at bein’ proper adults.”

“Jesus, everyone is growing up. You and all your school stuff, Niall is about to become an old married fart.”

“We’re growing up, Lou," Harry reminded gently. "Don’t worry about that. We’re allowed to go at the pace we want.”

“Things are just changing so much.” Louis bit at a hangnail and took Niall’s hand to look at the ring too. “Of course you have an Irish ring.”

Zayn cleared his throat. “Speaking of which, ummmm, me and Liam have started the paperwork and that to get him into Durham. It won’t be for awhile, obviously, but Liam’s started all the bureaucratic stuff for it.”

Niall turned and blinked at Zayn. He wondered what had spurred him to decide this so suddenly when they'd just been discussing how he didn't want to. “Really? Tat’s great, Zayn, really great.”

Louis just looked more stressed and put his face in his hand. “More changes. I’m just trying to stay together with all of you. I don’t want things to be chaotic like they always were. Things still are and I don’t know how things with my mum and her sick babies are and you’re all I have that’s stable.” 

“Lou, ‘m not goin’ anywhere. Just gonna get married with Sean.”

“And get lives and more babies and jobs and a house and we’ll only see each other at occasional barbeques and Zayn and Liam will be rich and living in some penthouse and I just...” Louis started to cry, and Niall found himself reaching over to hug him. Zayn was too. 

“S’gonna be always the group, Lou, love all of you.”

“Why don’t we do something to, I don’t know, really, bond us?” Harry finally spoke, after reaching over to pet Louis’ head and rub his back.

“Like wot?”

“Most of like tattoos. Why don’t we get something kind of matchy? I get tattoos for any situation, really.”

Niall balked internally. He was fine with ink, really. Loved Sean’s deeply. But the thought of getting poked with a needle over and over seemed horrifying, always had. “I donno, lads...”

“Come on, Nialler, something really tiny. All three of us have experience with tattoos, you’ll be in good hands.” Harry grinned so hopefully, and he saw Zayn was too, and even Louis was calming down and nodding. 

“I, just...”

“Bring Sean, even, if you need more support. It’ll be fun, we can decide on something and it’ll be perfect.”

“I...” Niall went to say more, but stopped. There was no arguing with them. It was a very sweet idea, but still terrifying.

~

“I think you’re just not used to a slower paced life anymore, Lou.” Eleanor paused to adjust her boot before catching up with Louis. “You’re even fast with the double pram.”  
“What a little housewife I am.” Louis looked fondly down at Archie and Persephone. This felt very weird, to be along for a large chunk of time with both of them, but Harry had been so looking forward to a shift back at the bakery, and he was very determined not to let Harry down. A walk in the park seemed like a good activity for the babies, and Harry would probably be happy that he’d stopped marathoning last season’s reruns of Bake Off. 

“Anyway, I don’t know what you mean, exactly, Eleanor.”

“I mean, you were always doing fast and loose things when you were young, always got instant results, instant cash, what have you. And now changes in your own life are coming at a really slow pace. I don’t think you’re upset about seeing your friends make big changes in their lives, I think you’re just upset that you don’t have those anymore. I mean, you have made massive changes, that’s not what I mean, I mean, like, now, changes in your life these days are more like, your boyfriend is working eight hours a week, you know?”

“Thank you for your astute analysis, love. Maybe that’s it, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because my big changes have left me feeling useless and maybe even bored. I love my babies and Harry but past that there’s nothing to DO in the house. And I get lonely easily, love, so I’m honestly so afraid of that emptiness.”

“You lived alone for so long, though.”

“But I was never alone, not for long. I was always interacting with people. I’m so afraid of being locked in a house all day long. I guess, I guess what my biggest problem is, though, Eleanor, is that I used to feel very self-sufficient, sorted meself out just fine, but now, I do so little and have to rely on everyone. Zayn and Liam are out there trying to lose their reliance on their parents, Niall and Sean are, now Harry is working again, and it’s good for him, it’s so good for him because I know how much he’s been struggling, but I’m being left behind.”

Eleanor nodded slightly and took a sip of her coffee pensively. Louis pulled the pram close to a bench and sat down, rolling it back and forth gently. 

“You’re just in a rut, then. You’re healing things with your mum, and we’ve become mates again, and that’s good, but I know you, Louis, you were always so haywire and full of piss and vinegar when you were younger, always had to keep active. I think that is part of the reason you went into such a high-risk line of work, honestly, although I can’t say, I’m not you.”

That kind of made sense, even if Louis had always chocked it up to his daddy issues and a distant and overworked mother. He pulled Archie out to cuddle him, but was shocked when Persephone began fussing instead while Archie smiled and tried to cling to Louis. He passed Archie onto Eleanor instead and picked up Persephone, who got more upset and started to scream. Louis felt a bit bad and cooed at her, but she probably wasn’t going to stop any time soon. She liked Louis, he knew she did, and she was happy with most people she didn’t know well, but she was never really away from Harry for any extended time. She was probably just frightened about where he was. 

“Sweetheart, sweetheart, it’s alright. Daddy will be home later, you’ll have to stick it out with me.”

She sobbed harder and flung her hands around, which made Archie look stressed. He made a little frown then turned his face into Eleanor’s shoulder. Louis wished Persephone liked games like peekaboo but she just wasn’t there yet. Archie thought it was a riot when they played it with him but Persephone would usually just sit and watch, a slightly confused look on her face. She’d like it eventually, Harry was sure. She was a fast developer than a lot of babies with Down Syndrome, beating all the set milestones, but this was still a little early. 

“BABA!”

Louis looked down at Persephone. Had he heard her correctly? Eleanor wasn’t paying attention, petting Archie’s head and trying to teach him to wave, but Louis knew what he had heard. She had babbled. Not really a word but still something. She hadn’t been babbling much at all, likely because of her hearing, but this was her loudly and clearly trying to form a word. Possibly even a word to mean Harry.

“What was that, hon? Can you say it again?” Louis took her hands and leaned in closer, hoping she might babble again, but she was just crying again. “Baba, love?” Can you say baba?”

Persephone focused on Louis a bit when he repeated it, but she still stayed silent. 

“Did you hear that, Eleanor? Persephone just spoke, well, in a way.”

“She did? Do you think it was just an accident?”

“Maybe.” Louis tried making a silly cross-eyed face at her, and she finally stopped crying and broke into a smile at this.

“Babababababa!”

Amazing. She was getting it. “Eleanor!”

“Okay, I heard that. And it’s not common for her?”

“Not at all. Oh, god, Harry is going to be so sad he missed this! He’ll never want to leave her again.”

“He’ll be happy it was with you.”

~

“I swear to you, you’ll like Mike and Jules’ work.” 

“Jeff is so good too, though, look, I think my rose is great work.” Harry was frustrated. They weren’t going to be going to his tattoo artist for the tattoos, and it had been quite the little debate between him and Zayn, but Zayn had ended up winning. Zayn’s tattoos were quite good, actually, but he didn’t see how they were any better than his own. It was mildly insulting, too, that Louis and Niall had both agreed that Zayn’s was just fine to go to. 

“Your tattoos are good, Harry, the rose is lovely. Don’t worry.”

“Then why not mine?”

“I’m just not comfortable with another artist. I know not all one hundred percent of yours are done by your guy. Anyway, I drew the designs for us, it’d be easier for me to try and explain it to Mike, who I know.”

Zayn had him there. There was not point arguing over this, it was too late. They were already en route in Niall’s car, packed in the backseat, Louis tucked between him and Zayn. 

Niall turned around from his seat in shotgun. “Tie-breaker, we could’ave gone t’ Louis’ person.”

“God, oh my god, no. I rarely went to the same person anyways. I got most of these in my teens and I swear they’re nearly all rubbish. A lot were done by friends.”

Harry knew that Sean, silently listening from the driver’s seat, thought all their clucking was really quite funny but was keeping quiet. It was a real sense of anticipation, though, that was making them all so yappy. They all hadn’t gotten a tattoo in ages, and Niall was hyper and too chipper because he was nervous. Harry was really rather looking forward to it, though. It was an exhilarating feeling, being inked, and once you started it was really very hard to stop. It was something he missed, and he was certain Zayn and Louis felt the same way. 

“It’s funny,” Zayn cut Harry’s thoughts. “Liam has a couple tattoos, but he’s so careful about them and he won’t put them anywhere but his forearms, and they’re little. I don’t know if he likes tattoos in theory but doesn’t like the needle, or if he’s really worried about what he puts on his body.”

Sean finally broke his silence. “I’ve got a couple, here and dere, but maybe it’s a bit like smoking or whatever. Some people can pick it up and then let it go real quick, while others get hooked on it.”

Harry smiled a bit. Sean always seemed a bit flitty and nervous around him and Louis and Zayn, which seemed odd because Louis could be loud but he wasn’t mean, and him and Zayn were very calm and harmless. He wished he and Liam would join in more with them, it seemed silly to just let them mill around alone with few friends, but that thought was broken too as Sean pulled up to the tattoo shop. 

“Ready to go, Nialler boy?” Harry drifted over to Niall and rubbed his arm as they entered the shop. Zayn had been sure to draw Niall’s tattoo the smallest compared to the rest and he’d agreed to go with Zayn at the same time, so that he wouldn’t be waiting until the end and getting more nervous but could see somebody get it done too. Zayn had drawn himself a very big elaborate design, so Harry imagined either he or Louis would be waiting awhile, but that was okay. It had been tough deciding on what to get and there had been too many arguments, mostly spurred by Louis, but in the end they had decided on four separate tattoos entirely, but they did have a connection. Zayn’s tattoo artists looked really pleased to see him when he came in, and gave him big bear hugs and scruffled his head and told him to get his ass in the chair this instant, which was cute. Harry really liked Jeff but they weren’t quite as close as this. Maybe it was a good call to come here. 

They got Zayn’s tattoo sketched out onto the tracing paper then got him going, making Niall watch a bit before getting him sorted out. Harry always thought it was so mesmerizing watching the artists work, and he found himself feeling calm and happy. Things were okay right now, even if there was going to lose Zayn one day and maybe even Niall. But they were all positive changes, really, and Harry didn’t mind. They’d always be connected. 

It was a long afternoon at the tattoo shop, but in the end, even Niall was happy with his results, even though he cried and had to be kissed and pacified by Sean half the time through it. Zayn’s big tattoo dragged on so long that Harry had to wait ages, but it was okay. Zayn had gotten a huge lioness snaking up underneath his tiger to symbolize Hafsa, and the rest of their ink followed suit. He’d drawn delicate recreations of all of their babies’ names, and he’d worked hard at them. He’d done a sword to go down Louis’ back to symbolize Archie’s name, which meant “bold,” and a very careful little pearl in a shell to go on Niall’s fleshy forearm where it was least painful because Mairead meant pearl. Persephone was a little difficult to sort, because Harry definitely didn’t want the Greek goddess herself on him, but they’d decided on a tree on his left shoulder to represent her being the goddess of vegetation. Perfect and personal and only for them to know.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn and Sean have something to tell their mums, while Harry and Louis have a bath with their babies.

“Don’t ‘ave t’ do this, ‘ya know.” Niall shifted Maggie to his other arm and let her tug at his hair a bit. She’d just cause a big scene if she was told not to do something at the moment, and Niall really didn’t feel up for that. 

“Tink I do, though. This is so fucked up, Ni, she’s never met Mairead and I’m fucking engaged.” Sean shoved his hands into his pockets and looked up. He was dressed very neatly, which seemed weird to Niall. It was getting pretty warm and Sean had been living in shorts, but here he was, in careful black jeans and one of his good shirts. Like he was trying to make a good impression, even though it was his own mother. 

“Just knock on th’ door then, bon.” Niall felt anxious himself. He hadn’t seen Sean’s mother in over a year, and the thought of a screaming match between the three of them was enough to make him nauseous. Sean wouldn’t call to arrange something, so instead they were dropping in to shock her into paralysis, instead. That irritated Niall about Sean and his whole family. They’d never bloody talk to each other, Sean barely even texted his own brothers. He’d said it was better because otherwise she wouldn’t even arrange to see them, but this just seemed like it was going to cause a fight. He didn’t even remember why he had agreed to this. 

Sean paused for another minute then knocked on the door. “’Er granddaughter, Ni, don’t know a lot of women who’d pass tat up.”

“’Ope yer right.” Niall held his breath as the door opened a crack. It was Sean’s dad, who Niall hadn’t seen in ages either. He’d actually stopped by really quickly right after Maggie’s birth, but he’d acted very nonchalantly, just dropping off some of Sean’s things at the house. At least he’d seen the baby, even though he'd acted like he didn't want to.

“Son?” Sean’s dad looked like he was struggling to process what was in front of him, but at least he wasn’t slamming the door in their face.

“Hey dad.” Sean was pretty composed, and Niall felt his heart swell with pride for him. He’d be a wreck if he hadn’t spoken to either of his parents in months, but Sean was so stoic. 

“Mum in?”

“Yeh, she’s in th’ kitchen, um...” His dad trailed off, looking into the house a bit, wondering if he should call out to his wife. Fucking wuss.

“Is tat ‘er? My lord, she’s so big. Look at ‘er.” Sean’s dad looked guilty, and Niall wished he’d had the balls to stand up to his wife. It was nearly as bad, in his opinion, to keep yourself from your own kid and grandkid because your spouse didn’t want you near them, so Niall felt no sympathy for him. 

“Danny? Who’s at th’ door dere?” Sean’s mother was on her way to the hall, and Niall put a hand on Sean’s back, even though it remained straight and poised. She turned the corner and her face changed. Niall wasn’t even sure how it changed, almost from detachment to horror, but he didn’t like it and he felt his own back grow straight. Maggie sensed their tension and whined a bit. There was a horrible moment that felt like ten minutes, then she turned on her heel and marched back into the kitchen. Sean grabbed Maggie from Niall abruptly and pushed past his father into the hall, following her. Niall scrabbled to stay in tow, but kept behind him. 

“Mother!” Sean marched into the kitchen and thrust Maggie towards her. “You fucking meet ‘er, you meet ‘er right now! Yer first fuckin’ grandkid!”

“Sean, Sean, bubba, don’t make ‘er th’ middle of it!” Niall felt like throwing up all over the kitchen. It was a kitchen he knew so well, a kitchen he’d made a million toaster burritos in, a kitchen he’d done homework with Sean in, only to disintegrate after ten minutes to go play X-Box. He could see the cups were still in the same cupboard, the one weird one with the glass panel, and he guessed nothing else had changed. It made him feel even worse that every one of these weird and happy memories were being marred by this. 

“JUST WANT “ER TO MEET HER!”

“SO I’M MEETING HER!” Sean’s mother found her voice. “I’ve met your disgusting child, and I want HIM out of here!” She thrust her finger towards Niall, and he found himself bristle. 

“You were practically me mother! ‘Ow could ‘ya treat any of us like this? I’m not different, and yer son isn’t different, just because we shag now!”

“It’s disgusting, it’s horrible!”

Sean looked like he wanted to scream, maybe throw a kick at the wall, but he held onto Maggie hard and tried to take a deep breath, even though Niall could see how shaky it was.

“Not disgustin’. Wish you’d see ‘ow much of a better person I am for this, ‘ow much I did t’ try and get meself together t’ be a good dad. Just because it’s another boy, ‘ya hate it, but I don’t understand when we know me brothers see loads of girls. Not trying t’ get them in shit but I’m stable, doin’ me best, and I know dey act way worse than me. Not angry with them. And I’m not ‘ere t’ yell, despite wot we’ve been doin’. I want ‘ya t’ meet ‘er because she’s yer granddaughter and she’s great and me and Niall are goin’ t’ get married and yer invited, even though I don’t know the dates at the minute.”

Niall stayed still. Sean was doing so well, if he spoke he’d only fuck it up. Sean’s mother seemed to slump a bit, and before Niall could really say anything, Sean slid Maggie into her arms, hovering nearby in case she did anything. She held onto Maggie for a moment, before passing her back to Sean and getting up and leaning over the sink, like she was about to burst into tears.

“Maybe you’d best go.” Sean’s dad stood near the doorway.

“Yeh, maybe.” Sean kissed Maggie’s head and was almost out the door into the hall before turning around and staring pointedly at his mother. “I’ll send the invitation when everything is sorted, right? You’ll have lots of time t’ get yer shit together.”

~

Louis peered into the dance studio, feeling unsure of himself. It looked like your average dance studio, really, but the only difference was there were no little kids milling around. He’d been to ballet classes and all that before, with his little sisters, but this time, it was just women drifting in, dressed comfortably in yoga clothing, most of them looking a little nervous and shy with each other. Louis looked down at his own outfit and deemed it likely appropriate enough. He’d often shopped on the woman’s side for workout clothes, ages back before Archie, and he reckoned they still fit properly, for the most part. The pants always fit better. 

He must have been staring a bit too uncomfortably for too long before a woman stopped before going in herself. 

“Creeping a dance studio, pervert? Could be a little less obvious about it.”

“No, um, no. I’m not. Don’t know if I want to come in, is all.”

The woman smiled a bit. “To dance?”

“Reckon.” Louis forced a smile back, although his gut instinct was always to be cold towards strangers. 

“As in this particular drop-in? You’ve got the right one, love?”

“The way you’re talking about it like it’s taboo, yeah, I’m here for this drop-in, if I don’t chicken out.” Louis felt annoyed at someone calling him “love” like he was a baby, although he knew how much he called people “love.” It was meant to be just a nice thing to call someone, when he did it, though, usually directed at someone he actually did love. This just felt patronizing.

“Interested in pole-dancing, then? It’s good exercise.”

Louis knew how well it was. He remembered when he actively pole-danced. He was quite thin then, although he’d rather liked it when he’d grown curves after stopping it and sticking with just hooking. 

“I know, I’ve done some in the past. I’m probably rusty now.”

“Then what are you anxious about? You know the environment, nobody’s judgmental.”

He didn’t, actually. He’d been taught by other dancers once he’d mastered the art of just being a good stripper in general. There was something very non-judgmental about that environment, a strong sense of camaraderie. Maybe it was because everyone was just trying to eke out a living and wanted to help others, but Louis had liked the community. There was something aggressively middle-class about this dance studio, something that made his skin itch. It was like Harry’s yoga studio. Harry loved it and felt like he belonged, but those women could be judgmental as all fuck, even to Harry, and he knew Niall had thought it was awful. But hey, Niall came from a working class home too. 

“I guess not, no. Nothing to worry about.” Louis followed her into the lobby to sign up, praying silently he had enough muscle left to even pole dance at all. Maybe carrying all those car seats had paid off. He was glad that a lot of the women were not model-thin, because there was no way Louis was anymore. Not that he minded, especially since he had had a kid, but it was nice to see he wasn’t going to be judged for that. He found a place at the back, looking at the rows of poles carefully set up. There used to be a time that he’d whip right up to the front and demand the attention of everyone in the room with his antics, but the back seemed safer. He was itching to give the pole a bit of a go, trying to remind himself of some of the basics. Nobody would probably mind, there was nothing stopping him from messing about a bit before the class started. Likely he couldn’t yet lift himself back up to climb the pole or anything, but a few spins wouldn’t hurt. 

It was a bit difficult, not wearing any heels, but it wasn’t too bad. Louis hadn’t realized quite how into it he’d gotten, spinning about, even trying a few proper higher up lifts, until there was a tiny cough and he realized no one was talking anymore. He leapt off the pole, feeling grossly embarrassed, another new feeling for him. 

The person who seemed most in charge, a young, very thin and toned woman, was staring hard at him. “You’re a beginner for the drop in?”

“I reckon I’m a beginner.” Louis wished everyone would stop staring. It was difficult being the only boy in the room. It was stupid anyway, pole dancing looked nice when anybody did it, more boys ought to sign up for it. 

“Are you sure?”

“Can’t have been that good.”

“You’ve got a lot of moves down pat. You’re sure you haven’t taken a class before?”

“Well, no, not properly.” Louis wasn’t about to tell everyone the long story about how he used to work at a strip club. “I used to do some of this, silly, years ago. Honestly been ages. I’m a dad now.”

“You must have retained something, then.” 

“Should I not be here?” Louis felt a bit nervous. 

“No, stay. If you say you’re rusty, then good, we’re all about having a good time, have fun today. But you’re not as rusty as you think you are. You should look into our level two classes. Everyone, soon that’ll be you.”

Louis felt a weird sense of pride. He was better than all the ladies in here, and it was something usually scorned. The girl was starting to transition into introductions and warm up moves, his moment in the sun over, but things felt light. 

~

“Why didn’t you mention you were going to this class?” Harry put Archie back down on the mat in the lounge to scoot about. He hadn’t mastered crawling but he was a real scooter, and it was actually hard to keep up at times. 

“Thought you might find it a bit weird, I don’t know. I should know you wouldn’t judge me, but...”

“No, I get it, there’s a stigma. But you’re right, I wouldn’t judge you. I’m glad you’re going, I think it’ll get some of your energy out.”

“But is it on something useful? Not really.”

“Hey, but it’s all for you. We have to do things for ourselves.” 

“I guess. Feeling ready for work tomorrow, Harold?”

Harry thought about it for a moment. He was, although it was still so hard leaving them all in the morning. When he’d first taken the job back up, he almost had wondered if it was a mistake, because his anxiety got worse, but it had slowly settled down. He still had to mentally prepare himself a bit the day before, reminding himself Persephone was with the people he loved and trusted the most, but that was manageable. Overall, he realized he did feel less depressed, although he carefully kept noted any unhappy or overwhelmed feelings in his journal still.

“Ah, shit, he’s fuckin’--!” Louis got up off the sofa and fished his plastic cup of juice off the floor. Archie had scooted over to the coffee table and knocked the cup off, getting juice all over the floor and himself, to his dismay. He started to cry, and Louis picked him up. 

“What have you done, love? You’ve gone and made your head all sticky, can’t let daddy enjoy his orange juice in peace. Lucky the cup was soft and didn’t bump you really, could have hurt yourself.”

Harry laughed a bit. He loved seeing Louis when he was at his softest, involved with his son like he was the greatest thing in the world. 

“Did you need some help, Lou?”

“If you want to grab two clothes, I’ll mop him up if you want to mop up the floor. Thanks loads, love.”

“I think he’ll need more than a wipe, he’s going to be sticky all the rest of the night if we leave him.” Harry fetched the two clothes and wet them, handing one back to Louis, who tried to wipe screaming and squirming Archie off. Persephone watched from the safety of the mat, her eyes looking big and wide in shock behind her little glasses. 

“Should we just wash them now, then?” Louis gave up trying to wipe off Archie and settled him against his chest instead, rubbing Archie’s back. 

“Seph too? She’s still pretty clean. But I suppose they always have their bath together.” Harry felt calm, even when this would usually throw him for a bit of a loop. The babies likely wouldn’t get too dirty at supper. If they just threw them in full sleepers during supper and gave their faces a good wash at night, they would be fine. 

“We ought to get in with them. We don’t have time because we’re rushed at night, think it’s faster just to wash them down.” Louis sounded a bit offhand over Archie’s screams. 

“Get in with them? You mean four of us in the tub? Isn’t that odd?”

“Lots of people takes their babies for baths with them. FC Barcelona’s Neymar does it with his toddler, I see it on his Instagram all the time. It’s nice, like bonding or whatever.”

Harry had to laugh at that, reaching over to rescue Persephone off the floor. “Of course you’d choose a footballer. Is that the one everyone likes so much?”

“The really handsome young one? That’s him.” Louis smirked.

Harry shook his head at Louis and carried Persephone upstairs. She looked a bit confused at being taken into the bathroom, and looked particularly annoyed when Harry started running the bath. It wasn’t her favourite, honestly. She liked pushing a particular duck around in the water, and she’d scream if Archie wasn’t there, but was not a fan if these specifications were not met. 

Louis followed with Archie and held out his other hand for Persephone so Harry could finish filling the bath and undress. Harry felt rather shocked himself that he hadn’t thought of this idea. It was a good one, really. He vaguely remembered something in one of his parenting books about bathing with your baby, but for whatever reason, at the time, it hadn’t stood out as an amazing idea. Harry tested the water carefully for a moment then got in, letting Louis carefully hand him Persephone, then Archie. Archie sat in the tub properly, although Harry held him up with one hand, but kept Persephone close to his chest. She didn’t look happy about this situation whatsoever. 

Louis finished undressing and slipped in opposite, taking Archie properly so that Harry could put Persephone down and hold her up with both hands. She looked a bit overwhelmed with everyone in the tub and tried to rest against Harry again, which was fine by him. Louis was busily reaching for baby shampoo, looking happy as a clam to be sitting in the tub, despite Archie’s wails. 

“You quite like this, eh?”

“Makes me feel properly family-like. Anyway, now we can get as wet as we want and we don’t have to fuss about it.”

“You never cease to amaze me, Louis.” Harry leaned back with Persephone. The water was mild and quite nice, especially with the odd bout of hot weather they’d been having. This was nice family time to replace the time he’d miss tomorrow, too. He took his hair tie off his wrist and sloppily threw his hair into a bun to keep it dry, feeling mellow.

Persephone was smacking her lips a bit, a tell-tale sign she was hungry. Harry almost automatically signed “eat” to her, even though he knew there’d be no response. At least not yet. He shifted her up to his chest and she latched on, calming down instantly as she listened to his heartbeat. 

“Aw, love, look at you two.” Louis was scrubbing shampoo into Archie’s head, as he struggled to squirm out of grip. Louis had a good hold on him and he wasn’t going anywhere, but he was damn well going to try. This was definitely something Harry wanted to try again one day. 

~

Liam was staring at the fridge with a silly expression on his face again. This had to be the fifth time since he ate breakfast. 

“Are you looking at the acceptance letter again, babe?” Zayn scratched his neck. He really had to go trim his beard, or something. It was getting annoyingly long, and it was still scratchy. He’d gotten into having at least some beard, and it was actually quite a nice look, despite it being somewhat physically uncomfortable. Liam liked it, but he was beardy himself, so he was biased anyway. 

“I’m just so excited. Really, I am.”

“I know, we hung it up on the fridge.” Zayn smiled and got up from the kitchen table, putting his arms around Liam from the back. “I’m proud of you, though.”

“I was thinking, when we get to living in Durham, we can maybe get a pet or something. If our place lets us. I really miss having a dog around, but even a cat or something smaller would do.”

It was funny, Zayn mused to himself. He’d never had pets growing up, none at all, but the idea always seemed very appealing. He liked animals a lot, actually. 

“Sounds like a good idea, Liam. Know you miss Loki a lot.” Zayn was going to scratch his entire face off at this point. “God, I have to go shave. I like having the beard looks-wise, how do you live with it?”

Liam shrugged. “I think my hair is a little less coarse than yours. Also could just be you noticing it all the time. Just trim it to a little bit, that looks good too."

“I’ll do my best.” Zayn paused for a minute more, still stuck like a little baby monkey to Liam’s back. “Do you think my mum’s going to be really upset when I tell her today?”

“I don’t really know, Zayn. I know you’ve never been out of the same city as them ever, and that’ll be hard, but I think we’ll all get used to it.” Liam turned around and gave Zayn a kiss before turning around and slipping into Hafsa’s room. She was still asleep, bless her, although she had woken up at about six and had been a struggle to put to bed again for awhile after that. It was something she didn’t do much anymore, though. Zayn felt very lucky that he definitely had the best sleeper of his friend group. Matched him just fine. 

“I’m just going to call and do it now, okay? Get it done with, make it just seem like we’re really excited so she won’t feel as upset right now. Don’t want to tell her in person, I know she’ll cry even though she won’t want to and then she’ll feel really bad, this lets her get sad in private.”

“I’ll never understand you Malik’s, sometimes.” Liam returned with Hafsa, although she was still asleep. She’d wake soon enough at being held, Zayn imagined.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve said this before, you’re all so careful with your emotions, all of you. My family just throws everything out there.”

“Imagine it makes our Christmases less stressful.” Zayn leaned over Liam and gave Hafsa a kiss, then turned his attention to his cell phone. For a moment, while it was ringing, Zayn quietly hoped the family would be out so that he’d be granted a reprieve for at least a few hours, but instead she picked up.

“Morning, sunshine. What’s got you calling so early?” Trisha sounded like she hadn’t had a cup of coffee yet, which made Zayn smile a bit.

“I just had some exciting news, mum, wanted to tell you.”

“Yeah, sunshine?” There was a hitch in her voice. She already knew, damn. They had told her about their loose plans to go to Durham and that Liam had applied, but Zayn knew she was silently hoping they’d lose that idea.

“Yeah, ummmm,” Zayn struggled, pathetically. Liam was watching Zayn with some confusion as Hafsa roused herself and tried to grab Liam’s face.

“We’re moving to Durham, Liam’s marks from his old classes were good enough. I’m so proud of him, he’s so bright.” Zayn waited, the phone quiet between both of them.

“That’s so good, sunshine.” Trisha finally spoke after a minute. “When are you leaving? Do you have a place to stay?”

“Not until September, don’t worry. And no, we haven’t found a place yet, all so new and that.”

“Of course, of course.” Zayn could hear his mother struggling. It made him feel so bad, because he knew how much she was insistent on supporting them since they’d reconciled. Didn’t mean she wasn’t still upset about what she’d just heard.

“It’s about a four hour drive from home, I think it’s nearly just three though if you ever want to take the train. I was Googling all that earlier. Sounds good, yeah?”

“Yeah, Zayn, sounds good. Tell Liam I’m proud of him too, alright? How’s Hafsa?”

“She’s good this morning, just hanging out a bit on Liam. I’ll tell him what you said, alright? We’d better go, neither of us have properly gotten ready for our day and stuff. Call me later, or maybe we can have dinner soon, alright?”

“Sure, sunshine, sure. I love you.” 

Zayn wished it didn’t sound like his mother was already crying a bit already. “Love you too, bye.”

Liam was playing peek-a-boo with Hafsa a bit and she was roaring with laughter every time he reappeared. “What’d she say, babe?”

“Not much. She said she was happy for us and she was proud of you too but I know she’s really sad.” Zayn rubbed his eye a bit. “I hate making her sad.”

“Hey, hey. She’ll figure it out. All her kids are going to have to leave the nest, at least for awhile, some day. Why don’t you show me some of the new sign language things you learned in your class with Harry last week?”

A welcome distraction. Zayn didn’t feel too soothed about how sad he’d made his mother, but Liam was waiting expectantly, so he dutifully pulled a chair closer to them. 

“Alright, I’ll just tell you what I’m saying, alright? I might be slow.”

“Best way to do it is with other people, keep reinforcing it, right? I don’t mind how slow you are.”

“Right, so first, we learned about playing, so here’s me asking if someone wants to play with a puzzle.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn needs help finding a flat in Durham, Louis is fretting, and Niall and Sean try something new in bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your patience! It means a lot to me!

“Mmmmm, fuck, Lou, right there, mmmm.” Harry grasped at the edge of the bedspread, his body seizing as Louis hit right where it was sweet again. He tried to stay focused on Louis’ face, although it was easier to just flop his head into the pillow and close his eyes. He was seeing stars anyway. 

They didn’t usually do it like this. The one pattern they had set up in their sex life was that Harry usually topped for Louis, but he’d offered a change of pace tonight and Harry didn’t mind. It wasn’t something he really wanted much anymore, but he’d forgotten that it could feel good, very good. For the most part, he knew Louis liked being the one to show off his lovely bum and put it to good use, but there was something very inherently not submissive about him. Louis always seemed at his best when he was in control of whatever they got up to in the boudoir, to the point where he seemed an inexhaustible power-bottom, but it made sense. That need to have the control never got out of hand, and Harry could see where it came from. He’d always been the one to set the parameters with his sex life before he’d met Harry, and it was not something he was willing to give up. Again, not that Harry minded. 

He’d asked for a change tonight, which Harry guessed meant Louis really felt very manly tonight, which was rare, but every once in awhile he would ask. He was taking his sweet time in coming, but Harry knew Louis could any time, Louis was just holding out longer to really pleasure him. Any sign that Harry was going to come and he’d come with him. It was a nice little perk of having sex with Louis, how much he really liked mutual orgasms. He was close anyway, so he amped up the speed of his chanting Louis’ name. 

Louis got the idea and began speeding up too, and it wasn’t too long before they were rocking back and forth with each other, mirroring each other’s noises. It wasn’t until a moment more of gently rocking back and forth with each other, slower and slower until they were still, did Louis speak.

“Did you feel something a bit earlier, love?"

“Of course I did.” Harry sat up on his elbows a bit. Louis normally would have laughed, but he didn’t. He pulled out instead and rolled the condom up into a tissue.

“No, I mean when we came. When I did.”

“Don’t know what you mean, Louis.”

“I just felt something.”

“Think you’re overreacting.”

“I’ve always been trained to overreact, Harold. It’s kept me clean, so I don’t care.”

“Did the condom look fine?”

“Yeah, it looked fine.” Louis looked like he was relenting a bit and settled against Harry.

“Then we don’t need to worry. Anyway, I know you’re thinking of other things but you won’t catch anything from me.”

Louis nodded and pulled a blanket over the two of them, then reached over and swirled a finger through Harry’s hair. There wasn’t much Harry loved more than when Louis did that. “Your hair is getting so bloody long now, love, it’s a bit ridiculous.” 

“Do you not like it?”

“I love it, Harry. Why don’t you cut it, though?”

“I’d like to have a full bun, I think. One where nothing falls out the back and I can have some nice wisps in the front.” Harry reached over to grab a tissue to clean himself up under the blanket. A flannel would have been better, but the tissue would do for now.

“Quite a goal. It’d look nice.” Louis took his hand out of Harry’s hair and laid it on his arm instead. “Love? Are you sure you didn’t feel anything?”

“What did you feel, Louis?”

“Like a bit of a snap at the end, I went pretty hard near the end there, might have pulled the condom down too far when I put it on too.”

“Let’s solve this then, let’s fish it out.” Louis was being very odd about this and Harry felt slightly annoyed, against his wishes. Louis looked a bit disgusted at fetching the condom again, but took it out of the rubbish.

“We might not be able to see anything, Harry, this is gross. Don’t make that face, Harry, this could be really important.”

“I’m sorry.” Harry tried to put himself in Louis’ shoes. Although he still thought it was totally negligible anything happened, Louis probably would freak out at even the idea of having another baby. He was never a bad father, but he knew how much tougher adjusting had been for Louis, even with his own depression.

“How about we just wait and not worry about things and see in a few weeks, maybe three, alright? Let’s not worry until we’re there, okay? It was a bad idea of mine to pick up the old rubber.”

Louis let out a breath, glad he was being taken seriously. “Okay. I’m afraid you might be a fertile one, Harold, so let’s hope nothing’s happened.”

“How do you know I’m so fertile?”

“It’s your whole all-natural earthy Mother Nature stuff. Your body is primed for it.”

Harry laughed a bit. “Your hips are much better for childbirth.”

“But we’ll never find out if I can. God, I am so bloody glad I got a C-section. I have no idea how you or Nialler did it, none. You didn’t even get the damn epidural.”

“Really didn’t like pregnancy, did you?”

“I lived in tracksuit bottoms and pullovers, I looked like Niall when he wasn’t pregnant. It was terrible. I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life.”

“I was always jealous of you and Niall’s big tummies, maybe I should be grateful. Maybe I wouldn’t have liked it so much if I really stuck out.”

“Bloody wouldn’t have. Zayn was truly living the dream, such a small perfect tummy.”

“He got eclampsia, Lou.” 

Louis laughed and snuggled back into Harry. Harry knew how much Louis was now rather stressed about this whole baby idea he’d put into his own head, so he hoped it wasn’t anything to fret about, but truth be told, all this did was remind him of how much he had loved pregnancy.

~

“I can’t believe we’ve left ‘em all at home, except Persephone, do feel a bit anxious.” Zayn resisted the urge to chew a nail and make it ragged. Zayn had wanted to show the boys the places Liam and him were looking at in Durham, just the four of them, to really give them a feel for where he was going to be. He figured it might ease their fears a bit, especially Louis. But, that had meant a long day trip, and nobody had wanted to do that with the kids, except Harry who refused to be away all day from Persephone. 

“Weirded me out at first, but I tink Sean can handle it, left him lots of milk. We’re tryin’ to start gettin’ ‘er off it soon anyways. Tink Liam will be just fine, too. Dey’re tag-teaming anyway."

“I, for one, am forever indebted to your mother when she agrees to babysit.” Louis rested his head against Harry. They’d taken the back with Persephone’s carseat, while Niall drove and Zayn stayed shotgun. Zayn mused he really should get his license, and maybe so should Harry and Louis, but none of them every went and did it. Niall seemed the only one out of all of them to treat that event as a rite of passage in his teenage years, and Zayn knew he relished that independence that it gave him. 

“So I figure we’d go see the flats first, then a short tour of the school, because I’m not going to be there much, really. These are all ones Liam and I have looked at, I’m not very good at deciding. I wouldn’t decide without him of course, but maybe you can help me sort out which ones I like in order so I can report back to Liam, then we can decide and compromise from there. I don’t know a lot of places to eat here yet but we’ll find something after. Sound alright?"

The rest of the car gently made agreeable noises, and Zayn watched Louis’ face from the rearview mirror. It was a bit weird how upset over this he was in general. Zayn knew Louis and him were good mates, and maybe Louis would have been just as upset if it were Niall moving, but he wasn’t so sure. In a funny way, it was almost like Louis and Zayn got each other a tiny bit more than Louis got Niall, and it was the same with Harry and Niall’s relationship. Although Zayn had been from a loving home, and all that, he’d just simply been into a few more of the things Louis liked. There was a certain childlike innocence and playfulness about so much of life that Harry and Niall continued to share, and while Zayn knew he was a lot more innocent to life than Louis, he just simply got it better. Maybe he’d have a little chat with just him later if he could, to try and explain his feelings on the matter and help Louis a bit. Maybe not even today, at a time instead where they could visit alone. 

“Where do I turn off, Zayno?” Niall tapped Zayn’s shoulder.

“Oh, right, keep going for now, I’ll tell you when to turn.”

They eventually turned down the street that held the first flat he and Liam had looked at, and he could see the landlord lady already waiting outside the building, ready to let them in and give them the full tour if he so chose. It was a bit of a smaller flat, although it did have two bedrooms, at least. Liam had such a nice little place right now but it was really meant for just one or two people. A very posh little bachelor flat. 

They weren’t at each other’s throats about it, but there was already a bit of a struggle over what their main priorities were in the place. Zayn preferred a larger living room for Hafsa to play in, while Liam thought it was more important to focus on a decent kitchen, which Zayn admitted he hardly gave two tosses about. It was out of their price range, probably, to get a place that was big enough to accommodate a large everything, considering how much school was going to cost. 

“We’re out here house shopping with Zayn here, when are we going to start going wedding shopping with you, Niall?” Harry was adjusting Persephone into her sling against him. 

“Ahhhh, I know, I know, we got engaged and stuff but we’re worried ‘bout money and tat. Once Sean gets a job, then we will. Be a bit silly, not like tux rental shopping is terribly fun.”

“Cake shopping.” 

“’Course ‘ya’d like tat, Harry.” 

“Don’t tell me that wouldn’t be your favourite part too, Niall.”

“Oh, it is.” 

Zayn laughed a bit to himself and leaned into Louis’ ear. “What d’you think of all this, the wedding?”

“I’m sure I’ll have fun, it’s a bit silly though. Never raised in a house that cared much for weddings, you know? All seems so frivolous.”

“Harry is absolutely going to want to get married one day.”

“Don’t tell me something I don’t know, Zayn.” Louis grinned a bit. “He’s a massive romantic. I’ll likely be glad when he does want to, but the whole process does skeeve me out a bit."

“It will be very bohemian, I imagine, at least Harry’s wedding ideas probably are. Have fun with your dairy-free organic cake.”

“Would you believe, that is the one thing he doesn’t believe in being organic? Thank god, if he was like that with his sweets I might have to leave him. Bless his old bakery ladies for training him right. Come on now, Harry and Niall are already plowing ahead of us, and it’s not even their place to look at.”

~

Niall rubbed his knee. It was still smarting from taking such a long walk with the boys around all the flats, to the point where he felt too much pressure to really walk on it, or even bend it. He was laying with Maggie in bed, laptop sitting in front of his face a little too close, watching a bit of telly, which was all very normal for ten at night, but it felt a bit like a prison at the moment. Not because what they were doing was unpleasant, but because there was something immediately unsatisfying about not being able to get up whenever he wanted. Sean was in the shower and his father had already gone to bed, so there was really no one to complain to except Maggie.

“When I do get th’ surgery done, Mags, are ‘ya going t’ sit nice with me all day in bed? Keep me company?” Niall kissed her scalp, covered in soft, wispy light hair. She babbled something nonsensical and laughed a bit for no reason. She was such a good-natured baby, really. Really, he and Harry had really lucked out. Archie and Hafsa were lovely babies, but they both definitely had their tempers to them. At least Hafsa was a good sleeper, he knew Archie wasn’t. 

Maggie blew a raspberry at him instead, looking very pleased with herself, which made Niall laugh. He turned himself forward and lifted her up and settled her on his chest, shifting his knee with a wince. 

“We’re going t’ turn ‘ya into a proper Irish girl, full of spunk, that’s fer sure.” Niall heard the click of the bedroom door with a sigh of relief. He could talk to Sean now.

“’Ow’s she been?” Sean closed the door and took the towel off from his waist, rubbing at his wet hair with it instead. Niall watched this out of the corner of his eye while trying to process Sean’s question. They’d been together for months now and Niall still couldn’t help it but peek whenever Sean was naked for any reason.

“Fine. We’ve just been ‘aving a chat about me knee.”

“Still bugging ‘ya, eh?” Sean climbed onto the bed.

“Mmhmm. Feel annoyed, ‘ya look so good right now and I don’t think I’m up t’ ‘aving a lay tonight, even moving it isn’t good, don’t want t’ be tensin’ it at all.”

Sean nodded, although Niall could see the edge of disappointment on his face. “Is Mags ready for bed?”

“Yeh, she’s nursed and dry. Tink she’s close t’ droppin’ off t’ sleep, too.”

“I’ll put ‘er t’ bed, for ‘ya.” Sean threw on a pair of pyjama bottoms that he saw on the floor and waited until Niall gave Maggie a goodnight kiss, then whisked her off to her nursery. Sean was the sort that tried to make sure she didn’t get too upset leaving the bedroom for the night, so he always tried to make it less drawn out. She did seem to respond, and slept very well on her own now. Admittedly, she usually kicked up a far bigger fuss if Niall tried to put her down for the night, because she knew she could get away with it. Little turkey.

Sean wandered back into the bedroom and flopped onto the bed. “Wot were ‘ya watching?"

“Just an Arrested Development episode, weird show, honestly.”

“S’pose.” 

Niall could tell by now Sean definitely had been wanting a lay but now was not going to say a word about it. It was annoying, because he probably could have gone for one himself. There was no hope, even tensing up while wanking would be too painful. 

“Bon?”

“Mmhmm?” Sean reached over Niall to click to the next episode.

“Don’t worry about me tonight, did ‘ya want me t’ do something for ‘ya? Anything, y’know, with the top half of me body, just for ‘ya.”

“Really? Don’t reckon tat’s fair.”

“Can make it up to me another day. Wot d’ya want?” Niall put his hand on Sean’s shoulder and waited. Sucking dick wasn’t his favourite, he always seemed to choke, and Sean knew that, but he had said whatever Sean wanted. He’d probably choose that because it didn’t involve really any body work, and it was a treat whenever Niall did agree. 

“We-lllll...” Sean seemed hesitant.

“Come on, go ahead.” Niall couldn’t imagine Sean was that hung up on the idea of Niall not getting pleasured for one single night. It would all equal out in the end. 

“Right, um, you’ll probably not want to do this, but I always, I dunno...” Sean ducked his head shyly.

“Come on, wot?”

“Would...would ‘ya eat me out? I’ve quite literally just washed.”

Niall raised his eyebrows. He didn’t know Sean took any interest in his own arse.

“Really?”

Sean squirmed. “Sorry I mentioned it, sorry, s’too weird.”

“No, I meant, really, ‘ya want me to? Don’t mind tryin’, better than chokin’ on dick.”

“Honest?” Sean’s face lit up. He’d obviously really fantasized about this but had felt it was too awkward to admit it. Niall immediately wished he’d been able to sooner, although it was rather a taboo topic for most people. 

“Yeh, honest. Go on then, show me th’ goods.” Niall smiled encouragingly. It didn’t seem like an awful thing to do, really, as long as Sean was clean, which he was. Sean had pulled off the pyjama pants and flung them on the floor again, stroking himself a bit absently as he tried to arrange himself comfortably.

“Like this, bon.” Niall took the pillow he usually put under his own hips and helped slip it under Sean. It was really strange, seeing Sean carefully open his legs, his face flushing a bit, probably out of a embarrassment for being so intimately on display for the first time. His hole looked lovely though, pink and untouched. Niall moved himself to lying on his stomach, which hurt, but once he was in position he knew he wouldn’t need to move his knee, and it felt alright. Sean was tensing up, probably out of nervousness, so Niall rubbed a little spot on his thigh in small circles until he relaxed. He slowly did, and Niall pushed a momentary pang of his own nervousness out of the way and licked upward, over Sean’s hole and ending at his perineum. 

The noise that comes out of Sean was startled, more than anything, Niall decided. He’d wait a minute and see if he wanted him to keep going. Sean stayed still for a moment too, before reaching his hand around and grabbing a bit at Niall’s hair, his next noise pleading. Niall relented and gave another lick, before settling for a long suck on his delicate rim. Sean’s hand left Niall’s hair and shot straight to his dick, crying out again. 

“Gonna have’t’ be more quiet, bubba,” Niall knew he sounded muffled from his position. “Me dad’s gonna hear all this.”

“Yeh, yeh.” Sean already sounded far away, too blissed out, but put his arm in front of his mouth to stifle the noise. 

Niall kept going with this for awhile, letting Sean thrust onto his face. It was an exhilarating feeling doing this, Niall admitted. Sean was always the pleasurer, it seemed, and taking care of him for once felt very good. He finally decided to poke his tongue lightly into Sean’s hole, and he certainly seized up then, and Niall knew he was probably biting the inside of his arm to stay quiet. Well, as best as he could. It was an odd sensation, feeling around inside Sean with his tongue, but he didn’t mind it at all. This was getting Sean’s rocks off faster than any time Niall had ever blown him, and he already really liked that. This was much easier too. 

Sean could probably come at any time, Niall was perfectly aware, but he wanted to push a little further and see how much he liked his arse being played with. He brought his head up and pulled Sean’s hand off his dick, which made him whine. 

“Ni, wot?” 

“Can I put a finger in? Finish ‘ya off with my finger and my tongue? No touching yerself.”

Sean nodded. “Yeh, like tat.”

“Finger yerself and didn’t tell me ‘ya like it?” Niall swatted Sean’s inner thigh gently. “Tell me these bloody things, won’t tink yer any less manly.” 

Sean shrugged and Niall sighed and leaned back down, getting his finger nice and wet with spit. Any more than one and he’d have gotten the lube, but it’d be fine. He slid it in, going back to sucking around his rim, and it didn’t take much thrusting of his finger before Sean started to get shaky, his thighs closing around Niall’s head a bit as he got more and more sensitive. He was being good as gold, silent as he could possibly be, so Niall decided to finish him off with a good rub of his thumb over the slit of Sean’s cock, even though he’d said no touching. That was definitely enough, and Sean came with a pretty loud cry, come spattering up his chest. 

Niall dragged himself up, his knee aching just from laying down on it a bit, and plopped his head on his pillow next to Sean’s face, watching his breath go from ragged to smooth again. 

“Tell me these things, alright? Want t’ do tat fer ‘ya more often, okay? You’ve come leaps in bein’ comfortable with yerself in public but don’t worry about me.”

~

Louis wished he could have a cigarette. He hadn’t had one in well over a year, but it was days like these that he wanted one. He knew why Zayn wanted to meet with just him, and god, he hoped it didn’t get confrontational. He knew he wasn’t taking this nearly as well as Harry and Niall, but it just felt bitter and sad to him. Not to mention he still couldn’t stop worrying about that stupid condom. Harry had said a couple times more that he’d check soon but it was probably perfectly fine, even if it had broke he probably wasn’t pregnant or anything like that, but that really didn’t soothe him at all. It was nearly impossible to pinpoint what their baby cycles were like, if they had them at all, so he really could get pregnant at any time. 

“Lou?”

Zayn was here, finally. Louis wondered if he ever missed his cigarettes. It wasn’t something Zayn talked about much at all, but he’d admitted once that he used to smoke quite a lot before he met Liam and got pregnant, and stopped the moment he’d found out, refusing to let himself relapse. Lucky him, made it sound so easy. 

“Hey, love. So what’d you want to get up to?” Louis pretended that he didn’t already know. It had to be about his sulky behaviour. 

“Figured we could go to get a drink, or something, at least first.”

“Dear god, is alcohol still real?” Louis forced out his little joke, a pit growing in his stomach.

“Don’t go out and have a drink anymore?”

“Not over at Casa Styles. I’m suspicious. Harry definitely looked like he would have been a party boy in his teenage years. I mean, kid also decided to date a guy ten years his senior, don’t tell me he doesn’t have a mischievous streak to him, even if he refuses to admit it.”

“I’ve never thought about Harry like that, but you’re right.” Zayn took Louis’ hand and walked with him until they hit a bar that looked okay. It was midday, so pretty quiet. Zayn ordered a beer, which made Louis feel he couldn’t order the frillier sort of cocktail he’d prefer, and ordered a gin and tonic instead. 

“So...” Zayn was so bad at formulating his sentences. He stopped and stared into his glass, deep in thought.

“You’re upset that I’m not being supportive of you leaving.”

“Upset? I didn’t say I was upset, Lou.”

“But you’re hurt.”

“No?” Zayn looked genuinely puzzled. “I want to make this easier for you.”

“You’re not mad?” Louis felt some of his anxiety lift, even if the anxiety of Zayn leaving stayed.

“No, I just kinda wanted to talk about how this was a really hard choice for me, it genuinely was, but this means so much to Liam. We had some fights about it at home, I really had to look at myself and ask why I wasn’t going to let him have his dream. He’s half done his degree already, the more I looked at it, the more I realized that I’ll miss my family and Pez and you and Harry and Niall so much, but this is for the family I’ve made now. Two years seems like a long time, but I’ll be back literally all the time, there’s no way a homebody like myself could stray too far.”

“I’m just afraid, I’m afraid you’ll still go off and make new friends in Durham, and come home less and less, and Niall will do something stupid and go get married in Ireland and stay there or something, and I still have Harry and my babies and they’re my world, but my mind spirals out of control when I think too hard about it.”

Zayn nodded. “I understand. I do, Lou. But believe me, I’m a quiet guy. I don’t bond with people as easily as I’d like. When I make a bond, I do that shit for the long term.”

Louis couldn’t stop at this point. Now that he was on a roll of his thoughts, he wished he could stop, but it was just pouring out to Zayn at this point. “So I’ll have you still and everyone but what am I going to be doing? I’ll be stuck at home, and I know Harry is saying I should focus on the pole dancing because I’m good at it, like, okay, but is that a career? Bloody no. And anyway, I’m so fucking stressed right now anyway, because I just fucking know when something’s gone wrong sex-wise and I’m like 90% sure I accidentally nutted in Harry and he doesn’t think so but we if we end up having three babies and then I start spiraling out of control on that one too in my mind, even if I have no idea whether he’s pregnant.”

Zayn nodded, his mouth tilted in a sympathetic expression, before leaning in for a hug. 

“Shit’s fucked sometimes, eh?”

It was enough to make Louis burst out laughing, simultaneously letting some tears fall on Zayn’s shoulder as he hugged back.

“I’m always going to be around, Louis, okay? I don’t know what to tell you about Harry except that if he is, thank god it’s not you, right? Being pregnant was terrible.”

“God, it was. I’m never doing it again.”

“Liam might want more someday. We’ll hit that when we get to it, let’s hope in years and years.”

“My mind’s not going to be changed.” Louis let go of Zayn. “So, I expect to see you every weekend you’ve got free.”

“I’ll be back all the time, I promise.”


End file.
